The Whispering Tower of Elyrium

By Jason Youngdale
Youngdale Productions
OSE
Level 1

In the heart of the Wyrwood (the forest that surrounds Caladorei), veiled in mist and myth, stands the Whispering Tower, a slender spire of obsidian stone said to house the secrets of the vanished Archmage Elyrium. The tower is not defended by monsters but by his love of riddles, clever traps, and illusions. The adventurers must navigate its winding stairways, decipher cryptic puzzles, and avoid ancient snares to uncover a long-lost magical artifact: the Mirror of Untold Memory. None that have ventured there have yet to return!

This 26 page single column adventure uses about eight pages to describe fourteen linear rooms in a wizard tower. It’s a one-dimensional puzzle dungeon where you answer riddles out loud. 

I didn’t know this weeks theme was puzzle dungeons, but I think this is the second in a row now. I think I hate them? In general? I suspect, though, that I hate one-dimensional dungeons. All fighting. All social. All puzzles. I’m sure I do have somewhat of a bias towards the classic exploratory dungeon. You know, a little social, a little combat, a few puzzles and traps, things to discover, and explore. I can accept a plot adventure, they don’t need to be one-dimensional. It’s these sorts of blunt instruments that I loathe.

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it and read “The tower is not defended by monsters but by his love of riddles, clever traps, and illusions.” This then was the first sign I was in for it. And then, in the intro, I got “Success is measured by cleverness and character growth, not treasure alone.” Yeah, how much fucking XP is cleverness and character growth worth? Cleverness happens in order to get the XP with low risk and character development, not growth, is a side effect. 

How about a table of a dozen hooks? Hooks such as: “Scholarly Commission: A reclusive gnome sage hires the party to retrieve the Mirror of Untold Memory from Elyrium’s tower. Lost Kin: A local villager’s child has gone missing, last seen wandering toward the tower. Dream Calling: One or more adventurers began having dreams of whispered riddles and a spiraling multi-colored tower.” These must be the most hackneyed hooks possible. “You have a dream!” or you’ve been hired! More is not better. The sushi buffet is not good. 

Inside is the usual assortment of mistakes. “A huge iron door with no handle or keyhole seems to be the front door of the Tower.” Is it the fucking front door or not? Is there another door? No? Then that’s the front fucking door. These kinds of mistakes are all over the place.

Hows about that interactivity though? “A well-worn plaque on the door reads: “I am not alive, but I grow; I do not breathe, but I need air. What am I?” Answer: Fire” Thrilling! Adventurous! A place of wonder and delight! 

No? You need more? How about confusion! “Dusty tomes float midair, circling a pedestal with a glowing closed book on top of it. Puzzle: To reach the real book (a purple one), players must read verses in a particular order (clues hidden in nearby inscriptions) that spell out “TRUTH”.” That’s the room. It’s a fucking synopsys for a room, not a room itself. But, that’s what you’re getting here. Just a brief overview, abstracted, Nothing specific. Take your “1001 room ideas” booklet and just turn it in to a dungeon! 

Still not enough? “A circular room with twelve stone columns, each marked with a symbol of a zodiac. The floor is made up of mosaics also depicting the zodiac signs (12 in all). Players must determine which symbol is missing on the columns that is on the floor (it’s “Virgo” — which is on a floor mosaic among the other zodiac mosaics on the floor).” Twelve symbols in the zodiac. Twelve columns each with a zodiac symbol. Twelve pictures on the floor of the zodiac. Which one is missing? Uh … none? Twelve and Twelve? I guess one repeats twice somewhere, on two different columns? I’m not even sure I could name all twelve zodiac symbols, good thing the adventure is helping out there!

Still not enough? You want more pretension?! Well, ok! “Each character must look into the mirror and speak aloud a personal revelation. They must reveal a deep dark secret to the party. Those who accept their truth may take the mirror; those who reject it are teleported outside the tower, taking 1d4 Psychic damage.” What the fuck does it mean to reject the personal revelation you just spoke out loud to everyone? You voluntarily spoke it, I think that means you accept it? I don’t understand the fail condition at all. I don’t even see how lying fails this room. 

You want some of that sweet sweet treasure? “Scrolls of Elyrium: 1d4 rare spells or ancient arcane theories. These can be in Elyrium’s Study.” This is lame.

Everything here is just so absurdly low effort. Not even bothering to come up with some spells? Not listing the zodiacs? There’s no specificity. The riddle rooms are inane, just read a plaque and answer a riddle? Really? 

This is what D&D is. A game of telephone, played from the early 70’s till now. Fifty years of people subtly changing the message, in purpose or by accident or ignorance, until the original intent is lost. Look man, I can accept the storyteller garbage, at least as an activity if not a game. It’s not for me but I can see some Baron Muchhousen shit. But this shit? No. 

There is something wonderful about free will and the lack of barriers. You get to do it. YOU. No one is there to stop you. The myth of the rugged individuality that is our soul. But, I believe the existential assertion also says that you must KNOW you are without meaning. You are condemned to be free, and you know it. This is what it looks like when you are condemned to be free and don’t know it. Sure, you CAN just off the cliff when faced with the boulder, but maybe also prepare a little and figure out what an adventure SHOULD look like and what makes up a good one before flinging your own shit out there.

This is $10 at DriveThru. The preview is five pages. You get to see a part of the first room. Shitty preview. 

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/555314/the-whispering-tower-of-elyrium?1892600