The Howling Tomb

By Andreas Wille
Medora Games
OSR
Levels 2-3

Endless is the punishment of those that dare challenge divinity… Deep within an endless steppe, a weathered mausoleum stands alone. Its ancient walls, once adorned with beautiful carvings, are naught more than blank stone, marked by time. It would be entirely unremarkable, were it not for the incessant howling spewing from its darkened depths.

This eight page adventure uses four pages to describe seven rooms in an old tomb complex. I can get behind the concepts of a couple of the encounters, but the text is abstracted, the tomb small, and the treasure pretty much nonexistent. 

Endless punishment for those that dare challenge divinity?!?!  Qui audet adipiscitur!

This is a small tomb that always has a howling sound coming from it. It’s got a couple of things inside of it that are almost quite good. We’ve got some undead trapped in a room, screaming, their hands reduced to bloody stumps from clawing at the walls to get out. In another, undead beg to be released from their curse, holding armsfulls of charms and amulets and stuff draped from their hands. Very nice specificity there. That’s a great example of brief specificity that can really ground an encounter and make it come alive. IN another place you’ve got these two desert nomads trapped in a room, jailed there, so to speak, by the local nomads while they try and figure out what to do with them. One “Kidnapped multiple infants and left them to die in his anger about his own lack of children.” and will backstab the party if they find any significant treasure, while the second killed her brother in cold blood and “Stands by what she did, will help in a fight but is headstrong and does not like being challenged.” Again, great specificity that really gives the DM something to run with while playing them. If the entire adventure was like this then I’d be in a much different mood this morning. There’s also this little wandering table for an encounter in the desert leading to the tomb. The people encounters on there are integrated in to the rumor table, so, if you give the nomad, who is asking for water, some then he will give you a rumor. That’s a nice touch.

But, alas, it is not.

The tomb is quite small, with its seven rooms. These small adventures don’t really have room to breathe, so encounters like those two nomads are not really going to have much room to play out. There are these limitations that come with these short dungeons and they don’t mesh really well with the more dynamic and potential energy that something like the nomads could bring. And, of course, there’s not much exploration complexity here with only seven rooms. You’re looking at a simple star design, with a central room and six rooms hanging directly off of it. The central room has a puzzle that opens the last door, to the core heretic, so there is at least some not stabbing here. 

There’s a disconnect here between the dungeon environment and what’s actually going on inside. The setup is that the tomb “howls”, but you don’t really get any howling until you open the final door. Those undead clawing at the doors? Nope. The nomads locked in their room? Nope. This should be a noisy place but you’d never know it from the text. I really don’t like a “oh, yeah, you hear a lot of yelling” that only happens once you open a door and the DM gets to the text they need to read. This kind of light/noise/monster reactions are a sort point for me, in review after review. A room is not stand along thing, it exists in an environment and the DM needs help understanding that environment without making a lot of map and margin notes themselves. 

Each room leads off with a short one to two line sentence (in italics. UG! Tis the old wound ..) that is … I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s read-aloud or a summary or what. “The mausoleum’s ancient stonework is slowly succumbing to the elements. Spine-tingling howls echo from the decaying doorway.” This is not the most evocative description ever. “An angelic statue sits behind a stone sarcophagus that emits the constant, ear-piercing howl that gives the tomb its name.” Nor this. “Four statues of ancient gods adorn this long, dry chamber. Their judging gaze falls upon an elaborately carved door at the far end.” It just seems abstracted to me. A summary of the room, not a brief description. Maybe the lack of adjectives or adverbs to liven them up? The entrance is super bring, that “slowly succumbing to the elements.” It has a bend of fiction writing to it, rather than adventure writing, a common ailment with designers. I know evocative writing is hard, but this is something else. Like people are afraid to actually write a description of the room that means something. 

And the details of the room fall in to this same problem. Ancient gods? Which ones? How do I know they are ancient gods? Gods of what? It’s like someone write “there’s a temple to a god here,” Uh. Ok. That could mean anything, and it’s little better than ‘you enter a room.” 

Trease is light. VERY light. This is, I think, a symptom of “OSR.” It can mean just about anything these days, from treasure light to gold=xp or something similar. “Each deserter holds d4 religious paraphernalia such as charms and rosaries worth 5gp each.” We all know the real treasure is in the lairs, but this IS he lair. The final room does get you some magic plate and sword, but up till then it’s mostly drinking money. 

It’s constrained by its size and the descriptions tend to be abstracted. Good bulleting to help the DM run it, but the lack of specificity is jarring. And, space is wasted on explanations. Spending a third of a page on the heretics backstory buys us nothing. Wasting space on a shrubbery table doesn’t help us. This needs to be trimmed and the extra space focused in. The end result of this is a rather bland adventure.

This is $1.50 at DriveThru. No preview. Boo! Show us an encounter so we can make an informed purchasing decision. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/555055/the-howling-tomb?1892600

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Bergummo’s Tower

By Scott_M
First Era Adventures
OSRIC
Levels 1-3

In a lonely glade stands the abandoned tower of a once-legendary wizard. They say he kept great wealth and magical wonders hidden inside, but he vanished long ago and with him went the secret location of his treasure. Is there something to these rumors, or is the tower merely the sad legacy of a dead wizard?

This nineteen page adventure uses about twelve pages to describe about 35 locations in a small wizards tower and the dungeon underneath. Hidden depth without extreme obtuseness, it follows up on classic hiding place and delivers on both Ruins vibe and Magical Wonder vibe. 

I’m gonna botch some, right up front, and then tell you about the things this does right, which is quite a bit. This needed a very hard pass in editing to trim the text. It’s not really engaging in any of the classic bloated text issues, it just needs a real hard pass to get the focus tightened up and perhaps just a tad more in the way of formatting to help focus the DM in on the important bits. I think the text is probably just a tad too conversational, which combines a bit with a need to work on the evocative writing.  The evocative bit gets a pass, it’s hard, I know, but it also needs to be there. Here is “Kitchen”, for example: “Between a pair of open windows on the NE wall stands a battered iron stove with a toppled pipe. Next to it is an empty coal box. A pile of debris and smashed furniture clutters the SE corner. More kobold tracks enter and exit the room. [Para Break] The debris includes the remains of pantry shelves, a butcher’s block, and a shattered porcelain basin. Concealed under the pile is a trapdoor in the floor which opens into an enclosed stairway down to the cellar (T12).” Focusing just on the writing, this isn’t terrible but the sentence structure is a bit passive in places. “Between a pair” , and almost certainly irrelevant. It needs a few more adjectives tossed in and a bit of the padding tossed out. It’s decent, but I always want to see magnificence. \

There’s also this mania present, that is seen from time to time with certain designers, with dimensions. “Throughout this adventure, measurements are described in terms of feet (‘) and inches (“); dimensions in terms of length (l), width (w), height (h), depth (d), diameter (dm), and radius (r); and cardinal directions in terms of North (N), South (S), East (E), and West (W). Map grid scale = (5’sq) in the tower and (10’sq) in the dungeon.” Dude has some unresolved trauma, obviously, the same way I do with Castle Greyhawk. 

Ok, done bitching I guess. 

The vibe here is really old abandoned wizards tower. Like, three stories high. Walls crumbling, Holes in the roof. Getting close to “mostly ruins.” And those tower levels really bring that vibe. Vines growing about. Weakened floors if you cross over the middle of them, treacherous stairways. Dust. A giant spider lurking. A couple of centipedes. It has that classic ruined gatehouse vibe going on, with debris and vermin. And then, if you pay the fuck attention, it transforms. You might gain entrance to the dungeon level. Which is a full on Colored Mists.archways/magical effects everywhere place, complete with illusory wizard welcoming you. Congrats, you made it to the ACTUAL adventure! All of that hard work and cleverness up top in the ruins paid off and now you can really dig in to the twenty rooms in the dungeon. 

I’m really up on the classic elements, especially up top. Holes in the walls and roof, vines up the side of the tower for alternate entry points. The center of the floor being weak so you better walk along the edges. A chimney, with giant centipede up it if you go poking around for treasure (which there is.) Old moldy ragged falling apart carpet, waterlogged. With a key hidden under it. And the vines up the side? Poisin fucking ivy.  Whens the last fucking time you saw poison ivy in an adventure?! I fucking love it. You are embedded in the mundane rather than exoticism, at least in the tower ruin. The whole of the encounters, the challenges, work to create this awesomeness of a grounded vibe.

Are you paying the fuck attention? Cause upstairs, in all the dust, is one spot in the floor WITHOUT dust, that contains an invisible cabinet. Downstairs, in the kitchen, that pile of debris? Did you move it? Cause there’s a trapdoor under it to the basement. And if you find the trapdoor, and the invisible cabinet, and some other shit, then, in the basement, you can find the entrance to the dungeon.

And we have a full on wizard illusion in the entryway that is all “Welcome Adventurers!” He’s hidden his great treasures here … and it’s a puzzle/challenge dungeon. Not my favorite genre. But, as there things go, not terribly done. 

“Surrounding the central column but concealed by dust and found only by sweeping the area clear, is a pattern of 16 wedge-shaped stones (10’dm).“ You did sweep the dust in the room, right? To find the concealed holes on the floor? No? This isn’t Knutz bad, as far as the hidden depth shit goes, but it’s also very clearly for people paying attention. The puzzle rooms can get long, think a page or so, and there are decent number of them in the twenty. There are clues in the dungeon in one place that lead to solutions elsewhere. Obtuse clues. “Anyone viewing the tapestry for more than 1 round sees the scene animate: The wizard and his mount race alongside two more horses that enter the frame (3 horses total). This is a clue to the button code in D7 (Summer = #3).” 

But the magical effects here are wondrous also. In that same room, a gallery, there’s a picture of a knight and green dragon battle “The viewer sees the figures animate in battle, but when the dragon rears back and unleashes its breath weapon, an actual cloud of chlorine gas fills a (20’dm) area in front of the painting. Anyone in the area must save vs. Breath or die. If all affected creatures make successful saves, the cloud transforms into a shower of 500 gp instead.” That’s fun! It FEELS like magic. The puzzles are tough. The place is deadly. But it doesn’t feel unfair or gimpy, just unusual in 2026. . 

I’m going to leave you with this room description. You tell me what’s interesting.”Smashed furniture, dirt, and leaves pile up against the walls. Between the open windows on the SE wall stands a mildewed stone fireplace, long cold. The floor is filthy, though a moldy, rotten rug covers the middle. Pieces of a wooden chandelier dangle limply from the rafters.” I’ll wait, lah lah lah. Tradoor under the debris. Centipedes up the chimney, along with a treasure. Key under the rug. That’s a decent amount of interactivity in one room.

Classic ruins, classic dungeon. Decent enough room descriptions with great interactivity. Hard as fuck, from a “are you paying attention to findthe hidden shit” standpoint. Could use tightened up, a lot, and maybe a few more adjectives sprinkled in. 

This is $4 at DriveThru. The preview is ten pages and shows you the upper rooms and several dungeon rooms. More than enough to get a chance two see the two vibes, the hidden depth, and what the puzzles can be like in the dungeon. Great preview.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/553734/bergummo-s-tower?1892600

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The Whispering Tower of Elyrium

By Jason Youngdale
Youngdale Productions
OSE
Level 1

In the heart of the Wyrwood (the forest that surrounds Caladorei), veiled in mist and myth, stands the Whispering Tower, a slender spire of obsidian stone said to house the secrets of the vanished Archmage Elyrium. The tower is not defended by monsters but by his love of riddles, clever traps, and illusions. The adventurers must navigate its winding stairways, decipher cryptic puzzles, and avoid ancient snares to uncover a long-lost magical artifact: the Mirror of Untold Memory. None that have ventured there have yet to return!

This 26 page single column adventure uses about eight pages to describe fourteen linear rooms in a wizard tower. It’s a one-dimensional puzzle dungeon where you answer riddles out loud. 

I didn’t know this weeks theme was puzzle dungeons, but I think this is the second in a row now. I think I hate them? In general? I suspect, though, that I hate one-dimensional dungeons. All fighting. All social. All puzzles. I’m sure I do have somewhat of a bias towards the classic exploratory dungeon. You know, a little social, a little combat, a few puzzles and traps, things to discover, and explore. I can accept a plot adventure, they don’t need to be one-dimensional. It’s these sorts of blunt instruments that I loathe.

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it and read “The tower is not defended by monsters but by his love of riddles, clever traps, and illusions.” This then was the first sign I was in for it. And then, in the intro, I got “Success is measured by cleverness and character growth, not treasure alone.” Yeah, how much fucking XP is cleverness and character growth worth? Cleverness happens in order to get the XP with low risk and character development, not growth, is a side effect. 

How about a table of a dozen hooks? Hooks such as: “Scholarly Commission: A reclusive gnome sage hires the party to retrieve the Mirror of Untold Memory from Elyrium’s tower. Lost Kin: A local villager’s child has gone missing, last seen wandering toward the tower. Dream Calling: One or more adventurers began having dreams of whispered riddles and a spiraling multi-colored tower.” These must be the most hackneyed hooks possible. “You have a dream!” or you’ve been hired! More is not better. The sushi buffet is not good. 

Inside is the usual assortment of mistakes. “A huge iron door with no handle or keyhole seems to be the front door of the Tower.” Is it the fucking front door or not? Is there another door? No? Then that’s the front fucking door. These kinds of mistakes are all over the place.

Hows about that interactivity though? “A well-worn plaque on the door reads: “I am not alive, but I grow; I do not breathe, but I need air. What am I?” Answer: Fire” Thrilling! Adventurous! A place of wonder and delight! 

No? You need more? How about confusion! “Dusty tomes float midair, circling a pedestal with a glowing closed book on top of it. Puzzle: To reach the real book (a purple one), players must read verses in a particular order (clues hidden in nearby inscriptions) that spell out “TRUTH”.” That’s the room. It’s a fucking synopsys for a room, not a room itself. But, that’s what you’re getting here. Just a brief overview, abstracted, Nothing specific. Take your “1001 room ideas” booklet and just turn it in to a dungeon! 

Still not enough? “A circular room with twelve stone columns, each marked with a symbol of a zodiac. The floor is made up of mosaics also depicting the zodiac signs (12 in all). Players must determine which symbol is missing on the columns that is on the floor (it’s “Virgo” — which is on a floor mosaic among the other zodiac mosaics on the floor).” Twelve symbols in the zodiac. Twelve columns each with a zodiac symbol. Twelve pictures on the floor of the zodiac. Which one is missing? Uh … none? Twelve and Twelve? I guess one repeats twice somewhere, on two different columns? I’m not even sure I could name all twelve zodiac symbols, good thing the adventure is helping out there!

Still not enough? You want more pretension?! Well, ok! “Each character must look into the mirror and speak aloud a personal revelation. They must reveal a deep dark secret to the party. Those who accept their truth may take the mirror; those who reject it are teleported outside the tower, taking 1d4 Psychic damage.” What the fuck does it mean to reject the personal revelation you just spoke out loud to everyone? You voluntarily spoke it, I think that means you accept it? I don’t understand the fail condition at all. I don’t even see how lying fails this room. 

You want some of that sweet sweet treasure? “Scrolls of Elyrium: 1d4 rare spells or ancient arcane theories. These can be in Elyrium’s Study.” This is lame.

Everything here is just so absurdly low effort. Not even bothering to come up with some spells? Not listing the zodiacs? There’s no specificity. The riddle rooms are inane, just read a plaque and answer a riddle? Really? 

This is what D&D is. A game of telephone, played from the early 70’s till now. Fifty years of people subtly changing the message, in purpose or by accident or ignorance, until the original intent is lost. Look man, I can accept the storyteller garbage, at least as an activity if not a game. It’s not for me but I can see some Baron Muchhousen shit. But this shit? No. 

There is something wonderful about free will and the lack of barriers. You get to do it. YOU. No one is there to stop you. The myth of the rugged individuality that is our soul. But, I believe the existential assertion also says that you must KNOW you are without meaning. You are condemned to be free, and you know it. This is what it looks like when you are condemned to be free and don’t know it. Sure, you CAN just off the cliff when faced with the boulder, but maybe also prepare a little and figure out what an adventure SHOULD look like and what makes up a good one before flinging your own shit out there.

This is $10 at DriveThru. The preview is five pages. You get to see a part of the first room. Shitty preview. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/555314/the-whispering-tower-of-elyrium?1892600

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The Green Dungeon

Bugbear Brothers
Self Published
OSR
Level ..?

AN ANCIENT OATH. A POISONED TREASURE. A DUNGEON THAT REMEMBERS. Built by Celtic druids to defy Caesar, repurposed by the Knights Templar, and sealed for centuries, The Green Dungeon has been opened once more. A newly translated relic points to a hoard steeped in vengeance—and adventurers are already dying to claim it. Within lie three distinct entrances, each guarded by lethal riddles and unforgiving logic. Prime-numbered death traps. Sentient arcane platforms that punish imbalance. A druidic study where failure means immolation—and rebirth. Every challenge rewards observation, deduction, and restraint. Brute force alone will get you killed. At the dungeon’s heart waits a cenotaph bound by oath and silence, a descending shaft into stranger horrors, and a hoard that does not forgive greed. Take too much, and the dungeon will take everything.

This is an eighteen page dungeon of seven rooms (five, really) is a sloppy moneygrab of a “puzzle” dungeon. No one cares. 

You know, I know I’ve got this informal list in my head of publishers and designers that just churn shit out and do not give a shit about it. I’m sure, also, that I forget them from time to time as they disappear, and thus if they reappear I’m likely to get suckered in again. What strikes me is that in the avalanche of crap these folks do not stand out. I should keep a list or something on the website, a Hall of Infamy or some such. 

Let us start by looking ta the cover for this adventure. Can you read the text at the bottom of the cover? The blurb? Green on green in a fun font? Isn’t the purpose of the cover to draw you in and make you want to buy it? No one cared to look at it and think that, hey, maybe that’s not a good idea? Of course not. 

This adventure is in the OSR category on DriveThru. “OSR” it says. The blurb also says “The Green Dungeon is a lethal, puzzle-forward fantasy adventure designed for 5th edition play”. Hmmm, copy/paste mistake? No, not at all. It’s a full on 5e adventure. Skill checks. 5e stat blocks. There has been absolutely no effort made AT ALL to make this an OSR adventure. They just took a 5e adventure and slapped it in the OSR category. A few more bucks to make, I guess. I’m sure there’s an apology in the future that says there was a mistake made and it should not be in the OSR category. Baby, I don’t know how that lipstick got on my collar, it must be a conspiracy! And no one will care. There is no cosmic karma. There is no god. Gygax will not come down and smite you with his ring. Hubris! Chutzpah! But THIS snake oil actually works! Oh, yeah, the adventure was not available when I purchased it. There was a PDF available for download. It was actually, once downloaded, just the cover. Nothing more, the same photo from the listing. Joy. No one cares. And why should they? The demon-haunted world was Sagen, not Nietzsche.  Level?! Pfft,

Ok, so, puzzle dungeon. Some kind of archaeologists find some shit and there are three entrances, each four miles apart. Oh, yeah, this is some kind of druid/romans/templar shit, but whatever. Four miles apart. All three entrances lead to the same chamber, so, you’re actually doing whatever door you come in and the five or so rooms after that. Also, no mention of that four mile slog under the ground. Why are they four miles apart? It doesn’t matter to the adventure. No one cares. 

Inside of each room you face a puzzle. There will be a carving with words on it. Sometimes it’s a riddle you have to solve and say the word outloud. Sometimes it’s just a clue. There is no differentiation. Did you say the wrong word and you’re supposed to say a different word? Or is it just a clue to what you’re supposed to do? Anyway, figure out the clue and do it exactly right or save vs death/die/whatever. Hey man, you know, from memory, “five book spines

bear a faint pentagram symbol. Their titles are Buer, Basilisk, Dragon, Sanzuwu, and Wyvern. Each book’s pages are blank.” Also “The middle shelf is carved with the numbers 5, 2, 4, 3, and 8, spaced as if to hold a single book above each.” Go! You did arrange the book by number of legs, correct? That you knew by heart? No? “Each creature must make a DC 17

Dexterity saving throw. On a success, the character drops to 0 hit points and begins making death saving throws. On a failure, they are reduced to ash.” *sigh* Each room is like this. Hallway gauntlet, with a bunch of comping mouths of metal. The plaque reads “I am indivisible except by one, within a decade, my timer runs, at first I rise, and hten I fall, only to rise again. My sequence speaks, heed its call and soon you will know when.” Guess exactly right or make a DC 20 death save. Or die. Every room. This is just absurd.

There’s no attempt to be evocative, or format things clearly, or even describe the puzzles clearly.  Just some bizarre thing for the players to figure out, and then roll vs death. “The panes only respond to living weight—they ignore objects, inorganic matter, or summoned force.” So, don’t think you’ll be clever. You will solve this the way the designer wanted you to and/or die. 

When you get to the treasure room at the end, if you take more than half then you die if you don’t make a DC20 check. No warning. So, know.

.Hang on, I’m gonna add that list to my ToDo list.

This is $4 at DriveThru. The preview is six pages. It shows you six pages of little cutouts you can make for the game. It’s almost like something is being hidden … or that they didn’t care.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/553689/the-green-dungeon?1892600

Posted in Do Not Buy Ever, Reviews | 8 Comments

Lovely Jade Necropolis

By Joseph R Lewis
Dungeon Age Adventures
OSE, etc
Levels 3-5

In the Garden of Amuul, the fey raised a palace for their human guests. But the humans betrayed them, so the fey swiftly slayed them. Now Amuul is a Wasteland, where the dead cannot rest. Twin necromancers, a sister and brother, found the jade palace, and then turned on each other. They raised undead armies and decadent courts, and turned the palace into two warring forts And in the Fey Realm, the Twilight Empress watches and rages, sending her goblins and elves to pay the intruders bloody wages. But all the while, the palace groans with cruel weapons and bright treasures, mythical creatures, and strange magics beyond measure. So will it be wealth, justice, glory, or bliss that entices you to enter the Lovely Jade Necropolis…?

This 81 page adventure uses about sixty page to describe one hundred locations in and around a complex full of undead and fey. Lewis always does at least a fine job, and that’s present here also. It does seem to lack a bit in the joy category though, as in a sly wink and wry grin. It is better than the vast vast majority of the dreck produced today and easy to run.

Lewis is a good designer and a good writer. There’s some balance between specificity and abstractions that needs to be obtained in order to provide effective encounter text. In the very best you can kind of detect a bit of glee in the designer as they were writing it. I’m not entirely certain that this Dungeon Age is quite up to the standards of most of the others. 

The set up here is a cave/camor thing that was built by the fey queen for her prince lover, then they betray her and the fey, there’s a big slaughter. Now, long later, two necromancers move in and start animating bodies, and then turn on each other. So we’ve got a fey queen section, and a section for a necromancer interested in having a good time and a necromancer interested in killing just about everyone. This is mostly backstory though. It explains the “please go kill my sister/the other necromancer” deal one of them is willing to make, and the bored/jaded/disgusted elves wandering around who just want to go back to the fairy realm instead of carrying out the gruesome work of their mistress. Otherwise … meh, it’s a framing for some conversations and a different way of saying Die Petty Human Scum/Adventurer.

Our zombie friends bring a bit of joy to the environs, retaining a bit of their old selves and acting, perhaps, more like a charmed undead person than a mindless undead ravenous thing “Under rare circumstances, a zombie may be able to bend the meaning of their commands to act more freely: “I’m looking for supplies! Just not very quickly…””

I am not exactly thrilled about the treasure here. The magic contains that Lewis charm of effects over mechanics, but the mundane loot is handled by a loot table. I love it in The World of Gamma, but here “ivory flute” or Glass lens” have no monetary values mentioned. Nor does “Walls, floors, and ceilings are solid green jade covered in elegant carvings of forest plants and animals.” What was that adventure I just reviewed that had the villagers stealing the old abbeys walls for their own uses? I guess I’m supposed to not be a murder-hobo and just IGNORE walls and doors made of solid jade. What do you think that does to the local jade economy? Don’t I recall some system or article about inflation and devaluation beaue of the party when they flood a town? Anyway, Gold=XP and that’s all abstracted away here with no treasure values. Boo, Hiss. And “silver chalice” and “ivory flute” are not exactly winning me over either in the description department.

Writing of the encounter descriptions remains relatively solid “Two massive dead trees flank the broken road, their fragile branches interlaced overhead. Tiny white slivers dot the trunks, and tiny black nodules pepper the ground” Thats a decent rooms one, Elsewhere “Giant dragonfly wings glitter in the ceiling, high above a long table laden with sumptuous dishes. A well-dressed couple and a dozen soldiers linger by the buffet.” Glitterring, sumptuous, well-dressed, linger. All great word choices that communicate a lot without being purple. I’m not sure, though, that I ever got the complete picture, room after room. I’m not sure why. The descriptions are there, in each room, but it never clicked in to a unified whole for me.

And, at times, that balance between specificity and abstraction seems off to me. Those two well-dressed people lingering at the banquet table? “COUPLE. “Master Dulcim” and “Mistress Vina” (spice sellers from Kalahar). Silken robes, sparkling veils. Lured here by dreams of opulence. Want to escape. Fear the undead. Unaware of the fey. Suspect “poison (so no one is eating). Also, the soldiers are undead zombies. Pretty much everyone you meet who was lured in are “Lured here by dreams of opulence. Want to escape. Fear the undead.” This just seems off, there’s little personality here, none I would say. The grounding, the think to hang your hat on, is missing. And that’s a little too common here.

I do like the general set up here. Some fey loathe their existence and just want to go home. Some are still greatly embittered by their experiences with the humans. One old goblins living in a hut that is precariously balanced on a silt is slowly dying from a col iron splinter in gut form a hundred years ago. Embittered, he will try to collapse his beloved house down on the party if need be. Elves tasked by their still-enraged queen to torment and torture the undead with salt knives, not to their noble callings of grace. Pixies as thumb sized mindless eaters of bones. The bored, jaded, disgusted undead zombies. The totality here is great, “ZOMBIES in gray tunics drag an old corpse toward #19 for Lord Marfest to animate” but that wandering example could use one more word. Chatty zombies. Jaded zombies. Upbeat zombies. The final bit of framing for the encounter is often missing, as with the two spice-merchants agave. And maybe that’s the theme running throughout; there’s one more bit that seems to be missing to add life to it. The NP’s, the ire between the the parties and their machinations, even the room … themes/layouts/interactivity? There just seems to be one bit more missing that would really send it. Maybe it seems, passive? In an expansive sense of that word?

It’s not bad. It’s certainly better than the vast majority of stuff I review. But I think you can see what this almost is and really WANT it to be that.

This is $12 at DriveThru. Lewis comes through on the preview. Forty pages; more than enough to get a sense of the work and see a great many parts of it. Great preview!

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/540137/lovely-jade-necropolis?1892600

“When a PC spends a turn chanting this word, there is a 2/6 chance that each nearby fey will be stunned for one turn.” OMG! You have to chant a word for ten minutes and then there’s a 33% chance the fey will be stunned for ten minutes?! Oh Dungeon Turn, you are the gift that keeps on giving long after the thrill of living is gone.

Posted in No Regerts, Reviews | 3 Comments

The Wake of the Brawny Witch

By Stephen Smith
Mister Smith Design
OSE
Levels 2-4

Exaggerated tales of the mammoth ship have spread like wildfire. But now, the truth is undeniable. The wreckage looms—larger than any ship has the right to be. A virtual leviathan of wood and steel, even in its half submerged condition. Its origin is a mystery—but no matter where it came from, it’s here now and ripe for picking. A colossal siren’s call for those brave or foolish enough to salvage its secrets—before it is lost to the waves forever.

This forty page adventure details a shipwreck and its environs, with about sixty locations in all. Layout and formatting are admirable, and as a standard dungeon it would be ok. It tries the faction thing but that doesn’t come off well, nor does the fantastical nature, from the use of plain language?

This thing start out great. IN the local seafaring bar there’s an old cristy dude telling others of the shipwreck he just saw. A HUGE ship, at least three times the size of a normal large ship, washed up and broken on a nearby atoll. A CURSED stol I tell ye’s! This is about a column of read-aloud, in italics, but it’s also fantastic. It reeks of crusty sea dude and bar folk. There are some nice in voice rumors to go with this. This is the old The Wizard is Dead We Better Get To The Tower First To Loot It thing. There’s a nice little bit about getting to the wreck, handled in about five bullet points. Perfect to spur a DM on with ideas for running this portion. It’s augmented by a decent little NPC description for four or so of the townies that you might majorly interact with to guide you, buy a bat, etc. “Speaks in a low rasp, never removes his salt-crusted

oilskin coat. Grizzled loudmouth cuss when drunk. Claims salvage rights (unjustified).” Just enough there to get things going for the DM, and thus the party. The old salt who claims salvage right, the young dude obsessed with the wreck, the widow in possession of a boat to rent who bargains shrewdly. The town doesn’t go on and on, in fact there’s nothing to it except that read-aloud, the NPC decisions, rumors, and five little bullet points with some ideas for the DM to run this section. Fucking focused man!

We move on to the atoll, with five locations and again a few general notes in bullet form for getting aboard the ship and the island. Perfect. There’s also a small section of sea caves on the atoll, with another ten or so locations, and then the GIANT ship, broken up, also, with about forty more. The caves and ship do NOT get these little notes, to the detriment of these sections, although there is a good little “what you see”section, bodies hanging from yardarms and the like. 

The descriopns of the rooms are inconsistent. In one play we get “The chamber is dim and musty, with several old stacked crates and barrels. Faded scrawlings mark the containers. A mob of aged, pus-swollen cadavers are scattered around the area—along with one body that looks freshly torn apart (the curious pirate).” Nice summary, pus-swollen cadavers is always a good sign in a room description. Nicely evocative. And then in another place “Broken shelves held the shattered jars and bottles now decorating the floor. An alembic, soggy parchment, and other alchemical tools rest on a wooden desk.”  A little more facts based and less interesting in the word choice. Some of the descriptions mention who is in the room and some do not, just listing below the description something like “5 pirates.” This is maddening, the inconsistent nature. Some are terse and easy to follow and some go to great lengths to describe the trivia of the room. There is, after the text description, a nice little bullet point list of special/interesting things/facts/DM notes, which provides a nice summary for the DM. 

And then, the factions. This was a pirate ship, magic thing happened, ship got big. So we’re dealing with things on a larger than normal scale, 2-3 times or so, but that never really comes across in the text. The ship has a few monsters in it, and the helmsman is hiding out in it in fear of being hung by the crew because of the accident. But, more importantly, there gnoll pirates are now in charge and have the human pirates locked away below decks. A group of pirates were also taken away during a raid by deep ones (being now hidden away in the sea caves), except these are good guy deep ones, who are trying to save the pirates and atone for the sins of their relatives. Except they are alien minded deep ones, the pirates are scared and the caves are dangerous. 

And NONE of this really comes through in the text. Oh, you get essentially what I just told you in not many more words than I just used. But the encounter descriptions, the set ups, the guiding text, it’s just not present anywhere. And, there is NOTHING here that makes anyone seem like a pirate. Or even a seafarer, other than like two of the townfolk. They don’t act like them, they are not described like them. There’s just nothing in the way of specificity in looks or actions that there. “Pirate”. Great. It’s just maddening. The ship is complex, with hatches and the like, but that is downplayed as well. 

I like the set up here. The townfolks are great, the consequences are fucking great. Rescue the pirates? They tear up the town in celebration. “Tension is in the air. Stalls stand half-empty. Merchants are wary. A woman sobs quietly beside an overturned cart. Blood darkens the cobblestones. “They are out of control, some- thing needs to be done!” There are five or so of these and they provide excellent springboards for some consequences. The core of this, though, feels weak. Maybe because it really is just looting? But, then, why play up the factions if they don’t really exist, or do anything, if I can even call “this is a faction” playing up a faction. Didn’t need a lot here, but those five bullets for the town and atoll really worked wonders, The caves, ship, and factions could have used those also. Maybe that, instead of the pages dedicated to nine mens morris?

This is $6 at DriveThru. The review is fifteen pages. You can see from it how one might get excited. But then the ship, which is where the preview lets off, is where things are going downhill fast. Hinted at, I think, by the sea caves

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/541667/the-wake-of-the-brawny-witch?1892600

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Fly me to the Moon

By Kabuki Kaiser
Self Published
OSR
Hex Crawls - Levels 1-whatever. Don’t fuck up

Danger Will Robinson! The vibe here is how I would live my life if I could. So, you know, I don’t think this is a based review but I’m aware of my love for the vibe.

Fly Me to the Moon gives you the fantastique Moon stitched into a majestic hexcrawl where each entry promises sleepless hours of adventure and d’Amberville conundrums, a moose head of a Moon in 168 hexes compatible with everything OSR from Basic to Advanced.

This 169 page hexcrawl uses about 120 pages to present about 160 hexes to explore on the moon. This is a romantic moon, with every lunar pop culture reference present. Fanciful, it remind a hex crawl, presenting situations that the party can involve themselves in. And, thusly, like most hexcrawls, you must bring to it your murderous intent to play as is. IE: hex connections/an overall thrust are weak Which isn’t a bad thing is your group like to loot The Keep in B2 cause that’s where the most XP is.

I think perhaps we need to talk about three things here. The vibe of THIS hexcrawl and then what a decent hexcrawl is in the context of if this is a decent hexcrawl. What I’m not going to do this time around is cover the evocative nature of the writing and formatting. The evocative writing is fine to good and the formatting is plain, with decent cross-references present, and at about two paragraphs to a column per, written in such a way that it is terse enough and “front loaded” enough to run pretty on the fly.

This is a romantic moon, as is romanticism, mixed in with pop culture. Every type. Cheese. Verne. About a dozen different selenites, including the Selenites, from every incarnation fo media. And, yes, this includes Apollo, the mission. Romantic as in what I’ve always wanted The Dreamlands to be. 

In one hex you stumble across a hunting party. “The party consists of eight hunters led by Turambol, a petty lord clad in a star–studded pyjama, and accompanied by two court poets, both of whom ride zebras and strum luths as they travel. Turambol himself rides a white gazelle with long horns.” Fanciful, in places. If the moon has ever had a reference, in media or culture, dating back three thousand years, then it’s probably in here. And it’s going to have a fanciful bend to it. Think slim arcing towers, silver and blue light and so on. 

We have incursions from other lands. An ambassador from other words, or references to Emperor Norton. Dreamy, but with consequences. “The Rotunda of Earthly Mirrors, a monumental structure of slate and alabaster tipped with a metallic silvery dome stands atop the Mons Piton’s highest peak here. The rotunda is visible from afar, its silhouette contrasting with the darkness of space.” Thematically pretty much everything matches perfectly here. 

A few notes on mechanics before I move on to the nature of a hex crawl. The map is nothing, really. Imagine a black page with hex numbers in it. There’s your terrain. There’s a light background image on the map but it’s artistic. What “travel type” we should consider the moon is not noted, although there are some low gravity notes. Whatever “These basaltic plains lie buried

beneath silt, ash, and black sand” is/are. Except in some places we have wildflower meadows, cultivated fields, groves of fungi and a land of chasms and canyons and the Marsh of Rot. No clue man, we’re just handwaving that. These are ten mile hexes, but mostly flat, I think? There is a landmark or two on the map, but, really, a better job at landmarks on the map would have been nice, as well as horizon stuff, to get players moving from hex to another with “in the distance you see” type of things. A better version of the map would solve most of my bitching here, maybe with a couple of travel/vision notes on it. 

And then, the nature of a hex crawl. What is its purpose? Dread has you wandering around, looking, essentially, for lairs, which contain loot, so you can level. Wilderlands, being a more platonic example of a classical hexcrawl, contains loot hexes as well as things for the party to exploit, or to get in to trouble with. More of a situational encounters, in that there is a situation to interact with … while you still look for personal gain to exploit. This is going to fall solidly in to the situational category, as you will meet a wide variety of people and encounter a large number of areas to find some gain in, either through looting or through making friends. There are lots of ogres wearing bejeweled crowns to talk to, to reference a favorite situation of mine in other adventures. Stab the potentially friendly dude to get the XP? Make friends? 

And this gets to the reference to The Keep in B2 earlier. Are you willing to murder hobo this place up? That would be a more traditional Wilderlands way to explore. Taking each hex individually and exploiting it. You’re going to need a party in the right mindset. And this succeeds admirably in that. You can rescue people/creatures and do some tasks for others if you are so inclined, and you can put the place to the sword and gather the loot also. 

What is lacking here is an overall plot. And I’m using that word very VERY loosely. Interconnections between the hexes. There are a few of those, but they feel intentional and constructed in a blunt way. 

I want to take this hex as an example: “t’s that time of the year again! Once more, the Flying Broom Acrobatics Competition has gathered next to an antique blue marble amphitheatre rising from the cloudy Mare” The Selenians here are excited about this. But no other Selenian encountered will mention it. There is no overview of a larger situations/situations going on that a DM can sprinkle in here and there to make the place seem more like the realm of intelligent beings that it is. There’s a loose “my enemy is the aphid-lord, please help me kill them”  but no larger … geopolitical context? Not in politics, perse, but in terms of larger situations to embroil yourself in. And no summary, anywhere, to help a DM toss some things in. A page of this would have really helped, and perhaps a little more work on the hexes to help connect them just a bit more. Again, some of this DOES exist, but it feels isolated. So, read a 120 pages and take some notes. 

As noted, I like this vibe/theming a lot. It’s consistent. And it provides interactivity for a party willing to mix things up. As a view of the moon, in terms of theming and encounters, I would be hard pressed to believe someone could do better. The map/mechanics are a let down, and it would be a much stronger product with a little summary of situations to help the DM interconnect things more and/or a few larger situations embedded i a stronger way. 

Experienced murder hobos are gonna have a field day. 

This is $8 at DriveThru. The preview is listed as fourteen pages and although a few are blank pages you do indeed to get see several hexes and get a sense of the style of encounters you are to encounter, both in romanticism and in hex-crawl nature, so, good preview. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/540802/fly-me-to-the-moon?1892600

A question came to mind during this. How do you handle “hidden depth” of resources? This happened in several places in this, and in other adventures as well. A platonic example here may be some mushroom that, if you kill, you could make their large caps in to umbrellalike things that act as feather falling. How do you telegraph this to the party? I mean when you encounter a note like “The spleens can be used to make an amulet of proof against poison.” Great! How do we know that? A simple DM note to the party, maybe during combat, that they seem to fall slower than they should?

Posted in Reviews, The Best | 11 Comments

The Cursed Cave of One Billion Bats

By Dale L Houston
Duck and Crow press
OSR
Level 3? Tourney/One-Shot

You have a treasure map that strongly suggests there is a pile of loot for some forgotten god just waiting to be extracted from Nightmaw Cave. The locals are all like “don’t go in there because the cave is cursed.” WHo are you going to believe? Idiot villagers or your map. Grab your sword, ready your spells, ignore all better judgement and prepare to delve!

This twenty page adventure features about 21 rooms in a vertical dungeon with … billions of bats. As a tournament adventure it succeeds well, being interesting with special mechanics and a scoring system. Nicely evocative and with special encounters that don’t feel set-piecy, I feel the designers charms are lost on the tourney market.

If I write an adventure and tell you up front its AI slop with no real value and you should not buy it, then is it fair game to review it any other way? Likewise, if someone writes a tournament/one-shot adventure and advertise it that way is it fair for Brycy Bryce to bitch/review it any other way? Fuck if I know, but I do know that I’d love to see some real adventures from this designer and/or they are doing a right bangup job in being the GOLD standard of tournament play.

Cover? Fucking great. Love that bat on the left with the red mouth and the shocked expression. The map layout here? Fucking great. It’s got verticality to it. Either small rises between rooms, think climbing up to a ledge, or shafts up/down between rooms. A traditional map is supplemented by a pointcrawl map which is one of the better uses of a pointcrawl map, in this vertical environment.

The adventure introduces two new elements. The first is climbing/up down. Securing ropes through freeclimbing and/or the people behind you climbing those ropes. Basically an unsecured vs a secured climb, that can be an easy route or a hard route. We’re making some “climbing checks” here. Clever monkey, labeling it all OSR systems and then sticking in your favorite modern contrivances. Anyway, you’re doing some climbing in places. Then we’ve got this Bat Cloud mechanic. Certain rooms have LOTS of bats in them. The more light you carry the more likely you are to set them atwitter, which results in a Take Damage Every Round system. 1 point for a PC, 1d3 if you’ve got a light. So, maybe, you cut down on your light sources in order to have a lesser chance of setting them off. So, you’re going to maybe fall in a hole in the ground or miss a ceiling hole/climb/exit, or have more trouble “searching” by increasing the difficulty. Ahum. No, I have confirmed that there is no 5e version of this. There’s a few other weird things going on mostly through the wandering table, crystal rooms, “The Song of the Night” and such. It;s a good mix of eerie and mysterious. The entire adventure is supported by a one page town, if that, with the demeanor of “defeated” and a sheriff who will pay you 1000gp to NOT go in the dungeon and just leave. Cantankerous, clever, and always eating mutton or something else greasy. That’s a great fucking NPC! Or “Morgan Krawk: Minister of the Sepulcher of the Holy Carcass. Balding with long hair. Excellent elocution. Steals from offering plate. Doesn’t like Witch Gulbon and thinks Sheriff Johns is incompetent.” man, I wish every notable NPC in an adventure were written like this! And the town is really just a blow off, a a place to enjoy the rumors and get warned off by the sheriff, which, is a great little bit of preamble to the adventure. 

Rooms have a couple of sentences up front that summative them. And they can get purple sometimes “A sour smell of guano and fear wafts from the darkness.” Sour guano is great, but fear is a bit purple, yes? “The squeak of bats is deafening. Ankle-deep guano crawling with insects covers the floor. Stalagmites dot the chamber.” Noice! How about a creature description? “A billion bats, eyes glowing red, circle a towering creature. A humanoid-bat giant, a sword jammed into each eye, pivots enormous ears, and emits a piercing shriek!” And, same dude, in the appendix “15’ tall bat-human hybrid. Eyes have been gouged out with swords, wings are ragged, covered in filth; it sheds bloated maggots.” Maggots for the win! But, nice touch with the swords jammed in his eyes bit. Moving some of the appendix description to the room would have been better, I think, so we don’t have to consult two places, but, whatever. Descriptions are solid.

Magic items are great, although, I might comment, wasted on the fact that this is a oneshot and/or tourney adventure (with scoring provided! Get loot, explore the dungeon, break the curse)

There’s a miss here and there. One room has a living statue in it. Pretty much all we get is “The living statue can barely interact, its pro- gramming corrupted with age.” t’s supposed to be “standing guard” but there’s nothing like that present. It almost feels like something was left out. 

“The Stone: The hum and vibrations emanate from the oval stone, as do slight variations in temperature. This is the stone egg-coffin of an ancient Ophidian praefectus. Opening the egg-coffin will flood the chamber with malignant energy causing 1d10+10 damage to every living thing in this chamber each Turn. The bones of the praefectus will writhe and release this poison for 1000 years.” Well, that don’t seem good! This is, I think, a decent example of the interactivity present, as well, perhaps, that statue. There are things to look at. There are things to open and search. The Man Bat is introduced to you by a bloody rabbit carcass dropping to the floor at your feet from the ceiling. Perhaps, we might call it, a great intro song to entering the ring. The adventure does a great job with that, as well as with other things that seem weird to poke and prod and look at and wonder about. Which is to say, it’s a hack. I mean, yeah, you need to navigate the ups and downs and not trigger the bats, and it’s a tourney adventure, so, you know, ok I guess. It’s it certainly not, though, and empty guard room with 6 kobolds in it. As hacks go it does a decent job of presenting an interesting environment and interesting creatures with some fun bits here and there, like the dead rabbit, to introduce the combat. But, in terms of mysteries to solve and things to do, it’s a hack.

And I don’t think I’m complaining about that, at least not in a tourney adventure and not given the quality of the window dressing. This could, however, make things difficult, in future adventures, when moving over from a tourney/one-shot framing to a more exploratory/longer-term adventure mindset. But, that’s a bitch for a future review. I’m Regerting this one, just because Tourney/one-shot is niche, IMO. 

This is $10 at DriveThru. The preview is seven pages, a good mix, and shows you encounters and some additional specials. Good preview. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/540652/bloodbath-dungeon-1-the-cursed-cave-of-one-billion-bats?1892600

Posted in No Regerts, Reviews | 1 Comment

Trouble at Turnip Hill

By Stephen Smith
Mr Smith Design
B/X
Levels 1-3

The farms and fields around Turnip Hill are being plundered. Desperate locals need heroes to investigate—and stop whatever’s threatening their livelihoods. A straight-forward job—but things have a way of getting complicated.

This four page adventure features a fourteen room dugout cave/dungeon/warren under a hill. Nicely evocative but it’s just a hack and doesn’t really lean in to the Bone Tomahawk aesthetic. 

Fuck you. It’s my blog and I’m clearly intrigued by the possibilities that a shorter page count could imply. We all know it’s not going to fulfill all of my hopes and dreams (well, I don’t …) but we must carry on anyway, the search for meaning in a word cruelly devoid of it. I mean, how many fucking pages do you need to stab shit if you’ve got a dozen rooms and are getting eight or so to a page? Maybe six, I’ve decided. If we accept six to eight to page, with a page of monster stats and shit, then a couple of pages of Village Investigation and/or Overland Travel. Hmmm, no, I should think more about the perfect ratio of leadin/support and appendices to encounters. 

“We’re at our wit’s end. For the past few weeks something’s been making off with livestock and supplies. No tracks, no broken fences—just gone. Folks around here say they’ve seen shadows in the fields after dusk—the unnatural kind. I don’t know if I believe all that, but if we lose much more, our families won’t make it through the season” So we’re framing this as Heroes rather than adventurers, but, whatever. This isn’t bad at all, but that’s all that there is. No one to talk to, and no guidance on investigation in order to eventually find an entrance to a warren. Well, there’s a wanderer table for above ground which will lead you there, but each of the four entries literally leads you there. “You hear wind whistling from the entrance” or “You see a druid observing a hole.” And why the fuck doesn’t this fucking druid do something? Oh, because he’s a druid. Fucking neutrals. Anyway, it’s clear that I’m a little disappointed in the above ground portion. It feels like there was a page available so something was tossed in to fill it. Which means I feel like this was a stunt dungeon: majesty revealed in four pages! Look, use the page count you need to bring the work alive, just don’t fucking pad it out. That seems simple enough. 

The map here is above average for being so small. A little isometric, it gives a nice “warren under the hill” vibe via the map/art style used. There’s a great number of ramps, same level stairs, columns and such on it. It also fails somewhat in being a map, with some of the room exist not being shown in the best way, as well as a lack of walls (doors imply walls, I guess) that would get in the way of the visual impact. How close to a Rothko can you get before your patron starts to question if you’re doing a portrait of their spouse? This one is probably ok if you dig through the rooms first to better marks exits, Yeah, I do like the map even though its simple.

There’s some decent descriptions inside. The rooms all have these tree roots and things growing through the ceiling. “The air is damp, musty, and smells of soil. Footing is uncertain—shifting between eroded flagstones, soft patches of earth, and scattered debris.” or “The floor of this wide corridor is extremely broken and low-hanging roots require frequent ducking. Loose stones make the uneven stairs somewhat precarious..” That’s not terrible. “Wide” isnt great, but we’ve got low-hanging roots and loose stones on a set of stairs. It’s the modern style of presenting something that COULD be called read-aloud but isn’t labeled as such so could be DM notes. It does, in places, lead to over-reveal if used as read-aloud. “Then don’t use it as rad-aloud.” Ok. Another point toward that is the lack of creatures in the faux-read-aloud. These come later. So, in essence, this kind of room overview up top, then a little listing like “3 Giant Centipedes drop from the ceiling” and then a mechanics note or two like “-1 hit from swinging weapons” or a list of treasure to be found or something else. It’s not a bad format. The weakness, in all formats, being that they ARE formats and the designer always needs to keep a little willingness around to deviate from it in order to achieve the needs of the room/encounter/adventure/whatever. 

This is a hack. Monsters in the room attack. Not much in the way of interactivity beyond that. D&D has a long history of hacks, but the more interesting play expands upon that a bit. The hack as a fail condition is also a meme, but something closer to that. Things to explore and play with and so on. Something to discover, if only a hidden treasure behind a waterfall. 

But is it a GOOD hack? Well, there’s little in the way of an order of battle. Which means essentially no order of battle. And while the adventure makes a point of the lack of lack in this place the monsters also don’t seem to recoil to respond or get warned by light and react appropriately. Circle the wagons, do the defensive thing, use the halls to get behind people … nothing of any of that. Well, there is this: “If Chieftain loses 3 or more HP, he sends up an alarm-whistle. Any remaining Grimlings will add to the fray in 3d6 rounds.” There’s the extent. 

This thing is certainly moving in the right direction, much more than most of the endless line of adventures coming out. It’s tight, the writing tries to be evocative, the map is nicely evocative and things are least themed to a non-generic degree with the burrow/tree root/dugout thing going on. Slave to the format, be it the encounter format or the page count, means having to focus more on form over function, to the detriment of the adventure. Also, loot feels lite for B/X.

This is $2 at DriveThru. There is no preview. I don’t care if it’s $2 and four pages, I still want a decent preview. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/548444/trouble-at-turnip-hill?1892600

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Bastion of the Painted Men

By Stephen J Jones
Unsound Methods
OSE
Level 1

Twenty years ago the Painted Men – wild mountain folk – overran the garrison at the pass through the Ash Mountains. The wild men cast the iron bridge into the abyss, and have occupied the fortress ever since. But now Lord Gallowick of the City of Green Lanterns wants to reopen the lucrative trade route to Port Featherglass, and is offering a coffer of gold for those who can liberate the citadel.

This eighteen page adventure presents a ruined fortress, on either side of a chasm, with four adventuring areas and about forty rooms described in about eight pages. Decent factions in a slow-burn ruined fortress. Investigative adventurer are rewarded through a variety of classic old school techniques. This is more of a Factions in a Fortress adventure then it is an Exploratory adventure.

Some Lord somewhere wants to reopen an old trade route. Standing in the way is a ruined fortress on either side of a chasm. It was destroyed by the hilljack wildmen. If you go secure the place Lord Whatsits will give you 1000gp. If I reframe this in to Aragon, or, rather, his advisors, have a long list and you pick a spot in Rhudar then I soothe my feelings a lot. 

We got this chasm with a kind of gatehouse/small keep on either side. The Iron Bridge between the two sides has fallen. (And, it turns out, lodged in the chasm further down.) Each little keep has a cellar. So you have the west side keep, and then its cellar and then the bridge over, the east side cellar and the east side keep. That’s an interesting layout, and I’m always down for a more interesting layout and the possibilities it brings to creative play. The west side has some Wolverine people in it, looking for a lost child of theirs. The east side has the remnants of the wildmen, the titular Painted Men, unable to leave the site of their crowning achievement, living in the past like Theoden in the Wormtongue era. (Also, who keeps an advisor with the name Wormtongue? Meet my trusted aid Evile Backstabberman.”) Except this time he’s being controlled by a fungus colony in the basement which is slowly but surly infecting people, with the goal of just having them settle down to stay. Which is a very fungus colony thing to do if you think about it. He’s got a supportive wife, a supportive older son, and a younger son ready to make a deal to have him murdered so the tribe can move on to greener pastures. The chasm also has a giant wasp nest, home to the Wasp People, who just happen to have a young wolverine-person child in their larder. Oopsy. Also, they would like to eat the fungus in the east side fortress. Let us add in the party, with the goal of clearing the place out. You’ll probably meet the wolverine people first, who actually seem pretty chill for being wolverine-people, then the wasp people, then the painted men. 

Room descriptions are decent enough. Mostly terse, with a First Impressions section for the DM to riff on and then a Further Investigation section with the details for the DM to grok to. There’s a certain, I don’t know, bronze agey vibe to this. Maybe a more human and/or humanoid framing? The wolverine folk carry “1d20 gp in silver ingots or semiprecious stones. About half instead wear discs of green malachite on a thong around their neck (20 gp).” Sure thing. I can get behind that. That’s flavour and local color and great. Wolverine men, painted men, wasp people … a kind of tribal bend to things. Not in a mud-core way or even maybe a low-fantasy way, but it’s an interesting take without going full bronze age or mudcore. Especially at level one. 

There are some classic elements here also that I’m fond of. There’s a body stuffed up a chimney to find. You did look up the chimney, right? A chimney, latrine, waterfall, bookcase, these should all have something. Oh, also, the body has an iron dagger. Magic. Nicely cursed; when you draw first blood it bonds to you and you’ll know you will die when hitting level three, the dagger whispering dark thoughts to you. Coolio! Also, you can get someone to draw blood with it to transfer it/the curse. Ouch! There’s a test of moral fortitude. This is how you do a fucking curse. None of this mechanical “-2 to hit” bullshit. Make that thing (ah, what’s the word? Classical Greek tragedy? I should have not had the third bloody mary this morning)  And then, also, you can find a map, a huge centerpiece one, old, kind of ruined. And on it an old tower in the hills. Dump in your own adventure or find an owlbear there with a gnawed body wearing a torc with blue aventurines worth xxxx. There’s a nice little sidetrek! A map that actually means something if you follow up, and a couple of sentences to turn it in to a little side trek if you wish.  Classic interactivity and followups for an exploratory adventure. 

The people here are relatively terse, but well, described. The leader of the wildmen has this little bit, if you parlay with him:  “Things Geberic might say (eyes ablaze, spittle flying, bits of food stuck in his beard):” And the things he might say are that of a old man living in the past glories of his tribe. Demanding tribute, recognition, etc. I’m not entirely sold on the detail of the faction play. There are a decent number of humanoids in each of three factions, maybe a couple of dozen or so each, which makes a hack hard. But enlisting them against each other better, and there are order of battles offered as well as a sentence or two on how an alliance with each might be made. And I suppose a truce with the wolverine people, a joint raid on the wasp people ending with burning them ou tof their paper nest, and murdering the wild men leader  by allying with the youngest son, who will call way the guards from a remote watch that his dad is going to inspect ,,, and then blame the party, will get the party a long way to their goal. Then it’s just a matter of cleaning up the odd skeleton and giant rat swarm ad figuring out that fungus shit. The faction element here is main draw, and it feels like each of the three parties needs just a little more in, hmmm, striking up with them? As is, it feelslikeit’s a reaction check for the wolverine people s what the adventure hinges on. 

Also, the bottom of that chasm is not detailed, which is a bit of a let down. 

It’s got an odd vibe to it. The faction play is central with the exploration elements, the usual bread and butter,  being a little … mundane? I wish there was just a little bit more there, in an adventure that already has quite a bit going on. I would not be at all unhappy running this if I were looking for a more realistic take on a fantasy situation. There is magic. And curse, and animated skeletons, but the core here os the people.

This is free at DriveThru. I’d snag it and play it.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/539490/bastion-of-the-painted-men?1892600

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