Hunt for the Last Owlbear

By Jacob Densford
Illuminated Snail Press
Knave 2e

Only one of the foul creatures remains—abominations forged by the meddling hands of wizards. After generations of slaughtering us, we’ve finally driven them back to the brink. Let the final hunt commence: the hunt for the last Owl Bear.

This sixteen page adventure has seven hexes to explore as you slaughter the last living owl bear. You’ll need all of your wits to survive the monotonous boredom of hexes with nothing/close to nothing to do in them. 

Sixteen fucking pages my ass. I’ve been noticing a lot of Knave adventures pop on DriveThru all at once. Looks like there was a contest and this thing was the third place winner. Which seems to mean the public voted on it being the third place winner, so you know, the unwashed masses and all that jazz. 

Ok, so, there’s one owlbear left. You’ve just arrived incountry at some white colonizer camp in the jungle. There are two hunting parties going out tomorrow. You want to join the big game hunter and her quisling local businessman sponsor or you want to join the white savior environmentalist and his smiling caricature of a local? Or maybe go your own way?

But first, the news. You wander around those seven hexes, notably NOT going south. IE: you start on a hex border at the six o clock position with nothing else shown on the map but the rest of the surrounding dial from the centerpoint of the hands. And from there you wander from hex to hex with little initial direction in finding the owlbear. Eventually you’ll find something. A village of locals who have all been grisly slaughtered by the owlbear with some ghosts playing a flute.. Or a bunch of monkeys in a tree banging on a drum. Or a wizards hut with nothing to do in it. 

I really really can’t emphasize enough how shitty the encounters are. There is this thing that designers sometimes do where they are SO resistant to actually putting anything concrete down on paper. Maybe, if you squint really hard, you can get what they are going for. But, the wizard hut. It takes a fucking page, like all of the encounters do. And it’s nothing. It’s a dude living in a hut. He’s not fucking histile. He doesn’t really even have anything. You CAN get a spell component from him, for some project later, but it’s just so empty. He’s got no real personality other than “likes flowers.” The entire thing is pointless. I get it, you want a place to get the spell component. So, put some interactivity there. Likewise the monkeys in the trees. They’ve got a drum they bang on. That’s it. I guess you are motivated to get the drum because you se ethe monkeys have it? And I truly am guessing; I don’t see any reason to do anything here other than yawn. You’ve got to lead the party on, give them something to follow up on, give them SOME kind of bone to get them going an interested. We’re not talking spoon feeding them, but, something. ANYTHING to get the going. “Monkeys in the trees” ain’t it. 

You know what else isn’t it? If you pick up the drum then you hear in your head “Rebuild my shrine and I will reward you!” Likewise if you pick up the ghosts flute or the other thing. LIterally a voice in your fucking head. This is not roleplaying. There is no subtly here. Telling someone directly what to do is not embracing the joy of player discovery. But, in the rumours, there is no specificity. “The local gods are feuding with each  other, with dangerous repercussions  for mortals—take shelter in bad  weather” Well that’s exciting. DO the local gods have names? Is there a story to go with this? No? There’s just senseless abstraction of a rumour? Got it. I am not amused.

And now to the part of the review that the fuckwits will feel the need to comment on. You know what’s a decent novel? Things Fall Apart. Not my favorite, but pretty decent. You know what’s not Things Fall Apart? A sixteen page adventure. I have no fucking idea why someone decided that a sixteen page adventure, with a contest deadline attached, was the correct medium to comment about white colonization. We  get white colonizers. We get the enviro dude with a white saviour complex. We get lots of references to white colonizers. We get a note about portraying the locals with empathy … even though we don’t get any information about them except they are all friendly. It’s fucking nuts. But, sure, dump in the smiling native caricature and the evil quisling businessman caricature. Or, the infantilized natives who can’t solve their own problems. And don’t forget to slaughter the smiling natives family so we can know for sure he’s just there as a trope. Got it. Ham fucking handed. And let’s be clear, I’m not bitching about your white colonizer shit. I’m bitching that its done is a hack fucking way.

But, also, I’m a hypocrite and can get over that. Well, I could get over that that. I mean IF THE FUCKING ADVENTURE WAS ANY GOOD. The smiling native guide has a village. If you go there everyone is slaughtered bloodily by the owlbear. There are some ghosts playing a flut. If you bury the villagers bodies then the spirits go to rest. IT TAKES A FUCKING PAGE FOR THIS. An entire page. Is there detail? None to speak of. Evocative descriptions? Not really, not to justify a page. Big fonts, a lot of white space and A LOT of extraneous padding. “IF the party picks up the flute THEN [fuckwit local god] speaks directly in to their mind: Build me a shrine and I will reward you.” Fuck off with that shit man. There’;s nothing to this village, or any of the encounters. There’s no content. There’s an ABSTRACTION of content. “You could, maybe” put in some ghosts of the villagers or something, I guess.” This is the equivalent of what is going on here. The specificity that brings an adventure life is just nt present at all. 

This is $4 at DriveThru. The preview is nine pages, a mix of intro and hexes. That’s enough to know what you’re getting. 


https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/498863/hunt-for-the-last-owl-bear?1892600

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Prisoners of the Crimson Crystal

By Roberto Marcarini
Old School Fox
OSE
Levels 2-3

The wedding of Baron Duncan was meant to be a day of celebration and joy for all his subjects, as well as for you, brave heroes, called to witness the event. During the ceremony, however, just before the fateful ‘Yes, I do,’ Xanaxarius, the bandit-sorcerer known throughout the surrounding lands, broke in with his horde of followers. You remember very little of what happened next: the cries of the almost newlyweds, the dark and arcane words of Xanaxarius, and the red flash that engulfed you and the other guests…

This forty page adventure uses about seventeen pages to describe about thirteen locations in a magic land inside of a red crystal. It’s got a conversational style, full of backstory and explanations, that are inappropriate for room descriptions, as well as a lack of specificity to bring places alive or situations to develop for interactivity. And thusly …

I don’t even know where to start with this. Room one I guess. “Among all the guards and heroes who came to the rescue of the two newlyweds, the characters were among the luckiest and appeared on the cliff that rises to the north of the magical river, which flows through the dreamlike crystal landscape” It continues. For almost half a page. That has told us almost nothing. I guess it says you can see a river? So, mabe a vista landscape descriptions, orienting the party? But, also, all that shit is on the map. And you know how I love a description that repeats obvious shit from a map. Otherwise, this is some kind of commentary. A very conversational tone in writing a room description. Unfocused, repeating information for, like, the nine hundredth time, about the red landscape and sky. And this thing is just FULL of that shit. Asides and commentary, explanations and backstory. Repeated information. There is actually very very little information present that could be of use to the DM running the game. 

Evocative text? I think not. “An old staircase carved into the rock of the cliff that descends to its base about forty feet below.” Yeah! I’m inspired! The next three sentences about the staircase do little more. How about “ A small grove nestled between the cliff and the nearby river.” How’s that? Cool? There is just SOOOOO much text here. The page count to encounter count would imply that, for sure. And yet there is almost nothing present that you could turn in to a game. The gnome couple, on the cliff, don’t really have a personality to interact with. Or a purpose other than telling the party to go south, I guess. The Crimson Toad! “As large as a medium-sized dog.” That’s your description. Great. Oh, wait, it does say, buried deep in the text, that maybe the party learned how to bypass the toad from information in room one. But, that’s in room four, not in room one. Room one doesn’t mention ANYTHING about this. Uh … we put the information where  we need it to use, not in a different room.

And yet the adventure goes on and on and on. The creatures and challenges here are expanded upon at great length. And yet they say very little about them. Nothing really evocative. Nothing really in the way of interacting interactivity. Sure, you can stab something. Yeah?

One of my favorites are some old rotting bags that say they “have become the home to some parasites and other horrid creatures.’ That’s your description. But that’s not a description. That’s some kind of meta overview. Why put this in? Why not just describe some giant grubs or water bugs or ticks of unusual size or something? Why the choice to NOT give a description but instead focus on the abstraction of the encounter? There’s no specificity here. And, in the end, you get attacked by four cockroaches. Yes describe the horrid parasites! But, no, that was not the choice chosen for me. We all need a savior to come our way.

There;s nothing really here. It wants to be a fairy tale land covered in a red tint glow from the crystal you’re trapped inside of. It comes off, though, as meta abstractions of encounters without real descriptions or interesting interactivity. A shadow of a shadow. 

This is $3 at DriveThru. The preview is seven pages. You get to see the first few encounters which should be enough to give you a feel for the writing style.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/498723/prisoners-of-the-crimson-crystal-eng-ita-version?1892600

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Souls for Qovahe

By AB Andy
Adventure Bundles
OSE
Levels 2-3

Adventurers gather at the mansion of a well-respected noble for what seems like an elegant dinner. But as the night unfolds, it quickly spirals into something far more dangerous. A deadly game of murder is about to begin, where survival comes with unimaginable rewards. Is it simply a twisted contest, or does the noble harbor a darker, more sinister secret—one that demands bloodshed before dawn to save his own life? Prepare for a night where trust is shattered, alliances are tested, and only the sharpest minds—or blades—will make it out alive.

This 52 page adventure presents a mansion and its grounds and outbuildings along with about thirty people, the setting for a Battle Royale type adventure. I should hate it. But the degree of chao and interactivity here does successfully channel the genre and does so with a delight and glee seldom seen in an adventure. This is the one, if you want a Battle Royale.

Absolutely bat shit fucking crazy. In exactly the way it should be. The premise is bullshit. The intro tells the DM “With time running out, the dinner is just a lure for contenders. Gladiators. A life-or-death contest will be held until dawn, one that may hold the key to his survival.” Ahh. Bullfucking shit.  A test your might gladiator fight. Boo! Boo! Except … NO! This thing is great. It delights in its tropes, leaning in to them with glee. Hit after hit after hit after hit comes through the text. The NPC’s, the rooms, the wanderers, all working toward a common goal and theme. This is absolutely the fucking way how you do it. 

Conrad the wizzo invite you to his mansion for dinner . It’s an open invite to the village. The party is present with about seven others, along with some house guards (about 25) and some servants. Dude is friendly and affable, but sick, and has got a dungeoncrawl prop for you. Except, of course, the drinks are drugged. But you wake up with a note telling you that you get his inheritance if you’re the last group standing by dawn. And the house guards are a group/alliance also. Turns out he’s dying and made a deal with a demon. He needs fifteen people to die in the mansion before dawn in order to save his own life. The guards know that and the servants don’t. It’s on, motherfucka! Oh, also, if you fuck around then there’s poison gas at dawn that will get everyone, says the note, so get moving! Also, if you don’t get drugged and/or go willingly with guards … then THIS SHIRT STARTS NOW!! No railroad here!

It is absolutely absurd. This may be everything I hate about a railroad Test Your Might setup. But, man, everything that comes after this nonsense is fucking great. It is tropy and schlock in the absolute best sense of the word. Giddy. And therefore this hook/intro nonsense makes perfect sense. I’m in LUUUUUVVVVVVVV!  Seriously. 

Ok, so, what makes this thing absolutely great is the … I don’t know. Interactivity? Vignettes? The shit that’s going on, or potentially going on, in the various rooms. This is a combination of things in the rooms (there are 85 or so, I think, probably more than a party can do between drugging and dawn, but, fuck it! It’s not TOO long, and it’s not too short. I think it’s the perfect size of a kind of free exploration game. And, dude covers rooftop shenanigans! Always a staple, I appreciate that! Man, this parenthetical is dragging on now …) and people doing things in rooms. (And, of course, wanderers showing up.) Weight get a room with a secret door in it, a cupboard shelf full of dishes. Dishes shattering requires a d4 roll on a little table. Many rooms have this, something to amp things up. A maid runs in hysterical, or you summon guards, or you hear footsteps running away, or “. Danjel shouts from the courtyard, “Let us not hide anymore! Let’s help each other in the name of Lumenor!”. Heh! Just the kind of psycho shit from a battle royale movie. Or, a small island, crossing the lake, you get wet. You’re freezing. Build a fire to get warm? A guard shows up. “Hey, lets all work together, we can … ARG!” He’s shot in the chest with a crossbow! If that aint a trope I don’t know what is! Or, you’re in a room and there are three guards. Chick is on dudes lap and they are making out frantically while another dude is bored. Fuck yeah! That’s exactly what happens to three of the guards! So, something in the room or something in the room that could up the stakes in the room. And focused, completely focused on the adventure at hand. All of it working together towards the same vibe. Clues in some rooms to other rooms, which is exactly what you want.  In one room “Thick carpet covers the floor, gray and muted from a thick layer of dust.” and then “Under the carpet: A carved raven on the hardwood floor, encrusted with blood. Inscriptions in blood, rituals to the raven god of death. The phrase “Let the raven fly in” comes often in between.” Gah! That’s fucking freaky! And is a clue to another room. 

The entries are relatively short, maybe five or six to a two-column digest page. Bullets are used well as a kind of initial features description, easy to scan and expand upon and easy to locate follow-up information with the section headings that follow. “G12. Guest Suite ? Ornamental king-sized bed with torn silken sheets. ? Thick carpet covers the floor, gray and muted from a thick layer of dust. ? Open balcony doors. ? Round table by the bed, dagger pierced note on top.” Those bullets are indented on seperate lines, and easy to scan and grok. 

I understand it sounds weird, bt this thing is just so focused on brining the kind of psychotic chaos interspaced with quiet, the exact sorts of beats you might find in one of these movies. There is just so much going on, but, not really. The room formatting, and the d4 tables and ability for the party to get in to trouble in the various rooms is what lends to this vibe of a lot going on, but doing it in a way that is very manageable for the DM to run. It all brings this air of chaos to the vibe. It’s the kind of chaos that so many adventures want but few succeed in. It’s not craziness … but the party will absolutely be thinking that “This is crazy!” Is the build up, room after room and encounter after encounter. A kind of bizarreness, without any one thing going over the top and saying this is bizarre. It’s not ham handed, is what I think I’m trying to say, even though the individual things sound out of the ordinary. And it is that build up from the lack of ham handedness but still unusual that contributes so much to this.

I don’t know how this would work in OSE. We’re still pretty squishy at 2-3 and this is over a single night. Maybe lean in to that vulnerability, perhaps. I don’t know how I would fit this in to my game either. My campaign or a one shot … but it is the sort of thing that once you see it you you are immediately thinking “Man oh man, how do I get this shit in to my game?! “ I get it, battle royal. BS setup. But also it ha sthe space in the place to breathe and let the party get in to trouble and then leans in to that when it happens. It gives you the tools and the space to run a magnificent adventure. If you can get over the battle royale nature of it. 

And, hey, yo! A NPC summary sheet next time, yes?!

This is $5 at DriveThru. The preview is nine pages and gives you a good overview of the adventure. Page seven of the preview is a good sample page to look at and I think communicates the room vibes, the little tables, and formatting well.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/498461/souls-for-qovahe?1892600

Posted in Level 2, Reviews, The Best | 17 Comments

Dark Clouds over Castle Talbot

By muv, Billman
Novis Ludis
OSE
Levels ?

The Lord and Lady Talbot are the last of their line, wealthy owners of a remote but productive silver mine. Over the past decade or so, things have changed. The Talbots have become reclusive, packs of wolves howl throughout the nights, and people have vanished without a trace.

This 25 page adventure has three encounters. With werewolves, mummies, Franenstein’s monster (fuck you!) and a vampire. And igor? A new low in 4e conversions. Or, someone’s home play style with OSE resembles the worst that 4e had to offer.

I went to see My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult once at Talbot street in Indy. So, now, yo uget a Talbot adventure.

I am disappointed. Shocking, I know. But this had a decent start! The party is in a village, a mining village, when an earthquake hits. Miners are trapped! Off to the rescue! See, now that’s something I can get behind. A great big communal rescue job. The party as a part of a bucket brigade or making a human chain to reach someone in a flood/river. This is how people act. It’s relatable. When the party, the players, can react to situations like this, situations that are real, that have that flavour of reality to them, then it sticks much more with them. The players get  motivated, and that is SOOOO much more better than the characters being motivated or resignation to the monday night hook.  So, the premise, generally, is that some miners get trapped by an earthquake.

But, also, generally is all you’re getting here. There’s no real information about the cave in, etc. To quote the adventure “Early the next morning, a small tremor rocks the village. Miners pour from the silver mine calling for help; a cave-in has trapped and possibly killed miners!” That’s it. The adventure then transitions in to encounter one. Oh, I did mention that there are only three encounters, right? In 25 pages? Oh, but it gets worse! More on that in a minute. I was looking forward to some greedy mine owners, foremen, a company store, wildflowers, crying kids, lunch pails and the whole lot. Nope. Just that little bit I copied above. 

There are mountains and mountains and mountains of text in this. Backstory, almost all of it. I think we’re told three time that “Lord Talbot’s mind shattered and he became obsessed with disturbing uses of alchemy.” At least three times. To get us to those three announcers, each of which  takes about a page to describe. In the mine you get attacked by werewolves. At the lords castle you get attacked at the gates by mummies. In the great hall you get attacked by Frankensteins Monster and a vampire. Yes, I have accidentally reviewed a halloween adventure, I guess. I try to avoid those for exactly these reasons. Anyway, there’s no castle details and no treasure in this adventure. No silver in spite of it being a silver mine. No treasure in the castle. Or magic items. Must be something inside, says El Senor Ant. Clearly no one has ever leveled in OSE before. Strange, but the adventure is FOR OSE, yes? Hmmm … Three encounters. A page for each. A map for each encounter that has multiple areas on it … I know what that means!

4e.  Look, I’m not gonna hate on 4e. I mean, sure, it’s a disgusting pile of shit, but, if you want to enjoy your tactical minis combat then you should be able to enjoy it without me dumping on it. It’s just not my cup of tea, because I don’t like a giant turd floating in my cup. To each his own, though. 

This is clearly a 4e conversion. I’m not sure how anything could be more clear. The maps here are of an area. So, encounter one is a map with like ten locations on it, each with one sentence like “two werewolves start here” and shit like that. Nothing evocative at all. Just minis combat notes. Mechanics. And the same with encounters two and three; large area maps for you to tactically move on. “Blacksmith – this shop is functional and appears to be in occasional use (Lord Talbot sometimes uses it in his work)” Just notes about the extensive bestiary. No one cares about treasure. No one cares about descriptions. No one cares about roleplaying or situations. Just tactical minis combat. 

Oh, hey, did I mention tha the opening read aloud mixes third person and second person narrative, in amazing levels of abstracted text? No? Oh,ok.

We do not do that here. A shitty shitty 4e adventure pretending to be OSE. 

This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $4. The preview lets you see encounter one. Not that I’ve seen the entire thing the 4e nature is obvious.


https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/498351/dark-clouds-over-castle-talbot-ose?1892600

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With the Cult of Crimson Revelers’

By directsun
Self Published
Knave2
Level 2

The viscount’s son has been kidnapped. The worst is feared when a ransom paid does not return the son. But could the truth be far darker – or wilder – than anyone suspects? See what actually happens! The win, smoke and forbidden potions flow freely in a reckless spree of medieval excess. It’s a whirlwind of power, pleasure, and peril. WIll they survive the highs, or lose their souls to drug-crazed abandon!

This sixteen page adventure details about eighteen rooms in six pages inside of a cave complex that is an old cult site full of horny ghosts and hand abominations. It wants to be a frat party with monsters in the basement and a portal to elsewhere. It’s not that at all.

Ok, dudes son was kidnapped and not returned when the ransom was paid. Some drunks bought a bunch of booze at a rural bar with the ransom gems. You’re sent in to get the son back. It’s obvious, I think, that the son is behind everything, just from that summary. You track them back to a small cave system that once housed a drunken cult. Inside are the drunk and drugged up youths and a bunch of friendly spirits that are going to eat their souls.  You have to destroy the body of the high priest spirit, which you get at by going to a demiplane like place inside the mouth and over the tongue of a giant head that talks to you. Fun! 

The magic items here are pretty decent. A jar of pupae that when ate turn you in to a horsefly for a turn. A small silver gorilla status that, when shaken, hoots more and more until an irritated angry gorilla pops out. Now THATS how you write a figurine of wondrous power! The most abusable is a jade frog that turns you in to a bullfrog when you kiss it. I’m not a big fan of mechanics but that one may need some limits, although seeing Ra turn in to a bullfrog would be cute.

There’s also an encounter or two that is decent. “Shelves full of tomes and trinkets cover the east and west walls. A massive openmouthed head fills the north, saturating all in oppressive red light.” And then the tongue A thick, curvy tongue drapes limply over her chin, resting on a dark altar” There’s more. The head is alive and speaks and tells you you would be much more comfortable inside of the mouth. Walk right up on the tongue! You can see inside … a mystical realm/room awaits! That’s a nice little vignette. There’s a great piece of artwork also, of ono the monsters, a combination of many many arms and hands. It gives very creepy vibes. 

Alas, our time with the positive has come to an end …

I hate it when I have to validate the views of the prols. This is using a bullet point type format slightly reminiscent of other bullet/bolded formats. And it’s bad. It’s not bad because of the bullet format; the starting with a couple of short sentences and then expanded upon on certain things with section headings with bullets. It’s bad because it’s not very evocative at all and the choices for both language and subject, on what to expand upon are not well made. If we assume the platonic form of a format that is not going to save an adventure that implements it badly. And, in this, it’s done poorly. The initial text tends to the purple side of the spectrum. “Sounds of snores harmonize with the gentle undulations of a colossal humanoid—their over-sized limbs draped languidly over a Barrel.” I’m afraid this is a critical case of thesaurus syndrome. We must imagine a scene and then try to describe it, not just pick out words from the dictionary. And then we tend to get bullets that expand on mechanics or some slavish minutia. The major heading of Ratbird Nest then tells us, in the first indented bullet, that “?Grape-sized, veiny eggs. Silhouettes are visible throughbtranslucent shells.” and then we get another level of indentation and bullets with “? Ratbird eggs (12).” We’re engaged in post-modernism at this point, with bullets, bolding and indents just for the sake of having them, as Moe would say.

In another example we have a back entrance to the place: “On the south side of the rocky hill is a three-foot-diameter dug-out hole that tunnels through the earth. HOLE ?Handprints in the loose earth. ? Made by Pluckerfiends (p. 14). ?Speed is halved. Checks at -5. ?Leads to Escape Hole (p. 8).” You’re gonna have to imagine the indentations rather than the run on Im using. But, also, We see backstory/explanatios and this need to tell us what the map already tells us. Certainly not the worse sin, in this example, but we see this over and over again.

And this comes to the detriment of actual content. It is, for the most part, lacking. The room descriptions are not the greatest, while they are terse. They come off as boring and the expanded bullet sections to little to augment them. Combine this with an interactivity that is also somewhat lacking: doing rugs and stabbing things. The map annoys me, having page numbers on it instead of keys, but in the grand scheme of things I’ll live.

You, however, will not live. Those pluckerfiends? Remember the level range here, 2? 14 HP each, attacking at level 3. Every time you’re hit you need to make a save or your soul is plucked from your body and replaced. The last room, with the ghost last boss? That’s got twelve of them in it. You not making it there though; there;s more than enough on the wanderer table or other rooms, in threes and fours, to fuck you up before then. CHA save my ass. I THINK I know how a CHA save should work in Knave2 … maybe I’m wrong?

The formatting and bullets make this an outline, but not a great one. Things just don’t click, from an interactivity standpoint. Great magic items, ut the drug/alcoholCHA save stuff is a bit heavy handed, I think, for level 2. All for a transparent hook that is expanded enough for me and a cult ending that doesn’t have enough lead in for me.

This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $7.50. The preview is everything, as a PWYW should be.


https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/497712/with-the-cult-of-crimson-revelers?1892600

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Clockwork-Bureaucrat Debt Collection Agency

By Andrew Duvall
Sketchy Van RPG
OSE
"Low Levels"

Karilaz Winræd is a senile druid who lives alone in his crumbling hillside monastery.  He keeps to himself as he single-mindedly observes and catalogs the forest fauna, his life’s passion. Decades ago, supernatural powers of hierarchical organization were leased to Karilaz by a patron of the Order of Specificity from the Plane of Law.  Now, in his old age and decade of hermitage, he hasn’t keep up with his end of the bargain, and the Clockwork-Bureaucrat Debt Collection Agency has come to bring all accounts current.

This sixteen page adventure presents twelve rooms in a druids house. Which are monastery ruins? New lows are achieved in intentionality as somehow empty room after empty room somehow yet manages to fill seven pages.

Let  me start this review of right: Fuck you; I like modrons. I think they are cool. The modern take on them is shit, but the concept is cool. Fortunately for us all, this adventure doesn’t have modrons in it. It has Clockwork Bureaucrats. No, that’s not a reskin of the name modron to get past a trademark or something. It has nothing to do with a modron in any way other than the word clockwork was used in the same sentence as bureaucrat. The One and Prime would be disappointed.

So, druid dude signed some contract and a clockwork dude has shown up to enforce it, along with two rhino man enforcers. Cause … TMNT? I don’t know. There’s no hook or context for the adventure, so you somehow show up to a monastery set in the roots of a big tree. That’s the location. You’re gonna get nothing more. Not from me, I’ll gladly tell you everything. From the designer. Ruined monastery set in the roots of a big tree. I guess, as the DM, you can make the party just stumble on this or have some dude in town send you out here to check on his friend or something. The usual dreck. You’ll get no help from the designer. I know, some people have different thoughts on hooks. But, also, if you’re going to want me to give a flying fuck about dude, and so something to resolve things, then you better hook me the fuck up. Or something? I mean, yeah, I guess I want to play D&D tonight so we do the thing, but, still. Maybe just the lightest pretext for why I give a flying fuck about a level 9 druid with a staff of striking and ring of spell turning? (Don’t worry, you can’t kill him and take that shit, he just turns in to a bug swarm if threatened.) 

Ok, on to the rooms I guess.  Room one. The room title is the ever so descriptive “What’s Going On Here?” and the description reads: “A big and mean creature’s rough booming sneer can be heard taunting someone in a distant room. ? The voices are muffled behind the closed doors” Good luck with that room. That’s it. That’s all. What IS going on here? Is it a bedroom? A ruin? An entryway? No soup for you! Another room, titled “Spilled Druids Bag”  reads “Contents of a druids bag lay scattered across the center of the room.” I note that the dude lives here. Nothing. This is the barest of bare bone minimalism, expanded on. I guess the good part is that its not expanded on by much so you don’t have to slog as much through the text.

One of my favorite rooms says “Dried moonpool footprints that lead to Room 9 anyone who drinks moonwater can see them glow.” That descriptions comes from room nine. As in, thats in the room nine room description. Where do they lead? Fuck if I know. 

The rhino men have 4HD and have 2 attacks each. You meet them in a pair. Pretty sure that’s gonna be a very rough one at level one. And they are unavoidable, blocking your path in room two, the only way in past the entrance in room one. So, you enjoy that, ok?

It is astounding to me that things like this exist. No real interactivity. Blocking encounters that might be a TPK. No real room descriptions. No context. I guess the designer made a thing? That’s an accomplishment? More ennui for the rest of us! Other than that … there’s nothing here. Stab (hopefully) a couple of things. Another one of those cutesy adventures. A five room dungeon expanded to twelve. Joy. I wanted a modron 🙁

This is $2 at DriveThru. There’s no preview. Fork over the cash Sucker!!


https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/497422/clockwork-bureaucrat-debt-collection-agency?1892600

Posted in My Life is a Living Fucking Hell, Reviews | 8 Comments

Death Walks the Hills

By Hex Girl
Melusine Press
OSR
Levels 1-3

A sleepy village in the Kingdom of Metz has been beset with strange happenings and nightmarish disappearances. Children have gone missing, phantasmagoria haunts the woods, and in the night and fog livestock is slaughtered, homes ransacked, and villagers dragged screaming into the hills. The comte Gunthigis has offered a substantial treasure to any who can rid his lands of this evil.

This 29 page adventure details a barrow crawl with two levels and about seventy rooms. Good focus on the writing towards gameable detail, but lacking in interactivity other than hacking and some talking. And, a misspent village that had potential.

This thing has you adventuring in a more realistic, but still fantasy, setting around 550AD europe. Franks, Frisians, and a roman history, as well as the pre-roman history are involved here. The farming village the adventure takes place around has about twenty families and no road leads there. Rural, isolated, some history behind things. This is still fantasy, with skeletons, a wraith, carrion crawler and so forth, but, also, bandits and wolves. It’s got a great little vibe going on where the village is sane (well, except for the massacres …) and the countryside gets a little wilder before you go off in to the barrow to meet fantasy. I’m really digging it. 

The village has some issues. People disappearing and some really bloody livestock killings. A homestead burned down. People are afraid and sleep in the big house at night. The villagers are pretty decent. An old warrior/reeve, shoulders slumped, his village in peril and him unlikely to be effective, out of 13th warrior. And the villagers mostly focus on their interactions with the party. “Blanchard’s farm: A weatherbeaten farmhouse and barn. Blanchard is long in his grave; the widow Salla raises their young son Eberhard as best she can. Salla offers her barn to adventurers for free but Eberhard will attempt to join them on their adventurers – something Salla will vehemently discourage.” Or the farm lass that makes eyes at the party members … which can cause problems. They are almost all some little way to spice up the interactions between the villagers and the party. It’s some tight writing, or feels like it anyway, and does a great job keeping things focused on the adventure. It could, perhaps, use just a bit more, a timeline or some other events, lie a raid or something. The possibilities are there; there is a potential for skulking bandits or a raid by bandits or skeletons. But these are in their individual wilderness descriptions for the most part. Just a tad more here to bring the village panic to life would have been good. But, also, we’ve got a dude that maybe burned him family alive to avoid the raids and at least one missing person who is not really missing, or, not  missing as a part of the main “plot” These are all great little touches  to drive play and discovery.

The party will need to find the barrow and/or go looking in the countryside, a kind of “square crawl” and this part, the encounters here, are pretty decent also. Skulking bandits afraid of action. SOme escaped convicts, condemned to death, two murderers and an adultress. Still wearing chains and looking for some blacksmith action to free themselves. What to do, what to do? A giant spider with the face of an ogre! That’s great! And a troll who’s captured a human woman, one of the people missing from the village, to be his cook. He likes cooked meat but is afraid of fire. Again, maybe a sentence more in each of these, which again are pretty tightly written, would have kicked them even more. Just another complications for each would have been great. 

We get to the barrow and things stay … ok. The writing remains tight and the descriptions here are pretty good. Two adjacent rooms read “4. Cavern: Dirt, exposed root structures and several skeletons recently picked clean. Bore-holes in the cave wall from something burrowing inward.

5. Cavern: A charnel pit of gore-streaked bones, human and animal. Flies buzz incessantly and the stench is rancid and overpowering.” A carrion crawler lurks about! A hint and then a monster, and then a decent but terse description to go with them. We’re not winning awards with the evocative text, but this is miles and miles better than most text we get in adventures. In the catacombs there are “Rectangular alcoves with Gaulish mummies spilling out onto the Floor” SPILLING out onto the floor. Not bad at all. 

Interactivity here is a bit lacking. There are things to stab, of course, and sometimes a skeleton to talk to. But not a whole lot beyond that. Stretching the definition, seeing silver bars at the bottom of a pool of water … will lead to a fight if you mess with them. Wyvern eggs in a steam room, with mama next door .. I think that falls in to a fight to me, although, not exactly just an enter the room and start stabbing kind. Beyond this though the interactivity falls off a lot. 

I can also nitpick a lot. Cross-references, for NPC’s and rooms,  are sorely needed and the one place I noticed them they were wrong. There is, though, a great follow up. You MIGHT be offered the hand of the daughter of the Earl in marriage. She is almost certainly not inclined. And if so then she will arrange “12-48 armoured and missile footmen to track down the homestead of the groom/groom-to-be, setting fire to structures and indiscriminately killing family Members.” And if she fails she’ll try again in 1-3 years. Noice! Great follow up, complete with a reaction roll at -4 from her!

I’m a fan of what’s going on here. The tone. The giant spider with the ogre face, the wolves who kind of respect elves. The troll and his cook. It’s not just a book monster to stab. The writing is tight, evocative enough to not be throw-away, and focused on gameable activities. The barrow needs just a little more, in terms bringing it to life, as do the village and wilderness encounters. Just a little. I could go either way on this one. But, also, I’m an ass. No regerts about that.

This is $5 at DriveThru. You get all of the pages as a preview, so GREAT preview. Check out those villagers on the first few pages, or the wilderness encounters after that. A great thing taken all together.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/497363/i1-death-walks-the-hills?1892600

Posted in No Regerts, Reviews | 3 Comments

The Hybrid Bone-Effigy of the Urgent Chimera

By Handy Haversack
Exalted Funeral
OSE
Levels 2-4

Inside the caldera of an old volcano in the Narthex Range, a Chimera has made their lair. From here they command the surrounding territory Like some creatures eventually do, the Chimera has found a drive to reproduce. An urge in the fiery chaos of their tripartite mind drives them to force into the future their legacy of hybrid power. But not for chimera-kind is the boring sexual striving of pedestrian and mundane species. The creation of new chimeric life is a process fraught with magic, charged with eldritch fire, and enacted in ritual mystery in places of ancient power […]

This 45 page adventure uses fifteen pages to describe nine rooms. Light on descriptive text, it manages to put a decent amount of interactivity in those nine rooms. I loathe the layout? here.

Let’s suppose I write the worlds greatest adventure. Everyone agrees. It is the best adventure ever. If you play it then you’re going to say so. If you run it you’re going to say so also, the booklet is perfect, engaging, encouraging interactivity, evocative. Full of great art. FULL of it. Every single page is a full art piece. And the adventure text has two words on each page. You can make them out easily enough. But each art piece has two words in it and taken together that’s the adventure. If you can get past the incident then the play was pretty good. Nature or nurture. Do these adventures gravitate toward Exalted Funeral or does Exalted Funeral turn them in to what they are?

As noted, this is a rather simple adventure, at least in terms of room count. It’s nine rooms in fifteen pages housed within 45 pages. That means lots of extra shit. And I’m not just talking about appendices here. At roughly two pages per room then you’ve got the rooms, individually, taking up some space. The adventure accomplishes this with the fuck ass layout that I mentioned earlier. It’s not the full on two words per page thing, but there is a hubris in its layout. A large art piece with the words around it, or a giant 72 point font to announce the room name and then some bullets underneath that. The energy here is an empty white page with a box outline in the middle of it with a few bullets in it. And, as a result, we get rooms not uncommonly spread out over two pages. I’m not thrilled with this. I understand there is a spectrum here. I understand that there can be some happy medium between an art book and plain black text on a white page. But, I think I see, time and time again, this tendency to pay attention to the bullshit art and layout and pick funky font choices. I might, st some point, point out a nicely evocative art piece or two in an adventure. Something hat I think communicates the vibe or shows off the scene particularly well such that the DM gains something from it that can be passed on to the players. That is the full and complete extent that I am ever going to comment on art. And your funky font and presentation choices are only ever going to be criticized. Because the only time I am ever going to comment on them is when I am bitching about them and how dumb they are and how he effort in the adventure should have been spent on the adventure. It’s great that you spent three thousand hours to rework the fucking barcode on the back and get a real ISBN. I don’t fucking care. I care about the fucking adventure.

And, fortunately, the adventure has great elements. We’ve got this mountain top, an ancient caldera on the top. The tree line 250 feet below the rim. (This, I think, is some of the bets imagery in the adventure. While there are a decent number of words present, imagery is not its strong point.) But, anyway, caldera. And inside, while only nine rooms, we’ve got several perchs/overlooks looking out. And some condor people. And some flying apes, both under the thumb of the chimera. Three flying enemies/groups. And, thus, the map is multilevel in a way seldom seem. Maybe that Expeditious Retreat cave crawl from years ago? There is, overall, 400 feet of difference, I think, between  various levels in the caldera. And you, the party, get to negotiate those internal cliffs and drop offs. Some gradual, some not so gradual. In addition to those folks, who could, of course, be swayed to the parties cause with varying degrees of success, we’ve got a secret research lab underneath. The old lair of the e SPACE HORSESHOE CRAB SCIENTIST-HERO. (Who is referred to the same way, every time mentioned. I admire the dedication to the schtick.) Who has some elevators in his lair to help bop around a bit. There are also a variety of traps of various sorts.My Crabs has a magnetic trap that can also act on your red blood cells (Nice though there Mr Horseshoe crab! I see what you did!) Others are accidents, like fucking up a landslid or some such through carelessness. There’s good variety in that area, and they are integrated well, never seeming like a trap afterthought. 

I’ve touched on the evocative writing. The cavern of the winged aped is described as “CAVERN: 75′ long, 60′ wide, ledges, nests.” There are other words, but they are mostly focused on the dimensions of the exits, ledges and such. Of the five bullets that describe the cavern, four deal with mundane dimensions of exits with one being that cavern description I copied above. WHich is mostly cavern dimensions. WHich is shown on the map. “Ledges, Nests” is not really a lot to go on. Yeah, the winged apes have bullets of wants and thinks and needs. And that’s great. Really love theory love of human flesh and the difficulties that could bring in negotiations. One sentence of cavern impressions would have REALLY gone a long way here. The bird people get a little more. “PILED WITH BRANCHES, debris often slick with guano”  

It all just feels so padded out. Both with the words, and the exist/dimension fetish that is going on, and with the layout stuff. I would have appreciated about 50% less words for the room keys and quite a bit more focus on the something OTHER than the rooms dimensions. LIke a description. 

This is all so suck ass. My feelings, I mean. I really like what it’s trying to do. The concept here. The chimera lair thing. The caldera/cave thing with levels and flying groups. I like the interactivity. Even if I am a bit skeptical about the level range taking on a 9HG chimera, a tribe of condor people and some 5HD apes? I sure as fuck hope you can make some friends in there. But, man, the emphasis on style over substance is hard for me. Dude fucks you up coming back from the dungeon and you track him back to here to get your magicitems back? Fuck yeah! This is a GREAT implementation of that, at least in concept.  Also, I feel like I’m being super negative here, maybe because this thing is so close to being something really good?

The PDF is $9 at Exalted. There’s no real preview, although the sample page kind of gives you an idea of the presentation style I’m referring to.

Posted in No Regerts, Reviews | 3 Comments

The Whispering Lights

By Ramsay McGregor
FantasyBound
D&D
Levels 2-3

The church in the village of Endmarsh have asked the adventurers to investigate dancing lights that flicker across the horizon of the sea. This phenomenon started at the same time as when fishermen had begun mysteriously disappearing, and the folk of Endmarsh started experiencing haunting dreams and whispering voices at night. The Graenician priests of the Endmarsh church will pay a handsome sum of 230 gold crowns to investigate and if possible, remove this supernatural incursion.

This six page adventure uses four pages to describe … six encounters? Long overwrought read-aloud, wall of text DM notes, plot, backstory, it’s got it all. The concept here should be, like, a quarter page in a larger dungeon.

Oh no! Lights on the horizon of the ocean! Missing fishermen! Strange dreams! Better have the church spend a bunch on some adventurers so they can take a rowboat out to investigate! Once out to see you hear some voices. You land on an island and see a puka chained to a cart. You go down some stairs in to a ruin and maybe fight some zombies. You go in to another room and maybe fight a revenant. And, a 50% chance, you might a 5hd witch. Then there’s three more boring rooms, one of which has a magic gate you can step through. Your weekly evening of torment is now over.

The read-alouds are long. People get bored listening to long read-aloud. Don’t put in long read-alouds. You get three, maybe four sentences tops. The first real adventure page of this is taken up by almost a column or so of read-aloud. The read-aloud is in italics. Don’t do that. Italics, or any weird ass font, is hard on the eyes. You lose your place. It’s a cognitive burden. You can use italics to highlight a word or two, but if you want to offset a decent chunk of text, like read-aloud, then use another method. Shade it. Use white space. Th read-aloud over reveals information. A core feature of an RPG is the back and forth between the players and the DM. How they ask questions and interact with the game world and then the DM responds to that. If your read-aloud over reveals information then you are working against that model. When you tell us, in the read-aloud, what the etching on the inside of the cauldon says then you prevent the players from walking over to the cauldon, the DM describing it. The players examining the cauldron and the DM describing it, and so on. Don’t over reveal in your read-aloud. The read-aloud is very second person focused. “You feel …” or “You find yourself …” This is a symptom of poor writing. The designer is trying to tell the party hat to think. Instead, a better practice is to describe what is going on in way that makes the party think “oh, i feel sad/angry/whatever.” Besides, it seldom takes in to account the fact that the party is invisible, dig through the top of the room with shovels, or some other, now destroyed, implicit assumption that the designer has made. 

The text of the adventure is overwrought. “You feel the sudden pressure of the ocean against this unnatural island as you continue downwards until at last, after a minute, you feel yourself touch the base of this underground ruin” You don’t need this. This focus on feeling. Calling it an unnatural island. Until at last. This is all text that tends to the purple side of prose. Again, we’re trying to make the players think “man, this island is unnatural!” not TELL them that the island is unnatural. You know, showing instead of telling. 

There’s also this tendency to dump in awkward wording. At the end of the zombie room encounter the text tells us “The witch has since placed a terrible spell on the bodies.” This is referring to, I’m 90% sure, the fact that the bodies are now zombies. And, yet, its … trivia? Padding? Or when the party arrives on the beach of the island the text eventually gets around to telling us “There is nothing of value on the coast besides a silver bracelet worth 60 silver crowns.” This is an awkward way of saying there’s a bracelet on the beach. It would have been far, far better to say its sticking out of the sand, or catching a glint of sun or something instead of saying There is nothing on the coast except.” And, then, the famous if/then statements appear. “IF the adventurers open the party.” Which I’m pretty sure is supposed to be IF the party opens the chest, but whatever. Samesies. No if/then statements in adventures. That’s padding. “If they do, the GM will read or show them the following …” 

There’s no real interactivity. The last room has a teleport gate with a book in a different room telling you how to operate it. You might fight some zombies or a revenant. The main baddie, the witch/necromancer, only has a 50% chance of actually showing up in the adventure. That might be fine for longer term play, I guess? But, also, I’m not sure anything takes place here. Talk to the pooka, I guess. Free some air spirits. I don’t know. “ 

There’s not really anything here of any interest.

This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $1. There’s no preview but it’s Pay What you Want, so, there/s that.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/496605/moss-stone-steel-the-whispering-lights?1892600

Posted in Reviews | 6 Comments

The Snake’s Nest

By Mr. Pilgrim Tomes
Self Published
OSE
Levels 2-3

The Malatir tribe has escaped the goblin hordes that invaded their home after a catastrophic defeat. They have since found refuge in a narrow canyon, occupying some ancient ruins. With them, they have brought six wyvern cubs, a holy creature to the Malatir. However, the canyon is not empty. On the opposite end of the canyon a group of snake-men have occupied an old dam where they conduct blood rituals and sacrifices to their ancient god, the Anathema. Now the Malatir are in dire straits, too weak to defend themselves and with the perfect sacrifice for the Anathema in their home. Without help the Malatir are destined to vanish in the throes of a gruesome ritual, their souls lost to an horrid god hunger.

This eleven page adventure uses four pages to describe eleven rooms in a small complex full of yuan-ti. Simplistic rooms with little interactivity beyond stabbing the snakeman in the room. The boring snakemen in the room.

Ohs Nos! The hunter gatherer tribe had three people kidnapped by the snakemen! If you go save them then they will give you a rope! I swear to fucking god. This is the most boring tribe ever. You get nothing. They are a gunter gatherer tribe and they have five little wyverns. That’s all you get to work with. And I’m not fucking around here, there is no other information to work with. Nothing. No chief. No matriarchal society. Nothing else. This has got to be one of the thinnest pretexts I’ve ever seen. Again, you don’t need a fucking hook, but when the point of the adventure is to save the fucking people then one might expect that you interact with the fucking people a bit and thusly there might be just the brest shed of information to help the DM bring that to life. But no.

The descriptions here are frustrating. We don’t get the steaming jungle motif frequent with snake men. Instead they are hold up in a dam. And that’s ok, we don’t have to trope it out. But, also, the dam descriptions don’t really work for me. We get occasional references to “machinery” in some of the rooms, but no real evocative descriptions of them. “A giant broken machine injected with bronze tubes lies motionless on the northern wall, a once powerful turbine, now useless.” And that’s a good one, relatively speaking. The descriptions repeat items from the map, sometimes incorrectly referring to the map features, and there is the occasional reference to room purpose that does nothing but pad out the description with no impact, such as “The room is used to extract information, screams and organs from the snakemen’s captives, a procedure done by their leader Ssilviss.” The prison tells us “This small room with barred doors houses

the snakemen’s prisoners awaiting the ritual. They are beaten up and cannot fight, but are still conscious” No real squalor or anything else that could be evocative. 

Interactivity is limited to stabbing snakemen and occasionally opening a valve to flood a room/complex. At one point we’ve got a lookout in the text, buried deep inside a description, that shold be able to se ethe party approaching the dam, but no real indication hes there WHEN the party is approaching, or any order of battle which would reflect the nakemen reacting to the party, in that case or any other. I might note, also, that the bestiary gives us the stats for “snakemen” and then in that description gives us a one liner that modifies them for purebloods … while there are no snakemen, just purebloods in the adventure. And no mention at all of the “thralls” that sometimes inhabit the rooms, either in stat, description or how they react. The dam, proper, with its turbines … does nothing? 

Simplistic descriptions that are not very evocative and basic interactivity. It’s a raid mission, not exploratory, so some of that is ok. But it just seems like there be so much more to support that type of adventure. Lookouts, reactions, some intrigue, maybe? A basic adventure that isn’t really making a lot of mistakes, but also isn’t really doing anything too interesting.

This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $1.46. The preview is four pages and the last page shows you two of the, quite basic, rooms. So, decent preview.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/495235/the-snake-s-nest?1892600

Posted in Reviews | 2 Comments