Expedition to Mount Blackfang - Looking for critique!

Two orcs

Two orcs

Officially better than you, according to PoN
In the Nightless North, just beyond civilization, lies the immense Shuddering Swamp. Mount Blackfang juts up through its center, a lonely peak gnawed by the bile of countless dragons, the brood of Sleformr the Sleepless. The Shuddering Swamp is shuddering more than ever. Acrid streams spill from its northernly plateau and poison the fields and pastures of civilization. Monsters migrate to the new mires. Heroes are needed!

To my great misfortune I was gripped by inspiration when I started writing my entry to the No Artpunk Contest 2. Since I could only exorcise the high concept from my mind by putting in on paper I did, and since I missed the deadline I might as well polish it so that is becomes a worthy entry into the D&D canon. I'm looking for general critique and especially of problems of challenge and running (and if you think it looks good enough to run at your table I'd be ecstatic to hear the outcome). I wrote it with 7th level in mind which my own players have just reached so I have limited experience running adventures at this level.

The map images are large and many which is why I share it like this:
mega.nz

File folder on MEGA

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Heck yeah man! You are seriously doing it with your home campaign! I will read this over.

Been awhile since you posted and I was wondering...
 
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OK! I haven't been able to read it all yet, but here are some general thoughts/nitpicks:
1. There is something going on in the beginning and I can't place it on what it is...this may be due to 2 hours sleep on a red eye flight. It might be an order thing, like maybe: 1. Notes for conversion, 2. Presentation, 3. then Setting the Scene, 4. The True Situation.....5. THEN the different Hooks..? 6. Then Rumors/table..
Also--Asking the Gods, THEN Adapting the Scenario, then Season and Light in the Nightless North

I'd just take another look at the order of things and make it more smooth--seems to jump around a little.

2. The True Situation part--I feel like it needs a sentence or 2 of what is the point of the adventure for the characters--what are they trying to do? You have some different options with the hooks which is great, but I think it needs some sort of guidance for the DM on what is the main hook or the main purpose for the adventure. I think thats the part I got lost on as it wasn't 100% clear to me. Are they trying to free Loki? They trying to slay a dragon? Are they just trying to explore...? Another sentence or 2 explaining that part would of grounded me better.

3. The little quotes you have for the people in locations is fantastic.

4. Flight and LEvitation part---this is great, but I wonder if it could use another sentence or 2 of what is seen up there. Like you got tracing the waterways for mapping, but maybe they could potentially see the petrified giant, or the battle field of corpses...basically what would the DM tell a player what they could see with that birds eye view that may entice them to explore?

5. More White Space needed and I think it would be better with a bit more separation.... will use an example

#31 Mud Workshop
Four pools of smooth mud, black, green, red, and brown. The central pit contains a mix of each. Stirring the mix vigorously (with Move Earth or a giant ladle and Giant Strength) summons a friendly earth elemental (HD: 16, AC: 7, Move: 60'(20'), Slam (4d8), immune to weapons of less than +2 enchantment or monsters of less than 9HD, Morale: +4) that climbs out of the pit and follows you for the rest of the day. Each turn searching through a mud pool has a 5% chance to yield the treasure from it.
Treasure: Black sapphire (1,000gp) in black pool, emerald (1,000gp) in green pool, garnet (250gp) in red pool, and tiger eye (25gp) in brown pool.

Change too...

#31 Mud Workshop
Four pools of smooth mud, black, green, red, and brown. The central pit contains a mix of each.

Stirring the mix vigorously (with Move Earth or a giant ladle and Giant Strength) summons a friendly earth elemental (HD: 16, AC: 7, Move: 60'(20'), Slam (4d8), immune to weapons of less than +2 enchantment or monsters of less than 9HD, Morale: +4) that climbs out of the pit and follows you for the rest of the day. Each turn searching through a mud pool has a 5% chance to yield the treasure from it.

Treasure: Black sapphire (1,000gp) in black pool, emerald (1,000gp) in green pool, garnet (250gp) in red pool, and tiger eye (25gp) in brown pool.

For every room...I feel like you describe the room, THEN immediately give more DM information--I think you should break it up and make a new paragraph so its easier to scan.

#32 Narrow entrance
A sharp fissure leads into a downwards sloping cave ending in a puddle that could be mistaken for a flooded cave. There is a 2 in 6 chance a birchbark canoe is stowed here. A crack in the diagonally sloping ceiling 20' off the floor is barely wide enough to allow a halfling through. An explosive spell or 2 man-hours of work with mining tools (roll twice as many random encounters) widens it to allow a man to pass through.

Change into....

#32 Narrow entrance
A sharp fissure leads into a downwards sloping cave ending in a puddle that could be mistaken for a flooded cave.

There is a 2 in 6 chance a birchbark canoe is stowed here. A crack in the diagonally sloping ceiling 20' off the floor is barely wide enough to allow a halfling through. An explosive spell or 2 man-hours of work with mining tools (roll twice as many random encounters) widens it to allow a man to pass through.

I would do that for all your descriptions. The white space will make it easier to scan and separates the description from the DM info easier.

6. I really like the Loremastery stuff. I know some may consider that fluff, but I feel like it really adds to the adventure (if a character has that proficiency or a bard is along or whatever). The way you have presented it--its actual useful info and can give characters an edge instead of just being fluff.

7. My gut says the adventure should be for levels 7-9 instead of just 7....you got alot of monsters in some sections. Maybe even higher. Example:

#41 Gryph Colony

As you bend to enter the 20' wide but 2' low entrance the cruel cacophony falls silent. 30 gryphs (HD: 2, AC: 3, Fly: 210'(70'), Beak (1d12), Morale: -1 (+1 inside colony)), 10 greater (six legged) gryphs (HD: 3, AC: 3, Fly: 210'(70'), Beak (1d12), Morale: -1 (+1 inside colony)), and 1 gryph matriarch (eight legged) (HD: 4, AC: 3, Fly: 210'(70'), Beak (1d12), Morale: -1 (+1 inside colony)) turn their beady black eyes on you. The ceiling is 50' high and the floor is slippery with reeking bird excrement (Save vs Paralysis in melee or running or fall prone). Rough alcoves hide birds all the way to the ceiling.

Any movement after the silence cause the matriarch to shriek and every bird to attack. The gryphs are as fast on their feet as on the wing. 10 of the lesser gryphs are fertile females who inject eggs instead of dealing damage (see swamp encounter 28-33). 100 gryph babies (non-combatants, trainability modifier: +1, 900gp alive each, evil disposition and very likely to infest region they are brought, ownership is crime as serious as Treason) stay hidden in the alcoves. Random gryph encounters are reduced proportionally to the number of adult gryphs slain in the colony.

1. First off--change your first sentence. Don't control the character in the description..."As you bend to enter..." Just describe the low entrance. You might be able to add a description of a smell in here too--which you do with the reeking bird excrement, but I feel that should be up near your first sentence as characters would probably smell that first.

2. You got 41 monsters in this room that have the potential to all attack. A well placed fireball could make this easier, but if not...that's alot of battle and they got a low AC so may be hard to hit. I'm not saying there is too many monsters...but just saying the level range may be for levels 7-9. Also...100 young that could fetch 900 gold each....actually, that may be ok as that would be a challenge to get all the birds back, but that could potentially be a lot of gold.
3. You had other previous areas, like 84 skeletons and whatnot...which a cleric can probably blast most of them away, but its still challenging...
 
Another example on white space....
#53 The Water Organ
Rich murals on the northern wall (see secrets). The axis of an immense water wheel connects to a water organ. The water wheel and its mechanism is protected by a bronze cage. A dry moat runs under the wheel and through the organ. Hundreds of pipes twist and wind around the organ like a storm of brass braids. A lever underneath the keyboard decides if it plays automatically or manually (currently automatically). Pulling a chain that hangs by the keyboard opens the hidden cistern filling the moat causing the water wheel to turn and the organ to play. The organ's automatic song is at first haunting and apprehensive then rushing and rageful. A scrap of paper is stuck between two keys, written in Giant: "When Goldencomb crows in the stable of my son, when Red crows in the hall of my father, when Soot Red crows in the court of my daughter; then music sounds from the grave, then the chains of the wolf are broken, then the burners of the world descend on my brother's hall."
Loremastery (if you know this regards Loki): Loki's son the horse Sleipner lives in Valhalla, his other son the monster wolf Fenrir, his father Fárbauti is a giant who lives in the forested Jotunheim, his daughter is Hel, ruler of the underworld Hel.
Encounter: The automatic song calls a random encounter to the chamber every 2 turns. The water runs for 1 day before turning off, completely filling the pit in #13 in 12 hours then flooding #12 to knee height washing away the ramparts after another 12 hours.
Treasure: The song would delight and scandalize an entire kingdom bringing great fame and infamy to the minstrel. Playing it grants friendly reactions with Chaotic giants. Learning it by heart takes 1 hour of uninterrupted listening and a performance throw. Dismantling the organ reveals 10 stone iron cylinder stamped with mechanical notes.
Secrets: Rich murals cover secret and locked stone doors (SHP: 12, AC: 6) unlocked by playing the songs of the roosters in #70 on the water organ.
(A) A castle made of shields and spears warm to the touch (unlocked by goldencomb's song). Hides a portal to the elemental plane of fire: when the door opens searing heat fills the room dealing 1 fire damage per round, melting the organ and boiling the water. After 3 rounds 4 fire giants (HD: 11+5, AC: 6, Move: 120', Giant sword (5d6), immune to fire, Morale: +1) burst through the portal intent on destruction. As long as the portal is open add 4 fire giants (no limit) to the wandering monster table.
(B) A forest of gallow trees (unlocked by red's song). Hides a wicked battleaxe of wrought iron, it's shaft actually a rod of cancellation (hold axehead to swing the rod, a struck magic item is drained of all magical properties, then the rod itself breaks, 3,500gp).
(C) A dark feasting hall, a fire only illuminates one side of the guests' faces (unlocked by soot red's song). Hides Lyre of the Liar.
(D) No mural. Unlocked by a discordant set of keys marked by wear.

The bolding is good here....but I would do a space between each bold section. Give my eyes a break from all the words man! :)
You could also consider making the headers a bigger font so that people don't get confused with the bolding...i.e. make #53 The Water Organ a font size of 15 instead of 11...do this for EVERY room header.

Maybe take another sweep through it and work on more evocative descriptions--this is the hardest part. Maybe a second descriptive sentence for some rooms..? Some descriptions feel more like stating facts instead of invoking a mood. Also, double check the order of things in your description. For example, the Water Organ room above--characters may first be drawn to the waterwheel and its hundreds of pipes, rather than the murals on the wall (which should come later).

I may have more input as I stopped near The Croaking Cleft, but I wanted to provide something in case I get wrapped up with life (I'm getting settled at a new location, re-starting my job, etc.).

Overall--I REALLY like the adventure and what's going on. Lots of things going on...you got the components to support all that--rumors (rumor tables in different locations--I love that!), NPCs that may join the party, faction info...you got everything all in there! Def. a recipe for success in my opinion. I definitely would like to see this published.
 
Malrex said:
[feedback]
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Good points, I'll make another pass on room descriptions and lighten up on the compression (no reason to hold myself to 25 pages since I'm not in the competition). More white space and pictures. Regarding what the player's do the implication is they explore to solve the mystery of the Shuddering Swamp, and figure out a way to conquer a troublesome wilderness (incidentally, if they do the wise thing of building a fortified barge they can also haul back the bulky silver treasure). The fact that it's the prison of Loki is supposed to be a surprise (if you're not following the Chaotic hook). I did have a short "what is this adventure about" section but it seemd superfluous.

A note on AC: I've converted the AD&D monsters to ACKS so AC: 0 = unarmored, AC: 3 = scale, AC: 6 = plate etc.
 
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Is this a less confusing opening?

Setting the Scene

The true situation

What is this module about?
This module tests the players' ability to plan and execute one or several wilderness expeditions to and from the dungeon. The dungeon challenges them to understand what is going on and to pick their targets wisely – the monsters operate in large factions and their treasure is well defended. Slaying Sleformr or his children restores the status quo and is the basic solution to the adventure. Freeing Loki is a more difficult (and potentially catastrophic) solution as it requires solving a puzzle and battling valkyries. Stealing Sleformr's treasure is the greatest challenge because of its vastness and accompanying Dragon Sickness (page XX)

Presentation

Adapting the scenario

Hooks
Unless rumors are enough to spur the players into action offer one or more of the following hooks. Note that the Lawful and Chaotic hooks include complications expanded on at the end of the module.

Lawful Hook

Neutral Hook

Chaotic Hook

General Rumors

Sage Advice

Asking the Gods

Seasons and Light in the Nightless North
 
I think thats perfect. It clearly sets the stage. Honestly, I need to start doing it myself I think. It's easy not to do it when it's clear in your head as the writer.
 
Is Adapting the Scenario reeeeeealy necessary? I've always found it kind of pointless. If a DM is going to cannibalize your adventure for parts, he/she/it probably doesn't want/need advice for how to do it.

Probably, Hooks don't need to be broken down by alignment.

I agree with the Malrex side of the too much/too little story argument. A little context puts the adventure in perspective for the DM and allows them to frame it properly for their players. That said, keep it SHORT and INTERESTING. This is your front 1-2 pages. It's basically your elevator pitch to the reader for why they should keep reading and/or run your adventure.
 
I think the specific adaptions discussed here are necessary, to underline that the Norse/divine context isn't necessary for the structure as a whole to function and to give some names/stats for a quick conversion. All the rest, geography, politics etc. I trust the refree to handle by themselves.
 
Two orcs said:
I think the specific adaptions discussed here are necessary, to underline that the Norse/divine context isn't necessary for the structure as a whole to function and to give some names/stats for a quick conversion. All the rest, geography, politics etc. I trust the refree to handle by themselves.
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I agree that it is useful to know, when adapting a module, what elements you can change without breaking anything. Although it is less necessary in well-designed modules than when you have to fight the text to know which are the essential pieces. But it can happen even in very good modules.

But yeah, most of the time "Adapting the Scenario" sections are pointless, since they seem to be written for noobs, but relate to an activity usually reserved for intermediate and experienced DMs.
 
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