By Malex, James Whitchurch, Johnny Normal The Merciless Merchants OSE Levels 5-8
While visiting a sea-coast town, PCs hear a call for arms by several excited bards and minstrels! Korwyn, mighty hero of the lands, known for vanquishing the sea devil Dwormer and its minions, seeks experienced volunteers to assist him in recovering treasures from Brine Lord Cassidy’s Tomb! Korwyn claims he has a map to the fifty-year old tomb, a ship full of sailors, a sharpened sword, and wishes to set off at once! Volunteers receive a fair share of the plunder!
This seventy page adventure has a three level dungeon with about sixty rooms. It’s a real deal adventure. And, also, there’s something wrong with it that hurts my brain. Formatting? It’s busy. It fits, to a T, the definition of idiosyncratic adventure that people talk about in the future.
This is a tough nut to crack, literally and figuratively. The core of the adventure is the titular tomb, with 24 rooms. We might instead call it more of a dungeon crawl, rather than a tomb crawl, although in reality it is somewhere in between. The map, for the tomb in particular, is above average, with some decent variety on it, same-level stairs, water shown, notes on it, etc.
So, the tomb, right? We’ve got statues. We’ve got secrets. We’ve got riddles. The fucking entrance is through a trap door in a cave ceiling that you can use the tide to help you get to. Giant fountain? Yup. Giant octopus statue in the middle of the mountain? Yup. Water spurting out its tentacles? Yup. Pull on a couple of the tentacles like levers to open secret doors? Yup! Rock on little gom jabbars! That’s what SHOULD happen. A ledge, in a partially flooded room, leads to another dungeon level. “ Halflings and gnomes can fit through the stream cave that leads to T#10.” There’s a variety here, and the environment FEELS natural. It feels like a real place. Of course a collapsed room floods and leads to a new dungeon level! I don’t give a fuck about fresh water sources. Or places for the monsters to shit. Or any of that other naturalism nonsense. But I do want my environment to make sense and feel right. So, shit to fight. Shit to fuck with. Shit to explore. Treasures to loot. Rock on man!
And then we start to add other elements. We’ve got a dungeon level above the tomb (which, I guess, is below the island proper, which has a few encounters on it. Eight or so?) So, a dungeon before you get to the dungeon. Awesome! And then, in the tomb, as I mentioned earlier, there’s a level UNDER that level. The tomb is a part of the world around it. Oh, and, also, there’s a demon and some demon fish on that level under the tomb. So, you know, there’s that. Oh, and, on that level above the tomb? There’s some alien jellyfish. They really don’t like the demon fish. They’d like you to go kill the demon lord, close the rift, etc. Oh, and, also, they crawl down your throat and possess you. And then the PC is like “Hey, lets all swim down this hallway full of weird jellyfish and maybe go kill some demons, yah?” Yeah. And then there’s a sea voyage. So, tomb adventure. On an island. with levels above and below it. With a sea voyage. With some demon fish/alien possession jellyfish running around everywhere. And this gets us to what I am calling a real adventure.There’s context. A larger environment in which the adventure is taking place. Not the continent. Not a bunch of irrelevant shit.
Oh, yeah, and the art is a bunch of hand drawn shit from amateurs. Fucking great! I love i! It really brings the homebrew vibe. Charming as all fuck!
However …
Something the fuck is rotten is in the state. I’m struggling, a lot, with this adventure. My eyes glaze over at ever opportunity. It’s something, I think, with the formatting. We have, no doubt, grown bored with my “bold, bullet, whitespace” chant. However, what I’m actually chanting is usability, with those just being some common means to get there. However, can they be applied … incorrectly? Maybe? And maybe that’s what is going on here? It starts with the numbering scheme. “T#9” Meh. That seems a little busy, with the hash sign? And the letter in front of it? I know I know. It sounds like I’m just nitpicking. But. Combined with the bolding, whitespace and bullets, … I know, I know. I’m a terrible fucking person. But it’s hard to grok! I think we’re looking, in many cases, of encounters that are three quarters of a page or longer. And in those cases the formatting seems to wander around, with creatures and text intermixed. It’s hard to follow! And, then, add in the wanderers, and a couple of other special tables before each dungeon level. Rumour page for the level, Map page. A couple of pages of wanderers. THEN we can start the level … it’s all just a little … expansive?
I think, what I’m seeing, is the merchants house style reaching about the limits of what it can accomplish, and even going further than it would allow. As things get larger, and longer, there need to be certain adjustments. And I’m not sure I see that here. Which is real fucking polite way of saying I don’t want to fight this text for the adventure underneath. Even though, i do think, that the adventure underneath is a good one. I mean, sure, I have some doubts about the mind-control jellyfish shit, but we’ll chalk that up to past trauma.
This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru, with a suggested price of $8. The preview is a nice and long one. Check out pages three, four, five, six and seven to see what I’m talking about with the more expansive formatting used.
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/397251/Brine-Lord-Cassidys-Tomb?1892600
Think Merciless Merchants is Malrex 🙂
Usually I dig their format style, though I don’t look at much OSE stuff. I’ll have to check this one out.
It’s not just me, there are a few of us, although I’m usually involved in some way…but I do some solo projects as well.
I was just trying to add the “L” back into you username 🙂
Actually “R” the L is there 😀
I think much could have been fixed here with a 1 point decrease in font size and stronger headers. Keep each room in its own “space” so to speak. The writing style/format isn’t bad it’s similar to what I use.
Nothing wrong with that formatting at all. I fear Bryce has drunk the Water of Life dispensed by the Little Maker Gavin Norman-wannabes and their outline/adventure notes style.
It’s OK to use words, sentences and, yes, Virginia, even *paragraphs*
Paragraphs?? Miss me wit dat college shiet..For i cap a bullet point in yo ass
Bryce couldn’t write a real paragraph if his life depended on it.
We are categorically amateur artists that had a lot of fun trying to bring a little more life to a KS stretch goal that took on a life of its own.
Congratulations! Most of us, like me, are always working on something, but never releasing anything. Must be a great feeling to have accomplished so much!
I guess I don’t know who is in the “us” group I tried to hide among, or if there even is one. *I’m* always working on something but never finishing anything. So, I’m always impressed whenever imaginative, creative types manage to buckle down and finish something.
Cheers! I am very happy to have played a part in infecting Malrex’s idea into something a little more horrific.
Do you ever just *like* a module?
He does, but the value given to “easy to read” seems to have swollen at the expense of substance or playability.
He likes bullet points and outlines of late. Large font and pretty art also helps.
https://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/?page_id=844
there has gotta be at least a hundred “the bests” here
Too much of the internet is like love bs
I like bryce and coffee
Bryce, prince seems to have more patience for long text than you do.
I think there is interesting discussions regarding what makes bullets good
What makes paragraphs good?
What makes truncated guy sentences good
All these adventure styles where are those pitfalls and why
Would be sweet to have a book on this
I had some KS members help with this add-on adventure and a little tomb adventure blew up into something bigger. I had a great time collaborating with the other authors/artists–they had tons of great ideas and obviously much better artists than myself! If I’m honest, I think one flaw is on me in that it could of had another few editing passes but I was trying to get this done before I hiked for 5 months on the PCT and didn’t have internet. So maybe it would of captured the ‘less is more’ so that Bryce’s eyes wouldn’t of glazed over on parts of it. I also appreciate the input from the comments up above for things to try and improve and yes–would be sweet to have a book on this (*cough* Bryce–get to work). Thanks for the review, and thanks for KS supporters to make this Add-On adventure happen.
BUT here is my main pitch!!! Get ready!–I just took down this in the description when I got back as most adventures disappear into the void after about 3 months (and I waited 6). But I will reinstate the CHARITY for this adventure until January 1st 2023 and write them another check. Every dollar and coin will go towards this charity until 1/1/2023. We raised and donated $60 for the National Fibromyalgia Association https://www.fmaware.org/ already from this adventure. Not to get too personal, but I have a family member who has it and it sucks ass. If you like this adventure please consider donating to the cause. Spread the word across the lands! Thank you!
Alas, I have but two thumps’ up to give.
Lol $60
You’re lol’ing about money raised for charity? Really?
It goes to show there’s so little money in adventures we should all just do this for free.
It’s really all very dorky, isn’t it? A publishing company with a logo and trade dress to make $60.
Like middle-aged men running a lemonade stand on the sidewalk
“It’s really all very dorky, isn’t it?”
I mean, we’re talking about elfgames here, so…
And my lemonade is DELICIOUS!!
Art isn’t free. Paying artists properly requires charging for a module to break even. Giving money to charity makes sense because you tend to have a bit left over, but not enough to make a blip in your personal finances.
>Every dollar and coin will go towards this charity until 1/1/2023.
Bought.
Thanks all! Raised another 63.37$ for the National Fibromylangia Foundation. Sending in the check today and closing the charity option for this product.
Nice work, will have to check it out.
Hey Chainsaw, I was wondering what ever happened to LAKE OF FIRE? I was reading about it in your post in The Brazen Bull but couldn’t find any further info.
Another useless review by Bryce “I’ve given up on my life” Lynch.
I’m hung up on that blurb/quest hook. It sounds like another “you get to play the sidekicks to the real bad-ass” adventure. And yet Bryce gives it a good review. Is that angle just dropped by the time you reach the dungeon, or how is it handled?
The jellyfish can control people…alas poor Korwyn. There is also other hook options.