Dungeon Magazine #74

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The Scourge of Scalabar
by Christopher Perkins
AD&D
Levels 1-3

This being pirates, I was expecting a crapfest and was instead pleasantly surprised. Gnomes, submarines, pirates, and gunpowder seem custom made to set off my “Die in a fire” mentality, but, this does a lot right. It’s an investigation and assault. The town wandering encounters are nice and decently short, full of variety. There are several ways to reach the end game. Overview and summaries are present. There are lots of suggestions for names for ships and inns, without an overabundance of irrelevant detail. There IS some droning when it comes to certain areas. “ … On round 3 the druid casts entangle (blah blah blah). On round 4 the druid casts (blah blah blah” The droning descriptions get worse when you get to the base section, but the town section/investigation is quite nice, if a bit long and tope-filled.

First People
By Kent Ertman
AD&D
Levels 4-6

Native Americans/First Peoples/Indians/Indigenous! Scene based! Oh boy! This seems to be the issue of surprises; once again what I would assume is a suck ass adventure is actually not too bad. The scenes could be construed more like events and there’s a nice little mythic elements of a nymph turning evil, etc, that I thought was quite inspiring and realistic. The plot is ok and decent enough, with a bad shamen (go figure!) and the first peoples needing some help with some monsters that can only be hit by magic. A little more depth to the village and personalities in it would have been nice, for you see there is no real reason for the party to hang around or anything for them to do while they wait for the next event. It’s more of a “just hanging out and then something happens” type of adventure, and the social element needed to support that sort of play isn’t really present. Still, not too shabby!

Night of the Bloodbirds
By Brian Corvello
AD&D
Levels 3-7

Yeah! I can get back to the hate! A loathsome tale in which each of the twenty-some hobgoblins has a name and they’ve trained stirge to respond to whistle commands. There’s a nice slyph encounter as well as an encounter with a rock (everyone should know by now that I like the folklore/fey stuff a disproportionate amount.) Hobgoblin leader Bob has set up an ambush for months now and given each of his soldiers a dose of Invisibility potion. Oh Boy! I quite enjoyed all of the side-encounters (mostly classic and/or folklore based) in this adventure and hated almost everything to do with the main adventure (mostly magical ren-faire based.)

Preemptive Strike
By Paul F. Culotta
AD&D
Levels 10-15

There might be an adventure here, but it’s hard to find. It takes five of six pages to get the party into the adventure and on to some (token) griffons. One of the first encounters may be a dragon negotiation, which would be nice, but it’s SO overwrought with text that it’s hard to find the awesome. It’s basically a base assault, with the party coming in on griffons, and fire giants riding red dragons, and salamanders riding giant spiders on the rim of a volcano. You might think of this as “Hall of the Fire Giant King” if the hall were at the to of a volcano and there were more red dragons. It doesn’t have to be terrible, but it’s very hard to dig through the dross in this. A textbook case of full paragraph stat blocks and irrelevant text getting in the way of the adventure.

The Vale of Weeping Windows
By Marc Johnson
AD&D
Levels 4-6

A side-trek. Weird vale, with some eerie stuff going on and then leucrotta attack. I like the weird locale vibe of this, it’s not very odious and doesn’t try to explain the mystery of some statues in the valley, a tree arch, or the crying that is heard (although its later taken advantage of by the leucrotta.) The valley allows provides a decent boon, in the form of an out of body experience, that can used by the DM to hook in other adventures or provide an oracle/sage like experience. I like the core idea here. I think this may be the first side-trek that I not only didn’t loathe but actually liked? The impact of NOT explaining the mystery is very strong.

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Curse of Strahd

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by Jeremy Crawford,Tracy Hickman,Laura Hickman,Adam Lee,Chris Perkins,Richard Whitters
WOTC
D&D 5E
Levels 1-10

Under raging storm clouds, the vampire Count Strahd von Zarovich stands silhouetted against the ancient walls of Castle Ravenloft. Rumbling thunder pounds the castle spires. The wind’s howling increases as he turns his gaze down toward the village of Barovia. Far below, yet not beyond his keen eyesight, a party of adventurers has just entered his domain. Strahd’s face forms the barest hint of a smile as his dark plan unfolds. He knew they were coming, and he knows why they came — all according to his plan. A lightning flash rips through the darkness, but Strahd is gone. Only the howling of the wind fills the midnight air. The master of Castle Ravenloft is having guests for dinner. And you are invited.

This is a retelling of the original I6 Ravenloft adventure, both expanded and and harkening back to the old adventure. Previous WOTC 5E adventures have been almost afraid of providing gameable content. They have provided this kind of generic detail that has been both uninspiring and irrelevant. This don’t do that. It provides some interesting environments to game in and some genuinely spooky shit. In some respects it meets or rivals the spookiness in one of the best horror adventures of all time: The Inn of Lost Heroes. It’s a little more visceral in this adventure, at least in places. It’s sets up some nice places to play in, especially the villages, and does a decent job with the imagery in many of the encounters. Again, in some ways it does a better job bringing things to life than Phandelver. Phandelver is still the best WOTC 5E product though because Phandelver is PLAYABLE. You can crack is open and play it. Curse of STrahd requires reading. A LOT of reading. And note taking. A LOT of note taking. And photocopying. A LOT of photocopies. It also needs about 75% of the text trimmed out of it. Yes, that’s right: 75%. AT LEAST.

Some parts of this adventure are REALLY good. They rip at you and I dare say they are best examples yet of what DREAD is supposed to be. One of the first areas is in an appendix, meant to get the characters from Level 1 to Level 3, Death House (this might be a free download. If so I encourage you to check it out to see what I’m referring to.) The Children in this house were locked away in room 20 in the attic, starved to death by their parents. The window is bricked up. There are two small skeletons huddled in the middle of the floor, one clutching a teddy bear/doll, with a sad little toybox and dollhouse nearby. Holy Shit! This is WOTC and/or Adventurers League?!? It’s very good. There are other scenes in the same adventure, such as the crib draped in tattered/aged black veils, with a swaddled bundle in black in it.When you unwrap it, it’s empty. There’s also the classic “storage room full of mirrors and dress mannequins covered in sheets” room. These are all quite nice and in the case of the children, quite moving and/or visceral.

There are other examples as well, in a similar vein. There’s some hags that literally grind the bones of children to make “dream pastries” to hook people on for escapism. They have an old rain barrell that they use for scrying. If they rap on it three times then a dretch can be summoned, hauling itself out of the barrell. That’s very good. It demonstrates a basic understanding of the shared heritage of what a Hag is and then builds upon it. There’s enough here to get quite inspired.

There are bits and pieces of this sort of excellent adventure/encounter design all over the adventure, much more so than any other WOTC/5E adventure, including Phandelver. They are to be applauded for those bits. From the deep scratches on the doors and windows of Barovia to the woman mad with grief to the priests who’s trapped his undead son in the basement, there are some very good things going on in Barovia. Nice job Strahd!

The villagers and places, in particular, seem more alive than they have in many other WOTC/5E adventures, or in many other adventures period. There are multiple people in each village who all have something going on with them. Each with their own personality. We’re not talking Pembrooktonshire here, but they are certainly a more interesting lot than has I recall ever appearing in any WOTC/TSR adventure, or most others for that matter. It’s not just one plotline, or two, but several. This is then augmented by many of the locations having events. Things HAPPEN in this adventure. People are not just waiting around. Parades of ghosts, vampire attacks, almost every location has one or two events to augment and/or enhance some of the plotlines in the village. This is REALLY good. It brings the place to life. No longer static many of the villages now feel alive in a way they seldom have before in a WOTC product.

Finally, let me comment that some of the art is quite nice. I don’t usually comment on art unless it sets the mood exceptionally well, and it usually doesn’t. In particular there’s a piece on the Gates on Barovia that does a wonderful job of setting the mood of what’s to come. And on the downside I think every picture of Strahd proper is forgettable or laughably bad.

Hmmm, no, one more thing before I move on to the bad. The monsters here are … almost good? The vampire spawn crawl on the ceilings. The hags are haglike. The spectres in the Death House adventure are provided an environment in which they can come to their full potential. You can imagine, from the descriptions of the setting and the monster, how they could be used to appear and attack and so on. IE: The DM is inspired by many of monster texts. That’s exactly what the fuck EVERY adventure should do. There’s also a few near misses. Again, Death House there’s a door that comes alive and sucks the party in. The adventure says something like “the door is a mimic.” Let me suggest that there is a world of difference, in inspiring a DM, between “the door is a mimic” and the door comes alive and reaches out and tries to suck the party in. Treat it as a mimic.” The first is boring old book shit. The second gives the DM a shortcut to running a bizarre encounter by referring back to some 5e rules. There are multiple places in the adventure in which this comes up, this … “wouldn’t it be cooler if I did X … and I can just use these stats to replicate that.” It is at least close enough that this comes to mind, even if I would see it reinforced a little more.

On to the bad. I find myself wanting to make excuses for the adventure. I want to place the blame on Pay Per Word or on some set of Writer’s Guidelines that had to be followed. I’ve got no basis for any of that, but I seem compelled to find the reason for the suck. Maybe because the non-sucky parts are at times very good?

The read-aloud in this, in many places, is laughable. Here is an example: “You stumble upon an old grave.” Or another: “You find a corpse.” Or another: “The bundle contains one set of common clothes sized for a human adult.” Or “You hear the howls of a wolf some distance away.” This is meaningless dreck. If you’re not going to make an effort then it should have been eliminated and no read-aloud provided. Certainly other parts of the adventure provide no read aloud, so why here? Oh wait, oh wait! Here’s a masterpiece of creative read-aloud writing!!! “You find something on the ground.” What the FUCK is up with that? PPW? Style Guide demanding read aloud for every wandering monster entry? And for the record these ARE for a wanderers table, but the read aloud in other places is just as drivel-full. Nonsense, but important because …

In other places the text is long/meaningless in different ways. Rooms are described in detail for the DM. Detail that is meaningless and has no impact on the game. I THINK the writer is trying to set some ambiance, trying to inspire the DM to communicate a creepy vision to the players. But it all becomes Wall of Text. The entries are so long that the important bits are lost. Even the inspiring bits are then lost. Three sentences are used when one will do. Six are used when it needed two, or three. This is one of the major sins of the adventure. There is so much text provided that instead of being inspired you are lost in it all. It’s impossible to run with the book open in front of you. You’re going to have to prepare notes ahead of time and/or highlight the shit out of the adventure in order to run it at the table. And, after all, that’s what this thing is supposed to do, right? Be run at the table? The PLAYABILITY of the text suffers. It’s unfocused.

Back to playability: there’s no overview. Oh, there’s the “Strahd wants his babe back” and the whole “random special object” section up front, but there is nothing beyond yet. It’s clear that each section is meant to tie in to the other locations, I suspect in order to get the characters on the road and roaming around, experiencing the mini-region around the castle. Recall that I mentioned that each of the areas has a lot going on, socially. Lots of little mini-plots. It is, for the most part, these things that hook into the larger region. In Death House you find the deed to w windmill nearby. There’s also an old woman selling sweets in the street. Someone wants you to escort Strahd’s babe to a certain safe place. And so it goes. A leads to B leads to C. But the only way to get an understanding of this is to read the book THOROUGHLY and take a lot of quite focused notes with this purpose in mind. There’s no orientation to the adventure for the DM. “Sandbox” is not an excuse. There’s clearly some things meant to be worked in and the adventure as a whole suffers from not having an overview of how these things fit together.

The locations, particularly the social one such as villages and their ilk, suffer a lot from not having a summary/cheat-sheet. The major NPCs, a couple of words on personality to jar to DM’s memory, a sentence per plot, and so on. A concrete example? I’d love to! Page 26 has a brief overview of what everyone in Barovia knows about what’s going on. You’re going to have to refer back to this incessantly while running almost every social interaction in the book. Similarly, some of the villages have a section like this. You’re going to have to refer back to it, digging through the book. “Uh, hang on, let me find the page, it’s around here somewhere …” It’s lame. You know what you do get? A giant tear out poster in the back of the book. It’s fucking useless. It’s not a DM play aid it’s an art piece. It’s far too large to use during play and it shows the floor plans and layout for the the locations. Hang it on your wall, use it as a marketing piece for the artists who’s hawking his hi-res maps, independently, but it’s fucking useless for the DM. Had that section instead been one page per social location and a brief list of rumors/information and/or an overview flowchart then it would have been MARVELOUS. Seriously, I’m starting to think that no one at WOTV involved in this thing has ever run a game. You’re going to seriously make the argument that the poster map is useful during play? Really? Or that reference sheets wouldn’t have been more useful?

I always feel like I’m walking a fine line between a critique and second guessing. Maybe it’s appropriate, maybe not. I’m a hypocrite though, so let’s talk Hooks & Railroads. The hooks in this are shitty. Just terrible. Strahd sends someone with a fake letter to get you in, both in Version A and Version B or “Strahd lures the tools in.” Then there’s the ever popular. “Mists surround you. You’re in Ravenloft.” You know, the one where the designer doesn’t even try at all. The only one with any promise at all “Werewolves in the Mist”, where werewolves comes out the mists of a forest to raid and steal children. This is the Adventurer’s League hook, and comes with some factions rumors along with it. The whole werewolves coming out of the mist to kill and kidnap is very imagery, it’s too bad that it’s all abstracted. I suspect that the opening read-aloud paragraph is somehow meant for a 4-hour con-game slot and not a 250 page campaign book. Too bad, expanding on this just a bit, even to the point of eliminated the other lame ass “Strahd manipulates you into coming” hooks would have been a much better use of the words. On a related note, the railroads in this are few and far between, which is a VERY good thing. And when they do show up they are ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. Strahd Knows All. Strahd Manipulates All. Strahd blah blah blah testing you blah blah blah forces you to blah blah blah. The whole Omniscient and Omnipotent being manipulating you and testing you thing has NEVER been a good hook. EVER. It is only a crutch for a weak writer taking a shortcut. I’m surprised to not see the Strahd Christmas Episode. “The Mists! The Mists!” “They surround you. They close in! Better go where I want you to go or I will kill you!” Lame. Boring. Not. Even. Trying.

Unrelated to the adventure, let me complement the designers on the Character Options presented in the book. This is, essentially, a replacement background that can be used instead of the boring ones in the PHB. Some of the other adventures have tried to include these also, however I’ve found them as boring and lame as the ones in the PHB. Not these! As A Haunted One you get things like: “A hag kidnapped you and raised.” or “A fiend possessed you as a child.” The ten harrowing events are almost all not just good but GREAT. “A monster that slaughtered dozens of innocent people spared your life, and you don’t know why.” THESE are the hooks that myths are made from, not the generic crap in the PHB. These get your mind working. You immediately want to come up with the specifics of what is going on. Similarly, the Gothic Trinket Table. “A winter coat stolen from a dying soldier.” or “A picture you drew as a child of your imaginary friend.” Great great stuff. Not the same old boring genericism that usually comes with official D&D products.

And on the “WOuldn’t it be nice” front, I think some more examples of how a less god-like Strahd interacts with the party would be nice, as well as some more examples of Dread. There’s a little bit of both of these present but I think a few more and/or different examples would be nice. The Strahd stuff seems to focus on his attacking the party. A list of 10 of examples of ways he interacts would have been welcome, especially is a non-combat setting. Similarly, there are some examples of inspiring Dread. Describing wood as rotten, mildew, etc. This would have been an excellent idea for a list of 10 things to put on top of a DM screen or reference sheet, all present to help remind the DM to add that certain style of flavor.

You can find a copy of the Death House adventure at:
http://media.wizards.com/2016/downloads/DND/Curse%20of%20Strahd%20Introductory%20Adventure.pdf

This is the Adventurers League version of the one in the back of the book, meant to get the characters from first level to third, so they can then start the “main” adventure. It differs a bit, but not enough to matter and can serve as an excellent reference to some of the points I’m making. It’s a dungeon, rather than a social location, so the mini-plots and personalities of the people won’t be present in this, but some of the other positives and negatives will be.

The last paragraph of page 3:
“The Mists” are a crappy plot/hook device. There are better ways to do this, even if you want to use the classic Ravenloft mists.

Room 2 (Main Hall) on Page 4:
Note the length of the description for this. It’s trying to set up some ambiance but it’s using so many words/sentences that it’s quite hard to run during actual play. You have to read, instead of glance. Fewer words and a more opulent use of language would have been better in this description, and in many of the other descriptions. The extra stuff adds little gameable content.

Room 6 (Upper Hall) on Page 5:
The armor description is the second sentence is in the last paragraph on the first column. “has a visored helm shaped like a wolf’s head.” I’m always harping on how treasure should be less abstracted and book-like and make the PLAYERS want it. This is a good example of that. just that second clause, about the wolfs head, will make almost every player finding it drool over it.

Room 9 (Secret Room) on page 5/6:
AT the top of page ten the chest is described. It’s a good description and the body hanging out of it is a very nice example of the extra “good” detail adding a lot to the ambiance. Again, the entire room thing is WAY too long and spoon-fed, but the core idea is a very good one.

Room 15 (Nursemaids Suite) on page 7:
As a DM, reading this, I had a very strong visual image of the nursemaid attacking through the stained glass door between the main bedroom and the nursery. The description of the spectre, in one sentence is very good. That is an example of doing a description right and inspiring the DM. Note also the last paragraph of the main room description. The crib with a black shroud/swaddled bundle is a very nice example building tension and dread and, like the body in the chest, is a great element for the room … even if it could use tighter writing.

Room 20 (Children’s Room) on Page 7 and 8:
A core room so it’s allowed to be longer, but it’s still too long. The last two sentences of the first paragraph, describing the children’s bodies, is GOLD. Pure GOLD. The doll house having the secret doors shown is great also and a good example of integrating secret and knowledge into an adventure … for people that pay attention and try harder. Finally, the examples of how to run Possession by the Ghosts, at the top of page 9, are quite nice shortcuts to get a decent little effect but still allowing the players to run their character.

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Dungeon Magazine #73

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Mere of Dead Men gets a cover/feature image! Too bad this installment is one of the worst adventures in Dungeon history.

Quoitine Quest
by Kate Chadbourne & Cal Rea & Greg Rick
AD&D
Levels 1-3

A mage hires you to find some minerals he needs. This has a long, boring backstory/beginning, a decent middle, and an unsatisfying end. The middle part is the description of, and several small locales, in a little … fiefdom? Manorial land? Anyway, a small little area of the countryside with a couple of manors and villages and other features to explore. It all feels very real and yet still has those elements of the fantastic. a rock wakes up and talks to you. Yeah! There’s an old noble lady who has died … and doesn’t know it. More than the usual hack-fest, you get to interact with her, perhaps for quite some time. The end has the party negotiating with a high-level monster who is sullen and trapped. It feels … unsatisfying, but I’m not sure why. The adventure does a decent job in providing those little bits of detail that I like in order to anchor an adventure to, but could still be more specific with them AND trim the backstory/exposition/unrelated nonsense. It should be about a third the size it is. Id say it’s a quiet adventure with a decent amount of interesting roleplaying offerred.

Eye of Myrkul
by Eric L. Boyd
AD&D
Levels 6-8

A Mere of Dead Men adventure … supposedly. In reality one of the worse written adventures in Dungeon history. This starts with four to five of backstory, some of the driest history I’ve ever read.The entire thing has reams of text. Reams and reams and reams. An dragon with a ring of invisibility gets the players to go dig up some bones. A couple of wilderness encounters. Some long text at a tower and in a crypt. Seriously, it’s like every every single thing is expanded to three paragraphs when one sentence would do. The destruction of your allies fortress happens off screen before the adventure starts. THAT’S why players hate D&D. This fucking with their lives for no reason at all. “Ohhh, I need to motivate the players.” Try motivating them with something interesting then instead of restoring to the old “someone you care about is kidnapped” trope. A dragon wearing a ring of invisibility? Let me guess, he flies because of a ring of flying? It’s a fucking dragon. Make him turn the fuck fuck invisible if you want him to be invisible. P.O.S.

The Necromancer’s Pet
by Jason Duke
AD&D
Levels 4-6

LAME. Side-trek. It’s shit like this that ruined D&D. You save a puppy bulldog from some werewolves. It drains your life at night with a vampiric ability. Wow, the thing you save turns out to be EVIL? Oh my, never saw that coming. D&D parties are paranoid and unhelpful for a reason: bad fucking DM’s.

The Setting Sun
by Andy Miller
AD&D
Levels 5-7

3 evil shapeshifters have taken over a temple in a village in a remote area. The party is sent to investigate why an invading army leaves the village alone. A pretext is displayed. (Very nice: a spinning top spun by an acolyte. I like!) There’s a small wilderness map for the surrounding area with some … interesting by generic? encounters. Most of the text is taken up with the description of the temple and the catacombs under the temple, both described in a dungeon-like/exploratory manner. It’s all disconnected. The priests are supposed to, I guess, give themselves away and make it obvious they are the bad guys? Or the party is supposed to sneak around the temple getting into things? The connection between the priests, their turning out to be evil, and then the exploration of the catacombs and the temple is not very strong. You’d have to do some linking yourself. Given that the imagery and plot isn’t very strong, it’s hard to see this as useful.

Faerie Wood
by Jeff Crook
AD&D
Levels 1-2

Side-trek length. You buy some art form a gnome. Turns out it’s a transformed sprite. You’re attacked by 36 sprites firing sleep arrows and then forced to go stop the gnome from transforming faeries. They can’t go after him because of the 20 shrikes he keeps as pets/friends. This is an adventure?

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Towers Two

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by Dave Brockie & Jobe Bittman
LotFP
LotFP
Levels 4-6

Dave Brockie (GWAR, Whargoul) and Jobe Bittman (The Monster Alphabet, The One Who Watches from Below) bring you a sordid adventure in a countryside ravaged by unending war! Featuring the Eloi! The Suck-Thing! The Loi-Goi! Spooks! Osuka the Talkative! The Sea Slut! Pig-Men! Truly unmentionable magic! The two brothers in their Towers Two!

This is a delightful romp of an adventure that gets most things right. Right enough for me to recommend it. It’s flavorful, sandboxy, and has more than enough things going on to keep the interest of the players up. it’s specific where it needs to be, offering up little scenes and motivations of the monsters/NPCs in order to spur DM/player interaction … exactly what an adventure should do. Easily the best adventure so far in the LotFP Grand Campaign. This being Brockie, there’s a decent amount of weird sex stuff in places. Those parts are written, I believe, as tastefully as is possible to do so, leaving the prurient mostly to the DM. as such it’s pretty easy to ignore or abstract if you’re a nice midwestern prudish american.

The adventure is a pretty good example of a sandbox. There are these two towers, each inhabited by half of a twin brother. There’s a town with two groups living in it. There are three or four sets of monsters independant of everyone else. There are a couple of sets of creatures related to the towers. Everything is presented in a very non-railroad perspective. There’s no assumed path for the players to take. Go here, talk to them or go there and do something else. This is refreshing. It’s just people, with relationship to other people, and the party showing up in the middle of things. There’s a huge number of groups to interact with, each with something going on. That’s great. I love it when an adventure has EVERYTHING going on, never a dull moment.

Those points are so important to a sandbox adventure. Because of the neutral tone and the sense that that the party is just showing up in an existing situation, the thing feels real. This is amplified by the various factions/ground and their relationships to each other. The old woman at the bar is treated like shit by the owner but the regulars are beginning to sympathize with her. The stable boy is caught somewhere else, giving the party the chance to get some information. The tower folk are out and about in the countryside, not just locked up inside. It feels like a real place.

This is combined with the use of “actions” to great effect. When they are out and about, or you encounter them somewhere, they are almost always DOING something. The stable boy is caught trying to “make sex” or the imp is trying to plant an object, or someone is trying to perform a kidnapping, or having a conversation about X. Again, I think this is one of the key elements to a good adventure. You can think of each of these as the inciting action for the encounter. It constrains the scene just a little in order to orient the DM’s imagination and allowing the DM ot then fill in the rest. “Thugs” is different than “Thugs attacking a villager” which is different than “thugs kicking the shit of a muddy boy in the gutter.” Thugs has no action inherent in it, leaving the world of possibilities open. That’s not necessarily a good thing. Thugs attacking a villager does contain the action element I’m looking for, but lacks color or mood. kicking the shit out of a boy in the gutter … that’s different. Why? Who’s the boy? Did he deserve it? What’s the bystanders doing, or even .. .are there bystanders? The mood has been set and now the DM’s imagination can go to the races.

That should be enough; those three things distinguish it from most adventures and in combination there are only a few that hit all of them. There’s more goodness: the monsters descriptions are evocative. There’s nice tables of villagers and random weird “deathsex” magic curses. The wandering monster table has a little vignette, less than a paragraph in Brockies original, for each. Just enough to bring them to life. The background is concise … for a modern adventure, and not too overblown. The maps (brockies own, I believe) are pretty decent as maps go. I especially like the village/wilderness maps done in a topo styling, kind of Harn-like. It’s also nice that the adventure relies, for some decent amount, on the Evil of Men. Sure, there are monsters, but the humans (the evil ones anyway) come off as real shits. it’s more … relatable, I guess? More visceral, to be sure, when the evil is from a human rather than a pig-man.

Everyone gird your loins for this next bit: a product for LotFP, by the GWAR frontman, has material which pushes buttons and causes some discomfort! I know, weird, right? There’s a rain of piss and shit when the big bad is defeated. You have to emasculate him to drain his power. and there’s the magic items: the deathfuck magic items. The magic items let you take some corruption and gets to use some powers. All pretty straightforward and nothing weird. But the main items are a weird sword-like thing in the shape of a phallus and whip made from a succubus cunt: the cunt whip. There’s also a monster or two with some ambiguously “lots of phallus-like implements.” Like I said earlier: details are not explicit beyond pretty much what I’ve described. This isn’t hard-core jr high fantasy stuff with explicit details. “It’s a cunt whip” and the adventure moves on. It’s about as tastefully done as it can be while still being included in the adventure.

On to the negatives! It’s a little wordy in places. I would call it unfocused, the way many Dungeon Magazine adventures are/were, but rather exuberant in its text. it adds a sentences or two or three when one of two could do well. I think this more … conversational? style detracts from the encounters during play because it makes the text harder to discern while running. There’s no hooks in the adventure. There are certainly a number of dangling elements that, once read through, you could use as hooks, but a hook summary at the beginning would have been nice. I think this is exacerbated by the book’s layout and the way the art is used. I like the art, but I think sometimes it gets in the way of organizing the text well for use at the table.

The factions/NPCs should have been summarized in a table, noting a few key relevant facts. As is, each DM is going to have to take some notes and make their own reference sheet doing the same thing. if we all have to do it then why not include it? Product designed to be used at the table rather than product designed … for some other purpose?

I didn’t do a strong comparison of the Brockie manuscript to the Jobe finished text, but at a glance it looks pretty similar. in some ways the Brockie text seems terser, but that may be the layout effect. Jobe did as good of a job as I think one can keeping up with the spirit of the Brockie text and trying to honor what Brockie did before he passed away. He’s to be complimented for that. In retrospect, his DCC work kind of leaned towards Brockie’s aesthetic. It’s hard to imagine a different writer fitting in so well.

The adventure is a little … opulent? in the use of text. The layout and support tables/materials should be better. Otherwise, this is a VERY good adventure and a worthy addition to your table. That fact that the GWAR front-man did it is just the icing on the otherwise scrumptious cake.

This is available at DriveThru.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/175128/Towers-Two?affiliate_id=1892600

Posted in Level 4, Reviews, The Best | 12 Comments

The Bridge of Zheng He

cmg

by Matt Jackson
Chubby Monster Games
Swords & Wizardry
Level 1

A small group of goblins have taken command of a choke point along an old dwarven pass deep inside a mountain. The players will need to battle, or negotiate, their way while dealing with the goblins.

A short and conversational six-ish room cave system. It describes one feature: a decaying bridge across a ravine on an old underground dwarven highway system. The area now has goblins that ask for a toll to cross.

there’s not much too this, it’s really just one largish encounter area with the five or six related rooms/encounters. It has a very conversational style that adds to the text and provides only a little more color. The living quarters room takes up a little more than a page and amounts to almost nothing. “Around the fire are numerous bedrolls, likely festered with fleas.” Lots and lots of sentences like that. The designers is trying to add color, but is doing so in quite the verbose way. Further, the rooms are not very focused. There’s lots of scattered descriptions, almost haphazard, rather than descriptions which augment the action. or may too many descriptions? In any event, focusing on a couple of key details that augment and support the play would have been better than trying to do lots and lots of little things that distract from the attention.

Smoke bomb Potions. One goblin dips his ax blade into a quick acting poison (never mentioned again as loot.) Generic +1 ring of protection. There are not highpoints. There are, however, couple of interesting items what looks like one of throw away “f you search the garbage heap” rooms. An ornate halfling helmet. A clay vial with a potion. a small leather pouch that duplicates what’s inside of it. all of those are much better than the “silver ring of fire resistance, +3” that appears later.

There’s this vibe I get that this is not a S&W adventure. It feels like a hack adventure. It features a decent amount of silver and little gold. (S&W White Box is gold=xp, correct?) The entire thing feels weird, more like the vibe I would expect from a Pathfinder or 4e adventure or even a 5e adventure. Encounter areas, limited treasure, goofy monsters attacks (ax poison, smoke bombs) and so on. Most goblins are boring and these book goblins are no exception, with their entry at the end being unimaginative.

The bridge proper feels like a set piece and/or a “fight your way to the other side of the lair” encounter. I guess that’s one way to play Swords & Wizardry.

It’s only $1 at rpgnow, but still, …

This is available on DriveThru.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/174172/The-Bridge-of-Zheng-He?1892600

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Dungeon Magazine #72

d72
In a stunning turn of events … I’m now no longer wanting to gash out my own eyes when thinking about the next issue of Dungeon, but rather AM LOOKING FORWARD to it!

No Stone Unturned
by Peter C. Spahn
AD&D
Levels 3-5

This is an interesting town adventure that is a little bit investigation and then has three of four linked areas underground to explore. Some zombies teleport into town. The party is hired to investigate, it leads to a hole in the ground, with caves, a ruined city, and an abandoned tower. There’s a little bit of several different genres present and the folks encountered seem more like real people than in many adventures. The little investigation is straightforward and involves encounters with people who have very human motivations. A cleric afraid to cast commune because of the answers he might get, or someone putting their life back together who has to deal with the sins of the past. There’s a little cave crawl that ends with a ruined city. inside are some mongrelman that you can ally with. Again, very real motivations and interesting things to talk to and interact with … not just a hack down. Overly wordy, could use better organization and maybe a little more color in places, but a nice variety of situations.

Deep Trouble in Telthin
by John Hartshorne
AD&D
Levels 10-12

This adventure takes care of that pesky high level problem by setting most of it on the Elemental Plane of Water. There’s the usual page or so about spell and magic item impacts, although the adventure makes sure and point out that you will need to ensure the party has some +3 and +4 weapons so they will have +1 and +2 weapons for the special monsters they encounter. Flooded streets in a city lead to a wizards home and a gate to the plane of water and his (invaded) home there and the big bad, a marid. I don’t know, the planer stuff and water adventures always seemed like a pain in the ass to me. It doesn’t seem worth the effort to run/read a three column room description. I like the artwork for the marid though! (the cover) But that vibe doesn’t come through in the adventure.

Under a Pale Moon
by Jason Carl
Dargonlance Fifth Age
Levels 2-4

Jesus H Fucking Christ. The DM talks for 45 minutes and then the players roll a die and then the DM talks for another 45 minutes. Nonsense act/scene based adventure with almost no content at all. Descend into valley. See/Fight/Talk gnolls. See/fight/Talk to gnoll masters. Ally maybe. big fight. Done. And here I thought Dungeon Magazine had improved.

Mistress on the Mere
by Paul F Culotta
AD&D
Levels 5-7

Maybe the weakest so far in the Mere of Dead Men series. I love the premise of the series and the previous entries have been pretty good. This is a vampire hunt in the swamp, after a meeting with a group of female stargazers. Eventually the party finds out the headmistress is evil. The stargazer compound has some interesting people. They could be better organized into a table for use during play, but this is Dungeon in the 90’s, so, let’s be happy they have names and personalities and entries that are only one paragraph each. The swamp vampire is more like a set piece and the astronomy castle is pretty open ended. I wasn’t really inspired by the vampire, expect with an off-hand note that he lurks on the astronomy compound roof at night scratching at windows and whispering things to the people inside. That’s a great line that can lead to loads of fun. Most of the rest of the adventure doesn’t come close to that though. Putting a vampire in the swamp is not imaginative, nor is putting his grave in quicksand or putting some evil trees in. That’s just procedural and mechanistic. Scratching at windows at night and whispering love to the women inside … that’s imaginative and leads to creative play by the DM and players. One sentence.

Plundering Poppof
by Andy Miller
AD&D
Levels 1-3

A short little B&E job at an evil wizard’s home while he’s out of town. Nicely evil-lite (evil skeleton cats, evil skeleton dogs, evil? marionette with its mouth glued shut.) There’s no presumed one way in and a lot is left up to the players. Not overly burdened with real-aloud or text, especially where Dungeon is concerned. if you were running a city game then this would be a nice little locale for the party to hit if you worked it into whatever else you had going on. I was especially inspired by one the hooks: random NPC hires party to break in and loot it and leave evidence of another evil NPC having done the job. Imagine the party is contacted by some lame beggar “The crow barks at midnight!”

Posted in Dungeon Magazine, Reviews | 3 Comments

The Last Prayer of the Dying

lpd
by John R Davis
OSR
Level 1

The party are travelling to the new frontier to help return an ancient Duchy to its former glory. A chance encounter with the legendary ‘Arisen Knight’, a very old hero, sets them on a path to adventure. Like most published scenarios there are some railroad parts, but enough choice to provide the feel of a sandbox.

This is an OSR conversion of a kickstarted 5e adventure that also has a Pathfinder version. It’s got 90 pages and could be considered a “sandbox” if one had never seen a real sandbox before. With respect to this adventure Sandbox means there are three or four places you can go. If all the world were sucky 3e/4e railroads then I suppose this would appear to be a sandbox. The inciting event of this adventure has a magnificent backstory. There is clearly a concerted effort by the designer for the adventure to be useful to the DM. Nothing gets close to the inciting event backstory (which will never come up, I suspect) and the high points of the adventure are when it reaches C+ territory.

This is not a good first effort. But dude DID run a kickstarter, raise about 1500 pounds, and get product out the door and is now running a sequel kickstarter. The secret to good writing is to keep writing. Keep producing, get better, and keep producing. As a human person I hope John continues. As a reviewer

Let’s cover the good part. The beginning has a lyrical and/or mythic element. I LOVE those. A knight rises from the dead when the land needs him, only to ritualistically kill himself to await the next need when the crisis is over. The party meet him as an old haggard man, being attacked. Which of the thousand faces can you count there? How many? I don’t care that it’s ripped off, its GUD. It preys on every subconscious feeling of heroes the players have heard. It brings back and summons those thoughts, feelings, and emotions they’ve had. It’s inspiring to the PLAYERS. That’s a singular quality of all of the best hooks.

That is my first and last compliment. The closest I will get is “they meant well …” Nothing much is done with that hook, except to get the characters to go to the first dungeon to return his body to his tomb. All of that sound and thunder in the players is lost. Further, the mystery is ruined. He’s got a rod of resurrection on him. LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME. When you explain the mystery then the magic is lost. He should come back because it is by will alone he sets his mind in motion. Or he comes back, resigned at last, because his god keeps rez’ing him to do his work, putting off his last judgement, final rest, and reunion with his friends & family. A book magic item is behind the legend of King Arthur? Yeahhh… right …. fuck you.

There’s a … prescriptive? element to this adventure that’s embedded very deeply. Strong assumptions are made, espoused on at length, and others ignored. Early on, in the first tomb/dungeon, you meet a disillusion hobgoblin. He’s a prisoner. He begs for an honorable death. [Hobgoblins=Kingon and Orcs=Vikings in this world.] He goes on at length about what to do once he is dead, and who back home to contact to free his people. It seems like he goes on for a page between his read aloud and all the contingency data around his pleading/death. The only assumption made, in this or in the second dungeon (his people’s lair) is his death. OSR players have no monopoly on exploitation. ANY player would look at this and want to take advantage of the situation. And free him! What an opportunity! All of the information the dude would have about the power structure in the lair, the layout, who’s who. And freeing a fucking rebel leader to come back and help him in his homeland? AWESOME! And definitely the easy button for that second dungeon! Think of the roleplaying opportunities! “That’s Fred. He’s a little toady bitch who we can’t trust. [slit.]” Moral quandaries! Petty jealousies! Raw power grabs! Now THAT’S a real rebellion! That’s what happens when you take prisoners and talk to the monsters baby! Action & Adventure!

But of course that doesn’t happen. EVERYTHING is written as if the players kill him. And at length. The Tyranny of the Author’s Voice. This happens over and over again in the adventure and it’s disappointing. Less exposition, more contingencies. Or, even better, NO contingencies and just language that communicates the overall environment, giving the DM the ability to do their job. This shows up in explicit ability checks, and in reinforced by maps that small, cramped, and linear. Do X then do Y then do Z. Conform. Obey. Consume.

There’s a strong element of “detailed overview” in the town description that reminds me a lot of the nonsense in the recent WOTC harback adventures. A teen girl is being shown how to make the local drink by an old woman. (a different lame sentence after that one.) How about “Butterface Betsy being scolded by crone Carly as she milks a dirty cow directly into overly briney vinegar, trying to make Possett.” Fewer sentences. More detail. Communicates the vibe perfectly. Specificity is the SOUL of storytelling. Inspire the DM to do the dirty work. and fill in the details.

The town has a few people with too much description and a lot more with no description. And no summary sheet present. Make a fucking summary sheet people! Summative who, where, and their personality on one page for the DM to reference during play! The fucking adventure is supposed to be a play aid, not something to make more work!

A good effort is made in the wanderers table. “Giant rats feasting on a dead cow” is a good example of having the monsters DOING something when you encounter them. Most of the encounters are written in this way. Nine of the twenty are expanded upon AT LENGTH. Too much length. I can dig a paragraph or so to add some color, but two pages to describe a lot of detail that will NEVER come up? What’s described must be relevant to moving things forward, likely to be needed, and related to guidelines for the DM. Once the designer gets prescriptive (there’s that word again …) then the text drags on, the meaning of the encounter gets lost and WALL OF TEXT SYNDROME appears. This isn’t helped by the extensive, and boring, read-aloud. The authors cites their hope that they didn’t put too much in. You did. And it’s boring. Give the DM the facts. Give the DM the speaker’s personality (in one sentence. MAYBE two.) Omit the monologue. Done. Rinse. Repeat.

There’s this thing where trivia is mentioned for the sake of trivia. While on a longish journey there’s this line “if the party searches for an hour they find a dead axe beak.” Uh. Ok. I understand the intent. The next encounter is with some axe beaks enraged because of some hunters. But just dropping in some trivia is no way to go about this. It’s akin to saying, out of nowhere, “If a CN Cleric pronounces “DFWDFK:JD:L” correctly then a broken wagon wheel appears.” Uh. Great. And? Is that really likely to happen? I’m not bitching about the foreshadowing, or even giving a careful party a hint of what’s to come, but the way in which this adventure approaches it is a bit random.

Going along on this thread, the monsters entries are clumsy. They are quite lengthy, devoid of most stats, and rely on a standard format that is bulky and clumsy. The intent here was good: describe the monsters motivations and their tactics. But it’s done in a manner that obfuscates by being overly long and constrained by the mania to provide it in the same format every time. It’s like those dungeon that insisted on having a header to EVERY dungeon room describing the lighting, sounds, walls, ceiling,floor, etc. Or the overly long 3e monster stat blocks that insisted on listing EVERY detail possible. And there’s no fucking summary sheet! Dammit, go buy a copy of the Ready Ref sheets. I think they are still about $1. Look at half page of monster stats. Every fucking monster in existance described in half a page. But modern authors can’t be bothered to help the DM that much. Oops. Shouldn’t generalize. That’s my definition of evil.

Finally, this is supposed to be a few adventure. It doesn’t feel like a fey adventure. It feels about like an adventure that has “Elf (Subtype: Fey)” saying it’s a fey adventure. It’s devoid of life or imagination in that area. It tries in places, with lovers and special powers when holding a rose, and so on, but it’s not enough. It doesn’t have that otherworldly shimmery vibe that I’m looking for when I think of a Fey Adventure. Instead it would be labeled as “Several Subtype: Fey monsters!”, but I guess that’s not very good marketing?

Another of the little lost children that could have been.

This is available on DriveThru.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/169495/The-Last-Prayer-of-the-Dying?1892600

Posted in Reviews | 3 Comments

Moans of the Dead

moby Lotheras of Gaiden
Self Published
Swords & Wizardry
Level 1

The Villagers of Iceshire are certain they are hearing the gurgling and moaning of the undead in the snow capped woodlands that surrounds their tiny civilization. Some of the citizens believe a Liche, spoken of in legends, is trying to acquire what he desperately seeks: the Gray Pearl. An amulet possessing the divine powers of creation.

I know that “What does OSR mean?” is a hot button topic in some circles. In a related note, is an adventure a “Swords & Wizardry Adventure” if it contains S&W stats? Are there any other requirements? I don’t know. It seems like there’s a Spirit of the Law and Letter of the Law thing going on. This is a linear scene-based adventure that uses S&W stats but does not follow the S&W treasure guidelines. Also it’s linear & scene based. It’s got some decent imagery, especially with the monsters, but 8 linear scene encounters, half with large groups of ghouls, half with “and then after you kill them 4 more come rushing in” just doesn’t seem like the spirit of S&W to me.

Adventures like this are why I write reviews. I have certain expectations and when they are not met I tend to feel cheated. This thing is not what I expect when I buy a S&W adventure. It may be fine on its own (it’s not) but you should know what you are getting before you buy. Especially at the $4 or $5 price point on RPGNoW.

A monastery/religious village is having trouble meditating at night because of the increasing moans coming from the forest. The Moans of the Dead! (It sounded better in my head, in a cheesy 50’s way.) There’s about a page of background before it jumps into the encounters, which are one page per encounter. The introduction is ok. it’s nicely terse and evocative, but is missing a few things. Like a map. (Remember, Scene based! in a village?) The name of the bad guy is buried further in the adventure, even though the priest briefs you at the start. A little more on the village would have been nice at the start, to get things oriented.

The eight encounters all have the same qualities. Props for consistency, even if they are not great. At least the review will be shorter. 🙂

There’s a section of read aloud. it’s about four sentences each, but quite long sentences. There’s usually one good descriptive line in it. “Pale white boney hands reach out from the earthy graves!” or “in the distance you hear the screams of the villagers and the moans of the dead.” This will be followed by a description of the battle about to take place. There’s ALWAYS a battle. “3 tentacles attack” or some such. Then there’s the monster stat block and description (again, nice monster descriptions!) and a couple of sentences on tactics (which usually has a good evocative line: “they claw wildly with their bony fingers”, or some such. I liked it.Then there’s a section on treasure. “A silver ring and 14 cp.” or “12gp and 22 sp.” There tend to be large groups of monsters, especially ghoul-like things with paralyzation abilities, and after you kill the first batch another batch then shows up.

You should be recognizing some issues about now. Not enough treasure. Forced combats supported by the scene-based and format and lack of a map. Lots of tough creatures. Lack of agency in the second group showing up in a programmed fashion. In addition there is another railroad with the priest showing up later dead. That’s a typical plot-based problem that doesn’t account for the party not following the plan the designer had.

I REALLY like the creativity of the non-book monsters. (I didn’t go into them, but they are really good, non-standard, creepy, and well described.) I like the sentence or two of evocative text in each encounter. But the rest of the text is just filler. Stylistically, this feels like a Pathfinder or 4e adventure than it does a S&W adventure.

This is available on DriveThru.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/264114/White-Box-Quests–Moans-of-Dead?1892600

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Dungeon Magazine #71

d71
Priestly Secrets
by W. Jason Peck
AD&D
Levels 1-4

Set on the Lenore Isles, this is a little investigation dungeon crawl with a decent amount of color, that is at least four times longer than it needs to be. Giant rats suddenly plague the town. Instead of wererats, it eventually turns out that they are fleeing some newly freed ghasts down in some old caves/crypts. There’s a bad scene with an “arrest” of the PC’s, but otherwise there’s a decent amount of little colorful incidents, including rats chewing on a homeless waif. The (long) plot is laid out at the beginning and the town described after that. This separation of events form locale tends to be rare but I appreciate seeing it. There’s an entire sections about follow-ups that’s quite well done, but the homeless girl to the political position of an abbey, to a screw-up priest. I’d save the maps, make some notes on them, and keep the key to the dungeon/caves, throwing out everything else. You’d have a decent little adventure there.

Wildspawn
by Paul F. Culotta
AD&D
Levels 6-8

This is a creative little thing about an island full of weird creatures. It’s got a bit of an Aliens vibe. Investigating the loss of a new colony, the party discover an island with some weird features and then tunnels underneath. New monsters with weird attacks/looks/breeding makes for fun times! The unusual island features (hatches in the ground? A lake with sides that go straight down? geometric irrigation troughs?) should bring a nice sense of weirdness to the adventure. Long winded, as is usual, the aboveground portion of the island could use a few more weird features and encounters. There’s a possibility for several mass battles, some nice ‘how the monsters react’ notes, and the party could be appointed governors of the island. Nice! Hard to recommend, based on the verbosity, but easy to recommend, based on creativity.

How Do You Stop the Rhino from Charging?
by Stan!
Marvel
Any

A sidetrek. The Rhino suddenly charges down a street from out of the blue. Nothing to this.

Dreadful Vestiges
by Steve Johnson
AD&D
Levels 4-7

More Mere of Dead Men adventure, and, again, not a suck-fest. You’re sent to stop/investigate the evils of an old manor. It’s flooded, and lizard men are about. inside are some spooky undead, a demon, and an EHP. There’s a nicely little evocative piece around a magic pool that shows visions ala the Dead Marshes. I think it’s marred by having lizard men attack … I’d put that encounter later. The lizard men at the flooded manor probably turns into a little assault, which would be nice. The flooded manor, proper, is nicely described in a way which brings it to life. The undead could be a bit more … spooky? And the EHP/lizard men/etc inside could have a plan for responding to assaults on the lizard men. Uh, a plan other than “I spy on you with my magic mirror and prepare for you in the final room.” That’s ALWAYS lame. But the core is nice, if wordy, particularly around empty rooms.

Dark Magic in New Orleans
by Randy Richards
Masque of the Red Death
Levels 5-7

This murder investigation involving voodoo has some wall of text and organization issues. Laid out in scenes but it’s not actually scene based. Hiding inside of this is a decent enough little voodoo thing in New Orleans. It’s got some decent humor also (the murdered banker recently denied a loan to “Doctor John” whose occupation is listed as “Voodoo King.”) There’s a nice half-alligator man at the end. Worth fixing, if someone had the time.

Posted in Dungeon Magazine, Reviews | 1 Comment

For Sale – Almost everything

Please forgive my rather crass marketing.

I’m transitioning to a being of pure thought and as such need to get rid of some things. I’m selling most of my physical RPG collection (Stupid Marie Kondo!) along with my wife getting rid of most of hers.

Most of it it $5, with a few rare exception. I’ll be in Chicago over the weekend after 4pm today, with limited contact availability. As I said, it’s a combination of my wife’s stuff (3.5 mostly) my best of the best OSR stuff, some OSR crappy stuff I haven’t gotten rid of yet, and a few odds and ends.

The cherry-picking has already begun.

https://rpggeek.com/geekmarket/user/bryce0lynch

Yes, I’m keeping some stuff. No, it’s not much. No, I’m not lessening my RPG fervor, just transitioning out of the realm of the physical for most things.

Shit, almost forgot, I’ve also got a 2-volume set of OGLAF for $20 and a 16 volume set of The Years Best Science Fiction, each one about 650 pages long. Drop me a note if you are interested in those two.

br*********@***il.com

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments