tenfootpole.org

By Maksim Kotelnikov
Monthly Adventures
Generic/Universal

A small group of adventurers through the fault of chance are caught up in the investigation of a mysterious conspiracy: someone is turning the entire city into a strange magical rune.

This 29 page adventure details a “plot” from … eons ago? To destroy … humans? Weird shit happens in a city, you’re led around by the nose, things happen to you rather than you doing things, and it’s all presented in a very story-game driven way while giving the trappings of the party having agency. Not something to do, in spite of a decent premise.

What attracted me to this adventure was this statement by the designer: “There is no main villain or his minions, nor are there any necromancers, cultists, or thugs. There is no opposing evil here to antagonize the heroes. This is an adventure in which they face their own incredulity and paranoia as they unravel the mystery of a weapon designed for a long-forgotten war.” Which is pretty intriguing, except for the long-forgotten war part. 

Long ago the elves lived and loved and were happy. And then the humans showed up and cut down trees, etc. You know the drill by now. Anyway, the elves have this mage dude who does this spell that Makes The Land Itself protect itself. It goes off, but takes a few millennia to get to power and work. Meanwhile, someone builds a city on the ancient burial ground, err, I mean elf lands. Twenty years ago weird shit starts happening in the city. Mayor Dickcheese and Wizard McWizardson figure it out and start building and demolishing streets and buildings to turn the layout of the city in t a giant anti-magic rune, to protect everyone. And they don’t tell anyone about it. This is the extent of the the whole “no evil cultists” thing. The party shows up, see some weird shit, investigates, and then goes and gets a magic item to complete a ritual to save the city. 

I don’t know. Good premise, with a couple of good elements going on in the adventure. At one point you look in to two weird deaths. One of them has a dude who has choked on a moth. The other has a woman who has hung herself from a tree branch .. that she could not reach. Kinda nifty. A little frustrating since there is no way for the party to arrive at an answer, until the very end of the adventure, so it’s just window dressing to fill up time. But, still, nice ideas.

The entire adventure is, though, a hunk of junk. On page one we’re told that this is a “Script for a tabletop RPG” Ought oh! Script. Tabletop RPG. And, sire enough, the adventure is arranged in Acts, under the heading of The Story. Sure, you can do this and have it not be a shit show. But that rarely happens. 

The first half or so of the pages are devoted to locations in the city, a kind  of overview. The mayor, the museum (which is more of a Believe it or Not attraction, so I’ll not bitch much about it existing), a tavern, and so on. And then the mayor, the only mage in town, Timmy te Weasel (a mary sue) and the leader of the smugglers, wh o is a lycanthrope. But while the designer acknowledges that all lycanthropes are evil … not these lycanthropes. Okey doke. The locations, such as the hucker and the bar, are not too bad. They are overly described, but at least they are not the standard fantasy fair. Also, they don’t really matter AT ALL to the adventure. As a general town feature, sure. And the NPC”s are also overly described. Paragraphs of information that don’t really mean anything or have an impact on the game. 

On to the adventure proper!

It doesn’t really exist. It’s just an outline. Act One is a page and half of Let The Party Get To Know The City, finishing with them fucking some elf bard chick in the tavern. Act two are just a couple of vignettes … rats come out of the bakers shop, from a hole in the ground, that guards wont let you investigate. And, of course, the two dead bodies I mentioned before. These are both handled in a paragraph, with nothing more to them. The first is, in its entirety “The first of them was named Radomir, and he was a rather plump burly man who had recently worked as a glassblower in the weavers’ quarter. All the evidence suggests that Radomir simply suffocated while he was taking a leak. A careful examination of the body reveals no marks on the neck or any signs of poisoning. However, a common night moth was strangely lodged in the poor man’s windpipe.” Fill in the rest. And, I note, this is one of the more detailed things to happen. 

And this happens over and over again. A sentence about what could happen and then another explaining what really is going on and how the party can’t really do anything. No real encounters. No real challenges. Eventually you make it to the sewers, near the end of the seven acts, and get attacked by the weres, who were driven insane by the spell. Thats all you’re getting for detail though. Make up everything else yourself. 

It’s all very abstracted. An outline in First This Happens And Then This Happens paragraph form. There’s no real agency here. You’re told to interfere with the party doing things, by using the guards, etc. This is a story game, but, it doesn’t lean in to that. It’s trying to be a traditional game, but it doesnt lean in to that either. He licked the one. He chased the other. And then he ended up dead. It’s what you got.

This is $3 at DriveThru. The preview is eight pages and shows you a bit of the town locations, which are moderately interesting, but not so much so to take up the space they do and, ultimately, are just window dressing.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/456491/The-Most-Secret-Conspiracy?1892600

By Marcel Wirtz
Ondaris Publishing
OSR
Level 0 Funnel

Unveil the mysteries of Oak Grove in “The Legacy,” a thrilling adventure module where the discovery of an inheritance causes a stir in the village of Oak Grove: Is there really a treasure to be found in an old tomb in the cursed heath? Will any brave villagers dare to search for it? And what else lurks in the vaults beneath the cursed heath? Are you brave enough to uncover the secrets?

This fifteen page adventure uses … five pages? To describe about eighteen rooms in a trap-filled tomb. The set up has a sweet Gamma World vibe, but the dungeon, proper, is nothing more than three sub-standard one-page dungeons with about five rooms per level.

This one is wildly frustrating. I can see, I think, what it’s trying to do. And what it’s trying to do is groovy. But it fails at actually accomplishing it. Or, rather, it does accomplish it, but in the totally wrong way to create an interesting adventuring environment.

This is a funnel. There are no funnel rules, or guidelines, or anything else in this, but, I’m sure you can probably find some funnel guidelines for whatever system you are using. More interesting than that, though, is the intro. This thing has some PROMISE. You’re in this small village. Living in huts. The world outside of the village is VERY dangerous. The War of the Gods and The Great SCaring was 500 years ago. The splendors of the world were destroyed and now everyone is isolated and trying to eek out a living. It’s got a very traditional Gamma World vibe where the first adventure is your tech 1 village living in fear of everything. Almost Kingdom Death. I’m down for that, given my love for Gamma World, and a great starting vibe for the OSR is “i dont wanna be a mud farmer like me pa.” It’s doing a pretty decent job is setting things up. And then it ramps the fucking shit up. Someones mom is dead. [I’m generally against this sort of thing, but, in a funnel, at level 0, in the first adventure, I think it’s ok … as long as we don’t lean on the relative thing too much. There’s a reason players play murder hobos … to keep the DM from fucking with their families.] Dad is long gone. The village sent him to the Town a couple of years ago with all of the crops, etc, to buy supplies for the winter. He came home, having been robbed on the road of all of his belongings. The funnels family has been living under a kind of cloud since then. Several people died that winter. Dad was not the same after that; trying to get people together to go in to The Heath … the ravaged lands, to look for glorious treasures. Then he withered and died. Crops have failed over this summer and its looking kind of bleak this year also. A really good job is done here with the initial set up. Then, while cleaning out moms shit you find a letter from dad. Seems that, in town, he was seduced by the takes of glory, in the tavern he ended up in, of the guild of Adventurers. He sold all of his worldly good … the villagers bounty, to join. He got a clue: a great metal demon head in a hill in The Health, with some cryptic inscription beneath it (a handout.) But then he died, never getting anyone to go with him. Great twist man! 

The adventure shall never reach such heights again. The last room of the tomb has the party (maybe) opening a sarcophagus. Dude inside wakes up and rips the heart out of the PC who opened it. Oh shit! A lich! (It is, after all, a funnel.) Then he’s like, oh, sorry, my bad, you’re not the people who entombed me. Hey, wanna be my minions in return for lands and wealth? Pretty good! 

But the rest of it … not so much. The first real encounter is the bronze demon face in a hillside. It take a column, seven paragraphs, to describe it and the trap. It’s padded out. It over explains. It states the obvious. AT one point you find a document in code. The text tell us “If the players deciphered the writing it would be advantageous to them.” Well, yeah. And if they didn’t TPK in every encounter then would that be an advantage to them also? It does this over and over again. 

It goes this. It goes on and on and on and on on a topic. But, that’s not the adventure. That’s the front fucking door, in this case. The adventure is a series of three one page dungeons. A flat dungeon level, in isometric view, with about five rooms per level. And a little text bubble with a couple of sentences pointing at the room where the text occurs. CLassic one page dungeon vibe. So you get some text like “A key is hanging on a hook on the wall opposite the door – there is a chest underneath. The chest is a mimic that attacks approaching players, the key would open the chest in level 2.” That’s it; that’s your room. And, that’s not even typical. Almost every single room/encounter is not what we might of as one, but, rather, a hallway trap. (or, room trap out of grimtooth.) EVERYTHING. There are literally two creatures encounters: a black pudding and the lich dude at the end, which, is not actually a combat since he’s a lich.Sure, there’s a wandering monster table, but no actual room encounters with creatures or tricks or things to investigate … except for traps. You know how old school dungeons used to just draw pit symbols on the map, without keying them? This is the equivalent of that … except they are keyed. And that’s all the dungeon essentially is. 

Great set up. Seriously, people fuck the setups all the time but this one was great. And decent ending with the lich. But everything in between is shit. 

This is $3 at DriveThru. The preview is four pages, so you get to see that rad set up. But nothing more, so, a bad preview overall since you’d get the wrong impression from it.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/467438/The-Legacy?1892600

The Nameless Designer
Self Published
Heroes of Adventure

Someone suggested this. Hrumph!

The sighting and return of the great mystical comet Mithilanthor heralds a time of wild magic, which has only added to the sense of unease. At night, under the cover of darkness, shadowy humanoid creatures have been seen riding their nightmare steeds with vengeful fury on the horizon. As a heroic adventurer seeking to make your mark in the region, you will undoubtedly face a range of challenges and dangers in this volatile and unpredictable landscape.

This 64 page sandbox region describes a little keep on the borderlands between the civilized world and the Beast Man lands. It’s got its shit together, in layout and looking pretty, but is so aggressively generic and abstracted it makes me wonder what anyone was thinking in creating it. “Maybe put a keep on the borderlands and run an adventure!” 

Ah, and adventure! You start at the Central Station and follow the river … err, no. But, the Keep and the mythos of Central Station continue to pull at us all, eh? The very borders of the civilized world, with a Keep there as a base, and the Marlows setting off for their fortunes and adventure! 

We’ve go a borderlands region, with woods, hills and so on. There’s this river with an old stone bridge over it, marking the owned lands to the west and the wildlands to the east. Up on a hilltop we’ve got a keep with its retired adventurer ruler. To the west of the bridge we’ve got a dozen or so sites to look in to and to the east, across the river … three. So, much of what you’ll be exploring and fucking with is IN the civilized lands. This strikes me as fucking weird. The lands over the river have some elves (“the wild folk”) and one small ruin and the Beastmen. And that’s it. So, we’re not really fucking around with those great black parts of the map that note Here There Be Dragons and doing some points of light. We’re instead talking to a villager who is paying moderate taxes to the local lord who is also an ok dude. 

There are some VERY basic rules for clearing hexes and generating some action for each of those hexes. Let’s see, I rolled bears, and overabundance of, and ruins. GO do something with that. Sure. The table is just a bit small though, for, what, two thirds of a double page map? And the same could be said for the wanderer table, which is WOEFULLY small AND overspecific. for a region of this size.

I’m getting ahead of myself. I layout here is professional. Nice two page spreads, decently evocative art, and a nice use of bullets and whitespace and bolding, even if long sections of italics appear to the detriment of quick scanning. Also nice is a little overview of a few major plotlines, like the beastman invasion or an incursion from the Shadowrealm. Little timeline like things, as well as a mundane-ish leaning event generator for the Keep. Trade Goods arriving! Oh, they are full of disease. Let me rif on that …

Ok, now back to the Suckatude.

This entire product is shallow. It’s abstracted and generic. To a degree, even, that I’m not sure WOTC has even achieved. And, I’m afraid, I’m going to struggle to communicate just how pervasive this is in this supplement. Pervasive is even the wrong word … it’s core to this adventure. But not in a “maybe do something like this “ way that plagues to many others. Instead it comes off as … aloof? But without the judgment that aloof implies. Distant, maybe?

And I don’t know how to communicate this. The well at the keep is “A large well and common gathering area. One of the few areas where plants and trees grow within the keep.

” So, sure, it’s a well in a keep. Why should it get a long description? But then a dungeon chasm is “The flicker of your torch reveals an ominous abyss, the ground falling away beneath your feet as if swallowed by an endless darkness” So, ignoring that “your torch/your feet” shit … It’s almost like the chasm is an after thought? Or, the description of a room with a tomb (titled as “Tomb”) comes off as: “The cavern chamber contains is dimly lit, dusty crypt, where the scent of decay and the feeling of ancient curses pervades the air.” It’s kind of like it’s being narrated, but in a kind of post-modern meta fashion? This is common in every single room and description. You get about one sentence of … read-aloud? And then a bullet or two. But nothing is really DESCRIBED. Nothing is specific. Typical treasure might be “Treasure; d20 random old empire style curiosities (value 5d20sp each item)” … abstracted and generic. Or, an example of a bullet, for the DM, meant to provide extra detail “Trophies, items from Lord Cullyn’s previous adventuring career can be found adorning the walls and drawers.” Uh. Sure. Yes, that is an idea for a room. Maybe you’d like to actually describe the room and/or trophies?

And, I guess, that’s the major thrust of every description here, both read-aloud or for the DM. it’s an IDEA for something. A deep and shadowy chasm is in this chamber, or, This is the lords trophy room from his adventuring days. It’s all a conclusion rather than the description that would lead someone to make that conclusion. The rooms. The situations. The read-aloud. The treasure. The wanderers, even.Everything

And that sucks shit. Specificity is the soul of the narrative, says The Judge.  And then …

Oh! I know! I know what this is! I wwas thinking about this abandoned and cursed village in the adventure. The descriptions for all of the buildings are like one sentence each and the village description starts with something like that they are all cursed and trapped in the shadow realm and you can there to save them. And then the boring ass abstracted village descriptions start. That got me think about this. And I recalled something else that does EXACTLY this. The old MERP supplements. They would give these generic little descriptions to the inside of the locations and then gie you like a one para or one column description. “Mim the petty dwarf could come back and dominate the region and he could live in this tower.” Descriptions were then like “This is the bathroom, it has a hole in the ground’” and so on. 

And I guess thats great, but that makes it a regional setting and not really an adventure or a sandboxy adventure. To do that you’ve got to make something specific. And while there ARE creatures in some of the rooms, the rest of he adventure and its descriptions, everything else, is more of this distant view of things. 

Oh, and the orcs … err, Beastmen, don’t really show up in the adventure. One of the big plot things involve them, but you’ll be doing all of that yourself. And, thus also, there is no Caves of Chaos. Or, I would suggest, anything else of real interest. Enjoyyour abandoned villages and their ilk.

This is free at Itch. 

https://nameless-designer.itch.io/fortress-on-the-wild-frontier

By Franklin Hicks
Self Published
Shadowdark
Levels 1-3

A small village at the base of the mountain holds a terrible secret. Unknown to all but the village elder and the Shrine Keeper the villages goddess, Adeva, is actually a devil. Each year an innocent is sent to the mountain shrine to ‘join’ the Shrine Keeper. When the truth is they are destined to be a sacrifice to the devil.  This years sacrifice, a dwarven boy named Orik, escaped the Shrine Keeper and fled into the mountain. Edwin Swift, the village elder will ask the players to venture to the top of the mountain to find the boy and return him to the mountain shrine. Little does he know that soon the Shrine Keeper will be dead and the villages secret on the cusp of being revealed!

This seventeen page single column adventure details a small dungeon with eleven rooms. Some nice ideas in this one, and a touch of or or evocative writing. It never goes goes far enough, though, in its writing or the logical consequences of things in order to bring the place to life.

This thing has some decent ideas in it, rather than just being another throw-away. The premise here is a village full of goody goodies. They live by a strict code of charity, asceticism and devotion to their protector goddess. Really good people, the way you wish religious people were. I mean, we can argue about the asceticism part, but, otherwise, you get the idea that we’ve got a nice little village here, and they truly like to help others. As a player this would SO set my teeth on edge. I’m ready to be drugged and wicker-manned and because of that I’m ready to start slitting throats and burning shit down on a hair trigger. And that’s a good thing. You’ve manipulated the PLAYERS through an in game thing. They are invested, and that can be quite rare indeed. Oh yeah, once a year they send a kid up to the mountain shrine to join the others up there in their Adeva religious order. KLast kid, though, got scared and ran off. Maybe you could help find him? 

Really solid foundation there. And, like so many other things in this adventure, that really solid foundation is going to be fucked up by the designer. Subverting expectations, or appeals to imagination abound … but then are generally drug through the much of traditional RPG tropes, ruining things. 

The kid is a little dwarf kid, and he’s run in to a kobold sorcerer … with a backstory. Great. So, look, we all recognize all of that shit as crap, right? It’s some kind of fucking excuse to throw in some kobolds in the mountain shrine. And, that kid, he was about to be sacrificed by the shrine when the sleep drug wore off and he ran off. LAME. Just an excuse to include the kobolds. THis could have been so much better with a little more thought. The village gets almost no attention at all. Turn up the charm. Get the party in to the mood, or either being paranoid as all fuck or loving the place. Throw in a couple of (very) short vignettes and NPC’s. Bring that pat of the adventure to life. Then get rid of all that “he was almost sacrificed” shit. He just ran off because he missed home, or got lost or some kind of shit. This allows the party to get invested, have some mountain encounters, and then get to the shrine, Turn up the paranoia there. THEN you can turn the entire thing in to what it is, once the party clues in. You can some dips and rises here, which are just not present. 

There are hints of good things though in almost every room. One of the wanderers on the way up the mountain are the bloody remains of a mountain goat on the trail … fortelling a mountain lion. All of the wanderers get that little bit of extra to help the DM bring the encounter to life.  And we get little snippets of good descriptions, like a sacrificial dagger is wrapped in a gold trimmed red cloth. That’s a good detail. It brings it to life in the mind. Or a small leather book on a bench … with three spells in it, like a scroll. Good little description, nothing complex, recalling all of the little leather bound ratted up books in bookstores and movies and the treasures and secrets they contain. A description that is overloaded, alluding to more than there is on the written page. And to use it as a scroll, instead of just saying “scroll with three spells?” Perfect. Or, skeletons in a jail cell, manacled up … who struggle to free themselves. There’s great tension there. 

But the issues here are pretty major, beyond the nonsensical plot design, missed opportunities and mismatch in tone. The read-aloud over reveals, destroying that back and forth between the players and the DM. The DM text gives details on the mundane. “Bed. The small bed is neatly made and has several thick wool blankets.” That does nothing for the DM. You lean on the DM to provide that sort of information while the designers role is to tel lus why THIS kitchen/bed/etc is different and relevant to the adventure. Backstory is embedded “the last remaining embers in the brazier have died out.” Well no fucking shit they have. Or, phrases are repeated between the read-aloud and DM text, telling us, for instance, that there are faded and tattered red & gold banners hanging on the wal … repeatedly. This, instead of, say, working a description that ended up as “On the other side of the portcullises is a dead kobold lying in the center of the hall. A faceless statue stands on the south end.” Joy to you! Or, a glyph glowing with purple light … with no real details on it. I’m gonna ask what the fuck it looks like. Don’t leave me hanging Mr designer! And, of course, the fact that the goddess here is a Erinyes. Who can actually grant boons. The implications are staggering! 

This is not just a generic garbage adventure. There are bots and pieces of imagination and evocative descriptions that shine through. But, it’s not consistent enough. There’s not enough of them, and the missed portions, the straining of disbelief … there’s just too much of that and not enough of interest. Maybe next time?

Also, put the fucking level in the marketing blurb!

This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $1. The preview is broken. ?

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/466489/Adevas-Mountain-Shrine?1892600

By James Floyd Kelly
The Tabletop Engineer
Generic?
"Low Levels

The best stories told by Niloshis the Whisperer here at the Dented Helm Tavern seem to always involve a theft. That old half-elf sorcerer has got a never-ending supply of wild tales. The Lair of the Battle Mage, for example… it’s one of my favorites and the one that’s been asked for tonight. Yes, a detail or two will sometimes change, but the heart of the story? That’s always consistent. Here – have a seat. It looks like he’s beginning his tale…

This 36 page adventure details a wizards tower with five floors. It’s over verbose, over explains, and doesn’t really have any treasure in its boring environments. Yet Another Boring Wizards Tower.

I don’t know how to do this one. Maybe walk you through it from the beginning? That doesn’t seem right. But, this thing seriously has me down in the dumps. The … futility of looking for that shining planet known as Earth.

We start with the usual “feel free to modify this adventure to fit your campaign” shit that prefaces all adventures. This is followed up by the page long backstory telling us all about some wizard that we don’t really care at all about. “The auction houses implored him to seel off part of his magical treasure collection!” Sure. Whatever. So far this is just the usual bad adventure stuff. Or, rather, maybe, the usual de rigour adventure shit that people feel compelled for some reason to include in their adventure serving to pad it out. Then comes a page of plot hooks. Number one is to change the location of the adventure from the city of Windblade to the city the party is currently in. Not a hook. But ok. Number two tells us to push the party to the city of Windblade by having the party encounter ex-members of the wizards adventuring group. This shit goes on and on. There are no real hooks in the adventure included. Just Ooo, maybe there’s treasure inside! Adventurers like treasure! Or maybe someone gives the party a reward for going inside! Or, maybe, they some gossip in the local tavern! No hint of what it couldbe or how to run it. Well, ok, there’s a handout. But really this hook is just “Maybe they get the handout in a tavern as gossip. I really can’t emphasize enough how useless these “hooks” are. More so than usual. It’s not even a caravan guard idea. That would be FAR more specific than anything here. It’s fucking weird man. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like this before.

Then we get a full page write on The Searchers, and the ex members of it. That could have been in one of the hooks. I have no idea. Am I really supposed to be using that hook? Is this the designers old pc party that he is Mary Sue’ing in to the adventure? Whatever. Let’s ig nore that also.

Then we get a full page write up on the local thieves guild and how they are watching the tower, and have been round the clock for two fucking years. When the local spies see the party goin then dude sends two thieves in after them. Not the worst idea on earth, but, also, anentire page for this? Sure man, whatever. 

Then we get a description of the tower. I guess that’s what this next page is. It starts with “To say that Ploren Darkstream was over-protective of his book collection and magic items is an understatement. While Ploren had no desires for lichdom or any post-death modifications to his body, he was sincere in his desire to protect his possessions for all time, including his body.” So … not a description of the tower. Some kind of backstory or justification nonsense. The entire page is a waste except the last paragraph. The tower sits in the NE chunk of the city wih some stables to the left and a burnt out warehouse to the right. At night you can see candles in the the two windows, up high and sometimes hear wood sawing from inside. That’s it. Urban? I guess so … I mean, it is a city. SOmething across the street or behind it? Crowded street? Out in a field on the outskirts? No clue. 

We finally, then, get to the two page description of the front fucking door and getting in. The read-aloud, in italics of course, tells us that “To enter the watchtower it appears that one must go through the front doors. No windows or other entrances are visible on the ground floor.” No. I refuse. There’s a window on the third story? That’s what the fuck they make rope for. But, no, we’re forced in to the front door, which must be picked. It does have a nice little section called “Observations.” This tells us that a candlelight flickers from the topmost window. That You can hear carousing from a tavern two blocks away, and that randos walk by every few minutes and you can smell burnt wood from some nearby warehouse ruins. This is quite nice. We won’t ever get anything quite this nice,in terms of scene setting, any time else in this adventure. By far. It’s also, I think, out of place. The lead in, with the read-aloud telling us we have to go in to the front door, is wildly misplaced. We should have started with this setting information and then transitioned in to the door. Also, I guess we’re kind of in the city since people wander by and the Guards can show up if you are obviously picking the door? Doesn’t sound realistic to me, but, again, whatever. 

Inside we get three pages describing the twenty foot hallway. Then a bunch more pages describing the first floors giant room (one room per floor here, the hallway making the first floor have two is an exception.) Wizoo McWizardson was such a bad  ass that his protective spells, for the first floor, involve a skeleton with a crossbow. Seriously? A skeleton with the crossbow? Melt the wall of reality, command tears in the fabric of existence. But, your protective spell ia skeleton with a crossbow? I LOATHE the fact that wizards towers never FEEL like a wizards tower.

Ok, I’;m out. The read-aloud massively over reveals in every room. Your Call To Adventure (an explicit section heading in each room) in one level is to “survive the traps in the room. Survive the awakened crossbow-wielding skeletons. Move to the second floor.” A call to adventure indeed! Where “Adventure” is defined as Monotony and a lack of interactivity.

The fabulous fucking treasure that the wizard is known for? A set of gauntlets and a shield. Oh, and a small leather pouch with some gold coins in it. The GM is encouraged to put a value on some of the books in the library. “The GM may also use the desk as a source of a magic item or some treasure for the players to discover.”

I loathe my life.

This is $10 at DriveThru. The preview is five pages and shows you nothing of consequence to make a purchasing decision. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/390781/Tavern-Tales-1-Lair-of-the-Battle-Mage?1892600

By Thom Wilson
ThrowiGames
Shadowdark
Levels 1-2

A Request!

An exiled king’s castle has aged centuries overnight, terrifying locals and passing travelers. Although relieved to be rid of the ruthless despot, farmers are fearful of what the small keep’s sudden and unexplainable ruination could mean. Will some curse or foul magic now creep into their lands? Rumors of the king’s remarkable wealth have lured adventurers and brave villagers into the perilous tunnels below the castle, but none have returned. Can anyone find out what is going on at Castle Grushnal?

This 24 page adventure details a 25-ish room linear dungeon. Most rooms are the same. One or two decent ideas doesn’t make up for the monotony of it all. 

In the first big room of this adventure there are two actual fucking angels standing in a room, each guarding one hallway. You can check in any time you like but you can never leave. That’s pretty nifty! Mythic, you might even say. Like, we’re making sure the evil don’t get out. Therest of the room is not quite ENtrance to the Mythic Underworld, but a couple of fucking angels standing guard outside? Fuck yeah! And, in another place, you’ve got a room with a bunch of skeletons just standing around in it. Almost a trap, yeah? That’s a pretty sweet concept, using hordes of creatures as a trick or situation instead of just a straight up combat? Noice! And then it happens again with zombies. And in both cases it’s more of a fight than a trick/situation. There is, I’m afraid, no salvation in this adventure.

Our enemies list, up front for level 1-2 adventure, is: Two angels, 20 lesser skeletons, 4 imps, 1 imp-mother, 30 zombies, 4 succubae, 1 devilish advisor, 1-4 bone devils, 4 shadows, and 1 devil-king. My old complaint returns again and again: you have to know what you’re up against. If a 600’ tall titan has 1 HD and an orc has 20 HD, seemingly at random, then we’re not doing a good job with adventure design. What the fuck are you fighting at level three? Vampires? Gods at level four? (Actually, I think I just did review an adventure with vampires at level … two?) 

The rumour table is a disaster. “A few young villagers who went to explore have not returned.” Where’s the specificity? The young rapscallion, Blind Billy, who picks pockets and empties cess pots, has gone missing?! But, no, please, just shovel in some more generic abstracted words. What’s that Immortan Joe line? Don’t drink too much water lest you become addicted to it? 

Ok, back to the adventure. There’s this castle and it’s suddenly started decaying in to ruins. Like, overnight. The upper level is four big open areas. And a pool of water down at the bottom of the hill that a stream runs through. That has been poisoned by cultists. Now, the cultists are just an afterthought here. They show up in one room in the upper ruins. But, also, they have poisoned the pool of water. The pool of water that is meaningless to the adventure. In every way, this pool of water does. Not. matter. But, there it is, poisoned, and taking up space. The cultists don’t matter. The dead bandits in the next room don’t matter. It’s almost like these are separate adventures. There’s no foreshadowing, or secret entrances, or anything like that. It’s like I just stuck an exploding chest out in the wilderness for no reason. Sure, not everything has to have meaning or contribute to a larger cause of holistic design, but, this one just stands out as being … meaningless.

Let’s see here. The map is essentially lineart. Perfect. The text is full of “Seems to be … “ statements. You find a glowing magic sword at the bottom of a pool of acid. It does “an extra point on damage.” 

The adventuring environment is … a little repetitive. Here’s the description for one of the rooms: “Grand room. Massive collapse covers half of room. Broken furniture. Pieces of tables and chairs found throughout the room.” Got it? You now know what just about every room description is. Oh, I guess there’s the smell of acid thats missing, as well as the acid pools up against the wall, that are in … three quarters of the rooms? An acid pool., a collapsing room full of rubble and a monster. There’s your room. Just repeat that a dozen times or so. Ten of the eleven first rooms have acid or are collapsing, with a great many doing both. I stopped counting after that because I was bored. 

Mostly linear maps. Little to no specificity. Repetition to the point of monotony. Monster zoo or demons. At level one. 

This is $5 at DriveThru. There is no preview.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/453803/PrisonPit-of-the-Agelast-King?1892600