Storm the Dark Castle

By TrueTenno
Self Published
OSR? Pathfinder
Level 1

Sarvon Sengir the diseased vampire noble lurks in the dark halls of Castle Sengir. His dark alchemy has created monstrous ghouls and a cloud of darkness over all the land.

This eight page adventure is barely coherent enough to describe nine rooms in a large castle, with a vampire in it. That you fight. At Level one. 

There’s this thing, maybe you’ve heard about it, where someone dies and they ask for all of the paper in their trunk to be burned and someone doesn’t and lo it’s their early writings and they are saved from the fire and all is wonderful in the world. First, good on that dying writer for not subjecting the world to their early writings. Second, a healthy degree of self-loathing and shame about your own writing is wonderful. Why? Well, let me tell you …

This adventure is listed as OSR, as well as Pathfinder. I expected a conversion guide, I guess. There was not one. It is OSR in the same way that every adventure ever written is OSR: I guess you could convert the entire thing yourself if you wanted. Nothing. NOTHING about this is OSR> Not a single stat. No mention of anything OSR at all. Maybe, in this case, it means you could make it 3e? Right? Cause Pathfinder is 3e? So all Pathfinder adventures are OSR adventures? I’m open to some blurry lines in definitions but calling 3e OSR is a very liberal definition of OSR.

So, I’m reviewing a level one Pathfinder adventure today. You’ll be fighting fifteen or so 1HD humans. And The White Wyrm with 50HP and a 2d6 bite. And A 30HP chamberlain. And some ghouls with 30HP each. And a frankenstein monster with 90HP. And, of course, the AC18 90HP vampire with all his vampire powers. At level one. It’s been a long while since I was in a Pathfinder game, and I know the meme is hero to superhero, but, still, this seems like a lot for some level ones? In an adventure not about exploration but which is entirely about stabbing  whoever is in the room? (With some minor flesh golem adjustments to that statement.) 

The map is hand drawn. And small. Barely legible. The room keys are numbered in the text. But not on the map. Some rooms are described in the text rather then separately as a key. So there’s a sentence that says something like “Wooden doors lead to …” in every room. And in one room there’s a paragraph entry, alongside five other entries, that STARTS “A room with a false floor and an ironbound box hanging from a chain. Removing any weight from the chain …”  Rooms within rooms! But not in a good way. It’s all a confusing mess.

There is an iconic hook with the party staying with a local miller who gives them supper, beer, and a wam place to sleep only to find his daughter missing come morning and the village mobs up. It’s all abstracted in a paragraph, which is fine given the hook and iconic nature of the hook.

Every once in awhile the adventure engages in some kind of absurdist thing in it that just strikes me as wonderful. A room full of thralls, the gatehouse, with an iron pot full of cabbage stew. No other notes about it, it’s just in the laundry list of mundane objects in the room. But man, drown a party members in it, kick it over at them, dump it on them like boiling oil. It could be great! And in another room there’s a thrall sitting in a large iron chandelier pelting visitors with the shells of the walnuts he’s eating. Great! There’ is nothing more to this AT ALL except what I just write, but thats a character introduction!  And, then, also,, there’s the Candle of Melting, as a magic item. “ (lasts one day, will slowly melt any substance, comes with a note detailing its Properties) I’m not so cool on the note, new designers are always noting everything. But, also,I love the abstracted nature of the item. SLowly melt anything!  That’s the kind of shit that true D&D problem solving comes from! Touch some roses baby!

While I’m not the biggest fan of sex in an adventure, this is how you find the vampire. “He lounges on a couch, sipping wine and surrounded by 1d6 cringing Thralls which cater to his every Whim.”  🙁 Abstracted descriptions. Lame.

The way this thing goes about its life is truly bizarre. This weird combination of abstraction. The Tower of Solitude is described, all three or four levels in like two paragraphs. Which, I think, would normally be cool, the terseness and focus on the keys and play at the table that implies … but not here. Lots of if/then and abstraction and just cramming in more abstraction and rooms. “This is a castle. There is a gate house. In the left gatehouse tower on the first floor is a mouse that speaks spanish. On the second floor you see a chandelier made of iron with lit candles on it dripping wax down to the floor. A set of stairs leads to the third level where you find a whining dog and a parapet that can take you to the right gatehouse tower. In the right …”

And, there’s a sun sword in this adventure? What’s up with the vampire adventures with sun swords? This is all from Ravenloft, or it predates that?

This is $2 at DriveThru. There is no preview. Sucker. (Which I would have looked at this time before buying, as I do sometimes, especially when we get a “Pathfinder/OSR” like situation going on.)

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/498362/storm-the-dark-castle?1892600