The Brazen Beast

Posted on December 25, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By Garnett Elliott
Self Published
Barbarians of Lemuria

An advanced siege-engine, centuries ahead of its time, lies unclaimed on a bloody battlefield. But when heroes set forth to salvage the Brazen Beast, they discover a festering evil, much worse than the mundane horrors of war—and it wants the Beast for itself!

This 21 page adventure has … two fights? And a couple of talky talky encounters, all on a battlefield overrun by a death cult led by an Elder Vampire. I guess Barbarians of Lemuria is some kind of cinematic/story game? This adventure is, anyway. Padded to fuck and back, there’s nothing to see here.

General Buttmunch is in charge of the armies of the city of Loofa. They just fought a battle yesterday and killed off the evil Other City that was invading. Oh, also, General Buttmuchasaurus brews beer. Sure. Whatever. Anyway, you’re sent out to get the siege engine thingy the other side had. Also, be careful, the gleaners that went out didn’t come back. Also, he’s just too busy to send his own men to go do this important task. Sure. Whatever. Off you go. 

Let’s see … you see some ghouls running away from the battlefield. You maybe find a kid hiding; their parents were abducted by the evil Clorox cult. That’s their tents over there, and you could go save them if you wanted. Then you find the siege engine and its crazed inventor inside. Then four waves of CLorox cultists attack the siege engine. Then you’re done. Yeah you! You plotted the plot!

Yeah, there’s cringe shit here that don’t make sense. But, the game design decisions are THE WURST. At multiple points in the adventure you are called on to make perception checks. And if you fail then you don’t get to do something interesting. That kid, hiding? I hope you made your skill check or you don’t find them. And then you don’t get the interaction with them, the moral quandary, and the subplot of the cultists ceremony to sacrifice the parents. It does this in other places as well, making you pass a perception check to find the adventure. This is exactly the same as putting your entire dungeon behind a secret door. These sorts of complications are a major part of D&D. THAT”S the interactivity that we’re looking for. You don’t put that behind a skill check. You put boons behind one, maybe. But the interesting parts of the adventure? You don’t put that behind one. Unless you’re this crappy thing.

Those Clorox cultists? Same thing. They are having this big ceremony in the middle of the carnage. They got a stage and shit. Like a rock concert, we’re told several times. They got that kids parents are are gonna sacrifice. We’re told several times of the overwhelming numbers of cultists. And, yet, the adventure wants the party to rush the stage and free the parents … because the cultists are “distracted” with their ceremony. What fucking party is going to come up with that as a plan? Rushing overwhelming numbers?

Let’s see here. General Asshat refers to the gleaners as The Dregs. Humph. I think you mean free enterprise oriented individuals on the lower rungs of your social economic ladder whose wealth inequality has forced them to find inefficiencies in your system to exploit and make more productive? Is that what you mean by dregs? It’s the old game; underspend on post-battlefield guards and memorials and then complain to score political points.

Lets see … other shitty things. The CLorox cult is led by an elder vampire .. who uses a parasol to go out in the sun. Bleach. New school vamp suck ass. Long sections of italcs for read-aloud; that’s always fun to suffer through. Oh,oh, you can meet the vampire on the battlefield as a wanderer! And then “As soon as the fight starts going badly, Lucretia burns a Rival/Villain Point to make a Timely Escape. She’ll be seeing the heroes again soon enough!” No agency for you, puny players! Just stick your fucking asses to the chairs and play on your phones, unengaged, until the game is over. Why bother playing when your actions have no impact? And did I mention “As luck would have it, PCs run into the vampire aboard her carnage chariot (if still intact) at some dramatically appropriate time, accompanied by a warrior priestess and Chorax’s avatar (if summoned” Uh huh. Dramatically appropriate. Fuck you. Oh, and the vampire burns some kind of villain/story point thing in order to force the players to listen to their soliloquy. What the fuck? There’s a game mechanic just to torture the players? Why would anyone ever do this?

This is free at DriveThru.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/463129/SC8-The-Brazen-Beast

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Confusion in Kaelian Hill

Posted on December 23, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By Kobe Potter
Self Published
5e
Level 1

Chase cultists through the streets and canals of the city, delve into the labrynthine sewers, and save innocents from the terrible powers of the Chaos Gods.

This nine page adventure presents three encounters with cultists in a city.It is everything that an adventure should not be. 

I don’t know how I ended up here. This thing was next on my HD, which means I bought it at some point, even though I’m trying to avoid non-OSR things lately. Maybe because it’s a city adventure? I do love those. Although, calling this a city adventure is somewhat dubious. 

There’s this overview of whats going on that it full of half names and titles and therefore a little hard to follow. Basically, in Venice, Frank and Mary turn to demon worship to overthrow Councilman Bob. They do this by summoning demons to attack his charity organizations to make him bankrupt. Sure. Whatever. It’s a pretext, I guess. It’s lame as all fuck. But, like I said, whatever. 

This all manifests as the party walking down the street near an aqueduct overhead next to a hospital, when they hear screams. A couple of cultists are driving a demon toward an aqueduct column. The demon will destroy it in 1d4 rounds, killing everyone in the hospital. Fight fight fight. Fight fight fight. Some Imperial Cop shows up and charges you with finding out whos behind it. You go to a warehouse and solve a riddle and then go to a sewer room and fight the cultists and demons there. Again, in 1d4 rounds a portal to the demon world opens and they all spill through, so, get your ass in gear I guess. The end.

Yup, two combats and a puzzle. That;’s what this is. This is nothing more than a scene based adventure, and not a very good one. The scenes are literally “Combat! Roll for init!” This is basest of all types of D&D. Minis combat. Ug. I really cant emphasize enough how much of a pretext the combats are. Minimal. Something right out of Vampire Queen. “2 cultists drive a demon toward an aqueduct pillar; it will destroy the piller in 1d4 rounds unless easily distracted.” That’s your encounter. There is simply no adventure here. No investigation. Just screaming ROLL FOR INIT! At the players. 

I am, I guess, in awe of the 1d4 rounds things. Fucking dude is going for it I guess. Let the fuckers in the hispital die! We get a note that says “At this level, characters have few options for stopping a flood. Encourage creativity, and allow them to imagine using lumber from the timberyard to build a dam, getting help from the inn, or using the potter’s clay to clog the aqueduct” Maybe I don’t understand how a flash flood works, but, I think that fucking hispital is toast in 1d4 rounds if that aqueduct breaks and building a dam ain’t gonna do nothing but maybe help you find the rotting bodies of dead babies in the incubators. 

Dude doesn’t even put the adventure in this own adventure. After the aqueduct thing you have to track the cultists back to their warehouse. But this is ALL up to the DM. The designer can’t be bothered. “Maybe one or more of the Chaos Cultists got away, and a chase scene ensues. Maybe the gondoliers could be persuaded to remember if they saw something suspicious  n. How exactly the characters find the Bloody Pearl is up to you,“ And, maybe, the fucking designer did his job and put this in the adventure? What the fuck do you think we’re paying you for?

Single column wall of text with no real formatting. Read-aloud in italics that over-reveals the scene. Because here is no investigation or back and forth, there’s just rolling dice for combat. The baddies are cultists, in a warehouse. My. That’s original. No alchemist available? I don’t know. I’m a pretty die hard atheist, and even I think that fantasy rpg’s are going a little hard down the Religion is Bad path. Whatever happened to greed? Or revenge? Or boredom? Boredom is a great motivation. Showing off? Lots of good stuff. But, sure, use an evil cult in a warehouse. That leads to the sewers. Literally do not try at all. Just fucking garbage, even in the ranks of garbage adventures. I blame someone other than myself, as all good hypocrites should.

This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $1.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/462773/Confusion-in-Kaelian-Hill?1892600

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The Secret of Cykranosh

Posted on December 20, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By Wayne Rossi
Initiative One games
OSR
Levels 1-3

Bandits have been using a cave as a base to raid caravans, but the learned know that ancient secrets lurk beneath the mountain, and that it was where the ancient sorcerer Eibon was last hiding before his disappearance to far-distant Cykranosh. Unearth the secret!

This is a six page cave/dungeon containing eleven rooms. It’s got a little bit of everything, the way an adventure should! You’re not gonna hate your life, either playing it or running it. 

Caravans are going missing, blah blah blah. It’s a cave, let’s get our fucking noses in to it an explore! Inside you’ll find a eleven room dyson map from 2015 … which makes sense because this adventure was written in 2015. I don’t know, it finally popped on my list. ANyway, a nice little Dyson map. Some caves, finished rooms, same level stairs, features on the map, tunnels running under another part of the map and a well that leads down in to a lake. Frankly, one of the better Dyson maps I’ve seen. That Exploration pillar that WotC used to like to tout means more than simple box rooms connected by lines. All of those features I mentioned help develop a sense of exploration while playing that puts players in the right frame of mind. In addition to providing features that can work for, or against, the characters during play. Good map, for it’s (small) size.

So let’s get to it! Room one is: “The entrance to the dungeon appears to be a natural cave …” Oh, fuck. Ok, so, yeah. That’s a lot of fucking padding. Telling us what the obvious feature is, the entrance, as well as a great appears to be appearance. The room continues “steps have been hewn into a natural tunnel. The limestone cave is empty and contains natural stalactites and stalagmites. “ That’s quite a bit better. We’re not winning any awards here, but it’s terse (even with the padding) and it does paint a decent little picture. I’m not mad at it once the knee-jerk loathing of padding is accounted for.

And you’re gonna find much of the same in all of the rooms descriptions in this. It does make an attempt to describe every little thing that Dyson stuck onhis map. So, a room  with an irregular back wall gets this descriptions “This room bears the scars of heavy objects having been moved through it, but has not been occupied for some time. The well in the center opens a chute to the small lake below. The niche on the back wall has a 3’ wide octagonal scar on it.” That description is significantly weaker than the opening room, with all of the rooms falling somewhere in that spectrum that those two create. Note also the 3’ niche, an attempt to describe that feature on the map … without really doing anything with it. That’s common here … a brief throw away line without it really impacting the adventure … which means that it probably shouldn’t be appearing as words in the adventure.

There is a decent variety to the encounters here. A puzzle or two. Shit sitting at the bottom of a lake … I love it when exploration is rewarded. You’ve got the bandits running around … which for the purposes of this adventure means “everyone is sitting in one room around a big table.” And then there’s a wizard with his pals looking to do a blood sacrifice. Some evil temple stuff, Some vermin. And … a sealed coffin! Little bits, here and there, that add variety to the adventure without it actually feeling like everything is just thrown in randomly. Just enough to tie things together.

Sure, the bandits don’t make sense. All huddled together in one room. And the wizzo is camped out in the other side of the dungeon, seemingly at peace with the bandits in their lair. Things are just a little bit too zoy and those bandits a little too uninquisitive. 

We’re not winning any awards here. But, neither are we making the players or the DM hate their lives and rethink their most treasured hobby. Would I run this? Meh. I wouldn’t walk away from it. The issue with many decent adventures continues to be “there’s something better to run.” So I’m not going out of my way to run this. But, as something you are throwing out to the world? It’s not terrible.

This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $1.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/163302/The-Secret-of-Cykranosh?1892600

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Hobbs & Friends of the OSR #1

Posted on December 18, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By Jason Hobbs
Rock RIver Games
OSR
Level ... 2?

[…] Unfortunately, a Kamaran rebellion overtook the excavation site and Chandri nor his findings or results were ever found. Since then, the Vitem (raw magical energy) has mutated natural creatures into abominations and drawn further horrors to the location. What mysteries lie in Chandri’s Minaret and further … ?

This 32 page digest presents an environment to explore. It is interesting. I don’t know how the hell else to describe this one briefly. You gotta read the full review on this one, Guy. There’s one adventure here, The Excavation of the Tomb of Lorninane, with one small article on corruption magic, in support of the adventure. So,it’s a zine with one thing in t: an adventure.

I have a negative view on digest sized products. The zines have been, generally garbage. And yet, this was not always the case. They were once, I think, the sign that some wack job had put something out and that you should check it out. Arduin, I’m looking at you. But, I had an epiphany yesterday. What if I went looking for digest things that were NOT a part of some zine-quest something or other. And, thus, this thing from 2018, with one three star review. Plus, it’s an excavation site! Those ALWAYS suck, right?! 

There’s so much going on here and it’s such a glorious mess. And every element hits just right. First you’ve got this outside area. A small gully/valley. Caves in the walls. A sandstone mesa-thing in the middle. And remnants of a previous excavation. Collapsed building references, piles of shoring timber. And shit running around, termites in the timber, some giant desert geckos. Darkmantles hiding in sandstone spires. And some local native folk, a shamans warriors. And, a hole in the ground. Dig out. And inside that hole, at the bottom, another hole that the sand is spilling in to. Someone has broken down in to some place ELSE. Pop in to it and you’ll end up through the roof of a tall minaret, covered in sand. Keep going down to find some giant albino ant tunnels. And keep going down to find the tomb in question, proper. Along the way are a variety of situations to interact with. Which, doesn’t do this thing justice.

At one point there are some giant albino ant tunnels running through the minaret walls. FOllow them back and you get to a throne room with a drider-like ant-queen “Her throne is a raised dais of ant skulls and she’s protected by two albino warriors.” Sweet! Turns out she some ancient dudes wife, turned in to a mutated ant to protect her from … someone else … who is represented here by a bunch of elementals roaming around. 

Or, in the words of the adventure “a plan to save his wife Ahira, by mutating her into a Queen of ants and giving her the ability to control the enlarged Nkosan Albino Ants. Bargrival cannot return home to the Elemental Plane of Earth until he kills Ahira, and Ahira cannot escape the Elemental’s symbiote Sentinels or the buried Minaret while Bargrival lives.” That description could go one of two ways. I could fucking hate it and make fun of it or I could marvel at the wonder of it all. I’m leaning toward the second. Don’t forget that the tribal shaman a couple of his dudes are running around in here also. As well as a few undead. “A Dusk ghoul resides here and will be awoken upon entering the desiccated remnants of its bedchamber. The creature appears an emaciated woman, fine long black hair still lustrous, hanging about her head and shoulders. She is dressed in adequate silks cut in the Mibishal way.” GREAT description! That’s exactly what the fuck I am looking for in a monster description. It’s not undead, it’s an emaciated woman with long black hair. I love it! “The Mudman’s bloated body flab covers an average sized naked male form. His head is mostly bald with sporadic patches of hair clumped about his scalp, which are beginning to grow up and over the electrum crown perched awkwardly on his fleshy skull.” Now THATS a mudman! Great fucking monster descriptions. And, I mentioned elementals earlier? Great use of them. They don’t feel perfunctory here. They are integrated in and feel like they should belong there. A force of nature. Duh, of course!

There’s great art here, supplementing the text and the monsters. A nice little overview pic of the outside gully, providing that scenic overview that I’m always looking for. Monsters integrated in to the environment, like an embalming romo with some oche jelly. Great little descriptions everywhere. “Sand piles dot the stairs and chamber as a bloody ichor trails down the spiral staircase.” or “A soft breeze draws the flames of open light sources down into the depths of the stair”

There’s no real level range mentioned and the treasure can be hit or miss, ranging from nice little descriptive items to “silver trinket.” But, I should touch on the length and formatting of this thing. And overall … confusion?

Each entry here is getting about one paragraph, regardless of what is going on. That is … seven or eight sentences, I’d guess, on the more common entries? The density of the information is great and there is very little space or words wasted on useless bloat. But, instead, you get seven or eight sentences of useful information. And those sentences tend to be dense. This is right on the edge of what I think a person can run, and, in fact, may be over it given the density. If every single entry were like this I’d probably complain more. Instead I’ll just say that this comes across as some work of the idiosyncratic. And we do love us some Dark Tower around here, right? And Arduin? 

There are puzzles here, but more of the situations variety, which are my favorite. A room swirling with dust and glass shards, a bridge to move to get in to position. The shaman and his men to negotiate with. And always, the looming threat of the sand guardians showing up (your wandering monster to keep things moving along.)

This is straight out the early days, or the better scenarios from the OSR. Idiosyncratic and not overstaying its welcome … and with some text that you almost have to fight through.

This is $4 at DriveThru. The preview is six pages … just enough to see some of the encounters

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/241000/Hobbs–Friends-of-the-OSR-Issue-1?1892600

Posted in Reviews, The Best | 4 Comments

The Key of Amalantra

Posted on December 16, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By Terke Nordiin
Svartnost
OSR
Levels ... ? 2?

The wizard Amalantra, known as the Master of Mirrors, is said to have hid all his secrets and treasures in a place that could only be accessed with a special key.

This nine page adventure describes a mirror that can lead to …six different rooms? There’s not much to it. Which makes the long form paragraph presentation all the worse. 

This is another of the Rope Trick adventures. Or, maybe they are Leomund’s Tiny Hut adventures? Anyway, you find a thing and it leads to a small extradimensional space that you explore. I’m aware that something like this has existed for quite some time, form the earliest dungeon Mr Living Room. I can’t help but wonder if anyone has ever done one of these that is not boring as all fuck?

You find a large mirror. It has five sides. Point it at a door and you can open the door in the mirror and step through to a different room. Stick the mirror on a different side and you open the door to a new room. Five sides, so five rooms in total, with another one if you open the door in darkness and another one if you are IN the other room and use the door in it that you just came through. What is that? Seven rooms? The point it at a door thing is interesting. Everything else is not.

There’s nothing new here. Nothing interesting. Nothing particularly well done. The environments are not wondrous. Or even well described. It’s all what you would expect. Shadows. Mirror images of yourself. A mirror golem, of course. It’s all long paragraph form with little formatting to break things up. Just mountains and mountains of text for what you are getting. This is prime one-pager territory.

I guess I’ve got two complaints here. The first is … Why? Why do this thing in the way it was done? It’s small. There’s just no room here to give life to anything that is inside of it. A couple of rooms? Disconnected by each other? You’ve got no space at all to anything interesting. There are SO many adventures like this. Rather than actually sit down and take the time to put something interesting together instead they take the one idea they had and do a six or seven room dungeon with it. If that much. That sucks ass. I’m sure its possible to do that well, but, its going to be far more interesting if you give yourself, and your creation a little breathing room. Let it expand. You need space to develop things. To give room for the kind of play that D&D thrives on. And a few isolated rooms doesn’t do that. Do you have to come up with something new? No. But you have to make an effort to do what you ARE doing well. I love a well-implemented trope. Well Implemented.

Why do this? Why do something mediocre? For the $2 that this thing is going to bring in? Wealth, beyond the dreams of avarice! Because of some compulsion to create? I can get behind that. But, something like this? This is what you felt compelled to create? I know I’m going a little harsh on this designer, but, also, you’re standing in for every designer that has even been or will be who does something like this. Why not let this grow? Develop it? Polish it? Build on it? Do something that you are really really proud of. Make sure that every aspect of it is exactly what you think it should be, that everything delivers on the promise of a new dawn, that everything will bring delight to those who explore it? 

I don;t know. Long paragraphs. Blah blah blah. No formatting to speak of. Blah blah blah. Anything mildly interesting, like the eyeball dude, not given enough room to breathe. No foreshadowing. Blah blah blah. Why would I ever try? To put effort in for something that had none to create?

This is $2 at DriveThru. The review is two pages. You get to see the first room and part of the second. Enjoy that wall of text.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/461510/The-Key-of-Amalantra?1892600

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The Beacon of Illumvale

Posted on December 13, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By Geoff Marchiori
Ludum press
S&W
Levels 1-3

Welcome to The Beacon of Illumvale. The Beacon, as the inhabitants refer to it, is a magnificent magical tower within the town of Illumvale that projects a protective magical light much like a lighthouse. In a way it is a lighthouse of law standing strong against the sea of chaos that surrounds it. Illumvale needs protection as it lies on the perilous western border of the province of Byemon with hordes of chaos minions forever attempting to overrun the town

This 111 page adventure describes a town and uses seventeen pages to describe a dungeon with about fifty rooms. In actuality, an over described town with an under described goblin lair assault. 

Ok, so, this town out in the grasslands wants some new guards. You journey out there to the town and get hired. Then you … do nothing? Seriously … there’s not much here in ways of a hook. It suggests that the party stumble over the nearby cave dungeon. Turns out the evil god Fazouli. Phazoli? Whatever, there’s an evil god/cult getting their foothold on. And, you just stumble over the dungeon.

There’s supposed to be this overland journey element, to get to the town, as well as some encounters in the town. But, they are really just a pretty standard wandering monster table without much detail. “These farmers are native commonfolk. Their farms are dotted all around the town countryside.” Well now, that certainly added a lot to my game night! There’s nothing interesting, or idiosyncratic, or even a situation going on. Just a wanderer attacks. Oh, I guess a dragon does fly overhead. That’s interesting, I guess? It’s all just … the normal D&D shit from the books?

The town has a level sixteen wizard in chard. With a level twelve druid and a level twelve cleric also. In spite of this, I guess they can’t really take care of themselves. Oh, they do have city guard patrols running around, each of which has, like, a level five wizard in them, each with a wand of hold person. Did I mention the potter who is a level two fighter? So, yeah, it’s one of THOSE towns. Anyway, about ninety places in town. Each overly described. There is a little note in some of them in how they can contribute to The War Effort. IE: that cleric can identify an evil shamens unholy symbol as Fazouli. Or, the senior sage can be particularly useful to adventurers, but will need funding support from the council. Interesting little bits, but, also, absolutely scattered throughout the text and in no way easy to follow unless you have memorized the entire thing or taken notes and highlighted shit in the index or something like that. 

So, eventually, you stumble over the caves. There’s about a dozen cave rooms and then it leads to an underground temple complex with about forty rooms. The interactivity here is stabbing things. And I don’t mean Caves of Chaos stabbing things. Oh, no, Bre-ark, tossing a sack of gold and so on that is a wonder of creativity compared to this thing. Just wander in and stab something and go to the next room and repeat it. Truly, we live in the best of times. There is no exploration. I guess, there is a room with yellow mold? And a dwarf prisoner to free? Does that count? I guess?  But this is just a hack. In S&W. In which you shouldn’t really be just hacking. 

Room descriptions are long and boring. Boring adjectives like LARGE and BIG. Over described read-aloud … in a room with guards we’re also told there are four bedrolls and a pile of what you presume to be supplies. Perfect. But my favorite is when DM notes are included in the read-aloud. “The door to this room is very sturdy and is locked (the witch doctor has the only key).” Uh. Ok. Or, “Two burly humanoids jump to their feet as you enter. They each have a sword and shield.” Nothing about the room and presuming that the party was noticed. Perfect. “This is the home of a deadly spider.” Great. Repetition. Almost every single one of the descriptions is like that. And then the DM text drags on for multiple paragraphs overexplaining simple concepts. 

It looks purty. Nice clever, decent art … ai generated it seems, but whatever. And someone spent a lot of time on the town and on the words for the wanderers and overland journey. And an extensive appendices for monsters (which don’t get decent descriptions at all) and magic items and guilds in town and … but it’s all for nothing. Because the heart of the adventure is not interesting. Just take a goblin complex from B2 and add some more rooms and make the descriptions, I don’t know, ten times longer with slightly less interactivity and the B2 goblins?

The adventure, the dungeon, that’s the main thing. That’s what all of teh time and effort should be spent on. Sure, create a town supplement. Or, add a town to the dungeon. But, the fucking dungeon had better be fucking great at that point. Is there a place for a lair assault in D&D? Sure? I guess so? But even a lair assault can be more interesting than a simple hack. Re: G1.

This is $7 at DriveThru. The preview is eleven pages and show you nothing of the town or the dungeon. Just the meaningless slog of an overland journey.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/458441/The-Beacon-of-Illumvale–13-lvl-module?1892600

EDIT: I got a long letter from the designer with a list of things to correct. I corrected the page count to 111 pages.

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By the Light of the Whispering Flame

Posted on December 11, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By Aaron Hedegaard
Self Published
WwN/OSR
Levels 1-3

Welcome to the city of Collant, Jewel of the Serrated Coast, powerhouse of magic and industry. But when the city’s corrupt leaders make a bargain with a sealed demon, cataclysm strikes and the city’s reliance on tainted magic exacts its toll, wrenching it from time and space. Scars in the planar fabric now tether Collant to the shadow realm of Nowhere, and the demon’s return is at hand. But hope is not yet lost. The Order of the Whispering Flame has begun to wield their holy fire to push back the encroaching darkness and cauterize the Scars. To complete their mission, they now seek brave adventurers to bear the flame and press in to the lost depths of the city to finish what was started.

This 68 page digest adventure presents a pointcrawl in a city being dragged to hell. Good descriptions and formatting compliment one of the better (best?) city-imminently-in-hell scenarios I’ve seen. The interactivity is lacking … which may not be an issue for 5e/Pathfinder fans.

Ought oh! Someone made a deal with the devil and now the city of Collant is being dragged to hell all “melt reality in to the plane of hell” style. Some god has come through though and The Whispering Flames light can heal the planar scars. Someone just needs to go find them all, in the city’s eight sectors, taking The Whispering Flame to them to heal them. Guess it’s gonna be you, boyo!

The normal issues, the surface level ones that plague so many, are generally not present here. I’m not going to even try to run an adventure that makes me fight against it. And that issue is not present here. The formatting is clear and easy to read. Cross-references exist when needed. We get a short little description of the area with some folding and then a description oif the exits. I’m not even mad at that, since this is a pointcrawl in a city and sometimes the exit is “you see a tent in the distance.” 

The descriptions are also fairly decent. The very first area is “Mulberry Grove: Shaded grove, crunchy with fallen foliage and fruit. Trees hold clusters of white and pink berries. Reeks of rotting fruit.” That’s a good description. It’s terse and evocative. You get the feel for it instantly. That’s exactly what a room description should do. And, laudable, almost every single room description is about that good. SHADED grover, Fruit REEKING. CRUNCHY ground. It works and works together. Another one, in a silkworm room, reads “Damp, moldy. Steel ducts pump hot, humid air here from the east. Latticed shelves fill the room, bedded with leaves, littered with eggs, crawling with worms.” You get whats going on. So, good descriptions. I’m glossing over both formatting and descriptions for this review.

Interactivity is where things get hairy. There are two basic situations going on. First, there is the demon dude, trapped in The Nowhere/ He wants out. There are clues and things sprinkled about the various points about his true name, what happened, and so on. Then there are eight or so individual city sectors, each with a scar in them that needs to be located and healed and generally has someone there willing to give you access if only you’ll do X for them. There are very very few SITUATIONS beyond those two … and the demon dude is few and far between. The general vibe is that you enter somewhere with some bizarro creature doing something bizarre and you probably end up stabbing it a few times. Sometimes you get to talk, but, generally not in a way that is going to lead to interactivity beyond that. There are things to make friends with, like a mail delivery ghost machine that can deliver a letter to any slot in the city. That could, I suppose, be exploited by the party and IS the kind of open ended shit that I like. It’s also just a little too … random? For me. Most of it seems like window dressing rather than true interactivity. Two possessed spooling machines, full of ennui, painting with ink. Ok. Sure. To what end? And while not everything in an adventure needs to be a situation, there do need to be things going on beyond the main plot points.

Let us assume, for a moment, that the 5e/Pathfinder way of playing D&D has merit. If so then this would be one of the highlights of either system. Seen as series of adventures, they have some definite end points to their quests: a scar in each sector to heal and someone to treat with to make that happen. As a platonic idea of a 5e/Pathfinder adventure I think this would hit the mark, better so than anything I’ve seen for them. (Accepting that Ravenloft tends more to traditional adventure than the 5e/Pathfinder meme of an adventure.) And I don’t mean that as an insult. This feels to me like every 5e/Pathfinder adventure I’ve ever been a player in at a con, except about forty times better than those. 

As an OSR adventure, though, I think the lack of situations and exploration elements in the various rooms does tend to detract quite a bit. I am ABSOLUTELY certain though that many people will be fine with that and, in fact, this may be the perfect example of an adventure path type thing that doesn’t have a fucking railroad in it. 

I do note a few things, beyond the situations, which could be quite a bit better. NPC”s tend to show up in the front of a section. And while they have wants and needs (Great!), sometimes we get short lists of them. “Frank” in bold, with a short description of whats going on with frank. This, I think, needed a little extra work in the formatting department. We need to know, for example, that Frank is a blacksmith and we need to be able to figure that out quickly. That mean bolding or some such, rather than just telling us, in the middle of the paragraph, that Frank is a blacksmith. We’re likely to be looking for one, rather than introducing Frank as a NPC and THEN learning he’s a smith.

Monster descriptions are terrible. Mostly because they don’t exist. While there is great complimentary art in places, the actual descriptions of the nightmares you’re facing just aren’t there. At all. And when they are it feels more like an afterthought. They don’t hit viscerally, which is odd given the strength of the area descriptions. 

I think, however, tha the major issue is with the wandering monster tables. There is a separate one for each area, but they all have the same issue. They don’t feel right. Or at all. Just a sound, or a monster entry like “1d6+2 corrupted hounds.” What you don’t really get here is the aspect of a city being dragged, whole, to hell. You don’t get mobs. You don’t get the street preachers or desperate people or random wacko shit … or even normal people. Ths vibe isn’t really present in the wandering monster tables, or in the actual room descriptions. Sure, things have gone to hell in most places, but that doesn’t come through moment to moment. In totality, it’s still one of the better (and maybe the best) city being dragged to hell adventures. But it also doesn’t really FEEL that way, moment to moment. The priest at the start, who gives you the Whispering Light lantern to heal the scars and charges you with that … he’s not doing it himself because he’s got too much to do. And there are oblique references to refugees. But the vibe of, say, the church in SOylent Green, doesn’t come through. The masses, the desperation, that would actually put the priest in that position rather than, say, saving and entire city. And that same thing happens time and again in each secretary of the city and in each encounter. Sure, they are weird, and smacking of Shit Has Hit The Fan, in some way, but also the chaos just doesn’t come through. And, while there is a timeline and some major events (the adventure probably taking place over weeks, in … ten sessions, at least?) 

I’m not really sure how to rate this one. This is a real adventure. Dude tried hard and succeeded quite a bit. Sure, the chaos doesn’t come through, the fact that the city is on it way to hell. The individual encounter descriptions are good and you can run this easily. And, if you were not looking for, say, and exploratory element that implies interactivity, then this may be one of the best 5e/Pathfinder style adventures. I don’t think, though, that as an OSR adventure the interactivity is going to hold up for me. But, also, I think it will be fine for most. THe look forward to the next one by this dude.

This is $4 at DriveThru. You getting the entire thing in the preview. Page eighteen of the preview/fourteen of the book gives you the first page of actual encounters. That’s a good one to check out for fit.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/441829/By-the-Light-of-the-Whispering-Flame?1892600

Posted in Level 1, No Regerts, Reviews | 4 Comments

The Drowned Valley of Gorth

Posted on December 9, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By R.P. Davis
Kabouter Games
OSR
Level 3?

In a foggy valley high on the knees of The Spine, a ruined castle sleeps half-buried in rancid mud.  A fabulous fortune awaits bold adventurers — if they can survive long enough to keep it!

This 36 page adventure details a dungeon with six rooms in three pages. Of generic garbage. No real design. Abstracted descriptions and much hand waving. And, someone, somewhere, believes this is a good adventure. Astounding.

So, yeah, ruined castle, flooded out when a dam broke, washing away the village, castle, etc. You find some rumors and set off to find it and loot it. The backstory tells us that the castles dungeons were deep. That’s a direct quote. This translates to it having six rooms. Six rooms. Described in three pages. In a 36 page adventure. And it’s got one rating, five stars. I’m sure there’s some kickstarter or something associated with this and/or the publisher. This is, folks, is the way to success. Just cultivate a community. Marketing. Don’t fucking worry about writing something good. You don’t need to do that to make a little cash. 

This piece of shit adventure is full of wisdom. It loves saying things like “We don’t order you to use 6 (or even 1d6) CR 1/4 goblins commanded by a CR 1 hobgoblin. For one thing, that reduces your agency as a GM. For another, it might be deadly for some tables and a pushover for others” Yes, gang, telling us that there are monsters reduces your agency as a DM. I think I’ve fuckign heard everything now. Seriously? You can’t even include a set of fucking monsters? Some fuckwit out there is going to cite some culture war bullshit, but I’m sure this is just a publisher with their head up their ass. Fucking reducing agency. Please. It’s a fucking excuse to not put it in and justify a decision made. Transparent as all fuck. 

In this adventure, after learning about a bunch of rumors about the drowned valley, you are then approached by a wizard, Mael, who wants to hire you to find the place. I can’t stand this shit. WHy can’t the fucking party just go there and loot the fucking place? Why do they have to be hired? It’s not like this is some village fucking farmer without cash that needs all magnificent 7’d. It’s fucking dungeon full of loot. And you want me to go dig out the loot so you can pay me? Excuse me, I’m a middle class wage slave in real life, maybe I don’t have to be one in D&D? Of course, the real reason you are hired is so that you can be betrayed by the wizard at the end of the adventure. You see. Lord Farquad was behind it all after all! And when you come out him and his men attack you to take all fo the loot. That you were hired to go find and given a finders fee for finding. Oh Lareth, your legacy lives on as long as there is a fucking idiot, somewhere, writing nonsense with evil masterminds that just pop out of nowhere for no reason. 

“What gear is available for the adventurers to purchase depends on the urban location in which you set the module’s beginning. In no case will Mael supply the party. Neither will she advance any more coin than she’s already paid them. They’ll need to use their own funds, cunning, and player expertise to equip themselves.” Are you starting to understand, now, how we’re getting to 36 pages in this adventure? It just explained to us that the party could go adventuring if they wanted to and were so inclined. 

Let’s see here … the overland journey is abstracted. Well, if you’re playing OSR it tells you to roll a couple of times. If you’re New School or 5e it just abstracts the journey in to a skill challenge, ala 4e, and say something like “ Each adventurer arrives having already taken damage from accidents, encounters, and environmental effects.” I guess the journey isn’t the destination after all, at least for Kabouter Games. 

Let’s see … the front door to the place is two pages long. That’s longer than most Grimtooth shit, isn’t it? For a simple 600 pound door? Uh huh. Once inside we are met with such dazzling descriptions as “Stone columns march down both sides of the room. Hovering in midair in the center of the room, magically suspended in a beam of brilliant silvery light, is a gilded key of

intricate design.” Ok, so, not exactly terrible. A little sparse, but evocative writing is hard. It doesn’t oover reveal and so on. I’m not mad at it. I’m mad that the actual adventure is only three pages long, but, I’m not mad at the descriptions. 

Great, you made it to room six and found the treasure vault. Money time! “Roll all the dice everyone has. That’s how many gold pieces the adventurers recover from the hoard.” Ok, so, I’m down for the roll every die part. Thats the kind of shit that is going to make the [players giddy. Good gimmick. It’s far, FAR too little treasure though. Maybe multiply by ten, or a hundred, at least. You do know, Kabouter, how XP works in OSR, right? Since you say the adventure is designed for use in the OSR? And you put the logo on your cover? 

At hte end, when youtube out and fight Lareth, you get this tidbit “If combat swings too far against or in favor of the party, Gorth’s dead show up and help you keep things exciting.” So, maybe Kabouter doesn’t exactly know how OSR games work. Or, games in general. Maybethey know how books and Tv work. Bad books and Tv.

There’s more, lots more, like this. This is a six room dungeon with a couple of traps and monsters. Nothing terribly exciting in any way at all. It’s padded the fuck out and full of bad advice. Oh, also, note that there is no drowned valley. Tha’ts abstracted away also. You just get dumped in front of the front door to the place.

This is $5 at DriveThru. The preview is ten pages. You get to see the “hook”, such that it is, and a little of the overland journey. IE: words telling to you roll randomly. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/457534/The-Drowned-Valley-of-Gorth?1892600

Posted in Reviews | 12 Comments

Hermitage of Yz

Posted on December 6, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By R.P. Davis
Kabouter Games
OSR/ System-Neutral
Level ?

Jovany Strunk, Wise One of Yz, Guardian of the 9 Secrets, is dying. He’s the last living worshiper of the god Yz, and if Jovany goes, Yz goes. That’s why the adventurers are hearing whispers in their dreams, urging them to the Hermitage of Yz.

This nine page cave system uses two pages to describe eight rooms. Eight rooms in which nothing happens. A worthless, boring adventure that lacks even tedium to set it apart. Have fun doing nothing.

Yz is a cosmic star being of unimaginable power. He comes to the campaign world and decides to become a god, with Jovany (who we’ll call Frank from now on) his prophet. Then Frank retires and Yz loses all of his worshipers except him. And he’s about to die. You get some dream shit drawing you his cave. Inside you find that Frank hates Yz and Yz is a little whiny bitch. 

Turns out this isn’t an OSR adventure. It does say OSR on the cover and its in the OSR section on DriveThru, but its actually a system neutral adventure. So, the whinyt ass tree outside the cave that could attack you gets no stats. Nor do the living statues that attack for a couple of rounds. And, you can finish up the adventure by making a Very Hard roll to convince Frank to love Yz again.l I have no idea why people don’t just sta for LabLord or something. If you can turn Very Hard or Tree in to a monster then you should be able to handle an OSR ent as stats to your own system. Whatever.

We see, though, in that above example, a major sin. The purpose of the adventure, the resolution, comes down to a die roll. Make a Very Hard check to convince him to do the thing you want him to do. I’m chill, in some situations, with some rolls for people shit, but, to put the main point on which the adventure rests to a die roll? Seriously? Why not instead, maybe, integrate shit in to the adventure so THAT impacts if he comes back? You know, engage in the play of D&D? Cause rolling fucking dice aint D&D.

I don’t know what to say about this. There is no interactivity. Whiny bitch god begging for you to do something. Frank doesn’t give a shit. Maybe 1.5 combats. Maybe. I would usually note that an adventure that has nothing but combat has no interactivity, which is almost always bad (certain assaults being their own category) but this? Not even straight out combat for SOMETHING to do? 

Marvel in such room descriptions as “This is where worshipers would gather to doff outerwear (like cloaks) and don an amulet before entering a sacred area (such as the Chapel [Area 6]). Characters trained in religion guess this.” I loathe my existence. 

This is what you wanted to do? You wanted to write an adventure where the high priest abandons his god and the god is a whiny bitch about to ‘die’? Sounds good. But a few fucking rooms with no descriptins to speak of with no interactivity? THAT is your idea of an adventure? To be published?! The fucking thing has producers, executive producers, editors, and multiple artists noted. THAT is what you decided to spend your time on? Just fucking do it in a google doc by yourself and spend more time and effort on the actual adventure part of the adventure, maybe. Fucking executive producers. For this. Please.

This is $4 at DriveThru. The preview is nine pages, so, no complaints there. Enjoy the pissy tree.


https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/460538/Hermitage-of-Yz?1892600

Posted in Reviews | 13 Comments

The Orc Farm

Posted on December 4, 2023 by Bryce Lynch 
By Felbrigg N Napoleon Herriot
Self Published
S&W
Level 1

The PCs are tasked with clearing a farm of the Orc raiders that have taken it over … but the PCs are not the only ones with the same objective. Another party are out to earn the bounty and the Orcs will not be walkover as they have started digging out a dungeon and prepared to repel any heroes.

This thirteen page adventure uses five pages to describe eight cave rooms under an abandoned farm. No descriptions to speak of. Only stabbing. No treasure to speak of. Why these things exist is beyond me.

The cover image is nice. Or, maybe, I like that style? Anyway, there, I said something nice.

There’s this farm. It’s in the woods for some reason? Like, they cleared out some land so there’s this big clearing with farm fields and farmhouse in the middle. I have no idea why. Anyway, orc raiders killed everyone and then didn’t leave. That’s been awhile, but I don’t know how long. Long enough for the fields to be overgrown? Anyway, you’re sent in to clean them out. 

So, you get to go in to the farm. There’s an orc patrol outside so you kill them. Then, the farm. A barn, a pig pen, and a farmhouse with three rooms. This is the extent of the farm description. In an adventure called The Orc Farm. Seriously. Oh, there’s a trapdoor in one room that leads down to the caves under the farmhouse that the orcs discovered and hollowed out. 

There’s this subplot about another group of adventurers also trying to clear the place out and failing. There are two dead bodies next to the road, stripped of gear, and three people hide in the woods watching. That’s ALL you get. I mean, yes, you’re told to make a reaction roll to see how they deal with the party. But that’s it. No other advice on anything related to the rival party. This is, as you can see, par for the course by now with this adventure. A lot of backstory explanation and not much in the way of actionable adventure beyond a minimal Stabbing situation.

The very first read-aloud section of the adventure deals with bodies on the road. “You find two recently deceased human males laid naked beside the path. They were killed by hacking blade attacks, but despite that, they appear at rest. Someone has closed their eyes, crossed their arms across their chest and placed wild flowers in their hands” Quiz time! What’s wrong with that description? Did you answer “over reveal?” The description over reveals what’s going on in the read-aloud. It doesn’t allow for the party to ask follow up questions of the DM. That back and forth, between the players and DM is the main cycle of D&D. And when the read-aloud tells you too much then it leaves no room for a follow up. It indicates a lack of understanding of what D&D is and how it works.

Other descriptions are wonder of evocative writing, such as a main room that says “If the PCs make any noise, or use a light, they will be met here by the orcs from room C.” That’s it. Nothing more. Or “This room has been set aside for a small group of Goblins that are kept as slave workers by the Orcs. The Orcs have been making the Goblins dig out this cavern system. They have no treasure and only some worthless furs to sleep on at the back of the room.” Are you not entertained?! No description to speak of, just a backstory. And this would be similar to most of the rooms in the caves.

Why does something like this exist? There was clearly no playtesting by another DM. There’s little understanding of what D&D is or how it actually plays. It’s a stabbing adventure. Mini-s combat without the grid. This is what fun is?

This is $2 at DriveThru. There is, of course, no preview so you have no chance of seeing what you’re buying before you shell out for it.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/460834/The-Orc-Farm?1892600

Posted in Dungeons & Dragons Adventure Review, Reviews | 10 Comments