{"id":4535,"date":"2018-11-17T07:21:05","date_gmt":"2018-11-17T12:21:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=4535"},"modified":"2018-11-05T07:22:20","modified_gmt":"2018-11-05T12:22:20","slug":"5e-the-burning-goblins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/?p=4535","title":{"rendered":"(5e) The Burning Goblins"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>
\nBy Mark Bowen
\nBlue Sword Games
\n5e
\nLevel 1<\/p>\n

he most recent raid by The Burning Ones goblin tribe has left the village of Greendale in a state of uproar. The miller’s daughter has been kidnapped and the mayor has put out a call for adventurers to hunt down the goblins and find the missing girl. But is there more to these raids than meets the eye? Why are the goblins burnt and timid? Only a strong band of heroes will be able to find the answers and save the girl from a gruesome death. <\/p>\n

Why me?<\/p>\n

This is a fourteen page adventure in a goblin lair with a dragon in it. Massive reaD-aloud, lame treasure, \u201cmaps as art\u201d \u2026is this really mainstream D&D?<\/p>\n

The party is dumped in to the adventure, rescuing the millers daughter from the tribe of goblins that raided the nearby village. I guess the local manorial lord is absent again or can\u2019t be bothered, so the mayor has the party dp the job. Seriously, what\u2019s the point of taxes? It being local elections, let me note that the job of the mayor is to fill the potholes, remove the snow, time the traffic lights, and keep goblins from abducting important peoples daughters. I\u2019m absolutely certain is a chaotic good act for the party to depose the mayor and collect taxes themselves. They can\u2019t be any worse than this guy \u2026 who doesn\u2019t actually exist except as an abstract concept in the column long read-aloud.<\/p>\n

Well, there is an option for having the party hang out in town. You have to succeed in a skill check to have the townfolk tell you anything. a) this is stupid because the party are helping the townfolk. b) this is stupid because what are you supposed to do if they fail the roll? Oh, you\u2019ll just fudge it and tell the party anyway? THEN WHY NOT DO THAT IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?!?!?! It\u2019s like the designers don\u2019t actually think about or run their own adventures.<\/p>\n

Back to Ye Olde Reade Aloude. People don\u2019t listen to read aloud. WOTC even write an article about it. Two to three sentences is all you get then people stop paying attention. And yet, adventure after adventure does it. Why? Because they learned that it\u2019s the\u201dright\/\u201d way to things from others \u2026 including official product. Hey, Mearls, how about fixing this? Don\u2019t Adept anything that uses more than three sentences of read aloud. Then people will learn new behaviours and I\u2019ll have to find a new reason to drink. Like the crushing realization that life is meaningless. I think that\u2019s traditional, anyway.<\/p>\n

So \u2026 the goblins live in a cave. The cave is a linear map with six rooms. That\u2019s fun, right!!! Linear! Six rooms! Oh, and there\u2019s no grid, it\u2019s just a \u201cpretty\u201d art piece. I say pretty because its not. Seriously, what was the point of the map? You know \u2026 the fucking pit trap isn\u2019t even on the map. That\u2019s right, the big old X is missing from the map. Who the fuck doesn\u2019t put the pit trap on the map? Someone with little concern\/knowledge of how to help the DM at the table, that\u2019s who.<\/p>\n

The tunnel with little no value items in it has a magnifying glass, a greatclub, and healing potions. Uh huh. <\/p>\n

Who wants to guess how many goblins are n the goblin tribes lair cave complex? No, zero is wrong. It has four. Three at the entrance and one old frail goblin inside. That\u2019s it. That\u2019s a goblin lair. Those are the goblins that raided the village and everyone is in fear of. <\/p>\n

Oh, the cave does have their leader in it, a dragon. Yes, a large dragon. That\u2019s the goblin leader. He\u2019s in the cave.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen this in other modern adventures and have not commented \u2026 whats with slapping high level monsters on low level adventurers? Trolls at first level, etc. When do people fight skeletons? Is harryhausen dead? Why are you putting a fucking dragon in a level one adventure? Why not just put asmodeus in and call it a day? Is it the 5e power curve? I don\u2019t get it. What happened to stirge and fire beetles? No, I\u2019m not being old, I\u2019m talking about power curves and character growth. Oh, and the dragon knocks people unconscious. WTF man? <\/p>\n

Yes, you CAN sell out the villagers and offer the dragon tribute, and even gain the dragon as an ally in the future. THAT is genuinely a good thing. <\/p>\n

Perhaps my greatest disappointment in this adventure, which is full of them, is a certain magic item. The only one worth mentioning. A disk, with writing in infernal, on how to soul bind to create soldiers for the \u201cGrand Army.\u201d And that\u2019s it. It\u2019s not actually a magic item or has value. The dragon knd of wants it, if it knows the party has it. That\u2019s it. Man, what a lost opportunity. Let the fucking make some zombies man! Or grow some! What fun!<\/p>\n

Just another adventure from someone who didn\u2019t actually think any about their adventure.<\/p>\n

This is free at DriveThru. As such I\u2019m too lazy to talk about the preview.https:\/\/www.drivethrurpg.com\/product\/156433\/The-Burning-Goblins-Old-Version?affiliate_id=1892600<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Mark Bowen Blue Sword Games 5e Level 1 he most recent raid by The Burning Ones goblin tribe has left the village of Greendale in a state of uproar. The miller’s daughter has been kidnapped and the mayor has … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4528,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4535","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reviews"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/burning.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4535","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4535"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4535\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4536,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4535\/revisions\/4536"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenfootpole.org\/ironspike\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}