{"id":8121,"date":"2022-08-03T07:11:00","date_gmt":"2022-08-03T11:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=8121"},"modified":"2022-07-18T12:00:18","modified_gmt":"2022-07-18T16:00:18","slug":"horror-in-the-house-of-mystique","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=8121","title":{"rendered":"Horror in the House of Mystique"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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By John Josten\nBoard Enterprises\nOSR? Ha! That's a joke! It's actually Legend Quest\nLevel ?<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
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A new legend is making its way around the city.  Some failed adventurers are claiming that they have seen an emerald that is the size of a halfling\u2019s chest.  Not just some raw rock, but a cut, jewelry grade emerald.  A gem destined to be the stuff of legends. And the guy who saw it is willing to show anyone interested the way, as long as they agree to try and save his buddy who got left behind.  Seems like good pay!  Millions in gem wealth just to rescue somebody.  No adventurer is going to turn that down!  But it\u2019s time to move.  You can\u2019t wait for some other party to get there first.  Of course, it will be dangerous, but the pay day on this one is more than you have ever received before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hate life. Seriously. I was doing great. I was! The trauma of the best left behind I was excited to be exploring new worlds. I was even gonna snag an Echoes to review! But, then, it came. And I realized, you can never really escape from the trauma of your past. You can, perhaps, learn to control it. Manage it. Lessen it to a degree. But it\u2019s still there. My Dungeon Magazine reviews. The insanity of the adventure design and writing that ent in to them. I had left it behind. And then THIS thing showed up via a request \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This 62 page adventure uses thirtish pages to describe thirty four rooms in a doll house. It is a prime example of why the early 90\u2019s sucked for D&D. It is long winded and pretentious to a degree I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve experienced since my Dungeon reviews. Which makes sense since this is from 1994.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have no real idea what this is meant to be. There\u2019s a separate, seventeen page booklet for the players, to get them familiar with the game world. Which is just a D&D world reskinned with different names. And then then entire thing is laid out like its a newsletter? Here\u2019s some places in the world. Here\u2019s an article on why Shadowrun sucks. Here\u2019s one on Aliens in fantasy worlds. I just do NOT get this at all. Most of this is NOT an adventure, but some zine type thing, even though the title and DriveThru entry seems to indicate that it\u2019s primarily an adventure. Seventeen pages to get the players ready tof the game world \u2026 as if I need to continue this review \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is, I\u2019m going to bet, an exact replica of the adventure from 1994. Not an update. And you know this because of how terrible it is. Basically, some drow somewhere make a dollhouse for a kid. Kid grows up and put it on a table outside the dungeon entrance and if you touch the key on the table you get transported in to the dollhouse. This all takes multiple pages to explain, since it must go in to minute detail on how this works and how the players can\u2019t destroy the dollhouse, fuck with the magic key that transports them inside, etc. God forbid they be allowed to colour outside the lines. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We are told, of course, that \u201cThe first thing the game master must do is to make sure that every player has a character.\u201d I am amazed and delighted. My every whim catered to. Well, it didn\u2019t tell me when to breathe, so \u2026 you know, I almost died. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Read-aloud is in italics. Which is hard to read in extended lengths. It can, frequently and not unusually, take three or four PARAGRAPHS to contain the read-aloud for a single room. A normal-ish room. It\u2019s fucking nuts. It goes on and on and on. With nothing in particular. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
DM text can be just as bad. The first room is 1.5 pages long. A column is not unusual and typical. It takes a column for a hallway with some animated suits of armour in it. A spider in a kitchen takes a column. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis room contains a spider hanging near the ceiling. The spider is hidden from view by the webs. While large (about 2\u201d plus legs), this is a normal spider. It was not shrunk upon entering the house and appears to be about 30\u201d in diameter plus legs. Milendez is highly entertained by this spider and makes sure it gets enough to eat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The spider is a poisonous web spinner. It has filled this room with webs but has not spun outside of here. It can move normally within its webs, but humanoids will be forced to chop their way through the webs. The webs will burn slowly (one cubic foot per turn) if exposed to an open flame but will not remain lit if the flame is removed. The webs can be cut, but each strand will take six points of slashing damage or twelve points of bludgeoning. The spider will dart out, bite, and dart back to cover. Anyone attempting to follow the spider (through the webs) must succeed in a Strength task or be caught in the webs. The spider will withdraw to the far corner if the party begins to cause severe damage to the web\u2019s structure. It will continue to attack from here, but it will also be trying to hide. [stats]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The seemingly best maneuver here would be to use something to burn the webs from a distance, perhaps a torch tied to a long pole. Throwing oil might help clear a good sized space, but not enough to avoid the spider\u2019s speedy attacks. Even if all the webs can be burned out while the spider is in the room, the spider is unlikely to take additional damage from being in her own burning webs. If there is any opportunity for her to avoid being burned along with her<\/p>\n\n\n\n
own webs, she will use it. A fireball should clear the webs, but therefore would only do normal damage to her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jesus Fuck man, seriously?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The final insult is the treasure table. For each item found it lists the value class , it\u2019s grade, its cost for scrap, resale, cost at the source and cost in the city. For every bit of treasure. I hate mu fucking life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All of this for a fucking dollhouse. That isn\u2019t even that great! A few toy soldier encounters and the like. Nothing really too out there or overly fun. Nothing to play people against each other. Nothing really dynamic. No updates AT ALL, I\u2019m guessing, over the original 1994 adventure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Life is pain and trauma lives forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is $5 at DriveThru. The preview is seven pages. You get to see that Shadowrun article. Joy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/www.drivethrurpg.com\/product\/403203\/Horror-in-the-House-of-Mystique-aka-All-About-NonStandard-Adventures–Game-Masters-edition?1892600<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By John Josten Board Enterprises OSR? Ha! That’s a joke! It’s actually Legend Quest Level ? A new legend is making its way around the city.  Some failed adventurers are claiming that they have seen an emerald that is the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8120,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-do-not-buy-ever-2","category-reviews"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/horror.jpeg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8121","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8121"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8121\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8122,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8121\/revisions\/8122"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8120"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8121"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8121"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8121"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}