Danse Macabre

By Luiz Eduardo Ricon
Hexplore Publishing
OSR
Levels 3-5

There’s something strange in the neighborhood of Duskenville. Suddenly, not only are people not dying, but all the recent dead started to rise and walk again, seeking to settle their past scores. Hired by a noble knight with a particular dark predicament, the PCs embark on a nightmarish investigation trying to discover why this is happening, while trying to defend the townsfolk from the ghoulish attacks of skeletons, zombies and other insidious undead monstrosities.

This 42 page adventure, inspired by the death art of Hans Holmumblemumblemumble, featur ing ten “place as you will” encounters inspired by the artwork pieces, as well as a small castle with an encounter in it. I don’t know man, how you get 42 pages out of that. There;s nothing here but an outline and some forced art encounters

You know Hans, you love Hans. Iconic artworks. And our designer thinks so also, basing a decent amount of the adventure around the artwork. You’re stopped on the road by this knight who wants your help. No one in the village is dying and the dead have come back to life. He pulls aside his shirt to show a giant hole in his chest. When you go the village everyone says that dudes brother, the knights brother, is an asshat and it must be because of him. In between talking to people you see these little vignettes from the (real world) art pieces. A priest being tormented by a skeleton and so on. You go to the castle to find the brother, to explore it’s empty abstracted locations, only to find him with his normally dead wife, who is very much not dead, but just a little groggy. Oh, also, Death is trapped in this glass globe, all Sandman Episode One style. Free death, kill the dude, adventure over.

This years theme for shitty designs seems to be Abstraction. There’s this mania for not putting any specifics in an adventure. So, hey, I can get behind that. In, like, a one pager. Err, I mean, a good one page dungeon would have specifics, but, like, a one page outline of a much larger adventure? Sure. How about an entire booklet of adventures each of which is one page long, and each of which serves as a seed that can/should be expanded to several nights worth of gaming? That might be an interesting product (that I wouldn’t review.)  But, let’s take that same degree of abstraction and instead make it fill 42 pages? I think not. But, evidently, I’m in the minority because everyone and their brother seems to be writing adventures like this, where they seem terrified to write down anything specific to the adventure at hand.

Each NPC/location in the village has couple of bullet points of information you can learn. Like “The priest is disturbed by a growing number of people unable to pass on, despite last rites.” What the fuck does that mean? Unable to pass on? Disturbed?  Does dude has his head cut off and is still talking to folk? I’d say that would warrant quite a bit more of an emotion than ‘disturbed.’ It’s abstracted, with no specifics. It’s the concept of an idea, putting the heavy lift on the DMs shoulders. When, in fact, the entire point of having a designer attached is to put the heavy lift on the designers shoulders. Otherwise, why is the DM buying the adventure? Let’s not go all ‘spoon feed the DM’ here; as always, we’re looking for enough to be there to inspire the DM, to give them something concrete to riff off of. The ability to do that, time and time again, is what separates a meh adventure from a good one. Or another one at the guardhouse like “An old incident report details Lady Natassya’s death, noting discrepancies in witness testimonies.” Well what the fuck are they? “Locals are scared but refuse to leave, saying “something” won’t let them.” WHAT?!?!?! Something wont let you? Details? Is it a ninety foot tall demon? You are compelled to run back? A curse kills you in five minutes? I’m not cherry picking here. All of the rumors and information are like this. Weirdly abstracted to the point of being meaningless they were included. “Hmmm, why won’t the villagers leave?” says the designer to themselves “Oh, I know, something keeps them from leaving. DONE!” WHAT?! No. Absolutely the fuck not. That’s the fucking color that makes the adventure. I note, also, that the castle in the end is abstracted also, with just some throw away descriptions of nothing. “A door to the west leads to the service wing, also accessible by the door at the top of a granite staircase rising from the courtyard. There’s nothing here except the marks of past revelries and merriments” Sure thing man.

The only specific are the ten little vignettes. Andthese are ridiculously described, in detail. Lets take … The Skeleton Marching Band! Why did an entire marching band get buried in the graveyard, in their uniforms and with their instruments? Fuck it. I love going to zombie walks and am always the scuba diver/golfer/tennis playing zombie. “• The band has 30+ skeletons —too many for a direct assault.” says the adventure. “ But, also, this is a level three to five adventure. I’m pretty sure that’s an auto turn?

Did I mention the bullshit gothic font used so that it’s fuckign impossible to read some headings? I shall save you that rant again, but its absurd I have to keep going on about how people should actually be able to read your adventure. Then there’s just confusing lines thrown i. Ine one vignette a skeleton priest has the real priest captured. A party member must confess a deep sin! “If the PC refuses, the priest suffers 1d4 damage and passes judgment” Which priest? Did I harm the real one by not doing what the skeleton said or did I harm the skeleton one by rejecting its authority? And passes judgement? The living priest passes judgement? I guess, maybe, it must be the skeleton priest? 

Oh, hey, also, you’re soul has been being sucked out the entire time, we learn. “ This is a Soul Syphon, sucking the life force from everyone within 1 mile (except Sir Yannis and his wife, protected by amulets). Every round, it drains 1HP from all within range (Save vs. Spell for half damage)” So half is … a half point? Did anyone read this fucking thing before publishing it? I guess this is more of a “they just started the ritual when you walk in the room” sort of thing? Still, turn undead and all that. Anyway, you’ve got ten rounds to finish him off. No, you don’t know this and it’s not telegraphed. The world just ends sort of thing in ten rounds. Guess you should have gotten your shit together and done some mind reading. Timers only fucking work if the fucking party knows there a timer! They have to be forced to make decisions knowing the consequences. That’s what he fuck tension is. Without that then the DM could just randomly declare at any point, while they are in a tavern “ok, the world ends.” Was it even in danger? 

Abstracted to fuck and back, in virtually every part of this. No real adventure, except for the vignettes, which have no tension thanks to the party cleric. “It’s the old wound sire, skeletons are only effective at levels one and two.” There’s no fucking adventure here. 

This is $8 at DriveThru. There is no preview. Sucker.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/518156/danse-macabre-a-bone-chilling-adventure-for-old-school-rpgs?1892600