By Kobe Potter Self Published 5e Level 1
Chase cultists through the streets and canals of the city, delve into the labrynthine sewers, and save innocents from the terrible powers of the Chaos Gods.
This nine page adventure presents three encounters with cultists in a city.It is everything that an adventure should not be.
I don’t know how I ended up here. This thing was next on my HD, which means I bought it at some point, even though I’m trying to avoid non-OSR things lately. Maybe because it’s a city adventure? I do love those. Although, calling this a city adventure is somewhat dubious.
There’s this overview of whats going on that it full of half names and titles and therefore a little hard to follow. Basically, in Venice, Frank and Mary turn to demon worship to overthrow Councilman Bob. They do this by summoning demons to attack his charity organizations to make him bankrupt. Sure. Whatever. It’s a pretext, I guess. It’s lame as all fuck. But, like I said, whatever.
This all manifests as the party walking down the street near an aqueduct overhead next to a hospital, when they hear screams. A couple of cultists are driving a demon toward an aqueduct column. The demon will destroy it in 1d4 rounds, killing everyone in the hospital. Fight fight fight. Fight fight fight. Some Imperial Cop shows up and charges you with finding out whos behind it. You go to a warehouse and solve a riddle and then go to a sewer room and fight the cultists and demons there. Again, in 1d4 rounds a portal to the demon world opens and they all spill through, so, get your ass in gear I guess. The end.
Yup, two combats and a puzzle. That;’s what this is. This is nothing more than a scene based adventure, and not a very good one. The scenes are literally “Combat! Roll for init!” This is basest of all types of D&D. Minis combat. Ug. I really cant emphasize enough how much of a pretext the combats are. Minimal. Something right out of Vampire Queen. “2 cultists drive a demon toward an aqueduct pillar; it will destroy the piller in 1d4 rounds unless easily distracted.” That’s your encounter. There is simply no adventure here. No investigation. Just screaming ROLL FOR INIT! At the players.
I am, I guess, in awe of the 1d4 rounds things. Fucking dude is going for it I guess. Let the fuckers in the hispital die! We get a note that says “At this level, characters have few options for stopping a flood. Encourage creativity, and allow them to imagine using lumber from the timberyard to build a dam, getting help from the inn, or using the potter’s clay to clog the aqueduct” Maybe I don’t understand how a flash flood works, but, I think that fucking hispital is toast in 1d4 rounds if that aqueduct breaks and building a dam ain’t gonna do nothing but maybe help you find the rotting bodies of dead babies in the incubators.
Dude doesn’t even put the adventure in this own adventure. After the aqueduct thing you have to track the cultists back to their warehouse. But this is ALL up to the DM. The designer can’t be bothered. “Maybe one or more of the Chaos Cultists got away, and a chase scene ensues. Maybe the gondoliers could be persuaded to remember if they saw something suspicious n. How exactly the characters find the Bloody Pearl is up to you,“ And, maybe, the fucking designer did his job and put this in the adventure? What the fuck do you think we’re paying you for?
Single column wall of text with no real formatting. Read-aloud in italics that over-reveals the scene. Because here is no investigation or back and forth, there’s just rolling dice for combat. The baddies are cultists, in a warehouse. My. That’s original. No alchemist available? I don’t know. I’m a pretty die hard atheist, and even I think that fantasy rpg’s are going a little hard down the Religion is Bad path. Whatever happened to greed? Or revenge? Or boredom? Boredom is a great motivation. Showing off? Lots of good stuff. But, sure, use an evil cult in a warehouse. That leads to the sewers. Literally do not try at all. Just fucking garbage, even in the ranks of garbage adventures. I blame someone other than myself, as all good hypocrites should.
This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $1.
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/462773/Confusion-in-Kaelian-Hill?1892600
If I had to make a list of the design choices that bother me, things like “maybe this, maybe that, it’s up to you” would be at the very top of the list. Really mister author? It’s up to me? Then why do I read this? These adventures could be summarized in a table about hooks in a city and it wouldn’t make a difference. Result is 9 on a d100 -> cultists have stolen the bloody pearl and want to bring demons into the world (or whatever the pearl is used for). The end!
The Winword cover with spell checking squiggles under “Kaellian” is the mark of the TRV shovelware chad. Genuinely impressed.
That made me spit my tea.
Look at that subtle off-white coloring… the tasteless AI generated cover… oh my god, it even has spellcheck.
How about a Yuletide “cultists in a warehouse” 9-page adventure contest?
I could go for that.
Hook: The Hyena cult is celebrating Cackletide and have moved their cult treasures from their lair into a warehouse in the city: loot it before they come back from a liquor run!
At six seconds per round in 5e, 1d4 rounds should be plenty enough time to sort out what’s going on and formulate a plan to distract the demon before it destroys the aqueduct and ends the “adventure,” right?
Unless the DM rolls a ‘1’ on the d4 and the demon wins initiative. Then, the characters become mere bystanders. /end scene
“A couple of cultists are driving a demon toward an aqueduct column. The demon will destroy it…”
This one bit is salvageable. Driving with, what, silver spears? Holy water sprinklers on long poles? Be an opportunity to put in an overpowered monster with a clue and tools to defeat it. And a reason its more of an environmental hazard than laser focused on dropping the PCs. Could make a decent little encounter in a completely different adventure.