Trouble in Southshore

By Matthew Evans
Mithgrathr Entertainment
B/X
Levels 3-5

The elves of Gul Nalore keep to themselves, so it was a surprise when a delegation came to the people of Southshore asking for help. Things must really be bad. But, are they bad for who you expect?

This 42 page adventure features a dungeon with sixty rooms and and a lot of words that I don’t give a fuck about. Two days of my life I’ll never get back again. Is it as bad as all that? Sure. Why not?

Ah, the elves. One wonders how they have survived so long. Maybe they give birth like seahorses or some shit and continue to exist just because there are so many of them. Because, of course, they are fucking idiots in this adventure who can’t seem to do anything for themselves. 

There’s a lot of bullshit in this adventure, so hang on. Ohs nos! Them orcs that live nearby are killing folk … and the kids haven’t come back! Please go ahelp! You find the kids, dead, and a yellow orc tribe shield. WHich was left by the black blade orcs stirring up trouble. Blah blah blah, kill some orcs and make peace again between the orcs and humans. And then hear a drunk miner talk about some lizardmen on a boat. And then see some flyers from the elves who want some people to go kill a dragon for them. Seems they love Love LOVE their giant golden elk and a dragon has moved in and started eating their one true loves. But they can’t kill it because they are fucking idiots. Err, I mean, it lives in the mountains that they are forbidden to enter. *sigh* whatever. Ok. Inside we find some turtar’s in the dragons service .. humanoid turtles which will eventually include four TMNT’s. The dragon turns out to be a wyvern with a ring that gives him a 16 INT …given to him by his adopted Red Dragon mother … who doesn’t appear the adventure unless you kill her adopted kid so she can punish the “heroes.” Ok, so, anyway, the wyvern isn’t a bad fellow, he just wants to eat the giant grubs that live in the dungeon … but they are gone now, because of some serpent people who moved in to the dungeon. And elk taste better. He’s eating one now … want some? SO, maybe, kill the serpent people and convince the elves to live in harmony with the wyvern. Unless you ate their elk friend. Ahhh, a callback to the orc situation … find the hidden thing going on and convince the “Good Guys” that the monster is actually good. Oh, shit, I forgot, the serpent people are actually transformed evil human cultists. Cause thats the only acceptable bad guy anymore. 

Our overland map features text that is hard to read. Like “I used a yellow font over a yellow background color” hard to read text. The formatting it triple column paragraph in the style commonly referred to as “Wall of Text.” All of you fuckwits bitching about the OSE house style will be condemned, in your own personal hells, to reading this shit. Yeah, I think paragraphs are great. And, when dealing with a novice writer who doesn’t know what they are doing, the OSE style will, I believe, result in a better product than this wall of text shit does. 

Let us begin the wall of text example. I shall cover just the first sentence of many paragraphs. This is the actual adventure text, not the summary. This is what you are supposed to run from. And I’m only listing the first sentence of each paragraph. “The road from Nefford to Southshore is only 15  miles, but most who journey between the two towns usually stop midway at the village of Waddleby to patronize The Sore Foot, which is generally regarded as a nice establishment.” [blah blah blah] “When the PC’s arrive they’ll find that they’re the only customers there.” blah blah blah. They’re met by a red-haired boy that looks yto be a dozen years old “blah blah blah. Inside, the PC’s are greeted by the Bbarkeep Theodon Wenz. blah blah blah. After the charatcres have had a chance to secure rooms and order their dinners, the front door flies open and the child from outside (name Timmy Schmitz) is led in by a man dressed in leather armor and wearing a green waistcoat. Blah blah blah “Alright everyone, lets make this easy says the man as he takes a few more steps to allow his masked companions to file in behind him. Blah blah blah. 

I’m not going to keep going. I fucking hate this. First this happens then this happens then this other thing happens then this other thing happens. Paragraph after paragraph. COlumn after column. Page after page. Room descriptions full of passive sentences. History in the text. Justifications in the room descriptions. 

Just go stab some people. But don’t stab the wrong people! Otherwise you won’t get a +1 shortsword. 

I don’t know. Same old shit. Tricking people. And, more importantly, punishing them when they fall for it. That’s lame. Whatever. It’s not as bad a the fucking “and then this happen and then this happens” wall of text shit. Let us consider this a record of the wreckage of my life.

This is $5 at DriveThru. The preview is 24 pages. Enough to get a good sense of the adventure. God help you. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/393813/RC3–Trouble-in-Southshore?1892600