The Quiet Shrine

By Dougal Cochrane
Self Published
Shadowdark
Level 4

A Lost Ruin – The Quiet Shrine lies half-buried and half-broken. Its holy places are desecrated, its defenses cracked, its silence disturbed not by reverence, but by the echoing burrow of chitin claws. Yet the dwarven wards endure in part, and within the hidden tomb, Ord’s sacred charge still sleeps undisturbed… …until now.

This sixteen page adventure describes a dwarf temple with twelve rooms. It has some simplistic mini-quests in it that are combined with a “which puzzle does this fresco solve” instruction set. I’m not angry, there’s just little reason to go with this. Sometimes it’s just hard to summon enthusiasm for an adventure, positive or negative, and this is one of those. 

Each room starts with an italics read-aloud, a few sentences long. As per the usual complaint italics is bad to use in long sections of text because it’s harder to read. The text then gets purple and, in fact, the very first read-aloud of the adventure is “Framed by roots and the bones of the mountain” … and .. end with “The world holds its breath. No birds sing here.” Don’t go purple in your descriptions. And, you also want to avoid things like “the world holds its breath.” A good description will make the PLAYERS the impression that the world holds its breathe, be it in anticipation or in melancholy, but you want to avoid outright TELLING the characters what they feel. I will note, however, that the “No birds sing here” line is pretty good. Better, I think, to use it in the description of the doorway, as a carving or runes for the players to read. The text goes on, roof after room, trying hard to give this impression of a massive emptiness and the silence (hence the title) but it comes off purple in most cases. The writing of a terse but evocative description IS the hardest part of an adventure, I think and thus I am somewhat sympathetic at clumsy attempts to evoke a vibe. But, purple is purple.

The text then goes on, the read-aloud, to over-reveal in many cases. “Cold air hangs heavy in this tiled chamber, where black and white stones alternate beneath your feet. Ancient murals adorn the walls. The silence is broken only by the whisper of dust and the faint scent of rust. Two goblin skeletons lie slumped near the far wall, riddled with iron darts.” The goblin bodies is an iver-reveal. The iron darts are an over-reveal. I would suggest that perhaps even the black and white stones are an over-reveal. There is the concept in RPG’s, the core cycle between the DM providing information and then the players taking that an asking follow ups questions/interacting with the environment. Thet core cycle is CRUCIAL for rpgs/ When the rea-dlaoud text over-reveals this then that cycle is broken. You don’t need to investigate the bodies to see what they are. Or to see the iron darts. The black and white floor tiles here, are indicative of a trap, along with the darts, of course, giving some warning to players who pay attention. But its being obviously telegraphed. You want to hint at things, and then let the inquisitive players follow up. You’re cutting to just the end of the room by over=revealing the information. 

A different room tells us, through read-aloud that there is large creature in the water. Ok, sure, but then it has a section of text called “Clue” that reads “A slow, rhythmic chufng sound is heard—the matriarch’s breath as she drinks. Deep gouges and claw marks line the walls.” Well, sure, I can see the fucking thing in the water man! This sort of sloppiness in editing, in the core concepts of the rooms, is evident throughout. Am I figuring out theres a creature in the room or am I seeing that there’s a large creature in the room? Both are valid encounters in D&D, figuring something out or avoiding something obvious that you cannot, perhaps, take on directly. But you have to pick one in your editing. 

This is a meh adventure. It’s a basic map layout, with rooms and a few caverns. It’s got a few simple puzzles, that almost all revolve around “look, that fresco has a dude dropping a gemstone in to a well and THIS room has a well!” I’m not angry that those puzzles, but they are so very basic as implemented. Kill some umber hulks, move on with your life. 

This is Pay What You Want on DriveThru with a suggested price of $2. The preview is five pages, mostly intro, with one room shown. Not a very good preview

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/521855/the-quiet-shrine?1892600