Labia – The Strange Case of the Cursed Vagina

By Silvia Clemente, Miguel Ribeiro
The Red ROom
B/X & Wretched Bastards
Level ?

The Red Room

B/X & Wretched Bastards

Level ?

Princess Lisabetta, the precious daughter of the King of Riget, has been cursed by her evil aunt. Between her legs, Lisabetta now has a monstrous carnivorous “octopussy”. To bring the princess back to her natural self, an intrepid group of wretched adventurers must venture into the maze-like Citadel of Berleng and destroy the evil witch. But in a world of bastards, nothing is as simple as it seems and a dark, forbidden secret that will shake Riget is about to be revealed…

This 29 page adventure uses some number of pages to describe fourteen rooms in a dungeon. That might be under a castle? Maybe on an island? I don’t know. It’s some kind of funhouse thing that doesn’t actually describe ANYTHING. And I’m using a VERY loose definition of “describe.”

“The princess has a monster for a pussy” made me think this was LotFP, but, no, it’s for Wretched Bastards, some kind of B/X campaign world thing. Anyway, hang on … “Oh, my! I’m shocked! How disgusting! My sensibilities are in a kerfluffle!” There, was that chill? Did I do an adequate job at being shocked? 

Whatever. There’s almost nothing here. The king sends you to go kill his sister, the aunt. She’s in some castle on some island. And I’m not summarizing by much here, this is about how much information you get. Or, specifically “The unlucky bastards that take the challenge must reach the island, enter the citadel, find countess Golithya.” That’s the extent you get about the island and citadel. You do get a fourteen romo dungeon though!

The fourteen rooms have numbers on them. The numbers have a little key at the bottom at the map. “7- The Tar Pool” or “2- The Skeleton Office.” You don’t actually get keyed entries though. The fucking text just says “The Tar Pool” or “The Skeleton Office.” This pisses me off to no end. It’s like they just started writing the words backwards for no fucking reason. Why fucking do this? Did you make the product easier to use by doing this? Is it easier to find the rooms from the map in the text because of this? No? It’s a lot harder, you say? Then why the fuck do it? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m tempted to utterly fail every adventure from now on that does this. Fucking useless for running the thing.

Ah, but about the keyed entries themselves? What about them? “The lion lies asleep in a chamber close to the citadel’s entrance. A scrambled map can be found among the bones and half-eaten carcasses on the lion’s den; it points to a treasure hidden in a Citadel’s chamber.” That’s room one. Or, rather, “The Sleeping Lion’s Den.” Where does it point? To which room? Nope, you’re not getting that. 

This abstraction is present throughout the adventure and, I assert, the a design decision. Someone, somewhere, thinks that this is the right way to do things, otherwise it wouldn’t be so consistent in its application.”This room appears to be some kind of office.” No, it’s an office. “If the characters tart to look around then …” No, no if/then statements. Also, nothing happens in this room. A skeleton comes to life and then crumbles to dust. But, more to the point “”There is a hidden door in the room; if the characters detect and unlock it they will find a well-stocked armoury,” Perhaps my favorite is “In the pool lies a treasure chest filled with jewels and gold, but the bounty is too heavy to be carried.” … with no other words or details. 

Seriously, this is Indi RPG levels of detail here. “Maybe do something related to this keyword or something. “

In the end, this is nothing more than an abstracted funhouse dungeon. Random shit appearing in seemingly random rooms that is not well described. I would hesitate to even call this an adventure, PARTICULARLY given the issues with the map keys.

This is $2.50 at DriveThru. Reve in the eight page preview that shows you nothing of the room keys. Such that they are.

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81 Responses to Labia – The Strange Case of the Cursed Vagina

  1. Shitty Adventure says:

    “Nice beaver” – Frank Drebin

  2. John Paquette says:

    I guess the writers of this adventure were aiming for “shocking”. IMO, they instead hit “disgusting”. And, based on this review, they are technically inept as well. I’ll be giving the Wretched Bastards line a skip.

    • SolCannibal says:

      I’d say even that is too much credit. Oh my, vagina dentata, with tenticles curse – bleh, that’s puerile even for a high school level DM and from what Bryce describes has zero relevance to the adventure proper, that is more precisely “go to the Citadel of Berleng kill the evil witch of a sister/in-law for the king”.

      Literally much ado about nothing on all levels.

      • Gnarley Bones says:

        And, indeed, the Authors couldn’t even be bothered to indicate what levels the adventure is for – a cardinal sin.

        • Anonymous says:

          Since it’s recommended you use it in conjunction with the Seven Bastards or the Dirty Deeds Zine.
          You will find that they’re all explained in those.

          • Gnarley Bones says:

            Nah. No one is required to buy another product in order to find out what levels an adventure is for. It would take less typing than you just engaged in. Others in your shoes just added the levels.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m so sorry to hear that.
      Have a lovely Monday our customers have shown much loyalty to the productions we have made.

      • Anonymous says:

        Me Bones clearly you fail to grasp the concept Wretched Labia has been designed for the Seven characters in the supplement seven Bastards …. Ironically it states in page seven of this scenario.

  3. PrinceofNothing says:

    A failure to aspire even to Ruined Palace of the Metegorgos, which for all its flaws was still a real adventure. Hope you get to Perils in Olden Wood soon old chum.

  4. sellout_girl_69 says:

    jesus, what a waste. from the title I assumed this might actually swing for the fences, maybe the adventure would have the PCs shrunken down to explore the insides of the cursed vagina like some kind of flesh dungeon? that would actually be, y’know, something. not necessarily better or anything but at least SOMETHING. fuck maybe I should hit up Raggi and try to sell him that myself… you fight giant flesh-burrowing worms or something in there, it practically writes itself.

  5. Reason says:

    Imagine being worse at edgelord naughty-word adventures than both Raggi AND Venger.

    The 3rd edgiest edgelord vagina writers in the OSR.

    Although the 4th most popular folk parody duo in New Zealand turned out to be pretty good.

  6. Kent says:

    It doesn’t even say if the princess can still bear children.

  7. 3llense'g says:

    “jewels and gold, but the bounty is too heavy to be carried” So, like, individually? It has two HUGE jewels and a giant block of gold? EACH too heavy to be carried?

  8. Suggestion: says:

    The Red Room needs to focus on Bryce’s adventure design principles and to carefully read some of the adventures in Bryce’s “the Best” collection to try to learn the basics of the adventure design craft before focusing on shock value.

    • anon says:

      We’re doing this again? Didn’t we already hit the apex (wish a dash of “hey it’s actually OK”) with SlaughterGrid or whatever that one was called?

    • Anonymous says:

      Would love to peruse unfortunately life’s hectic.
      Our principles in Adventure are quite open ended.
      They’re kits… Rather than rail roads
      Packed full of random tables and fun n games.
      Yes they’re a miscellaneous and a perhaps bit muddled
      for some they’re welcomed. Sorry they aren’t you’re cup of tea.

    • Anonymous says:

      The fact that Ten Foot Pool has failed me is enough to make the pussies weap.

  9. No one is trying to shock, we’re just writing and publishing the kind of things we like to play. It’s obviously not for all audiences.

  10. J.Coombs says:

    Seems to me that Red Room have a niche, the various folks here clearly aren’t in it.
    The last six months seen various copper and silver.
    Had no idea they where going to hit that.
    It’s great that Big Geeks emporium has started up in that time as well.

    Funny how the reviewer straight for this shorter offering, failed to pick up on the amount of other titles…. Six Core bore books and the seventh is out soon.
    still, not sleeping over a bad review.
    If books weren’t selling, don’t think the publishers would bother.
    The right people are clearly getting upset and that’s gonna boost.
    No such thing as bad press. Cheers.

    • Anonymous says:


    • Gnarley Bones says:

      This is a site that reviews modules, not core books.

      Also, seven core books? Good heavens and good luck with that.

      • Anonymous says:

        Cheers new quick start hits soon. It’s a Post Apocalypse setting with some wonderful twists you are welcome to download it …IT’S FREE!!!!

        • Gnarley Bones says:

          The disconnect here is astounding. If you believe your spam-posting here is in any way helping the publisher … I don’t know what else can be said.

          • Anonymous says:

            It’s great fun chatting to folks. The Publishers know the niche they fill you ain’t it that’s fine. Look forward to what else your contributing. Other than highlighting your lack of understanding in the target audience. Wretched isn’t for everyone. But it is for some that’s how the niche works.

  11. J.coombs says:

    Red Room offering 25%off deal on Drivethru RPG.
    Why not check out some more?
    You could slate all sorts of other products.
    Or rather secretly enjoy it. …. All the best and good gaming.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Well we have done better than What we thought of we hadn’t we would jack at in the
    The bay saying has also push up the sales so cheers Copper sales and silver sales have been coming consistently so some people think that Red Room Are producing something worth having.
    The latest core book is already generating interest
    Each Core book takes your gaming table to exciting realms.
    Luck ? Not at all its all in the flexibility of the rules that underpin the settings.

    • Anonymous says:

      Is it official Red Room policy to spend the meagre proceeds of your core rulebooks on ritalin?

      • Anonymous says:

        No Ritalin is a prescription chemical and free on the N.H.S Any Procceds currently are channelled back into the company. My work is purely therapeutic.

        • Anonymous says:

          Meagre proceeds they maybe but the fact it annoys the right people that Red Room are still producing and happy to produce is the most rewarding experience love giving back to a hobby that’s brought pleasure Sales doing great.
          Having thoroughly engaging conversations and generating more ideas.
          What’s your obsession with Ritalin ? far more mind expanding substances the best ones being .imagination creativity, music laughter, these are all free.
          You are clearly showing signs of none of those
          Do better and hope you get well soon.

          In the meantime Wretched Apocalypse Quickstart…. Now available for download full of lots of fun and games in post apocalyptic wasteland.
          Unlike naysayers comments it’s full of explosive action and perfect for those who enjoy good times.
          Life’s wild when it’s WRETCHED!!!!!

        • Anonymous says:

          In your non-Ritalin confused state, you replied to your own comment, thereby implicitly supporting my assertion of the source of your addled status.

          We don’t like any of those things you mention here. We are filled with hate and want to destroy things that we do not like, our only solace the absence of pain following said destruction, the growing emptiness of the universe. We worship negation, death, enthropy, annihilation, the number zero and good encounter design.

          We are the tenfootpole comment section. And you are trespassing.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Also offering a try before you buy epic quick starts has got folks hooked.
    Again sales speak for themselves copper and silver are a big deal Just amazed folks of got into it for every naysayers negative got a positive haters are gonna hate. It looks the outrage has pulled in more folks into the niche. Exactly like the film’s that inspire us. The negative spurs the creative flow. In 6 months picked up a crew who are now hooked into the Wretched verse. Stoked.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Love it Ritalin addict ?
    Seriously that’s pure slander mate.

    • Anonymous says:

      Only the purest for you sweetling.
      You’ve got good energy but you need to be broken in a bit.

      • Anonymous says:

        Yeah and your heart bleed with boredom would love to.see your contributions to a hobby, you claim to love.

        • Anonymous says:

          I am an educator in social mores and a peerless custodian of tenfootpole comment sections. My work is all around you.

          • Anonymous says:

            That’s lovely so you wrote all this yourself
            Educator in what ?.
            All I see around here is a lot of comments from naysayers. Which is great because Red Room already has its supporters without negativity.
            It would be lifeless . The fact the people are talking about the products is brilliant.
            Makes what Red Room doing worth the time and the energy.
            Regardless of having viability creating is it’s own reward.
            Art for Arts sake.
            For the love of the game.

          • Anonymous says:

            I try to teach people that they are too stupid to do creative work and should instead devote themselves to a career in the service industry. It is very rewarding. This year alone, I have gotten over three hundred starry-eyed teenagers with their heads in the clouds to delete their Deviantart profiles and prepare themselves for a lifelong career as a cashier at McDonalds.

          • Anonymous says:

            Take this other example: There was a promising, very bright young woman who made baskets out of macaroni and her own paint and sold them for charity. Disgusting! After a talking to from yours truly, she is now devoting her efforts to become a social media manager for a company that specializes in pesticides!

  15. Anonymous says:

    I knew Bryce allowing the Portugese to post here would bring us nothing but hardship.

  16. Anonymous says:

    For other reviews check out Sword & Stitchery Mr E. Fabaschi has posted a great deal about various products …. Appreciate both the rough and the smooth.
    Ride the waves and will continue creating.
    Lovers and Haters are only a kiss away coexistence is brilliant.
    Both inspire, and fule to do the best worst.
    The fact that people are talking Wretched is humbling ….Skol

  17. J.C says:

    The lack of the originality in the responses is, clearly From the same crowd of cut n pasters from the F.B OSR group…. Unfortunately not letting up on the creativity as for McDonald’s Working for mass corps, screw that!!!! Just keeping it independent. whoever yours truly maybe… clearly embrace sterile surges of mediocrity.
    Markham, Carr, D “”Nighthawk” Simp,
    Got so much to be getting on with.
    Shall leave you to wallow in your sterile environment and while you sit lifeless and diluted, in empty creative stasis field, those who continue to pump out quality and quantity regardless of the pathetic naysayers.
    Who offer nothing other than unoriginal soulless gameplaying, and thoughtless responses.
    Nobody cares for critics they just want content.
    Haters will always slate and endlessly repeat the same boring lines. You have spouting rhetoric for the past umpteen years.
    Since the days of G+ and OSR + OGL still flourishes.
    You clearly have no real.clue or understanding,
    of how independent trains of thought flow. You simply can’t control Creative energys.
    Feel.sorry for you folks hope you do get well soon.

    • Anonymous says:

      You are boring enough, and hateful enough, to join us. Do not leave. There are other things to destroy, creative energies to dissipate, efforts to negate, dreams yet to crush. Take your place in our ranks. We will propagate mediocrity until the OSR is a perfectly level plane. Already men will not read more then a sentence, and in desperation turn to layout and have the imaginations of beasts of burden. This is how it must be. Join us, the Levellers, the great Negators, the Annihilators and we will return this place to Silence Once More!

      • J. C says:

        Nothing is more dull than those that continue to ridicule despite the fact that their words fail miserably.
        We have our niche and You are not it.
        The OSR isn’t able to be controlled OGL’s are for everyone and anyone so go ahead create what thou wilt.
        The OSR is freedom my friend
        People can take what they want.
        The only thing that needs levelling is your lack of imagination.
        Witt and utter failure to comprehend that gaming is whatever you want it to be.
        How about channelling your efforts into creating something? .
        The majority of those commenting about OSR p.o.d / pdf’s. Are contributing nothing.
        Other than ridiculous inane comments.
        That don’t mean squat to anybody.
        Except for those who claim to be on the right side of history.
        What a stupid turn of phrase that is.
        Seriously please get some therapeutic energy.
        Perhaps you could take up knitting?
        Do watch the needles.

        • Anonymous says:

          Seethe, seethe, seethe,
          Mald, mald, mald
          Seethe, seethe, seethe,
          Mald, mald, mald

          Spare us your imbecile creations
          The OSR has trash enough as is
          We are on the right side of history
          Where not everyone gets a prize

          Take your inane texts and burn them
          Consign your banal pdfs to ruin
          There is only the true way of gaming here
          Panhandle on some other shores

          Cope, cope, cope
          mald, mald, mald,
          seethe, seethe, seethe

          Another idiot comes prancing in this lunatic’s cabaret.

  18. Anonymous says:

    How the hell is this still going??? Make it stop!!!

  19. Have A Good Sunday says:

    Howdy Y’all just to let you folks know that more is available in the coming week.
    The hat is as inspiring as the love.
    Both those who enjoy products and those that dont.
    Add fuel .
    ” Not everyone can make something good”
    Comment …. Why do we have buyers ?
    Seems to me I sense a discuomfobulation, in your mind …. It’s cool
    Perhaps you rolled on the On the S.T.D. Table.
    Better luck next time

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