{"id":8443,"date":"2023-02-25T07:11:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-25T12:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=8443"},"modified":"2023-02-13T09:26:34","modified_gmt":"2023-02-13T14:26:34","slug":"the-crystal-wood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=8443","title":{"rendered":"The Crystal Wood"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
By Matthew Lock\nParts Per Million\nWorlds Without Number\nLevels 3-5<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
A local Innkeeper would like you to investigate the disappearances of the foresters and find out what happened to the search party. He suggests you speak to the village priest to look at the body of the returning villager. He is willing to offer a good reward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This 41 page digest adventure has \u2026 I don\u2019t know \u2026 six encounters? I\u2019m considering selling out and becoming a much more person because of this adventure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I kind of hate old people. Speaking as an old person, this becomes a bit of a poser. But, actually, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s old people I hate so much as people who are set in their ways. How did they get that way? What thing caused them to become the sort of person who became pessimistic, sit in their easy chair, and bitch all day long about The Kids These Days and shake their fists at the clouds? This is a relevant discussion because, after this adventure, I am considering a new feature to the blog website. I have, in the past resisted the idea of a Hall of Shame list. We need not focus on the foibles of an individual evermore. In a land where everything you have ever done, every humiliation, misstep and flub lives on forever \u2026 why make that worse? Do you really need to see your name on a list of things so terrible that it results in that most of evil of things: a generalization? I mean, to be put alongside the the company of brazen money grabbers who have sold out for a release schedule and revenue stream \u2026 is it really fair to just lump someone on to a list with that company?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ok, so, let\u2019s see. This is, essentially, an imposter. The entry on DriveThru looks professional. The cover image certainly looks so, yes? The same pages look like the layout is groovy. Or, at least enough to pass.And, there\u2019s like, a million other products listed by the same publisher in ribbon format. Dudes got his act together!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or, maybe not \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Looking at that entry, there\u2019s not really any marketing blurb of what the adventure is ABOUT. Even the introduction, a screenshot from the text. It\u2019s just some generic nonsense that doesn\u2019t say anything, followed  by \u201cThe Plot\u201d, which is essentially a hook. \u201cThere\u2019s a dead body\u201d Uh. Ok. Context for the DM? No. We continue in to the adventure, proper, with the maps. They are not maps. They are, essentially, battle maps. So, \u201cthree encounter in the forest\u201d actually means \u201cthree things in a large clearing, one of which is The Approach to the clearing. And, then, another clearing with five encounters. Essentially one room with five numbers on it. These are battle map encounters. So, 41 page pages for three room encounters, essentially. Uh huh. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How about a wandering monster table with \u201cSmall pack predators\u201d on it. Yup, the soul of specificity right there. And, that\u2019s when I remembered I had seen this publisher before. And wondered if \u201cNot being a pessimistic grump\u201d was worth the continued exposure to this shit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How about two and half pages for a monster stat block? That\u2019s cool, right? The adventure doesn\u2019t evenget going to page eighteen, That\u2019s how long it takes to get to the fucking lineline in which you get some semblance of what is going on in the adventure. You wander through the woods. I\u2019m guessing you hit the first clearing, and then the second. The second has a cave mount, mentioned in the text and not on the map, that leads to the third encounter. But the first and second are just listed, there. How do you get to them\/between them? Who knows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is just shit. The page looks professional. The cover certainly does. The layout isn\u2019t terrible. The maps look interesting. But then you find out its just a battle map. And there\u2019s no overview of summary of what\u2019s going on. No marketing. And that layout is just hiding a three page monster stat block.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know what to do here. How do you review three encounters that take up 41 pages. It\u2019s pantomime. Someone is doing this on purpose and yet to no effect. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is $4 at DriveThru. The preview is the entire thing. So don\u2019t say you weren\u2019t warned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/www.drivethrurpg.com\/product\/425033\/The-Crystal-Wood–A-Worlds-Without-Number-Compatible-Adventure?1892600<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fun Fact: In this adventure with giant crystal ants, I read, at some point:  \u201cit attacks with its martial arts\u201d  \u201cHuh\u201d, I said. Turns out it said magical arts. TIme to cut back on the Sambuca in the morning coffee.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Matthew Lock Parts Per Million Worlds Without Number Levels 3-5 A local Innkeeper would like you to investigate the disappearances of the foresters and find out what happened to the search party. He suggests you speak to the village … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8441,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,29,33,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8443","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-do-not-buy-ever-2","category-dungeons-dragons-adventure-review","category-my-life-is-a-living-fucking-hell","category-reviews"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/crystal.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8443","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8443"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8443\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8444,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8443\/revisions\/8444"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8441"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8443"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8443"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8443"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}