By Eric Hoffman Castellan Publishing OSE Levels 1-5
For as long as anyone can remember, the strange hedge square has stood just outside your small town. It is large, thick and seemingly impenetrable. A curiosity to be sure, but one that the locals have gotten used to ignoring. That is, until recently! The hedge doesn’t seem so thick anymore, small gaps can be seen in the verdant wall. And even stranger, a corner has opened up! An imposing iron gate now stands where only a sharp corner of thicket used to be. Inside, a heavy fog obscures much past the entrance but marble buildings of ancient design can clearly be seen! Such buildings from a long lost civilization have been known to contain fabulous treasures, and even better, wondrous magics!
This 36 page adventure details a maze using dungeon geomorphs; about ten geomorphs with about seven or so encounters per geomorph. It’s inoffensive, and makes good use of its selected format, but lacks both depth and the evocative descriptions I’m looking for.
I want to talk mostly about the descriptions in this one, but I’m going to cover a few other things first.
This is a magic hedgerow maze. The usual stuff, like a thick fog and self-repairing hedge are present. But, more interestingly, it purports to be a mae. It does this by centering the adventure on ten unique dungeon geomorphs. Each one has a few encounter locations on it; I’d say the average is six or seven per geomorph. The idea is that as you exit one of the geomorph tiles the DM rolls to see which one you enter next. Hence the maze aspect. Each geomorph is detailed on two facing pages. You get a little dungeon map, with keys, a level range, a wandering monster chart, and all of the monster stats, at the end of facing page, along with the keyed location descriptions. Thus you get just about everything you need to run a few rooms, except maybe detailed magic item description (in the appendix) on the two facing pages. Bolding calls out monsters and treasure. It’s quite the effective format. Having everything in front of you makes running the locations easy. You can see, immediately, whats near the party and what’s there, from the key in front of your face. Stats, wanderers … it’s got it all. I can continue to quibble that noting sights, sounds, and reacting monsters on the map, proper, is still a good idea, but the idea behind the format is a good one. Dude thought about how to run an adventure at the table and fit the specifics of his adventure conceit, the geomorph tiles, in to a format that would work for the DM at the table. And that’s exactly what the fuck a designer should be doing. I note, perhaps, that the things is a little art heavy, which detracts from the real estate available for the keys. Likewise, I think I prefer, but do not insist, that monster keys ar eon a reference sheet I keep on my screen or printer out on a paper, so as to also have more real estate for text. This makes sense, to me, when you limiting yourself to just two pages per group of encounters.
There’s some decent treasure, but, also, the monster balance seems a bit off. The intro geomorph, for levels 1-3, is full of ghouls and wraiths on the wanderer table and in the keys. And you might find yourself on a geomorph with a vampire or medusa. I don’t think that the randomness of the maze is quite supportive of low level play, even with Run Away being a tactic. And, I don’t think you’re leveling up, given the size, to be able to start at level one and make it through all o fthe geomorphs. It’s just not large enough or paced enough.
But, the descriptions. And, to a lesser extent, the “design.” The descriptions are really just one level removed from minimally keying. “A green slime hides on the ceiling of this crypt.The tomb is otherwise empty.” or “Remnants of two stone sarcophagi, broken and smashed down to almost nothing.” I’m cherry picking a little here, but not by much. This is not the evocative descriptions I’m looking for. The length is close to correct; I’m usually looking for two or three sentences to get the vibe of a place. And I expect two or three GOOD sentences. Something that puts the image of the place, the vibe, in to my head so that I can riff on it. This is HARD, I think the hardest part of adventure writing. It’s gotta be terse, we don’t want to slog through multiple paragraphs, but, also, we want something evocative that brings the rooms to life.
Similarly, I’m looking for an adventure with situations, rather than just combat, and this one leans hard towards the Simple Hack portion of the spectrum. Check out this room from Xyntillan: “Maids’ Room. Simple beds by the walls, four zombies sitting around a wooden table. Muffled sounds of movement escape from the wardrobe in the SW corner. “ It’s a situation. We get a room description, in the room title, and a brief description focusing on the important bits: the zombies, who have the added bit of sitting around a table. And, then, the situation with the wardrobe. This isn’t exactly the most evocative, from a purely adjective/adverb standpoint, but the situation helps brings the room to life. Which is what you want: rooms with life.
And this doesn’t have that. It’s not necessarily offensive. The format is good. The descriptions are not overly long. BUt, they situations are few and far between which, when combined with the hack forward nature and the lack of descriptive life, will cause me to pass.
This is $12 at DriveThru. The preview is two pages and shows you the two facing entrance page geomorph descriptions, so it’s a great preview to understand what you’re buying. The $12 is, I suspect, paying for the big named artists.
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/439187/The-Mausolean-Maze-of-Mondulac-the-Mad?1892600
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The price-to-page-count ratio is a little high, and the room descriptions are a tad bland, but I could still see myself running this one.
It looks very GM-friendly, and judging from the preview you’ve got murals and fake keys and statues the PCs can animate and command (if they know what they’re doing) right from the start. My players enjoy that kind of macro stuff that has bigger implications beyond just the room they’re in.
But an energy-draining Wraith that early? *Shudder* Because presumably that gate geomorph has to be the entrance. Also, the treasure hoard it guards is ridiculous (plate armor and 3 magic items, in room 7??) so perhaps it’s only fair. Maybe if I were to run this I’d nerf the wraith AND the treasure.
A helpful review. This does sound as if it needed at least one round of reviews on the descriptions to improve them, and given what you said about the monsters it seems unlikely that it was play tested.
Which brings me on to a question for Bryce. Have you ever thought about writing a design checklist for doing an adventure? Maybe start simple with a dungeon maze but I think that many many authors of the products you review would benefit from working off a standard design checklist. You're not inhibiting innovation or design choices your just prompting questions that the author should be able to answer yes/no or provide a pause for thought to.
Bryce’s review standards are a good place to start:
https://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/?page_id=1201
Thanks for the review. Sorry you didn't love it.
Obviously, I don't agree, but that's neither here nor there.
My players really enjoyed the wraith guarding the treasure in the entrance area. Makes sense for the purpose of the maze (why would you build a prison with scaling levels of guards?) and led to several sessions of shenanigans trying to get the high value treasure in unique ways. Leading the wraith with bait, sacrificing mules and henchmen, PCs becoming wraiths themselves...
Those characters were then immortalized in the mask room.
It was old-school awesome.
Solid project man. You did a lot of things right. Maybe the writing doesn't quite hit the mark for some, but then again, standards have improved since the days when Barrowmaze and Stonehell were king. It's obvious you put a lot of love into it. So maybe it's a bit of a heartbreaker in that way. Good job, keep it up, don't lose the flame.
Solid project man. You did a lot of things right. Maybe the writing doesn't quite hit the mark for some, but then again, standards have improved since the days when Barrowmaze and Stonehell were king. It's obvious you put a lot of love into it. So maybe it's a bit of a heartbreaker in that way. Good job, keep it up, don't lose the flame.
Is this your first published adventure? This looks like a new publishing label to me. Regardless of how the review came out, congrats on getting it out there! (As another recent first-time publisher, I can say: adventure writing is hard. And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about a pending Bryce review of my own work.)
People can tell when a lot of care went into making something (as opposed to some low-effort throwaway release), and this hits those passion-project marks. Tastes will vary so it won’t win with everybody, but honestly there’s a lot to like here. And we take it all in and keep honing our crafts. So kudos to you!
Love Peter Mullen's cover.