OK, I finished reading it.
The format of having a bunch of short 1-shot adventures for a ranger or a small group is good. The ADVENTURE AND TRAINING thing on page 4-5 is good since it is so concise. It would be very easy to riff off of
. Formatting wise, I think it would be better if they were all on one page, rather than being spread over two, but this is a tiny nitpick.
I like most of the random encounters. The animals are funny. The Sasquatch is creative and comically Northern California. I'd be excited to roll the skunk to see how my players react.
The two weak encounters (I think) are:
"#11, Brambles!" I am not sure how I would run this. It could be more interesting if it was sentient, talking brambles or something, rather than "oops you fell into some black berries, take 1 damage." though having said that, it sounds kind of funny.
and
"#11, Clan Valkurians." I could't find these guys referenced anywhere else in the adventure. Why not just call them barbarians hunters or something rather than attaching a proper name to them? It's easy to riff off of stuff when you are not trying to parse proper nouns, or flipping through the pages to see if the encounter is mentioned anywhere else.
I have mixed feeling about the page 8 map. It's very detailed, but it seems like it would be impossible to run this adventure without showing the players the map. How did you use this map when you playtested it? Did you just print it out and stick it in front of the players and say "where do you want to go?" The crappy, squished image quality of the map is a huge drawback for doing this. If a player version with no numbers on it was included that would be great. You should include it as a PNG file in the DrivethruRPG download.
In terms of the actual entries, the formatting on the numbered areas is all very good. Some of the entries could use a few edits for clarity, but overall, very easy to scan for information. Nearly all of the information feels useful.
The location maps are also quite good.
The weakest link of this adventure are the NPCs.
There is potential, but overall none of them are very interesting. Dramen Blarr could be a lot more interesting. I agree 100% with Squeen that he needs more
something. Give him lots of flaws, make him a one legged paranoid nutjob, make him a talking, weed-smoking stump, I dunno. What are his motives other than to heal his leg? Does he have any notable quirks?
The other two ranger NPCs are also kind of boring. What is their relationship with Dramen? What are their motives? How are they different than Dramen? If i was DMing this, I wouldn't have any idea what to do with these characters and I would probably just scrap them.
Area 3 could also use some more information. Maybe just a paragraph. Who are these these centaurs? What is their relationship with everyone else in this forest? How would they react to the PCs showing up other than 'not attacking.' How are they chastising the female centaur and the satyr? Do any of the centaurs have any hooks or valuable information? Is there any kind of behavior to whcih they will react especially positively or negatively?
The Lizard Men in area 6 need more info. Maybe another paragraph or two. What are their motives? How do they related to everyone else in the forest? Any hooks or useful information?
In the chasm, Borgvat , Voresh and Orc Mom need a bit more development. Who are they and how do they behave? What do they want? Do they have any hooks or useful information for the PCs? Is there any kind of behavior that they will react especially positive or negative to? It seems like Voresh would be very interested in saving his mom if possible. I feel like the players that I play with would end up befriending them and then try to murder Dramen, and the adventure doesn't help me navigate that possible path.
Moving on to the magic items. They are pretty complex, which is largely good, however, they should have some drawbacks and downsides. Maybe
Maelstrom can only be recharged by leaving it in a rainstorm for an hour. Maybe when you are wearing
Bear Maw, you have to eat as much as a bear does, and you smell like a bear
The Belt of Gripping is the weakest link here. It's a good idea but it needs a rewrite.
I'd rewrite it like this:
"Belt of Gripping:
This belt is a strand of dirty yellow fabric, resembling flypaper. When the wearer presses any normal object against the belt, it will cause it to adhere, as if stuck by glue. Stuck objects can be pulled off by the wearer with little resistance. The belt’s magical properties also reduce the weight of attached objects by 50%. When not worn, the belt may also be stuck to the stationary objects (rocks, trees, etc) to function as an anchor or grappling hook, allowing someone to descend a wall or cliff with use of a rope. Once at the bottom, the owner may say a command of release to have the belt detach and fall. It cannot thrown like grappling hook however, and must be attached to a stationary object by hand.
This belt is highly prized by thieves."
It would also be good if you included all of the magic items in card format, so you could just print them out and hand them to the players. Since the magic items are complex, telling the players what they do could get very muddled and waste a lot of time as they write it down.
Also for the love of the groundwater deity, please include ascending ACs. This will take you an extra 2 seconds per entry, and will make it much easier to use with a variety of systems. DO IT FOR YOUR OLD BUDDY ICE.
All and all, pretty good. There are a lot of great things about it. I could actually see myself running it.