By Christopher Moneymaker
Self Published
5e
Level 3
A killer stalks the night and must be caught before he kills again!
This 176(!) page adventure is rough. I mean REALLY rough. It’s nigh incomprehensible rough. Like “You can’t actually read it in order to run it’ rough. I THINK it’s just a simple linear plot thing. I think.
Of the 176 pages about a hundred of them belong to an appendix, character sheets, and so on. There might be ten or so pages of intro/table of contents also, leaving about sixty or so pages of actual content. Incomprehensible content.
I harp on legibility issues from time to time. If I had to point to one adventure to illustrate my point then it would be this one. It’s a nightmare to try to understand. First, it’s in single-column format. Single column is generally bad. Your eyes have a long way to travel across the page, causing you to lose track of where you are. It makes the physical act of reading text quite fatiguing. In formats like digest sized adventures then this isn’t such an issue, your eyes don’t have as far to travel. In a full letter size, though, it’s bad. It’s true! There are scientific studies!
On top of this, and perhaps more importantly for this adventure, it’s using a funky font. Basically, it’s a kind of gothic font with cap letter oversized, lots of little flourishes and stroke marks on lowercase letters, and it’s all in a heavy bold. This is NOT legible. Not even close. You have to work, work very hard indeed, to just engage in the act of reading the text. Scanning would be impossible for mortal man. It’s seriously almost impossible to read. On top of all of this are the maps, which looks like they came from an EGA/VGA computer game. Dense with color and thick with (more) weird font choices, they are, almost all of them, not going to be possible to figure out without a lot of work.
This is all a problem. A BIG problem. Like, the biggest problem I’ve ever seen in all of my D&D reviews. You’re fighting the actual legibility of the text the entire way. So much so that I feel guilty with this review, because I don’t think I’ve given it a fair shake with the content. I’ve tried to wade through it twice and while I think I’ve done a decent job, I can’t help but think I’m not getting the full picture. Did I mention the large block of red front on a beige background? THis thing is ROUGH to wade through.
Combined with this are LONG sections of traditional paragraph text. LONG sections. It’s all laid out in a if you ask about this then they say that format, with an emphasis on minute, light how far someones’s tunic comes down to the ground. It’s just impossible to find ANYTHING in this text.
But, at its core, it’s just walking around a village talking to some NPC”s and a few wilderness encounters and a small lair map. For 176 pages.
This is CRAZY. I mean, you could not point to a better example of the issues of legibility in adventures. Yeah, I’ve said almost nothing about the adventure. While some investigation and NPC talking to is a great idea, you first have to make the adventure legible, and this ain’t that.
This is $15 at DriveThru. The preview is eight pages and shows you nothing of the adventure, which a preview should actually do. Open it up and scroll to the last page of it. That big text blob at the bottom? That’s an example of what the ENTIRE adventure is like. And is one of the more comprehensible sections of text.
By Istvan Boldog-Bernad
First Hungarian d20 Society
OSRIC
Levels 3-4
Mur’s fortunes have been built on tear salt, and merchants from distant lands travel to the city for this healing elixir. There are two tear salt springs in town, owned by two rival patrician families: the Falconi and the Capullo. Mur’s laws forbid open conflict, and like most crimes against citizens, the punishment for breaking the peace is severe: live entombment within the living city’s ever-growing walls! Nevertheless, cloak-and-dagger intrigue always claims new victims, and discord between the two families has now escalated into almost open warfare after the elderly Ercol Falconi’s young wife has disappeared. Time is ticking away, and only a bold company of outsiders can resolve the feuds and discover the masterminds behind it all… under the watchful eyes of the City-God!
This 32 page adventure details intrigue, Fair Verona style, in a small city. Two great houses avoid open warfare, with the party mixing things up, perhaps going all Yojimbo. There’s too much to keep straight, though, without a scorecard, and it could use a little more intrigue to mix things up. It’s a pretty cool little setting, even if I do think it’s a lot of work to run.
You’ve got a setting and you’ve got shit going on in that setting. And then you’ve got three dungeons related to the adventure. (And, also, a separate wilderness adventure that I’m ignoring for this review.) The setting here, the city, is flavourful, with enough detail to make it spring to life in the DM’s mind, easing their ability to run it and make up new stuff. The Shit Going On in the setting is … plentiful, to say the least. You’ve got a fuck ton of people running around with differeing motivations, generally acting in opposition to another group. IE: a fuck tun of faction play.
The city, proper, is pretty interesting. Worshipped as a god, they bury people in the walls of their houses. Alive, if they are criminals. They export some magic vials of water (actually tears of a crying titan …) and, like the cities of old, foreigners have essentially no rights in the city.
To this lets add two factions, the Gold and Blue, based around two old families that have a stranglehold on the potion business, being the only two (legit) providers. (See that throwaway word? Legit? There’s one throwaway line in the city description that mentions imposters and crooks and fake potions … and like all good one-liners it provides ample inspiration for a DM to expand the adventure. It’s not just some shitty window dressing, its a line that directly contributes to further adventures and complications … the way these things should!)
Ok, then You’ve got their own personal guards, the Blue and the Gold. Then you’ve got the commoner filled Greys, the city guard, who take advantage of foreigners. The lesser criminal elements, always willing to place the blame on foreigners (IE: the party.) Oh, and the two great houses in Verona like to use outsiders since they can’t openly go to war and they are essentially disposable. Let’s see, you’ve got an independent wizard upset that the local library has burned down and is interested in bringing people to justice over it. You’ve got a beggar king with a secret to hide. You’ve got a ½ orc with plans to score ig at the expense of a family. And then you’ve got the main plot, with the child bride of one of the families gone missing and rumors abound, with Fake News, on who did it. And then you’ve got the beggar king, with his own secrets, and desiring to Bring The Noise and destroy the city. And then a couple of other independent places, like The Hotel out of John Wick, this time a small neutral ground inn for merchants. There, I think I got about ?’rds of the shit going on. This is my kind of place! A fuck ton going on and two seperate timers, unknown to the party, driving the action, before two different people end up dead … one with normal consequences and one with apocalyptic consequences. FUCK! I forgot the cult. And the thieves guild. Anyway, a shit ton going on. This is totally my bag baby and I luv it! This is the fucking way you create a setting!
The dungeons, three of them, do a pretty good job also. Hands reaching out from walls, ghouls bursting through them, weird lifelike mouths, statues that are guresomly real, cannibals, and a shit ton more, all described and brought to life with a minimum of text. I could, mayhem use just another sentence, since a lot tend to be one sentence long, but the core concepts are good ones and the brief descriptions do a job job lodging them in your brain, which is what they should do. Nice writing, but could be better.
But, alas, all is not well. There are four things that spring to mind, in this adventure, that do not sit well with me.
The first is, I think, a subset of a larger problem. The city wanderer table is about half boring. Meaning about the encounters are just “merchants” or “Bandits” or some such, with nothing more. The other half might have a sentence of something like “Rakes who like to humiliate foreigners, especially in front of a crowd.” Devoting a page, or even doing an inline table, to spicing these up would have gone a long way to giving the DM a springboard to launch an encounter from.
And this “springboard”, or lack thereof, is the larger issue I find in this adventure. The city setting is interesting. The factions and all the shit going on is great. There are good hooks that abound. One of the first is from a relative of the missing girl, “find her … or avenge her!” (As an aside, this Realpolitik/Men Of Power thing is a theme in this adventure and I LUV it!) Fuck yeah man, Permission to Stab received and understood! But, there is some level between the down and gritty detail and the high level faction plans. SOme way to ge the party involved more, after the mission brief, some way to get them in to the thick of things. This is, I think, sorely missing from the adventure. The middle is missing. It didn’t have to be much, maybe a sentence here and there, but active party involvement seems to be missing.
On top of this, or, perhaps, as a symptom, the thing feels more like an overview or guidelines than an adventure. I understand that, when writing a Tv Show, there is some document produced that has all of the backstory of each character and the places. This FEELS like that. Not in the amount of extraneous detail (that is thankfully not present) but rather as a kind of “high level briefing document.” That can be ok, for a setting, but as a part of a city, to run an adventure in? It leaves more than little to be desired. The various locales are both thick with information (dense, maybe?) and high level guidelines. I LIKE guidelines, but, somehow, here, it feels off?
Finally, and most importantly, this thing needs a fucking scorecard. There are SO many people, and SO much going on, with their funny fucking names, that its hard to keep things straight. I’m not sure, after two read throughs, whos up to what and why, if you mentioned a name to me. A summary sheet of this shit would have been VERY helpful to run the adventure/city from. A necessity, infact.
I’m ending this review early to go pass out. It’s the day after election, I’ve been ignoring all of the news channels and instead drinking.
This is $6 at DriveThru. The preview is eight pages. The writing style, used in the preview, is the one used throughout. A better preview would have a page of dungeon encounters and perhaps a page of the city locations as well.
Dark rumors have been whispered in the village for years of the vile deeds of Berengar the Brutal and his wife Ra’za’zsu the Cruel. Their manor, now long abandoned, still haunts the nightmares of those who worked there in their youth. When two of Berengar’s fromer servants go missing and their grandson seeks help in finding them, will your adventurers be ready?
This sixteen page adventure details a haunted house, With serious Wall of Text issues. So much so that it is nigh unreadable, let alone playable. Oh, Wall of Text, how I have missed thee!
I had been not reviewing DCC adventures of late. There tends to be more linearity in them, not in terms of plot, like a 5e adventure, but in terms of dungeon design. This one seemed to be different, with a haunted house to explore, and who doesn’t love Tegal/Saltmarsh? To its credit it does present a short section outside of the house, with the grounds and a few outbuildings to explore, as well as a house that, while small, is not linear. Small sections of text also give an overview of the house and grounds, as seen by the party, which is good to see.
That is all.
While there are small vignettes that are fun to explore (the old “skeleton laying under a broken rafter with an overturned chair nearby” gag) the thing is plagued by A LOT of text issues that add up to a horrible horrible wall of text.
There’s A LOT of read-aloud for rooms. Multiple multiple sentences that kind of cause the eyes to glaze over; I can’t think that I’d be patient as a player, listening to it or recalling what been said. The read-aloud is also in italics, which causes my eyes, as the DM, to glaze over and lose track of where I am. Then the read-aloud gives too much information. Small details, like the hasp of a chest being broken, destroying that back and forth interactivity that should exist between a DM and their players. So, too much read-aloud for the players, badly formatted for them DM, and the read-aloud gives away too much information … with it sometimes slipping in to first-person also “you clean away the …”
And then there’s the DM text. There’s A LOT of it. Again, your eyes get lost because it has very little formatting to help you run it. And mixed in is TONS of backstory about what rooms used to be used for, what happened in them, why something is there, and so on. A LOT of it. SO much so that the DM text ALSO turns in to a Wall of Text.
It’s a pretty simple “kill the monsters” adventure, with a few things to figure out, as the players, but it is COMPLETELY unusable, as a throwback to the late 80’s or 90’s style. And EVERYTHING is exacerbated by the smaller font used.
This is $5 at DriveThru. The pview is only four page, and only shows you a little of one encounter. You do get to see the font size, some read-aloud, and IMMEDIATELY see the wall of text issues in the intro. But, a few more encounters would have been better in the preview.
A cult in the temple of Xanadu has opened a portal to another dimension. It was activated by adjusting the hands of three pendulum clocks in a particular sequence. Once the veil of reality was ruptured between this world and another, The Tooth Fairy stepped through, a winged creature from a dimension made of sweet stuff. The Tooth Fairy slaughtered everyone in the temple for their teeth, which she extracted and ate like candy. Rumors are circulating about unusual happening involving the temple, many are concerned. The Tooth Fairy is currently in her dimension, her appetite is ravenous, waiting to be summoned again. Rewards and riches may await those who venture forth to explore the temple, or dare to perform the ritual!
This forty page adventure features a one level dungeon with about 33 rooms described in about 23 digest pages. Good interactivity is complimented by good layout and organization to create an environment that is easy to run and fun to play in, with a hefty complement of Creepy Shit thrown in.
It’s digest and it’s full of hipster 8-bit art, as a throw back to the early era of computer rpg games. It’s also a good adventure.
Interactivity is a hard beast. I comment frequently that it’s one of the three main pillars of a good adventure. There’s two sorts of interactivity in an adventure. The first is the back and forth between the party and the DM. This is the soul of every RPG; the art of the DM providing information and the party following up. Adventure text can support this. But I’m usually using the term interactivity in terms of Things To Do in the dungeon. Stabbing people. That’s pretty much a given. I like stabbing people, but that can’t be the totality of the dungeon, otherwise it’s just a tactical minis game … which could be fine if you’re in to Warhammer, but this is an RPG. You can talk to people before you stab them. I always like that. It’s not always required but it does provide a few more opportunities for the players to exploit the monster and the monster to exploit the player before (potential) stabbing starts. But then, what’s next? Traps, maybe? Puzzles? Yes to both! You want things in the dungeon for the party to mess with. This creates a risk/reward structure and delicious delicious tension as the party, hopefully, sits on the edge of their seats waiting for a result to their actions, with shouts of glee when things go well and groans of despair when they don’t.
How about a statue holding a bowl? With gemstone eyeballs Obs, you want to put something IN the bowl! Also, the statue is carved from compressed human teeth. Hmmm, I wonder what goes in the bowl? That’s good interactivity. Secrets to discover! Hints in a mosaic that reveal deeper truths further inside the dungeon! A chess game to play! You need this sort of stuff in your dungeon. I don’t care if it’s 5e, Pathfinder, Warhammer, or something else, you need things for the party to play with and explore. And this adventure has that. Not quite every rooms, but enough stuff in the dungeon that you feel engaged as a player.
It’s also using one of my favorite style for laying out/organizing rooms. [Standard disclaimer: this is not the ONLY way to do a good job, but I do think it’s an intuitive way to do it for a new designer.] The first paragraph of each room generally provides a quick little overview of what the party sees, with certain keywords bolded, like “wall paintings”, “dead bodies” “candles” and the like. There are then bolded section headings for each of those points, with the details of them under each section. Thus the DM can easily locate the overview to relate to the players and then find the follow information instantly. I’m a fan. The Hall of Everlasting Light has the general description: “Pillars, running down center. Wall paintings throughout. Candles, high up on walls, regular intervals, piercing blue flame. Dead bodies, 2d4 of them, randomly distributed around room. Smells fragrant, like fresh air.” It’s a nice job.
Most of the decisions made in this adventure by the designer are great ones. Monsters are new, and creepy, to keep the players on their toes. The map is a good one (although light sources could be shown …) there is a good overview of the adventures, themes notes, major enemies, what the party can accomplish in terms of mysteries to solve. There’s a little map overview key … I like it a lot.
The descriptions could be punchier. The “Wall Paintings” above, reads “Full-body portraits of multiple races, including beings not of this world, all wearing red robes, emblazoned with the cult symbol.” Not exactly the punchiest of descriptions, and tending to the abstract side of the spectrum. A good evocative description, kept short, is a hard skill though, and one of the hardest to master, I think, after imaginative interactivity. The outside of the temple doesn’t really get a description, for those would be “use the back door” crowds.
And, there are a lot of If/Then statements. This is a writing style that just clogs up writing. “IF a read magic spell is cast ..” “is something is put in the bowl …” or “if a search for traps is made …” This is actually a stylistic choice made by the designer, so it’s not just poor writing, as it usually is. Actions are preceded by an IF as a formatting decision, consistent throughout. I don’t think it’s good. I think it adds words to read and parse while you are digging through content, but, hey, that’s just me. The reviewer.
Still, even with some weakness in the descriptive text, it’s a great adventure. Lots oto explore, Easy to run. Really good interactivity (OOOO! Glass coffin!”) and just a tough of gruesomeness (teeth related, generally) to keep the theming together and let you know they ARE baddies for a reason.
This is $3 at DriveThru. The preview is fourteen pages. You only get to see the first two rooms, since it’s the first fourteen pages. I would have preferred a couple of more rooms to look at as well, but you can get a good idea of the writing style, layout, interactivity, and so on from the preview, so it’s a decent preview.
[…] In recent times, the clans have closed the mines due to a lack of demand for ore. The closing of the mine had reached the ears of the dreaded Spriggan Chief, who for years has terrorized the countryside by raiding and slaughtering villages. The vile warlord has taken over the keep, enslaved the village of Blood Red Falls and nearby settlements, forcing the inhabitants into slavery, and also put a strangling hold on all rivers traffic by enforcing punitive taxes on anyone wanting to pass by. Due to these action, All the inhabitants opposed to the brutal leader have banded together to offer a large reward for the capture of Bloodaxe, dead or alive.
This 56 page single column adventure features two towers, each with five levels, and about a hundred and fifty rooms. It’s minimally keyed and is nothing but stabbing.
Ah, the noble commando raid. Go to place X and kill Frank. Also, the place is stuffed with monsters. G1 did a great job with it, creating a dynamic environment with a minimal amount of superfluous text to create one of the best modules ever. This ain’t G1.
Revel in the majesty of: “1 – Spriggan archers are in this room hp 24 armed with Short bow and short sword. Sleeping in a bunk” or perhaps your party should turn their attention to this little gem of a room: “This room has a desk near the door, a bed on the far wall and a table with 4 chairs in the center.” No? Then how about: “This room is empty but obviously inhabited by the piles of straw & furs on the floor .”! This is the splendor of our achievement! Call in the airstrike with a poisoned kiss …
I’m not really cherry picking that much. The vast vast majority of the rooms in this adventure will be presented in this very boring manner. Minimally keyed, or, perhaps, one breath beyond it. Gnolls play a game at a table. What kind of game? Not mentioned because the description is abstracted. Not knucklebones. Not Papers & Paychecks. Just “a game.”
The encounters in an adventure are the heart and soul of it (generally.) It is what the DM uses to bring the game to life. As such it is the designers job to provide the DM with something to work with. SOmething more than “1 gnoll asleep.” It IS the DMs job to bring the adventure to life, but it’s the designers job to give the DM something to work with to do that. Imagine a dungeon that just had the monsters randomly rolled. Room 1- 3 kobolds. Room 2- 4 orcs. Etc. If I publish this is it valid to, upon pushback from the suckers, claim that it is the DMs job to bring it to life? And yet, we seem to accept this. I have no idea why.
The rest of the commando raid aspect fails as well. There’s no real overall map, just the cover painting, to give you an idea of how things are laid out for an assault. There’s a village on the other side of the river, somewhere, but fuck if I know how it relates to the tower, there’s no map and the text is unclear. If the baddies see the party they ring a bell and the whole fortress comes alive, but no details beyond that of an order of battle, or de escalation, or anything related to cat and mouse.
The first four pages are read-aloud to set the scenario up.
There are long LONG blocks of italics to dig through.
Most of the text is written in a “if the party searches then they find …” or “If you search the cage then …”
And, ultimately, it’s just an adventure full of stabbing things. A minimally keyed stabbing things.
Prisoners, with names? Bah! Better to just let there be a fuck ton of whitespace after the prisoner entry rather than give a name or personality.
This is clearly someone’s labour of love. They had a vision in their head of how to run it, what it looks like, and they love it and want to share it everyone else. I admire that. But the designer has no idea how to actually write an adventure for OTHERS to use.
This is $25 at DriveThru. The preview is the first six pages. As such you get to see the read-aloud to start the adventure and that’s it. The preview should show some of the actual encounters, so we can judge if we want to buy the adventure. Further, the level range is only on the cover, it should be the marketing blurb also.
A young girl has been abducted and the heroes join a posse to hunt the orcs who did it. But they face several terrible temptations while rescuing her.
This eight page adventure details elevent linear plot encounters in about three pages. It’s abstracted text, with lots of hemming and hawing in an attempt to not give details. The moral quandary is not really that tempting.
And the moral quandary is why I’m reviewing this. “Several temptations …” is something that caught my attention, in the marketing blurb. The deliciousness of temptation, the tension of making decisions, is one of the best parts of a RPG. I was hoping to see something that would really make the party sit up and take notice and really cause a quandry. One one hand you’ve got a hag who wants to keep the abducted little girl she is raising. You’ve also got an orc warlord that just wants the party to go away … that you are supposed to be killing to appease the hag. In both cases you’ve got an evil NPC asking the party to not interfere, and offering something in return. In theory, this is a great set up. I always like to say that you can resort to stabbing a monster at any time, but a little roleplaying first makes the encounter all the better (in general.) And this adventure is going down that path. But in both instances the offered temptation is not really enough to make it worth the party selling out. Save a little girl or get a chest with some furs and wine in it from the orc warlord? This being 5e, monetary rewards are kind of meaningless anyway, since they don’t lead to XP and they tend to be rather small … maybe 1500 gp worth in this case. The hags offer is a little better, she’ll add 50% to your lifespan if you just go away and leave her the girl. Both, though, are kind of abstracted rewards (because of the cash situation in 5e.) One day the hag will eat the girl, when she grows old and dies. Is leaving her worth the 50% more lifespan? These rewards are not enough. Sure, the DM can modify and/or it could be situational, the party might NEED that 50%, but in general the selling point of the adventure, the quandry, is not really a temptation at all. Even _I_ would go all Righteous Justification on those two, and I love me some NE playstyle.
The adventure, proper, is abstracted in a way that is not good. The designer notes this up front, saying that he prefers a more outline style of style instead of spelling everything out. In general, I would agree. The overwritten text of adventures is a thing of legend, and pushing back against that is laudable. But the designer goes too far in to the abstracted format. There is a mob of peasants forming to go get the girl, and a sheriff leading them, but the mob is entirely abstracted and the sheriff all but so. No real names, personalities, or flavour to help the DM out and add tension and memorable moments to the game. Now, I’m NOTT calling for overwritten text, but specificity is needed to ground a DM and get them headed in the right direction, a shove as it were, and that’s just not present here. That mob would have been a great place to have a paragraph or a few sentences on, but nothing. And this is a pattern that repats over and over again.
Up to and including the lack of maps. I don’t need a map, and certainly not a tactical one, but the text is confusing when it describes the battle environments and a map, even a simple line drawing, would have cleared that up easily. Further, it would have added, hopefully, some tactical options in places like two guard dogs outside of the hags home.
I’m quite disappointed with the complete lack of any meaningful description. The hag, the orc camp, the mob, nothing is covered in any way to lead the DM to a good encounter. There needs to be something, not a lot, but something, to spark those DM juices. Just saying “its a giant hag” is boring as hell. Generic.
[I will note without further comment the designers comments that this should be a storytelling game, and the DM’s goal being to elicit emotions and entertain the players, as well as noting tha the classic “5 room dungeon” format was used..]
It’s a generic outline of a linear adventure without tension.
This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $1. The preview is five pages and you get a good idea of the adventure from it, since it shows all of the encounters. There is one good moment, in a text box, but the rest of the genericism should be self evident from it.
Rumors of a rampaging sea monster have ground shipping traffic to a halt in the harbor. The characters discover that the Jade Lion has gone missing near Skyhorn Lighthouse and learn they must brave the open seas and cutthroat enemies in order to save the crew from a murky fate!
This 24 page adventure features around eight “one page each” scene based encounters. It’s a great example of forum plus function and what can be achieved when a designer has a vision and doesn’t go in to autopilot mode. The choices made in the design make sense given the assumptions and should work out well in play. Kelsey Dionne joins that rare group of designers who have earned the description “Not a fucking idiot.”
I believe that old school D&D, exploratory D&D, provides a substantially different experience, and a superior experience, than alternative forms of D&D. Those other forms are closer, I think, to story based indie-rpg’s. I also recognize that story based D&D has been around since about 1978 and became the dominant form around 3 or so, I’d guess, and is the way the vast majority of people play D&D and have fun with it. (and by “D&D, i mean “fantasy role playing”) And since drinking beer, eating pretzels and having fun with friends while escaping the crushing ennui of life IS the main point of ALL D&D, I’ll take it.
The point of all of that is that modern fantasy RPG’s are DIFFERENT THINGS. Different things require different formats to support their different assumptions. In a social adventure it doesn’t make sense to have a room/key format since it’s not an exploratory adventure … it’s a social adventure. And yet, most adventures don’t recognize that they are writing for different assumptions. They stubbornly stick to the old formats that were optimized for other assumptions, if they put any thought in to it at all. But not Kelsey. Kelsey has put some thought in to what’s trying to be accomplished and has made decisions about the adventure, formatting, etc, that directly support those assumptions. And does a good fucking job at it as well.
Modern fantasy RPG’s are essentially scene based RPG’s. The adventure is designed around that. You get a page of overview/summary, describing how the adventure is going to unfold. This primes the DM for what is to come, generally a necessary step to fully leveraging the DM as a resource to expand your adventure and their brain to accept the coming information. Then there’s a page of hooks/little scenes. Then there are eight pages that describe, one page each, the eight scenes in the adventure. A few pages of maps and appendices round things out. Eight pages. One per scene. You read the overview. Great. You’re set now to run the adventure. The players do a couple of shots each and grab their 40’s/Mad Dog to sit down. The DM runs the hooks from the hooks page. The adventure starts. The DM uses one page per scene to run the games. Everything they need is on that page. Its available there, at a glance. It’s laid out with bullet points and offset text, with good bolding. It’s easy to scan and run the scene, embellishing as necessary. There’s a little text in a couple of bullets, maybe two, that give an atmosphere or physical description of the scene. It makes sense and the DM can build from it. NPC’s are easy to locate. They have a six word appearance, a six word mannerism and a six word secret and are easy to grok and run at a glance. The secret might actually lead to interesting play, in some situations. So far so good, right? Scene based, once scene per page. Not exactly an innovation, either, but when taken together the start to formulate the basis of that modern D&D assumption. Then, Kelsey adds “Dramatic Question.” This is an explicit section. This is what the scene is about. This is what is going on. “Can you X?” And then, the scene ends with a transition. Again, another explicit section that tells the DM what to do when the dramatic question is answered. “Ascend the stairs from the island docks to the lighthouse.” for example. It makes sense. The four elements, all taken together, with the formatting/style choices … this is a great format for most adventures being published. It works. It’s immediately obvious it works. It’s immediately obvious that most adventure should be written this way, regardless of system, if it’s not exploratory D&D. I won’t say it’s the ONLY way, but it should be obvious to every designer that this format is a good one and easy to mimic in their own adventures. 99% of DMsGuild and DriveThru adventures should be formatting this way, designed this way.
And yet, there’s room for improvement.
Kelsey includes a section of the adventure in which the design choices made, the formatting choices, etc, are justified. It’s sad that has to be done, but, whatever. In it it is noted that the DM is to embellish the descriptions. That’s correct. A good adventure inspires the DM with the physical description. The DM then takes that and embellishes that as they see fit and/or where the game goes. (In contrast to the standard overwritten and long description. No, this is not a case of personal preference, unless you prefer eating garbage.) But, this requires a strong inspiration from the designer. Kelsey does a good job with this, certainly above average, but could do better. The first scene, on the docks, has a two bullet description, the faint glimmer of a lighthouse on a small island a few miles out to sea, and the docks choked with ships, quiet compared with the normal bustle of activity. I’ll take this any day of the week over the overwritten garbage that is choking the hobby. And, you can even see signs of good writing. Docks CHOKED with ships. That’s good imagery. And I get where the lighthouse thing is going. Both, however, are not given room to breathe and even, I would assert, are reigned in. A SMALL island. Small is a boring word. That whole second clause deflates the first one, the glimmering. A second sentence should puff it up more, instead of bringing it down using “small” and “a few miles out.” Likewise the ship description. The choking bit is GREAT. Perfect imagery. But then it is reigned back in with “quiet compared to …” IE: boring. Drunken sailors, dice games, or even unearthly quiet, maybe … either would have heightened the description instead of “normalizing” it with “its quieter than normal.” I find this common in the adventure … most of the text is spot on but the scene overviews, the location description where the scene takes place, gets short shrifted. It’s not given the room to breathe it should, and in some cases I’d suggest that iconic “views” that should be in the adventure are not present at all in a meaningful way … the lighthouse and island in particular.
But … it’s a good adventure. A water elemental “coughs up” treasure when killed. (Nice solution to a treasure problem in the ocean … and a good word choice.) The monster descriptions START with the physical description, what is most relevant to the DM when running the game. There’s a monster reference in the form of “combat cards” for the DM to use to run the fights. I could bitch more about interactivity beyond “talking and fighting” and more about a certain magic item that is key to the adventure and yet unlootable … but thats nitpicking compared to the rest. It’s a good adventure and Kelsey Dionne is NOT a fucking idiot. That means that until a Kelsey work is bastardized by a third party publisher, you can trust future work from this designer. Man, I really have a hard time saying something is good, don’t I? It is, of course, one of the Best, but, also, ther Not A Fucking Idiot means that you can probabally buy Kelsey’s stuff in the future and know its good. As with Chainsaw’s works, when a publisher is involved things might change, but self-published by Kelsey should be a sign of quality. This is Pay What You Want over at DMsguild with a suggested price of $0. Nineteen fucktards gave it three stars, three gave it two stars and one gave is one star. Well, fuck those asshats.
Rampaging hordes of goblinoids have been laying siege to follies and keeps in the outer regions of the duchy. The palace mage Xi’Gag has formed a plan to blunt the assault, but is missing a key item of power – the time record, which lies ensconced in the mysterious Temple of the Pale Falcon. You have been conscripted to join a party tasked with its recovery.
This four page dungeon adventure features three levels and about thirty rooms. It’s a tight package, easy to run, with some interesting choices to be made by the party and situations. I hesitate to say this for fear of what the future holds, but, the designer seems to understand how D&D is played. Alas, it tends to the “too terse” side of the spectrum, but better there than the alternative.
“YOU CANNOT HAVE A MEANINGFUL CAMPAIGN IF [THE] TIME RECORD IS NOT [TAKEN]!” states the first line of the publishers blurb on DriveThru. Ought oh! Sez I, someones got a bug up their ass! This train wreck should be fun … but, wait, no! This is something else! Not a monument to some fantasy heartbreaker regarding the correct use of TIME by the DM, but, rather, some designer poking the fun at an oft-quoted Gygax admonishment. Someone knows what they are doing.
How do I know this? “Doos are stuck 1-in-6.” Bam! Done. Moving on. “Areas 1-6, floors are marble flagstone throughout” Bam! Done! “Roll encounters each turn 1-in-12, or whenever the party makes a racket. 1-4 of whichever creatures are closest will investigate.” Bacm! Done! That fucking shit it T I G H T! Not a lot of bullshit. Just focused directions to the DM. Pertinent information. Information you need to run the thing. A simple mechanic for wanderers that it is easy to handle and makes sense. Nice!
The second level of this complex is time locked. Some rooms are in a kind of stasis. If you touch something in the room with something organic then they room “comes to life”, unfrozen from time. It’s a short, sweet mechanical description, two sentences. Perfect. And those rooms that are time locked? Stuffed FUCKING FULL of treasure and creatures. An ogre wearing three fantastic rings. Some hobgoblins around a chest with 4000gp. Ghouls, one wearing diadem. This is CLASSIC D&D push your luck, in a gold=xp game. You want the loot. The loot is XP. You’re drooling for it. Do you dare? What zany scheme do you dream up for a massive first strike on the occupants? Again, this shows an understanding of the heart of D&D and the scenarios in play contribute to that.
But …
It’s got some issues and they almost entirely stem, I think, from the chosen format. It looks to me like the adventure was limited to four pages as a kind of design choice. And it is here that nuance in critique must take place. If I were judging adventures that could only be four pages long then I’d give this one great marks. It’s stuffed full for four pages, not wasting time on bullshit. It uses its four pages very well. But … only four pages? Clearly an artificial design choice. (I know, from my artificial “two page/six page” Black Maw project.) Because of this there are constraints, I assume, in making the adventure better. The place is a temple, with one antechamber outside, but there’s no real description of it. Most of the rooms are lacking a real visceral description. About the best of the descriptions might be something like this: “Every ten foot section of the west and east walls feature a shallow niche. ?1-6 skeletons remain in these niches, each wielding a scythe and wearing a cowl.” The scythe and cowl are nice details. The niches with scythe & cowl conjure up some decent imagery. But, while above average, not really as visceral as it could be. “Crypt: 1-6 ghouls sit cross-legged. One ghouls wears a diadem worth 900gp.” That description can be better. But, probably not in a dungeon with thirty rooms in four pages. (Although, about half a page is blank and the fourth page is just a “players map” type thing.) There are other weird little things also, like descriptions from level to another or one room to another not lining up. Maybe we can point to the “out of time” effect, but “the hole has a ladder” seems like a simple thing to put in on the top room as well as bottom room.
I like where this thing is going. The designer knows what they are doing. Sure, the thing is a little TOO terse, and could have made better use of the page count they DID have, with the player map and half blank page, but better too terse than too verbose … as long as its not minimally keyed. I can run this. It’s easy. Almost no prep required. Sure, the map is a pain, but maps are always a pain. You have to learn mapping software to make a decent one, or scrawl legible to hand draw one, so features, like “hole in the middle of the floor:” don’t always make it in, or, “caverns” show up as perfect round circles.
A decent attempt though. Better descriptions without greatly adding to the word count of the rooms. Spend some time making a slightly better map. A little more context, but not much more. It FEELS a little procedurally generated and could use more cohesion. But, not a bad effort.
This is $3 at DriveThru. The preview is all four pages, so, good preview! Take a look at it; it’s just a hair short of me recommending it but I’m sure many folks will love it.
You find yourself at a quaint and idyllic inn. The sights and smells are all perfect to rest your weary bones. But the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as your sixth-sense tells you something is wrong.
This thirteen page digest adventure involves one scene in an inn. It’s not organized in any meaningful way and I find it hard to believe that you can get two to three hours of play time, as advertised out of it. Sure, spend your money on it. Whatever.
You come across a quaint idyllic country inn. (Danger Wil Robinson! Danger!) The family is super nice and the rabbit pie is great and it’s very comfortable. (Danger danger! High Voltage!) When you go to sleep you find rocks in your bed that say “In the barn.” In the barn you find a bunny pen. Make a save and you see them as trussed up humans yelling for help. An illusion fey then attacks you. Everything else is “how to get the party to the barn if they don’t go there.”
I don’t know. What do you want me to say here? You want me to talk about encounter density? The idea that you can have one idea and stretch it out to a large number of pages in order to justify some arbitrary price? “Oooo! High page count! It must be worth it!” When in reality a high page count causes me to think nothing other than “How the fuck will this one be padded out?” Those little two page thingies maybe a something I avoid but at least they are not padding out to an excessive amount.
Play time? Two to three hours? Seriously? To stop by the inn and go to the barn? I often use the phrase “sit at the table, bored” to describe my interest in plot based scenarios. It’s no wonder people pull out cell phones if this is the degree of engagement expected.
So, you’ve got this one combat, I guess. Certainly D&D is MUCH more than combat, but let’s talk about this one. How can you make combat interesting? You could make it some kind of cat and mouse thing. Use the environment, Night of the Living Dead style, to fend off a creature. Or you could go the way this adventure does and just say that the thing attacks. No real advice on using the illusion powers it has. No real tactical options since there’s no maps and nothing given on anything to make the scenario more interesting. Just make your save and see the fluffy bunnies and get attacked.
The writing style/organization? Just paragraph after paragraph with “first this happens and then this happens” with some major bolded words every couple of pages as a section heading to provide an option for the players not going to the barn, sleeping, whatever they do to NOT go to the barn. Paragraph after paragraph is no way to write an adventure. If you find yourself, in encounter areas, writing multiple paragraphs to describe something, or the course of the adventure, then you’ve made some kind of terrible mistake. Paragraph style is useful to orient the DM the first time the adventure is read through by the DM. After that first time, while the adventure is being run at the table, this sort of “just a plain paragraph, once after another” is the worst way possible to orient information. Bold a few words. Better section headings. Use of whitespace to organize. Maybe bullets. SOMETHING. Nope.
This is $3 at DriveThru. The preview is five pages. The last page of the preview, and maybe the one before it, are good examples of the writing style you will find throughout. Is that’s what you want your adventure to be, have at thee. I think it stinks. It’s also not obvious, from the preview, that this IS the adventure and that’s the style used throughout, without having seen the entire adventure. So, poor preview.
By Paul Elkmann, Geoff Dale
Spellbook Games
Portal to Adventure
Levels 1-2
[…] Adventurers have been captured and are dropped into an underground area housing a fearsome beast, their heads covered and their hands bound. A secret ally has hidden equipment in the dungeon, if Adventurers can find it, and there are means to escape. The Adventurers start with nothing so they have to think creatively about both weapons and tactics. […]
This eighteen page adventure contains a five level dungeon with about 77 rooms. While it is is more interactive than the usual fare, at least of late, its text is devoted to mechanics over description and I suspect it is a son of a bitch in the difficulty department.
There is a subgenre of adventures where the party gets chucked in to the dungeon, at first level, without any equipment. This is one of those. And the adventure is interesting to me because its text serves as classic example of several problem areas with writing adventures.
First, there is the issue of making rolls to do common things. A classic example is the making of a skill roll to, say, walk down a hallway. In this adventure you get make a saving throw roll to stand up when you fall down. Yes, the second thing in the adventure is a saving throw roll to stand up. You get chucked in to the dungeon and make a save or take 1d3 damage. (If Portal to Adventure is an actual oD&D clone then ¾ of the party is now dead …) and then you have to make another one when you try to stand up. In another place you have to make a saving throw to remove the spear from a statues hands. No trap. Nothing bad happens. You just need to make the roll in order to actually remove the spear. I recall many, many advice columns and articles, in the 3e era, trying to convince DM’s that the party didn’t need to actually make a roll to do common things like ride a horse normally, and so on. I guess it didn’t take. I’ve never really understood this, or the counter-advice columns that encouraged DM’s to “get the party rolling some dice early in the session.” There’s this kind of meaningless dice rolling that goes on in adventures that just doesn’t make sense to me. Why roll the dice to get some boring bit of info? To stand up? To get the key bit of info? We know the DM is going to fudge anyway, so why does it exist? I always imagine the probability where no one makes their roll and, while the entire party having survived the fall, can’t make a common roll to stand up and spend the rest of the adventure wriggling around like fish on the floor. Ah, Good Times, Good times … so, prepare yourself for an endless number of meaningless dice rolls in this adventure.
And then there’s traps. Lots of traps. LOTS of traps. None with any warning. This highlights two problems. The first is the way “hidden” traps slow down the game. If the trap has no warning for a clever player to pick up on then the traps springs and players dies/take damage/etc. Players then begin searching for traps. Making roll after roll after roll after roll after roll. It becomes tedious. It slows the game down. A random pit trap in the middle of a hallway is almost always bad design. The second issue is that aforementioned “lack of clue.” When the DM drops a hint, of, say, a discolored floor, then the smart party will follow up, investigate, and discover the trap. It’s interactive. The party and DM are going back and forth. That’s D&D. Without warning of trap the DM simply calls to the players to make a save and take damage. Mindless dice rolling. Bad D&D.
There are other things wrong with this. Light not mentioned on the map, or in big rooms that you can see from far away. Mislabeled map, etc. But, the room writing style is worth considering as a good example of a style gone bad.
Ok, out of the way up front, any writing style can be good as long as it makes it easy for the DM to effectively locate/scan for information. A small subgenre of room descriptions are “Sticky”, like Old Bay in Fight On!, and don’t need much scanning. With that in mind, I’m now going to talk about a specific bad style. Or, at least, an instance that is bad of a neutral writing style.
This style might be given an example of “This is the first thing in the room. This is everything about the first thing in the room. This is the second thing in the room. This is everything about the second thing in the room. This is the third thing in the room. This is everything about the third thing in the room. (and so on.)”
This style can make scanning the room difficult. The party walks in. What do they see? Room nine, in this adventure, is a great example. It has two paragraphs, spread across two pages (which is, in and of itself, a bad layout thing. Guy Fullerton has a great write up on why in his series of layout articles.)
9. Brick Walkway. The flooring here is brick with a 10 FT-diameter white stone cicle in the floor surrounding a lion’s head. There are dark red smears on the floor at the south end. A 3-ft brick wall is along the east side with a 15 FT drop from the top to the sany area to the east. A fresco inlaid in the west wall depicts two Manticores fighting in a clearing of a palm jungle. A lit oil lamp is attached to the [page break] west wall by a brass bracket. Two ordinary human-sizex skeleton are on the floor (three large bones can be used as 1d3 clubs) with gnaw marks. [Then the second paragraph.]
Skeletons last. But that’s likely to be the FIRST thing the party cares about. You, the DM, are digging through this text trying to describe the room to the party when they come upon it. You don’t know it’s lit till near the end. The skeletons (and arguably the light) are the first things the party will want to know about. You have to dig and dig and dig to find the things needed. Better keyword bolding would have helped the DM pick out information, or better use of white space/breaks, or a different style altogether. For beginner writers I think it’s easier to use a style that gives a general overview up front, without a lot of detail and then follows up, with bolded keywords and the like, with more information about the items. “You see a lit room with frescoes on the wall and floor, a low brick wall, and two skeletons near it.” The party can then follow up with questions about the lighting, skeletons, frescoes, wall, etc. Interactivity between the party and DM. The soul of D&D.
Anyway, this thing DOES have a decent number of things to play with in it. Statues with heads to lift off, quicksand to play with, and not TOO many creatures, maybe a dozen encounters total? The writing in the rooms is confused, the adventure is probably too difficult for Level 1’s, especially when they can’t retreat (but I’m judging it by B/X standards, not by the standards of the system it’s written for, even though it implies its OD&D like.) And, the writing style is a little boring, using boring words and devoting the bulk of description to facts and mechanics rather than interesting descriptions. Evocative, terse, well organized, interactive. That’s what an adventure should be. Better than the overwritten modern stuff, but “at least its not over written” is not exactly high praise.
This is $1 at DriveThru. There’s no preview. Adventures should have previews, showing some rooms, so we know what to expect before we buy things.
The link to the product in this review is probably an affiliate link. If you follow the link and buy the product, I make some money. Just thought you should know.
