By Garnett Elliott Self Published Barbarians of Lemuria
An advanced siege-engine, centuries ahead of its time, lies unclaimed on a bloody battlefield. But when heroes set forth to salvage the Brazen Beast, they discover a festering evil, much worse than the mundane horrors of war—and it wants the Beast for itself!
This 21 page adventure has … two fights? And a couple of talky talky encounters, all on a battlefield overrun by a death cult led by an Elder Vampire. I guess Barbarians of Lemuria is some kind of cinematic/story game? This adventure is, anyway. Padded to fuck and back, there’s nothing to see here.
General Buttmunch is in charge of the armies of the city of Loofa. They just fought a battle yesterday and killed off the evil Other City that was invading. Oh, also, General Buttmuchasaurus brews beer. Sure. Whatever. Anyway, you’re sent out to get the siege engine thingy the other side had. Also, be careful, the gleaners that went out didn’t come back. Also, he’s just too busy to send his own men to go do this important task. Sure. Whatever. Off you go.
Let’s see … you see some ghouls running away from the battlefield. You maybe find a kid hiding; their parents were abducted by the evil Clorox cult. That’s their tents over there, and you could go save them if you wanted. Then you find the siege engine and its crazed inventor inside. Then four waves of CLorox cultists attack the siege engine. Then you’re done. Yeah you! You plotted the plot!
Yeah, there’s cringe shit here that don’t make sense. But, the game design decisions are THE WURST. At multiple points in the adventure you are called on to make perception checks. And if you fail then you don’t get to do something interesting. That kid, hiding? I hope you made your skill check or you don’t find them. And then you don’t get the interaction with them, the moral quandary, and the subplot of the cultists ceremony to sacrifice the parents. It does this in other places as well, making you pass a perception check to find the adventure. This is exactly the same as putting your entire dungeon behind a secret door. These sorts of complications are a major part of D&D. THAT”S the interactivity that we’re looking for. You don’t put that behind a skill check. You put boons behind one, maybe. But the interesting parts of the adventure? You don’t put that behind one. Unless you’re this crappy thing.
Those Clorox cultists? Same thing. They are having this big ceremony in the middle of the carnage. They got a stage and shit. Like a rock concert, we’re told several times. They got that kids parents are are gonna sacrifice. We’re told several times of the overwhelming numbers of cultists. And, yet, the adventure wants the party to rush the stage and free the parents … because the cultists are “distracted” with their ceremony. What fucking party is going to come up with that as a plan? Rushing overwhelming numbers?
Let’s see here. General Asshat refers to the gleaners as The Dregs. Humph. I think you mean free enterprise oriented individuals on the lower rungs of your social economic ladder whose wealth inequality has forced them to find inefficiencies in your system to exploit and make more productive? Is that what you mean by dregs? It’s the old game; underspend on post-battlefield guards and memorials and then complain to score political points.
Lets see … other shitty things. The CLorox cult is led by an elder vampire .. who uses a parasol to go out in the sun. Bleach. New school vamp suck ass. Long sections of italcs for read-aloud; that’s always fun to suffer through. Oh,oh, you can meet the vampire on the battlefield as a wanderer! And then “As soon as the fight starts going badly, Lucretia burns a Rival/Villain Point to make a Timely Escape. She’ll be seeing the heroes again soon enough!” No agency for you, puny players! Just stick your fucking asses to the chairs and play on your phones, unengaged, until the game is over. Why bother playing when your actions have no impact? And did I mention “As luck would have it, PCs run into the vampire aboard her carnage chariot (if still intact) at some dramatically appropriate time, accompanied by a warrior priestess and Chorax’s avatar (if summoned” Uh huh. Dramatically appropriate. Fuck you. Oh, and the vampire burns some kind of villain/story point thing in order to force the players to listen to their soliloquy. What the fuck? There’s a game mechanic just to torture the players? Why would anyone ever do this?
This is free at DriveThru.
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/463129/SC8-The-Brazen-Beast
Happy Life Day -Thanks for all the reviews
-Vorshal
And/or Merry Festivus
Merry Christmas
I’ve had a lot of fun playing in a BoL game recently. I don’t think the system is the problem here…
I’ve heard nothing but good things about Barbarians of Lemuria but I reckon it’s not the kind of thing Bryce would gel with even with an adventure he liked.
Merry Christmas, Bryce!
“There’s a game mechanic just to torture the players? Why would anyone ever do this?”
Must be a sex thing. But the players get to burn hero points too so hopefully that balances it out and gives them a better chance when they need a skill roll to progress? And I think charging overwhelming odds is the intended playstyle too. I haven’t studied the system much because it was clearly not for me.
Hope you all had a good Christmas, don’t let the DTRPG trash wear you down.
My PCs are looking forward to getting that layer of dead skin scraped off in the city of Loofa. They might go for mani/pedis too!!!!
serious question here:
is there really a lot of difference between:
a) you fail a perception so you don’t see [insert plot element]
b) you must talk to farmer jones to get the [insert key info]
a) seems like sometimes win and sometimes you lose while
b) feels like someone will criticize the railroadiness “didn’t talk to farmer Jones guess you’re not playing D&D tonight!”.
Am I making sense? I’m trying to see the difference between letting the dice fall where they may and forcing interactions and plot elements such that they basically can’t be avoided (such as maybe being hidden behind a perception check).
If you MUST talk to Farmer Jones in order for the adventure to continue then you can’t put it behind a skill check, yes? We all agree on that. Ergo, the issue is with the second assertion, of a railroad. There is nothing wrong with the party needing to talk to the farmer to get the information they need in order to continue the adventure. That’s not the definition of a railroad. But, also, if you are writing a GOOD D&D adventure then we should have ways to get the information beyond Farmer Jones. (Fun fact: Farmer is his first name, so the capitalization is correct) and/or it should be obvious that Farmer is the right place to get the information. We also allow just a bit more latitude at the start; you gotta swallow a hook to get the fish.
thank you Bryce and Happy New Year my friend!!!
So long as the “Three Clue Rule” (or equivalent) is abided by, the whole “talk to Farmer Jones” thing is not a bottleneck in the same way a skill check is. Then again, there’s nothing stopping an adventure with a skill check gate from adding a few more circumvention methods in the event the check is failed, so long as there is ample information given to the players of a possible alternative.
In this case the failing of the author is in providing these alternatives, rather than just the straight-up sin of skill gating.
All too many OSR reviewers of mystery adventures have such a knee-jerk reaction to those newfangled skill checks that they automatically assume skillgating, even though workarounds are described in blood gory letters in the very next sentence…
That would suggest that Bryce actually digests the submitted material. We know this not to be true…
This one seems to be double-skill-gated: make a check to notice the child hiding, then make another check to calm them down, otherwise – nothing?
And no, no exploration of alternatives or failure states, the plotting assumes that the characters succeed, because “Just as the girl is finishing her story, sinister organ music again resounds across the plain.”