{"id":8910,"date":"2023-12-09T07:10:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-09T12:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=8910"},"modified":"2023-11-27T08:12:16","modified_gmt":"2023-11-27T13:12:16","slug":"the-drowned-valley-of-gorth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=8910","title":{"rendered":"The Drowned Valley of Gorth"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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By R.P. Davis\nKabouter Games\nOSR\nLevel 3?\n\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
In a foggy valley high on the knees of The Spine, a ruined castle sleeps half-buried in rancid mud.  A fabulous fortune awaits bold adventurers \u2014 if they can survive long enough to keep it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This 36 page adventure details a dungeon with six rooms in three pages. Of generic garbage. No real design. Abstracted descriptions and much hand waving. And, someone, somewhere, believes this is a good adventure. Astounding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, yeah, ruined castle, flooded out when a dam broke, washing away the village, castle, etc. You find some rumors and set off to find it and loot it. The backstory tells us that the castles dungeons were deep. That\u2019s a direct quote. This translates to it having six rooms. Six rooms. Described in three pages. In a 36 page adventure. And it\u2019s got one rating, five stars. I\u2019m sure there\u2019s some kickstarter or something associated with this and\/or the publisher. This is, folks, is the way to success. Just cultivate a community. Marketing. Don\u2019t fucking worry about writing something good. You don\u2019t need to do that to make a little cash. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This piece of shit adventure is full of wisdom. It loves saying things like \u201cWe don\u2019t order you to use 6 (or even 1d6) CR 1\/4 goblins commanded by a CR 1 hobgoblin. For one thing, that reduces your agency as a GM. For another, it might be deadly for some tables and a pushover for others\u201d Yes, gang, telling us that there are monsters reduces your agency as a DM. I think I\u2019ve fuckign heard everything now. Seriously? You can\u2019t even include a set of fucking monsters? Some fuckwit out there is going to cite some culture war bullshit, but I\u2019m sure this is just a publisher with their head up their ass. Fucking reducing agency. Please. It\u2019s a fucking excuse to not put it in and justify a decision made. Transparent as all fuck. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In this adventure, after learning about a bunch of rumors about the drowned valley, you are then approached by a wizard, Mael, who wants to hire you to find the place. I can\u2019t stand this shit. WHy can\u2019t the fucking party just go there and loot the fucking place? Why do they have to be hired? It\u2019s not like this is some village fucking farmer without cash that needs all magnificent 7\u2019d. It\u2019s fucking dungeon full of loot. And you want me to go dig out the loot so you can pay me? Excuse me, I\u2019m a middle class wage slave in real life, maybe I don\u2019t have to be one in D&D? Of course, the real reason you are hired is so that you can be betrayed by the wizard at the end of the adventure. You see. Lord Farquad was behind it all after all! And when you come out him and his men attack you to take all fo the loot. That you were hired to go find and given a finders fee for finding. Oh Lareth, your legacy lives on as long as there is a fucking idiot, somewhere, writing nonsense with evil masterminds that just pop out of nowhere for no reason. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat gear is available for the adventurers to purchase depends on the urban location in which you set the module\u2019s beginning. In no case will Mael supply the party. Neither will she advance any more coin than she\u2019s already paid them. They\u2019ll need to use their own funds, cunning, and player expertise to equip themselves.\u201d Are you starting to understand, now, how we\u2019re getting to 36 pages in this adventure? It just explained to us that the party could go adventuring if they wanted to and were so inclined. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s see here \u2026 the overland journey is abstracted. Well, if you\u2019re playing OSR it tells you to roll a couple of times. If you\u2019re New School or 5e it just abstracts the journey in to a skill challenge, ala 4e, and say something like \u201c Each adventurer arrives having already taken damage from accidents, encounters, and environmental effects.\u201d I guess the journey isn\u2019t the destination after all, at least for Kabouter Games. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s see \u2026 the front door to the place is two pages long. That\u2019s longer than most Grimtooth shit, isn\u2019t it? For a simple 600 pound door? Uh huh. Once inside we are met with such dazzling descriptions as \u201cStone columns march down both sides of the room. Hovering in midair in the center of the room, magically suspended in a beam of brilliant silvery light, is a gilded key of<\/p>\n\n\n\n
intricate design.\u201d Ok, so, not exactly terrible. A little sparse, but evocative writing is hard. It doesn\u2019t oover reveal and so on. I\u2019m not mad at it. I\u2019m mad that the actual adventure is only three pages long, but, I\u2019m not mad at the descriptions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Great, you made it to room six and found the treasure vault. Money time! \u201cRoll all the dice everyone has. That\u2019s how many gold pieces the adventurers recover from the hoard.\u201d Ok, so, I\u2019m down for the roll every die part. Thats the kind of shit that is going to make the [players giddy. Good gimmick. It\u2019s far, FAR too little treasure though. Maybe multiply by ten, or a hundred, at least. You do know, Kabouter, how XP works in OSR, right? Since you say the adventure is designed for use in the OSR? And you put the logo on your cover? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At hte end, when youtube out and fight Lareth, you get this tidbit \u201cIf combat swings too far against or in favor of the party, Gorth\u2019s dead show up and help you keep things exciting.\u201d So, maybe Kabouter doesn\u2019t exactly know how OSR games work. Or, games in general. Maybethey know how books and Tv work. Bad books and Tv.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s more, lots more, like this. This is a six room dungeon with a couple of traps and monsters. Nothing terribly exciting in any way at all. It\u2019s padded the fuck out and full of bad advice.\u00a0Oh, also, note that there is no drowned valley. Tha’ts abstracted away also. You just get dumped in front of the front door to the place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is $5 at DriveThru. The preview is ten pages. You get to see the \u201chook\u201d, such that it is, and a little of the overland journey. IE: words telling to you roll randomly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/www.drivethrurpg.com\/product\/457534\/The-Drowned-Valley-of-Gorth?1892600<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By R.P. Davis Kabouter Games OSR Level 3? In a foggy valley high on the knees of The Spine, a ruined castle sleeps half-buried in rancid mud.  A fabulous fortune awaits bold adventurers \u2014 if they can survive long enough … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8908,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8910","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reviews"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/457534.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8910","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8910"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8910\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8911,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8910\/revisions\/8911"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8908"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8910"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8910"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8910"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}