The Gallery of Wondrous Sundries

Nickolas Zachary Brown
Five Cataclysms
Five Cataclysms
Mid Levels

Welcome to the Gallery of Wondrous Sundries, dear Adventurers! Here you’ll find all manner of things that’ll leave you positively astounded! Items and creatures and…things from your world and many others, cursed and enchanted and bewitched and rigged for all manner of fascinating and dark purposes! Beware the Lower Galleries, for invaders have put it in a state of chaos; exhibits run amok! So have a wondrous day future exhib- er, dear visitors!

This 47 page adventure presents a museum dungeon level with about 150 rooms. It’s a funhouse-ish level, with a linear/branching design and vegetable people. Yes, you read that right. Less than I am looking for, unfortunately.

This is the museum level. Every megadungeon needs a museum level, it seems, and this is the one for the five cataclysms megadungeon. I’m usually down for some Five Cataclysms shit, but, this IS a museum level and I think I almost always loathe those. Too passive, in general, I think, as a concept. Anyway, this is the museum level. It’s divided in to two sections. The upper half is the standard museum level with robot guards, jellyfish cleaners, things to not touch, and a spectral beetle curator. The second half, behind one choke point, you’re given permission to loot as long as you kill the invaders. They are the culinars; dudes that all look like food. Yeah. Tomato berserkers and baby carrots. Those are actual entries from the wanderer table. 

I don’t know what the fuck to say about this. The food people thing? The usual passivity of  a museum level? I mean, you go in to room after room and see an exhibit. You can immediately get attacked by it or you can look at it and decide if you want to fuck with it or not, with little indication of if you SHOULD fuck with it or not. Room after room of this. I suppose it’s the lack of variety in the play that really gets to me. If every room is a Grimtooth then … why? Why bother? 

A typical room description might be “ Upon a lectern rests a human-leather tome and beside it rests an inkwell, a quill, and a razor. The inkwell is empty, but stained with old blood.” So, pretty to the point. Not very evocative. The point is interacting with the object in the room, not the vibe. THis is, in fact, one of the better rooms. The book is written in blood, with many blank pages. FIlling the inkwell with blood causes the pages to be filled in more and more. The story of a barbarian tribe that, as you refill the inkwell, stat to overrun the world. Which actually happens in the real world. Except you probably wont know that until you exit the dungeon. Decisions only matter if you know you making the decision. Although, I guess, you can intuit whats going to happen; it is, after all, a book written in blood from an inkwell of blood you have to personally refill. Anyway, that’s the vibe of the descriptions and what a decent room interactivity looks like.

And that’s a pretty positive example. Another room has a “blue metal device”, whatever that is. No description. Ever. Great. But if you destroy it then you can take the blue spoon that ethereally therered to it. I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing some pop culture reference? How do you destroy a blue metal device?

Of the more serious entries we get this wandering monster: “A Statue of Death, Finger Outstretched Hostile; Glides through the gallery, attempting to poke its victim with its outstretched finger. Will retreat once a kill is secured. He has, of course, Finger of Death. 

So, somewhat jokey. A little more than I prefer in my adventures. Or, perhaps, a different type of humor than I prefer in my adventures. Room descriptions that are less evocative and more … fun house? In other words, here’s a thing, do you want to fuck with it? The map doesn’t really support anything other than museum play. There’s just not enough going on here. It needs more. Factions. Sub-zones. Some things to take advantage of, in the greater context outside of a single room. I guess I’m saying that it’s a very STATIC level. And static levels are not very fun levels. 

This is $5 at DriveThru. The preview is broke. I can has sadz?

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4 Responses to The Gallery of Wondrous Sundries

  1. Artem the Centaur Conqueror says:

    Looks interesting. I like museum levels and funhouses in general (in theory more than in practice). This one is probably too jokey, tho.

  2. The Ensanguinated Fangs of Voluptuous Drelzna says:

    “ … They are the culinars; dudes that all look like food. Yeah. Tomato berserkers and baby carrots. Those are actual entries from the wanderer table.” Makes me think about the Fruities from a room in a Black Pyramid in a radioactive desert wasteland under a magenta sky – another fun house dungeon!

  3. smallgods says:

    The blood filled book and tribe taking over sounds like an exact copy of one of the SCP entries, if you’re familiar with the series? I wonder if there’s a few more inspired by in there perhaps.

  4. Imbangala says:

    You hate the vegetable and it is made apparent by legs of a child

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