By Randy Musseau Roan Studios OSRIC Levels 2-5
Player Characters are hired to retrieve a sample of water from a long-sealed temple atop an island peak. The coastline around the island is the domain of vile fish-folk known as Skulp, and the temple holds secrets best left unopened.
I loaded sixteen tons and what did I get?
This 48 page adventure describes an island with about ten locations, several of which are caves with about ten or locations also. It manages, in 48 pages, to do almost nothing. Abstracted, generic text full of stabbing with little in the way of specificity to fire the soul. Or clues to solve the mystery of the island.
I hate adventures like this. Someone clearly poured some effort in to this, and they came away with something that is boring. And these things are hard to review. How does one effectively communicate the absence of something? In a world in which people talk about Liking What You Like, a reviewer is always challenged to communicate WHY the choices made are substandard. About now someone always pops up and says everything is subjective. Which, I guess it is. But we can also judge things by how the majority of people will accept something. No doubt someone thinks that the Garfield movie is a cinematic masterpiece and Barry Lyndon is crap and they are always happy to chime in. But, with analysis, we can go deeper than “Well, _I_ liked it.” But you have to say why.
Generic Sucks. Abstraction Sucks. They provide nothing for the DM’s mind to latch on to. A well written adventure will cause the DM to be excited about the various elements. They will spring to life in their mind. Andthe DM, with a fuller picture in their head, will better communicate it to their players. Jabbing an idea in to the DM’s head. Brining it to life. This is the essence of the Evocative Writing pillar I harp about. It’s hard. But without it you get:
C. Main Chamber. A large circular cavern divided by a 2 feet (.6 m) high natural stone wall. Beyond the wall are tunnels to the left and right.
Stunning, isn’t it? Is your soul alive now? Are you excited to run Main Chamber? Another room, the Skulp (Kuo Toa) leaders chamber has a small fortune in pearls, coral, and jade. That’s the sum total of the room description. The rest of the key tells us he’s larger than a normal Skulp, making him the default leader, and he’s been in this role for several months. Exciting, isn’t it? He’s not even located in this room. *sigh* How about another room with a “large rock formation.” And yet, these rooms are LONG. They drone on an on with backstory and generic, abstracted descriptions of things using boring words like “large” and “big.” Thirty some pages of this (the rest being maps) and almost not actual detail at all. Detail doesn’t have to be long, but it has to be specific. Ditch most of the backstory. Sacrifice the words that tell the DM what the map already shows. Delete most explanations of HOW and WHY, because they don’t contribute to actual play. Use that freed up word count, or fewer, to add some detail. Maybe an iridescent mane on the leader? Or the rock formation made of skulls,some still dripping with viscera? Hanging tree roots, ala 13th Warrior, are always a good way to spice up a cave. Specific instead of abstracted.
“The alchemist” hires you to bring back some water from the temple. I’m prone is hyperbole, but you get NOTHING on the alchemist. No name. No quirks. No real reward even. This adventure confuses “written for any system” for “needs to be generic” and that’s simply not the case.
The map is a disaster. It shows keys for areas three and four, but they are not mentioned in the text. Maybe it’s the Skulp lair? Who know.
Encounter two is a stone path up the mountain. The crazy priest has left skeletons on it in several places to guard it. That’s it. That’s all you get. This is what $5 gets you on DriveThru.
And the encounters are almost all combat. Just go in a cave and stab some stuff. Repeat. That’s not exciting or fun. That’s not exploration. That’s not social. That’s killing your players by boredom. Roll the dice. YAWN. Did we win D&D yet?
The key to the magically sealed temple is in the Skulp lair, which, I think, is not easily found. There are no hints to this. Just follow the linear path up the mountain and, I guess, come back down again?
48 pages of this. (ok, 35 or so.) This is nothing. NOTHING. There’s nothing to this. It’s like an algorithm wrote this using a boring thesaurus. “Possible encounters along the way will also add to the dangers of the mission.” But, it’s not going to run. Because any sane person, buying this, is going to bit file it and turn to something else.
Yet more grist for the DriveThru mill. Yet more cynicism for buyers and dreamers.
I got a rock.
This is $5 at DriveThru. The preview is nine pages. It shows you none of the encounters, so it’s a shitty shitty preview. You need to know what you’re buying, that’s the purpose of the preview. HOWEVER, the generic writing present in the preview is present throughout, even though the preview pages are some of the best of the adventure. Joy.
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/331164/Pretty-Little-Lairs–The-Squid-God-of-Wraith-Isle?1892600
By Yochai GalSelf PublishedCairn Two weeks ago, Aldra, the beloved butcher of Isthmus Town, suddenly…
By Simone ZambrunoClassic Dungeon AdventuresOSE? Generic/Universal?Levels ... 0? 2? Here, characters without heroic skills or…
By Elln the WitchSelf PublishedOSRLevels 1-3 The Abyssea Cave is known to be an isolated…
By J. LasardeBroken Rat GamesS&WLevel 3 A mile from the village of Breckdell is a…
By HilanderSelf PublishedOSELevel …? I guess we don’t use levels anymore? The Big Bad is…
By Mr Pilgrim TomesSelf PublishedOSE"Expert Levels" A sunken cathedral on a quiet mountain lake hides…
View Comments
Ouch.
"How does one effectively communicate the absence of something?" is a constant reviewer dilemma. It is presumptuous to second-guess an author on what should have been added to an adventure, and yet, this dilemma comes up all the time. A lot of adventures fall into this bracket where they are not necessarily doing things obviously wrong (well, this one does, later on), but they are simply missing anything of interest, even the blatantly obvious.
Shame, that’s a great title.
Nice cover too.
Hey Bryce... Did you even read the adventure, or just fill in one of your patented bash-templates? Seriously. I've read your review of Crow Gulch (my first foray into self-publishing) and while I did agree with some of your constructive criticism, it was difficult to discern given the steady stream of errors (spell check dude - come on!). But this 'review' of Wraith Isle reeks more of something else, than an actual, honest to goodness, professional review. Cute though and a nice way of mooching off others to make a coin. Classic! I needed this chuckle today. :)
Cheers!
Randy M
But Randy ... why do other authors get GOOD reviews?
Good reviews from you, you mean? I can't answer that for you. I'm not concerned about a good review from you. I'd just like to see some actual constructive criticism. I'm not ragging on your gig. I get that there's a market for reviews, but these are not reviews. They are simply rants about what you (ten foot pole) don't like. Or like. I can't tell. Most of these diatribes are utterly confusing. But hey, that's your thing.
The suggestion for more 'specific' content, instead of generalities as in the alchemist example given in the review... and as shown in the preview... seems like specific, constructive feedback.
The alchemist isn't described at all beyond "alchemist". That's not giving the DM much to work with or exciting the players...
Advice that marine travel can be either straightforward or risky, complicated or simple - what is that adding? Neither usable nor conveying a vision. It is there to... give permission to do "whatever". Whilst giving no guidance for what "whatever" may be defined as. That's empty.
The alchemist gives a fact- but no flavour. It's all tell, no show. The part players interact with is the "show". Rule #1 of evocative writing is "show don't tell".
If you start a creative project from the factual framework- the "tell", then you need to revise it & figure out how the "show" for each part works. Show don't tell. Players only discover your work through the show.
Now this I understand. Thanks for the translation. :)
Twain... Man, i taught writing & literature on 3 continents, but the single most visceral example I can think of to give life to this idea right now is- watch Bone Tomahawk. Consider how effective or scary just hearing/telling about the bad guys in the films first act...
Then reconsider once you've seen the film and been SHOWN...
Damn. That was effective. That was specific. It made me feel something. It's a B movie. But damn. That's an A for showing. And it's the action itself, not the amount of description needed that would do it. The scenes in question could be conveyed in 6-10 words each.
I hear ya! And I appreciate the feedback. I really do. And I'm definitely not here to defend my work. I'm cool with some folks disliking it. Bashing it, well...
All in all, it is what it is - the adventure. A collection of maps, illustrations, etc., with some suggested text woven in. The specifics are left vague intentionally. My personal preference is to leave the 'drama' up to the DM. The PDF provides plenty of maps (with text and without), so that DMs can use it as fodder. The Alchemist's name? How about 'Al'? I didn't feel the need to spell those details out. But, taking everything you've written into consideration, it's something I'll definitely keep in mind with future products. I've been doing this for a while too, but I'm never too old, or naive, to think that I can't improve, enhance, and in the end deliver a better product. So cheers and thanks again! :)
This post is relevant
https://monstersandmanuals.blogspot.com/2020/08/bridging-minimalist-maximalist-divide.html
See noisms and jays comments below the article. The add two words to orcs.
Thank christ someone gets it. Thanks for the link. :)
There was an article by Gabor on reviews an how hard it is to be critical in a small community. People think Bryce is an ass because the BFRPG guy and others have been pissed off after a review.
Personally I think he is a softie. Being a critic is how you navigate the good and the bad. Its art. His tone is abrupt but we are all in this for the love and he provides that art to our community.
This is tough, and in a small community it means people might not like you.
But without it? Our community is lacking art. Thank you Bryce.
Even if Bryce starts swearing at you in all caps he wants to make for better games at the table and thats a gift to all of us. He will evaluate how your style has changed or just email him. He might charge you but I know he made DC Observatory v2 better that way. Stay on it dude, I love us
DCO huh? Ah, now it's all making sense. This shit is gold. Bryce is art and I passed on DCO. Funny stuff. I forgot alllllll about DCO. Want some maps? Kidding on that last part (kinda ;)). Cheers and thanks for the chuckle! :)
I love when butthurt designers and publishers come here to try to tell all of us how horrible Bryce is. lol Pure gold. Shine on crazy diamond. Shine on.
Bryce was the only reviewer to give me some legit critiques that popped the fluffy bubble I was on as a DND adventure writer that made me go "Hey maybe hyper prose descriptions with railroad read aloud isn't the best way to write." I love my older stuff, but my newer self published material just feels more refined and is a heck of a lot easier for me to DM from at the table.
So Remley, you actually took Bryce's critique as an opportunity to improve how your adventures actually play? How about that. Congrats
Twain was about as snarky as Bryce can be too. It's a person behind there who took the courage to create. And to be fair his main point was he found it hard to tease out enough useful feedback from the main review amid Bryce's loose style.
Then he was simmered down & took what he could when some of us rephrased it. I do think it's cool when writers drop in. If we want to critique here then you gotta expect people might push back when the method is perceived as rude or unhelpful or more geared to entertainment at times.
100% agree. More authors here. Chris G is another eample example, Bryceses style pisses people off I get it, but people are so pissed they cant see the feedback
So as a creator who has been reviewed on here (twice), it's one of those instances where you have to take the criticisms you find most constructive and decide how to act on them, if at all.
The first adventure Bryce reviewed:
https://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/?p=4160
The second adventure Bryce reviewed:
https://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/?p=6146
Essentially, for my growth as a writer between the two (a period of about three years) I just started reading lots of other RPG's and, more importantly, PLAYING other RPG's that I didn't write. Sometimes you need to DM other stuff to see what works and what doesn't for you, and if you find the product difficult to run at the table, figure out what you didn't like and then go "I don't like that. I'm not going to do that when I write."
The first adventure was written when my style tried to emulate the style of Dungeon Magazine. The second one was written in an attempt to consolidate layout and keep the DM on one page or a two-page spread as much as possible. Also I wanted to do as much of my own art as possible for the second one, so I did all the interior art and cartography, which made it VERY easy for me to control the layout.
So as a creator who has been reviewed on here (twice), it's one of those instances where you have to take the criticisms you find most constructive and decide how to act on them, if at all.
The first adventure Bryce reviewed:
https://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/?p=4160
The second adventure Bryce reviewed:
https://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/?p=6146
The first adventure was written when my style tried to emulate the style of Dungeon Magazine. The second one was written in an attempt to consolidate layout and keep the DM on one page or a two-page spread as much as possible. Also I wanted to do as much of my own art as possible for the second one, so I did all the interior art and cartography, which made it VERY easy for me to control the layout.