Post Mortem & Results

[The1True]

Oblique as ever mein gut @EOTB. Shall we say anyone dissing any edition or playstyle on this particular forum in anything but the most assiduously good-natured of fashions is overextending themselves then? Certainly, if I stumble drunkenly into K&KA musing loudly about Skill checks and telling anyone who will listen about my 26th lvl dragonborn culture warrior I will very much deserve the ass kicking that I get, but there is distinctly a broad cross-section of nerd-gamers represented on this site interested primarily (I hope) in Adventure Design & Reviews and I really wish we could all just get along because as @Malrex has pointed out we all have so much more in common. Good natured argument is fun, but apparently none of us are capable of it. We all fight dirty.

Maybe I'm fooling myself when I say that my intention in starting this sub-thread was to show people what I did with the pile of ideas we amassed with our design-by-committee two years ago, and not brazenly soliciting reviews of my unfinished work. I'm a pretty self-aware guy, but I'm not sure on this one. I was definitely hoping for some back-slapping and 'cool story bro' as anyone who's laboured countless hours in a vacuum does. @squeen who's new portrait is not nearly as cocky and self-assured as that of the erstwhile and appropriately named @Slick , is perhaps correct in that if I do wish for a holistic critique of my work I should be providing a more finished product. I don't know what to say though; I've put a year of work into this thing and I've hit a point where I'm wondering 'for godsakes, why am I still doing this?!' and I need either a little encouragement to go on or violent discouragement so I'll stop wasting my time.

That said, as mentioned above, there were a couple of real issues that I can single out for immediate attention for those too busy to wade through my work.

Two are mapping issues and maybe I'll move them to the Map thread.

The third issue however I cannot easily clip from its larger work. Hell's Crack is a pretty short scenario though and the trouble is right at the start. I created a (puzzle is not the right word) series of valves and levers on three containment tanks. Finding the key and playing with the conditions of the tanks does not gate the dungeon but will alter the difficulty of a combat with a faux beholder. There are hints for how this works in an earlier control room that can't be missed. The information is gated by 3e skill checks, but an old school DM could easily translate those to ability checks of varying difficulty or just hand wave it based on what they know about the characters' backstory, this is a non-issue. The quandary for me is that in attempting to comprehensively present all the necessary information (and repeat it in case the DM reads a later description before an earlier one) I created a wordy and confusing mess with unclear outcomes. If people were willing to click on the link and give it a whirl despite the lack of formatting or convenient map placement, I would be extremely grateful...

 

[squeen]

Oblique as ever mein gut @EOTB.

Decoding EOTB's posts is half the fun!

I don't know what to say though; I've put a year of work into this thing and I've hit a point where I'm wondering 'for godsakes, why am I still doing this?!' and I need either a little encouragement to go on or violent discouragement so I'll stop wasting my time.

I think this is a hard question for any of us to answer. The hobby sucks time and there really is very little chance of reward. "Selling it" answers the mail in only the most rudimentary way, i.e. "It's not a total waste of time....see I made a few bucks!", but that's really a dodge IMO. Byrce always called publication a Vanity Project, and wants us to come face-to-face with that somewhat grim reality. I choose instead to think that the desire to be creative, to produce art, is in the human soul---which make the "why" a larger matter.

Today is jam packed with meetings and deadlines, but tomorrow I will get at least one thoroughly reviewed. I am not kidding when I say that if I could have printed it out, it would have been examined long ago.

I do believe this also to be true: if you have a specific question, isolate it in a post. Folks will read it in the 5-minute slot they have in their day and even perhaps think about it...larger documents are harder for people to swallow and often get ignored. A sad fact.

The exception to the rule is if the reader NEEDS your work to run a game or steal content. Then all of a sudden you will (briefly) have a very interested party. Just putting it out there is like fishing, and requires the same patience. But you'd better have a decent lure...so again, if you want it noticed/used...Finish it. Polish it. Make it attractive. Do that BEFORE you leave it dangling there, or else nothing is going to bite---especially if it looks like work to slog through it.

 

[EOTB]

Oblique as ever mein gut @EOTB. Shall we say anyone dissing any edition or playstyle on this particular forum in anything but the most assiduously good-natured of fashions is overextending themselves then? Certainly, if I stumble drunkenly into K&KA musing loudly about Skill checks and telling anyone who will listen about my 26th lvl dragonborn culture warrior I will very much deserve the ass kicking that I get, but there is distinctly a broad cross-section of nerd-gamers represented on this site interested primarily (I hope) in Adventure Design & Reviews and I really wish we could all just get along because as @Malrex has pointed out we all have so much more in common. Good natured argument is fun, but apparently none of us are capable of it. We all fight dirty.

"Lets just all get along" is the point of what I'm saying. Volunteering unprompted in a shared space what you don't like about something you don't use, when you know damn well others have the opposite opinion, is to shit in the living room. It is an example of poor socialization, and our society has rapidly become poorly socialized in general, in the internet age.

It's very easy to do. I'm certainly guilty of it myself, more frequently if internet time travelling back a few years.

It's also risky as it's very easy to go from simply uncouth to overextension. Ratcheting up the hyperbole in response to disagreement, doubling down, excluding all middles - there's a point that's hard to explain where someone has self-righteously left their rhetorical flank so bare in their heaping of contempt, that tearing into them is complete even as it begins.

The larger point is none of that is productive. Especially here. No one really cares why you don't like what they like.

 

[Beoric]

Hard disagree. "God is in the details." I believe that in the process of patient creation, a object iteratively approaches its final, best form and must be rearranged and reworked many times during assembly. The pieces cannot be judged out of context. Even small gems must sometimes be left out of the final piece (tits on a hog?). In a sense, we all "professionally finish" things every single day. The questions is solely: do we make beautiful things of functional quality or ugly half-arsed/glitzed-up attempts. (Not saying that your work is not good, just that we all struggle with drawing the line at 'good enough'.)

Your hatred of formatting and word processing comes through loud and clear and obscures your other considerable talents. You have an opportunity to address that weakness by "polishing a turd" but are instead are choosing to be miserly with your time for personal reasons.

Remember, you are not making a map or a drawing or a "cool idea", you are making an adventure to publish (and/or just honing the necessary skills!)---think holistically. You probably crave positive recognition and a sense of pride in what you've accomplished, but getting there will never happen unless all the boxes are checked. People just can't see past the warts. Quality emerges from the harmony of the small details---not from the details themselves. (Crap, that does sound patronizing!)

OK. Here it is again---not from my virtual mouth, but from an authority figure: In the Proko art schoool, one of the instructors repeated a commonly held adage: "A painting is only as good as its worst element". Truth.

Never mind the clean up, I'll fight my way through it it 'as-is', but I have no idea what your "next step" is going to be.

Ugh! I give up. When will I learn you have to give people exactly what they ask for and only what they ask for to make them happy. Silence is golden.

When it comes to creativity, everyone has a process. You have to respect that.

I'm a pretty self-aware guy, but I'm not sure on this one. I was definitely hoping for some back-slapping and 'cool story bro' as anyone who's laboured countless hours in a vacuum does. @squeen who's new portrait is not nearly as cocky and self-assured as that of the erstwhile and appropriately named @Slick , is perhaps correct in that if I do wish for a holistic critique of my work I should be providing a more finished product. I don't know what to say though; I've put a year of work into this thing and I've hit a point where I'm wondering 'for godsakes, why am I still doing this?!' and I need either a little encouragement to go on or violent discouragement so I'll stop wasting my time.

I get it, sometimes you need a little direction before you are close to finished; less to undo then.

I don't give as much feedback as I should because I like to really think about it, and that takes time I don't have (honestly, if I had more time I would probably be here less). I know I have given half-assed critiques here from time to time, but I don't know how useful they are. I have your piece as #3 on my bedtime reading list and will give it a full and considered read. Well, I guess its #3, 4, 5 & 6, since I think you have posted the Hexcrawl, the Summer Palace, the Tower of the Minotaur, and the Mutant Camp. Have I missed anything?

 

[The1True]

When it comes to creativity, everyone has a process. You have to respect that.

THIS THIS THIS!!!

I guess its #3, 4, 5 & 6, since I think you have posted the Hexcrawl, the Summer Palace, the Tower of the Minotaur, and the Mutant Camp. Have I missed anything?

That's almost everything, you're missing Hell's Crack and you can skip the Hexcrawl since it's just there if you're curious about context and want a rough idea how these things are connected. My hexcrawl notation, presentation and language all very much need an overhaul and just present a distraction at the moment. I know you're all busy people and I really appreciate any input!

 

[squeen]

When it comes to creativity, everyone has a process. You have to respect that.

THIS THIS THIS!!!

Folks. Really. That sounds nice and (I am learning) is what @The1True wants --- but makes zero practical sense.

I only know what I know (i.e. my process), so I can either:

1) "respect T1Ts process" and just say "lookin' good bro!"...which is what I initially did, but he wanted more...
2) Share what I think works based on my personal experience.

That's it. I have no insight into "his process" and if I did it might sound like pure insanity to me.

Here's a theory on feedback, and it's far more general than @The1True, and applies to me too---but it's only a theory since I am a fool and know very little for certain (other than the fact that paladins are a cancer at the heart of D&D):

Folks do what they like to do, and avoid the things they don't enjoy. They call doing the "fun stuff" work because it takes time and effort, but really it isn't (for them)...its hobby/entertainment. When they get to a point where they get tired of massaging it, they might show it to others. What they hope to hear is "Awesome! It's perfect!" so that they can be done. When they don't it's a disappointment---especially when they hear: "All that stuff you didn't do because it's a PITA...you need to do that." or even worse "I don't like it, you should change it to be closer to what others are doing (i.e. the norm)." The world totally missed your talent and vision.

The saving grace is that sometimes the naysayers (folks saying "change this" or "fix it" or "it needs phat donkey ears/trendy bling-bling") are 100% wrong. Great artists break new ground and the world follows (usually after they are dead). Perhaps you are the Picasso of RPGs.

On the other hand, if you are not going to fly high above the world and have far more meager ambitions (like selling an adventure), then know your audience and give them what they like (plus a bit more, e.g. Loewy's MAYA principle). Internalize their feedback, and make adjustments. Congratulations you are now the world's whore. You aren't just satisfying your internal muse, you are, as Chris Cornell sang in The Day I Tried To Live, "wallowing in the blood and filth with all the other pigs."

So be it.

But on the other hand, it you choose to be less bleak and uncompromising about your personal direction --- THAT IS ONE WAY WE LEARN. Trying to please others stretches us beyond ourselves and forces us in new directions, often ones that don't come naturally for us. This is why everything doesn't look like primitive cave paintings or 2-year-old fingerpaint drawings. We compete and push each other to be better.

So you have to decide: do I navigate solely by internal dead-reckoning, or request feedback (that might be wrong-headed). But if you ask for help, be prepared to get some suggestions that (at face value) don't seem helpful. You may have to filter through some opinionated rubbish and/or you may need to change your head (e.g. that invisible Achilles Heel). It's hard to tell which is which. Sorry. Either way, I think you should just say a polite "thank you" (if it's at all constructive) and then decide privately what to keep and what to discard.

I should stop here...before(?) I overextend.
</sermon>

 

[squeen]

One last point: D&D is deceptive. The amateur look of all of TSR's early products makes you think: I could easily do that---probably better! That DIY look is part of its appeal.

The mysterious and wonderful thing is --- despite that appearently low-bar for entry, and after all the decades of attempts --- very few have actually surpassed the original. It was like an iceburg with 75% of its mass below the surface. Yet we are all lured into chasing that unicorn.

 

[Beoric]

Folks. Really. That sounds nice and (I am learning) is what @The1True wants --- but makes zero practical sense.

I only know what I know (i.e. my process), so I can either:

1) "respect T1Ts process" and just say "lookin' good bro!"...which is what I initially did, but he wanted more...
2) Share what I think works based on my personal experience.

That's it. I have no insight into "his process" and if I did it might sound like pure insanity to me.

Here's a theory on feedback, and it's far more general than @The1True, and applies to me too---but it's only a theory since I am a fool and know very little for certain (other than the fact that paladins are a cancer at the heart of D&D):

Folks do what they like to do, and avoid the things they don't enjoy. They call doing the "fun stuff" work because it takes time and effort, but really it isn't (for them)...its hobby/entertainment. When they get to a point where they get tired of massaging it, they might show it to others. What they hope to hear is "Awesome! It's perfect!" so that they can be done. When they don't it's a disappointment---especially when they hear: "All that stuff you didn't do because it's a PITA...you need to do that." or even worse "I don't like it, you should change it to be closer to what others are doing (i.e. the norm)." The world totally missed your talent and vision.

The saving grace is that sometimes the naysayers (folks saying "change this" or "fix it" or "it needs phat donkey ears/trendy bling-bling") are 100% wrong. Great artists break new ground and the world follows (usually after they are dead). Perhaps you are the Picasso of RPGs.

On the other hand, if you are not going to fly high above the world and have far more meager ambitions (like selling an adventure), then know your audience and give them what they like (plus a bit more, e.g. Loewy's MAYA principle). Internalize their feedback, and make adjustments. Congratulations you are now the world's whore. You aren't just satisfying your internal muse, you are, as Chris Cornell sang in The Day I Tried To Live, "wallowing in the blood and filth with all the other pigs."

So be it.

But on the other hand, it you choose to be less bleak and uncompromising about your personal direction --- THAT IS ONE WAY WE LEARN. Trying to please others stretches us beyond ourselves and forces us in new directions, often ones that don't come naturally for us. This is why everything doesn't look like primitive cave paintings or 2-year-old fingerpaint drawings. We compete and push each other to be better.

So you have to decide: do I navigate solely by internal dead-reckoning, or request feedback (that might be wrong-headed). But if you ask for help, be prepared to get some suggestions that (at face value) don't seem helpful. You may have to filter through some opinionated rubbish and/or you may need to change your head (e.g. that invisible Achilles Heel). It's hard to tell which is which. Sorry. Either way, I think you should just say a polite "thank you" (if it's at all constructive) and then decide privately what to keep and what to discard.

I should stop here...before(?) I overextend.
</sermon>

All I will say is I'm quite confident you don't actually know what I am talking about.

 

[The1True]

Squeen man. When you teach, you learn that everyone's got a different learning style. If you don't cater to the variety of ways people learn, people get left behind. Similarly, people have a variety of processes for getting a job done. I didn't get bogged down blue-skying how I would market my imaginary product, I sat down and wrote a couple hundred pages of content. Saying that that's lazy and I'm doing the fun things first shows a remarkable inability to put yourself in someone else's shoes or imagine how other people maybe function differently from yourself.

I have repeatedly said that I greatly appreciate you taking a look at my work and even promised to try to find time to prematurely package it in a fashion more palatable to your eyes. For some reason you continue to lecture me like a child which, since you're doing me a favour, I've been quietly bearing.

Beoric put words to what I've been trying diplomatically to say, which is that we all have a different work process. I spent years teaching 3D art and animation. Some students liked to assemble their models out of separate parts, some liked to grow their models out of a simple primitive shape, others chisel their final form out of a simple block. I showed them how to do this through hands-on tutorials, group work and online reading material among other techniques. Everybody had a peak learning style and peak production process. If I was actually struggling to produce content here I'd be a lot happier to take your advice for how I should be working - is what I'm saying. I'm at a point where I need to assess whether I should be investing more time or washing my hands of the whole thing. If I can somehow get past this hurdle, I will indeed be putting together a 'beta' version and soliciting a more comprehensive final critique from the members of this board, all of who's opinions I greatly value, before I put it up for PWYW on DTRPG.

2) Share what I think works based on my personal experience.

I'm looking forward to your advice on presentation. Currently though, I need to figure out if this stuff is worth presenting in the first place. Please let's not double down and double down some more on this argument. I get it; if you can't get past my single-column point-form long enough to read through my work and figure out if the mechanics I'm concerned about are playable or not then, thanks for your time (for real). I've got some time off coming up, I'll try to clean things up to a beta level and we can revisit this subject if you're still up for it.

(other than the fact that paladins are a cancer at the heart of D&D)

Stop poking the Malrex. I believe you're making light of yourself here, but he's made it clear that he doesn't find this subject amusing. DP pecked away at you the same way and called it satire and you fucking hated it...

 

[squeen]

Fair enough all. I've clearly overreached. I'll shut my yap -- and really, I'm was not trying to poke the Malrex or imply you are lazy or ungrateful. I feel bad he got so upset (and that you think that's what I was saying). I was hoping self-mockery would help make light of it all. Clearly not the case. I will self-censor my ill-considered humor and wild theories more carefully.

I think now's as good time as any for a short posting break. My rambling posts often arise when I have my own unsavory work tasks to tackle. I should be out of the hurt-locker in October. TTFN.

 

[Malrex]

I'm not mad that Squeen hates paladins. I understand why he does now (at least I think I do)--because he doesn't use/recognize the HUGE disadvantage/burden paladins have through roleplaying situations. Without utilizing their disadvantage, then yeah, paladins are 'candy'. Hell, I hate paladins too, they are seriously hard to play right and can be an annoyance--as my DM utilizes their disadvantage pretty hard.

I was mad because I felt my playstyle was being judged. And now mad at myself that I had 'overextended.' So for the record, I don't mind if Squeen wants to voice his displeasure about paladins.

Moving on.

I understand both sides as well here...The1True has a different style and it was hard for me to go through it in Irridated...but I had to switch my mind to focus on what the creativity/purpose of the adventure was and I found it very creative--but was just hard to follow for me personally (which may not be the case for others), so I can understand where squeen is coming from. But I also understand the creative process is different for others. I also understand this stuff can take a huge amount of time, so having people look at a rough draft isn't a horrible thing. Sometimes it IS important to get your ideas down before you lose them. You should see the stuff I send to Grutzi...poor guy.


I'll try to look over some stuff this weekend The1True.

 

[Beoric]

@The1True Okay I read things out of order and got about a third of the way through Summer Palace last night. Not sure when I am going to get further, so here are some early impressions.

At first glance I love the map, although I haven't looked at it hard enough to see if all the pieces work together. It looks nicely organic, like a real building complex, and has some complexity, although I didn't analyze it Melan-style. I do wish it didn't have a white background because I find it hard on the eyes when reading it on a screen.

You have a very clear idea of how encounters are going to go down. Holding on to that idea tends to make your keyed entries quite complex, which (a) makes your entries longer, (b) makes clarity in the presentation extremely important, and (c) gives less room for the DM to put his stamp on the encounter or make it his own. Now, while intellectually I will admit that adventures where the writer takes firm control of the story and the DM and players are just along for the ride is a valid and popular playstyle, I also have to admit that I personally prefer a style that gives the DM (and by extension the players) a lot more latitude.

If that is what you are going for, then you have a lot of work ahead of you, because you need to make sure all of those carefully constructed elements fit together to minimize the desire of players to go off-book. If you are finding that the project is taking longer and is more frustrating than anticipated, I suspect that "fitting it all together" may be why. Also, the length and complexity of your keyed entries means they need to be very clearly communicated. We won't be able to evaluate whether you have achieved that until you get them closer to final form.

If keeping strict control of the experience of the adventure is not what you are going for, but is just a consequence of the process of putting your vision down on paper, then I think you need to consider whether you need to let some of it go in order to (a) simplify entries, (b) allow for unanticipated PC actions, and (c) give room for the DM to put his stamp on the adventure.

I think before I can give any more meaningful comment on the adventure I need to know which kind of adventure you want it to be. That is, how much control do you want to have over the DM's and player's gaming experience? Because my advice will likely be very different depending on your intention.

 

[The1True]

I think before I can give any more meaningful comment on the adventure I need to know which kind of adventure you want it to be. That is, how much control do you want to have over the DM's and player's gaming experience? Because my advice will likely be very different depending on your intention.

I very much want it to be a sandbox where the players can choose to approach the scenarios any way they please (or not at all). There's a narrative backbone that PC's can choose to follow, but it's not mission-critical, should be playable in (almost) any order (Hell's Crack needs to be unlocked and the assault on the Demon Endjinn would be quite difficult without first gathering more information/artifacts/experience) and has no timeline that might force players to act.

Just to clarify, are you asking if the whole mini-campaign is a railroad or these side quests like the Summer Palace are meant to have a strong narrative? Because even the side quests should be pretty loose. The Summer Palace could be, depending on intel gathered by the PC's, approached as a commando raid, a stealth or even a diplomatic/trade mission. If there seems to be an order of events, that concerns me and I would be interested to read an example of what kind of writing made you feel this scenario is on rails. It sounds like something I need to correct!

On the other hand, if you're saying my encounters seem tightly scripted (maybe it's both the encounters and the scenario?), that's definitely a product of 3e gameplay, but Bryce has always seemed to be a fan of that one aspect of later editions; tactical information, in that it makes the room low-prep playable. I hear what you're saying though; a too tightly scripted room is a) wordy (which runs the risk of information loss) and b) constrains the DM (and ultimately the players). There's got to be a happy middle ground between "There's a Hill Giant with a pet Giant Rhino Beatle on a chain. Here's his stats and treasure." and half a page describing the entire contents of the cavern, why the giant is there and how the giant reacts to various possible PC gambits (my cherished sin of if-then computer game design writing).

If you've got a minute, could you perhaps pick one of the more egregious room description for us to pick away at?

 

[Beoric]

Yeah, I could tell that the thing in general was supposed to be sandboxy, I just wasn't sure about the individual encounters. Rather than take something big with a lot of elements, I'm going to actually take one of the smaller elements, the Stables, because it illustrates one of the issues, even though that doesn't end up making it too long.

What jumps out at me about this encounter is that, first of all, as written the creature automatically attacks on the second round, and secondly, that it automatically takes out a bunch of pillars and destabilizes the roof. Thereafter the entire roof will collapse within a few rounds. Although it is a small example, this is what I am talking about when I say the encounter is designed to go down in a particular way.

Aggravating the problem is that the only motivation we get for why the bug is attacking is because it is "cranky". That doesn't give me a whole lot to work with in terms of making decisions on behalf of the bug. Why is it cranky? Is it hungry? There is a reference to the smell of meat, but no meat called out as present. Has it been tormented by humanoids? That would imply it was fighting out of fear, which maybe I could do something with. But without that little extra, I don't know what combat decisions it will make, or whether it can be calmed down, or what it's retreat or surrender conditions might be, if any.

So what I think this needs is a gameable motivation for the bug, from which I can intuit under what conditions it will attack; calling out that if it does attack, it will go through load bearing pillars to do so; some guidance as to how to handle the destruction of pillars so the whole roof doesn't come down at once (so the party can use that to its advantage and prevent or enable the collapse of the roof).

The pillar thing is a bit tricky because it can go in a lot of directions, but maybe suggesting that if a single pillar goes down the roof collapses in a small radius, which expands if adjacent pillars are taken out, with a change of the whole roof going related to the number of pillars that are still left. Or you could leave a lot of it to the DM's discretion.

You then lose the initiative count. The whole thing might actually end up being a bit longer, but it is a lot more flexible.

Although you now have to consider the impact on your module if the players realize they can tame a rideable beetle, complete with harness, that is capable of taking down walls and buildings. Because if I was a player, that's what I would be trying to do.

 

[The1True]

Yeah, I could tell that the thing in general was supposed to be sandboxy, I just wasn't sure about the individual encounters. Rather than take something big with a lot of elements, I'm going to actually take one of the smaller elements, the Stables, because it illustrates one of the issues, even though that doesn't end up making it too long.

Thanks for the example! Here's the text for anyone curious:

C: Stables:

Stone barn. High walls, tall roof. Large wooden doors bang loosely in the breeze.

1: Beetle Pens. Alkali reek of insect, funk of fetid meat, dusty light from roof 20’ above pierces the gloom.

a: A Goliath Caravan Beetle lies dormant in the largest pen. Light from open doors awakes the cranky bug.

Rnd 1: It shudders to its feet chittering angrily.

Rnd 2: It charges, knocking out pillars and fences.

Rnd 3: 25%/Rnd that the roof collapses (2d6 dmg, DC (Avg) Dex Sv, or trapped (DC (Hard) Str.))


My intention was to create an exciting, dynamic combat encounter, but as Beoric has astutely pointed out, despite my claims to want an open sandbox, I havn't clearly offered an alternative to combat here. And you guessed correctly that PC's might indeed be investigating this location because they are interested in acquiring hardy bug mounts to further explore the Wastes. In which case they would very much be interested in calming this situation.
While I did give the PC's a round to act while the grumpy beetle rouses itself, there's not much else information to imply alternatives to combat.

hmmm how about this:
1: and a: I think already establish that this is a place where domesticated animals are kept. Specifically domesticated insects. So PC's with animal handling skills should hopefully be primed.
Rnd 1: It shudders to its feet chittering menacingly. -the change of wording from flavour to clear threat, plus the act of rolling initiative should warn the PC's that they have one round to back away, use their animal handling skills or get ready to fight.
Rnd 2: It charges, knocking out pillars and fences. The roof creaks alarmingly. -the added sentence clearly broadcasts that the beetle is doing structural damage and that if PC's stay and fight they will have to contend with a falling roof.

-A quick note that this is the only encounter where I have listed a suggested round-by-round chain of events, so this is unusual for the scenario.
My concern here is with only the description in 1: and a: to go on, we end up with PC's enchanting or stabbing the hapless insect to death while it's trapped in its pen and without the round by round the PC's get no clear warnings that the creature is going to attack and the building is going to collapse around them.

 

[The1True]

I wonder if this is also emblematic of what you're talking about @Beoric :

4: Lost Library. Shelves stacked with books and scrolls, reading desk.
Omalwera, spurned first wife of Thresimund lives on in unlife as a Lich.
She broods here in the Library 80% or manically experiments in her Lab (4b) 20%.
She is very lonely but has been driven insane by the rage of abandonment.
She will talk for a while but eventually she will snap.
She uses scrolls (see below) as a free action, summoning them automatically to memory 1/rnd.
And the books themselves fly off the shelves to distract spell casters and people using missile weapons (DC (Avg)
Concentrate).
DC (Hard) Perception; she is missing the ring finger on her left hand.
A rambling journal on the desk reveals centuries of hatred towards her niece Brghilde, her husband’s failing love, her
scheme to match Brghilde with Wamba and help them run away together and her subsequent imprisonment in this wing of
the palace as punishment.
The journal also disguises her spell book in a hidden cipher (DC (Avg) Perception + DC (Hard) Int to decrypt.
The library contains many arcane treatises (+5 Knowledge Alchemy/Arcana)
Including a bookmarked page (DC (Hard) Search) describing how a spell to remove the 'Devilish Curse of the
Wastes' (fiendishness) may be found in the Canyon of Fire, but only a god can make it stick.
Also, Arcane scrolls cast at 9th lvl: 3rd: Displacement, Halt Undead, Haste, Stinking Cloud; 4th: Dimension Door,
Hallucinatory Terrain; 6th: Summon Monster VI (caster lvl 11); 7th: Finger of Death (caster lvl 13); Cursed Wish
(Explosive Firetrap 3d6 force +3d6 fire, 5' Radius*)
*(Omalwera suspects the curse and invokes the Wish only when she is at the brink of death).

I like Omalwera. Spurned wife of the duke and powerful wizard. She's been bricked up in her lab for centuries and gone quite insane. If the PC's can work things out with her by (for example) finding her wedding ring, she can become a powerful (undead) ally, but in the description she just snaps and if you hit this room before finding the missing finger bone without its ring in her bedroom, or the ring with her initials at the family shrine, there's really no clue that she could be anything but a threat. Maybe that's just how it's got to play out in that case?

 

[Malrex]

Tower of the Minotaur:

1. Tower in the wall

I may be partial to my own ways...but...don't be afraid to add all the stuff the PCs see in the beginning paragraph. You TAB following info. Don't disregard the power of TAB--or Bullet points. If you use it all the time, it becomes less useful. So your first room here, add everything up to 'a steep path'...Try to be more evocative-'a small keep' is not juicing my creativity.

'Centuries of erosion have barely marred the defiant, natural stone walls that make up the walls of the shadowed keep...blah blah blah"

If this keep is carved from the walls of natural surroundings...I think I would argue the very FIRST thing the PCS will notice is that green light--put it first!
stats for stirges..
Suggestion: maybe some foreshadowing---desiccated corpses along pathway upwards (victims of stirges).

Where is '1' on map? Put it on blue square map too--took me a second to find it. And put 2 on the brown map as well...

Be critical of every sentence--is this needed?: "There are no signs of recent habitation." What about the stirges...or insect tracks?
Who da fuck is Cerastes'? Maybe have a introduction of wtf is going on in this place. No surprises, tell a DM whats up and the importance of this place and why PCs are here....cause right now, I'm trying to figure it out reading the first room and it feels very abrupt.

2. Sentry at the gate.
TAB stuff again...It feels like you could provide more of a description (untabbed) of the area, THEN TAB or bullet point the other stuff. For example, the rubble sentence should be what the PCs see...the fiendish Pedipalp should be tabbed or a bullet point--but since you have them both tabbed its hard to know where my eyes should go to quickly for the DM info...like you are tabbing stuff to make things easier to read, but you are combining DM/player stuff with DM stuff--so its not as useful. Make sense?

3. Ok..you got tabs going on that are helpful, but you could combine some, like the first 2. You indent further for more DM info--which is ok if that is the style you want to go in.
But...I'm totally lost here. So PCs are transported to a maze (I DO like this idea). When I read 4...is that Inside the maze or is it on the original map? Maybe break down the Maze as 3, 3A, 3B, 3C, etc.
Who da fuck is Tarcho?? Put him in Introduction...I feel like someone just slapped me when reading this or like I have to go back and look for something I missed...no, didnt miss anything (unless its in hex map or something)--no idea who Tarcho is (finally found him all the way at the very end....no!). And the plot thickens--sounds like Cerastes has a tail, but...still dont know who da fuck Cerastes is.

I'm sorry--Im completely lost on Room #3 and the maze. I think its a cool idea, but I'm finding it unplayable for me.

4. I know Bryce likes short concise descriptions, but this is not working for me....just like it didn't work for me in Black Maw. I realize it may totally work for others. It's just too abrupt for me and doesn't flow for me. The green light should be first--that's the most noticeable thing. I'd prefer something, and I understand this is my style and NOT yours and my style is NOT necessary correct but just trying to show you where I'm coming from:
Your Version:

Glassy, perlin marble flooring. Green marble pillars.
Glowing green ambient lighting shines from no visible source.
A crumbling spiral stair and a clear, shallow (2') pool (4a)
Heaped piles of rubble (4b)
A crumbling gallery 20' overhead (4c)
Signs of recent tunneling (5)
Fluttering and shrieks of winged things high in the rafters.
A constant susurrus of hateful whispers carried on blurry dust motes. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them all.
Tarcho the Bull sprawls on his throne in the distance (4d)
Tarcho will talk while Cerastes moves into a flanking position through the tunnels.
Tarcho seems drugged, his words confused and slurred.
Questioned about raids, he will acknowledge his bloody war on the mutants but seem confused
about any mention of Hospitallers.
Questioned about Wamba he will pat a pouch at his hip absentmindedly and wistfully say:
"Speak iron at dusk..." before speaking no more on the subject.
Any mention of names from his past life stuns him for 1 rnd (Count to 10 silently) while he turns
his head to look straight upwards (at the cocoon (4d)) with an agonized expression.
Any mention of Proctor Lund or further tugging on his past brings a hiss from the dark:
"Liars here to kill you. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them allll!"
He springs enraged from his throne (see below).

Any sudden move or approach within 60' and Tarcho leaps to his feet; contingent enchantments unfold:
Mirror Image, Displacement, Haste (CL 18)
He waits on the dais and uses the throne and pillars to protect his flanks.
The pillars provide 20% cover from missile fire from the galleries.
Cerastes uses his tremorsense to pick the best tunnel to emerge from.
He prefers to cling to ceilings and walls and attack with reach.

My Version:
Ambient green lighting glows from an unknown source, creating shadowed pillars that partially block heaped piles of rubble and digging tools near a rough-hewn tunnel....etc.
you got some tabs going on which is good and not shown from my cut n paste, but they dont seem as useful as there is so much going on. Id rather see a 3 sentenced description, THEN bullet points.
This room may benefit from a Tactics: section

4a. seems to be repeating what is in room 4..can you break these up better?

Consider Endnote to be the First note as an intro so we know wtf is going on. It may be stated in hex crawl somewhere, but I read that several months ago and totally lost here...maybe a: Cerastes (see New Monster section) or something in the very beginning....

I feel like the stirges would eventually kill Tarchi and Cerastes. I realize they hate each other, but maybe make it more of a symbiotic relationship (i.e maybe Cerastes has a Ring of Regeneration, or Tarchi and Cesastes are trollataurs---which I just made up because I've been drinking...you are welcome.)

Bottom Line: I like the look of the maps--but find them a bit confusing. I think I understand the idea you are trying to present with this area but it needs some work--simple work, like break up the writing with a section called THE MAZE then describe 3A, 3B, 3C, etc. Or put it in an Appendix (touch the door? see Appendix A). Have an intro--explain to the DM wtf is going on here. I feel like I just did a bungee jump--help me man. In my opinion, I understand that you may be going for terse writing, but how you have it is too terse...and ends up being dry for me. Some/most? may disagree with me, but I write your type of notes here for myself to give me hints on what I have going on.....it's easy for me to utilize it when its my own shit, but you are doing that for yourself, and the hints work---for yourself, but not necessarily for a new reader...if that makes sense?

 

[The1True]

I understand that you may be going for terse writing, but how you have it is too terse...and ends up being dry for me.

That's not the first time you've said this. And others have as well. I drank maybe too much of the terse Kool-Aid. The worst part is I feel like I've managed to be overly terse while still throwing up walls of text with these tabbed instructions.

This is all good stuff, I really appreciate the (surprisingly coherent) drunken advice!

Tarchi and Cesastes are trollataurs---which I just made up because I've been drinking...you are welcome.

Yoink! No take-backsies! But seriously, the two 'factions' are in an uneasy state of détente. The stirges will get chopped to pieces if they bother Tarcho and Cerastes around the throne and Cerastes will get swarmed if he crawls up into the stirge's roost. Both seek prey elsewhere outside the tower.

 

[Beoric]

I wonder if this is also emblematic of what you're talking about @Beoric :

4: Lost Library. Shelves stacked with books and scrolls, reading desk.
Omalwera, spurned first wife of Thresimund lives on in unlife as a Lich.
She broods here in the Library 80% or manically experiments in her Lab (4b) 20%.
She is very lonely but has been driven insane by the rage of abandonment.
She will talk for a while but eventually she will snap.
She uses scrolls (see below) as a free action, summoning them automatically to memory 1/rnd.
And the books themselves fly off the shelves to distract spell casters and people using missile weapons (DC (Avg)
Concentrate).
DC (Hard) Perception; she is missing the ring finger on her left hand.
A rambling journal on the desk reveals centuries of hatred towards her niece Brghilde, her husband’s failing love, her
scheme to match Brghilde with Wamba and help them run away together and her subsequent imprisonment in this wing of
the palace as punishment.
The journal also disguises her spell book in a hidden cipher (DC (Avg) Perception + DC (Hard) Int to decrypt.
The library contains many arcane treatises (+5 Knowledge Alchemy/Arcana)
Including a bookmarked page (DC (Hard) Search) describing how a spell to remove the 'Devilish Curse of the
Wastes' (fiendishness) may be found in the Canyon of Fire, but only a god can make it stick.
Also, Arcane scrolls cast at 9th lvl: 3rd: Displacement, Halt Undead, Haste, Stinking Cloud; 4th: Dimension Door,
Hallucinatory Terrain; 6th: Summon Monster VI (caster lvl 11); 7th: Finger of Death (caster lvl 13); Cursed Wish
(Explosive Firetrap 3d6 force +3d6 fire, 5' Radius*)
*(Omalwera suspects the curse and invokes the Wish only when she is at the brink of death).

I like Omalwera. Spurned wife of the duke and powerful wizard. She's been bricked up in her lab for centuries and gone quite insane. If the PC's can work things out with her by (for example) finding her wedding ring, she can become a powerful (undead) ally, but in the description she just snaps and if you hit this room before finding the missing finger bone without its ring in her bedroom, or the ring with her initials at the family shrine, there's really no clue that she could be anything but a threat. Maybe that's just how it's got to play out in that case?

I really shouldn't generalize until I have read the whole thing.

Also, worth noting here that the editor here has lost all of @The1True's formatting, the PDF is much easier to follow than this.

"She will talk for a while but eventually she will snap." I see this a lot in adventures and have a personal dislike of it. First of all it makes combat inevitable. Secondly, there is no guidance about what she is interested in talking about, or what sets her off. I don't (yet) know enough about the rest of the module to know if her history with Brghilde and Wamba is gameable, or if there are indications elsewhere abut how this relates to her instability or her triggers, but it may bear mentioning here.

Also, there is no indication as to what she wants that the PCs could provide, and what she has (short of treasure) that the PCs might want to bargain for (I consider this a must for any named NPC).

When she broods in the library, what is she doing, just sitting behind the desk? What is she working on in the lab, and could it be at all tactically relevant or interesting to the PCs?

What is the relevance of the missing ring finger?

I think the Omalwera section is a good example of where prose beats point form. I think the exercise of constructing a paragraph, with transitional devises and the whole bit, can help flesh out the personality of the NPC.

I would put the position of the desk on the map (actually, I can't see it on the map at all), along with bookshelves, and the furniture in the lab; all of these are tactical hazards or potentially tactically useful.

I think the scroll use and book-missiles should be broken out of the Omalwera section and given their own (tactical?) section. The Scroll should either be at the top of the treasure section (since it is immediately relevant) or moved to the tactical section. Other than that, I actually prefer what you have done with tactics here, since it is general preferences as opposed to laying it out round by round. And on that note:

hmmm how about this:
1: and a: I think already establish that this is a place where domesticated animals are kept. Specifically domesticated insects. So PC's with animal handling skills should hopefully be primed.
Rnd 1: It shudders to its feet chittering menacingly. -the change of wording from flavour to clear threat, plus the act of rolling initiative should warn the PC's that they have one round to back away, use their animal handling skills or get ready to fight.
Rnd 2: It charges, knocking out pillars and fences. The roof creaks alarmingly. -the added sentence clearly broadcasts that the beetle is doing structural damage and that if PC's stay and fight they will have to contend with a falling roof.

Re: establishing it as an insect barn, again I don't think point form works well here for conveying flavour. That information is contained in both the top, unnumbered line and the second line #1, but they don't look like they should be read together. In fact the top line, which calls it out as a barn, looks like information for the DM, and the next line, as point form, looks like information you only get after investigation. The point form leads to certain assumptions, you see?

So perhaps, without doing too mush editing, "High walls, tall roof. Large wooden doors bang loosely in the breeze. The interior is dominated by pens, and an alkali reek (from the beetles) and the funk of fetid meat."

Also, why is it automatically taking out the pillars? If the PCs enter from the north, it can see them, and could conceivably take out that one pillar when it crashes through the fence. If they enter from the south, it would naturally go through a different fence and take out a different pillar, with potentially a different area filled with debris (and being difficult terrain). But in neither case is there any reason for it to take out more than one pillar, and the pillar would be in the north section of the building. If anything, the north section of the building should go first.

Also note that it is lurching to its feet in the first round after the PCs have entered. I interpreted that as being the end of the round, since the PCs entering was their action. So when broken into rounds like this, it looked to me like there was no opportunity for the PCs to do anything.

So maybe, "If a door is held open long enough for a party of adventurers to ender the building, the light will awaken the beetle. The beetle can see most of the barn through the slats of its pen. If it perceives the PCs, it shudders to its feet, chittering menacingly. If the PCs remain in the building and do not immediately take actions to placate it, it will charge, destroying any fencing (and connected pillars) that is in its way. Debris will fall around the pillars in a 10' radius, making it difficult terrain, and the roof will being to creak alarmingly. Thereafter there is a 25% chance per round that the entire roof will collapse [insert damage stats]."

Although honestly, giving it a few rounds to get increasingly (and audibly) agitated would be more interesting to me. Maybe with it starting to bang against the fence. Because the PCs will likely make the reasonable assumption that a pen constructed for the purposes of holding a bug will be capable of holding a bug, and because of the rising tension and the longer period for the PCs to get themselves organized (if the players don't panic).

EDIT: Now that I have my head into it, I want to run this encounter differently. The beetle is being territorial, so if the PCs enter from the north (where the bug is) they should have little time to address the situation, but if they enter from the south and are careful not to draw attention to themselves or aggravate it, they should have more time. If they enter through a hole in the roof, it will really depend on which hole. None of that lends itself well to a timer, this really starts out as a social encounter with too many variables to break down into mechanics.

So maybe, "If a door is held open long enough for a party of adventurers to ender the building, the light will awaken the beetle. The beetle can see most of the barn through the slats of its pen. If it perceives the PCs, it shudders to its feet, chittering menacingly. If the PCs remain in the building and do not take actions to placate it, it will grow increasingly agitated, and eventually it will charge, destroying any fencing (and connected pillars) that is in its way. Debris will fall around destroyed pillars in a 10' radius, making it difficult terrain, and the roof will being to creak alarmingly. Thereafter there is a 25% chance per round that the entire roof will collapse [insert damage stats]."

 

[Beoric]

Currently though, I need to figure out if this stuff is worth presenting in the first place.

Since I'm being, and am going to continue to be viewing your work critically, I think it is important to answer this question. Yes, I think what you have is worth whipping into shape.