{"id":8697,"date":"2023-08-07T07:11:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-07T11:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=8697"},"modified":"2023-07-25T10:00:54","modified_gmt":"2023-07-25T14:00:54","slug":"the-elixir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=8697","title":{"rendered":"The Elixir"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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By Jean-Claude Tremblay\nLe Paysagiste de l\u2019Imaginaire\nCairn \nLow Levels<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
The village of Termiluth is the largest producer of giant blueberries, also called ”Varanox berries” from the name of the famous wizard-botanist who created this variety of small fruits. Unfortunately this season, no flowers appeared in the fruit bushes. Strangely, the water in the pond used to water the plants turned yellow just before flowering, which may have prevented the flowers from appearing? One of the villagers was sent to bring offerings to the water fairy at the shrine in the forest, but the water fairy had disappeared. Panic begins to invade the population. Will the adventurers be able to help the village? Only them can tell\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This 28 page digest adventure has a cave with eight rooms and two wilderness encounters. It contains the phrase \u201cthey attack!\u201d over 183 times, with no interactivity beyond that. Also, it\u2019s written at a first grade level. Also, I fucking hate this fucking shit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do love an adventure by our foreign friends. [Where foreign is defined as not the cultural center of the universe. \u2018Merica! Fuck Yeah!] I tend to enjoy the freshness they bring to their adventures and the reliance on a different cultural heritage to bring something new to the table. This is, of course, a romanticized view of the situation. In reality our foreign friends produce crap, just like everyone else does. On to todays review of an adventure which is published in both English and French!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You roll up in town, find out the blueberries are not flowering, and get hired on to go find out why and get the local water nymph to bless the suddenly yellow water in town. Ohs nos! Mushroom people at the fairy pond! They attack! Let\u2019s follow their trail. Look, it cross a bridge with a troll. It attacks! We then continue to a cave, full of mushroom people. They attack! Yeah, we saved the princess from Bowser and can go home. I assure you, this is the entirety of the adventure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How does it take 28 pages to do this Well, pages eight through eleven describe the town of eleven locations. We get boring mundane descriptions written for a first grade reading level. \u201cWhat would become of all the farmers in the village if Aldir the blacksmith wasn’t there to make and repair the tools needed to grow giant blueberries? He’s also good at repairing weapons and armor!\u201d Seriously. That\u2019s the entry for the blacksmith. The entire entry. No embellishment or cherry picking of phrasings from me. That\u2019s it. I don\u2019t even know what style that is \u2026 Joycian? Entry after entry of shit like that. Nothing to add to the adventure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is one good entry. \u201cUpon arriving at the shrine, strange fungal creatures (6) jump and dance around the central pond that served as the water fairy’s refuge.\u201d Not enough jumping and dancing of mushroom people in adventures, so that\u2019s good to see. But EVERYTHING else is just simplistic wording that ends with a \u201cThey attack!\u201d Nothing else. No exploration. No decisions. Just fighting mushroom people \u2026 and one troll. \u201cThe bridge troll is colluding with the mushroom people. His goal is to not let anyone cross the bridge.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your reward for defeating a troll? A sword, a helmet, a shield, two days of rations and 67gp. Rejoice D&D players, everywhere, you have hit the mother load!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why people write this sort of thing I will never know, I guess. Watching the paint dry or playing a story game seems more enjoyable. Also, there is no elixir. \ud83d\ude41<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is Pay What You Want at DriveThru with a suggested price of $1. There\u2019s no preview, but hey, download it and see. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/www.drivethrurpg.com\/product\/442732\/The-Elixir—LElixir?1892600<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Jean-Claude Tremblay Le Paysagiste de l\u2019Imaginaire Cairn Low Levels The village of Termiluth is the largest producer of giant blueberries, also called ”Varanox berries” from the name of the famous wizard-botanist who created this variety of small fruits. Unfortunately … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8698,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-life-is-a-living-fucking-hell","category-reviews"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/elixer.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8697","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8697"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8697\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8699,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8697\/revisions\/8699"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8698"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8697"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8697"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8697"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}