Bastion of the Painted Men

By Stephen J Jones
Unsound Methods
OSE
Level 1

Twenty years ago the Painted Men – wild mountain folk – overran the garrison at the pass through the Ash Mountains. The wild men cast the iron bridge into the abyss, and have occupied the fortress ever since. But now Lord Gallowick of the City of Green Lanterns wants to reopen the lucrative trade route to Port Featherglass, and is offering a coffer of gold for those who can liberate the citadel.

This eighteen page adventure presents a ruined fortress, on either side of a chasm, with four adventuring areas and about forty rooms described in about eight pages. Decent factions in a slow-burn ruined fortress. Investigative adventurer are rewarded through a variety of classic old school techniques. This is more of a Factions in a Fortress adventure then it is an Exploratory adventure.

Some Lord somewhere wants to reopen an old trade route. Standing in the way is a ruined fortress on either side of a chasm. It was destroyed by the hilljack wildmen. If you go secure the place Lord Whatsits will give you 1000gp. If I reframe this in to Aragon, or, rather, his advisors, have a long list and you pick a spot in Rhudar then I soothe my feelings a lot. 

We got this chasm with a kind of gatehouse/small keep on either side. The Iron Bridge between the two sides has fallen. (And, it turns out, lodged in the chasm further down.) Each little keep has a cellar. So you have the west side keep, and then its cellar and then the bridge over, the east side cellar and the east side keep. That’s an interesting layout, and I’m always down for a more interesting layout and the possibilities it brings to creative play. The west side has some Wolverine people in it, looking for a lost child of theirs. The east side has the remnants of the wildmen, the titular Painted Men, unable to leave the site of their crowning achievement, living in the past like Theoden in the Wormtongue era. (Also, who keeps an advisor with the name Wormtongue? Meet my trusted aid Evile Backstabberman.”) Except this time he’s being controlled by a fungus colony in the basement which is slowly but surly infecting people, with the goal of just having them settle down to stay. Which is a very fungus colony thing to do if you think about it. He’s got a supportive wife, a supportive older son, and a younger son ready to make a deal to have him murdered so the tribe can move on to greener pastures. The chasm also has a giant wasp nest, home to the Wasp People, who just happen to have a young wolverine-person child in their larder. Oopsy. Also, they would like to eat the fungus in the east side fortress. Let us add in the party, with the goal of clearing the place out. You’ll probably meet the wolverine people first, who actually seem pretty chill for being wolverine-people, then the wasp people, then the painted men. 

Room descriptions are decent enough. Mostly terse, with a First Impressions section for the DM to riff on and then a Further Investigation section with the details for the DM to grok to. There’s a certain, I don’t know, bronze agey vibe to this. Maybe a more human and/or humanoid framing? The wolverine folk carry “1d20 gp in silver ingots or semiprecious stones. About half instead wear discs of green malachite on a thong around their neck (20 gp).” Sure thing. I can get behind that. That’s flavour and local color and great. Wolverine men, painted men, wasp people … a kind of tribal bend to things. Not in a mud-core way or even maybe a low-fantasy way, but it’s an interesting take without going full bronze age or mudcore. Especially at level one. 

There are some classic elements here also that I’m fond of. There’s a body stuffed up a chimney to find. You did look up the chimney, right? A chimney, latrine, waterfall, bookcase, these should all have something. Oh, also, the body has an iron dagger. Magic. Nicely cursed; when you draw first blood it bonds to you and you’ll know you will die when hitting level three, the dagger whispering dark thoughts to you. Coolio! Also, you can get someone to draw blood with it to transfer it/the curse. Ouch! There’s a test of moral fortitude. This is how you do a fucking curse. None of this mechanical “-2 to hit” bullshit. Make that thing (ah, what’s the word? Classical Greek tragedy? I should have not had the third bloody mary this morning)  And then, also, you can find a map, a huge centerpiece one, old, kind of ruined. And on it an old tower in the hills. Dump in your own adventure or find an owlbear there with a gnawed body wearing a torc with blue aventurines worth xxxx. There’s a nice little sidetrek! A map that actually means something if you follow up, and a couple of sentences to turn it in to a little side trek if you wish.  Classic interactivity and followups for an exploratory adventure. 

The people here are relatively terse, but well, described. The leader of the wildmen has this little bit, if you parlay with him:  “Things Geberic might say (eyes ablaze, spittle flying, bits of food stuck in his beard):” And the things he might say are that of a old man living in the past glories of his tribe. Demanding tribute, recognition, etc. I’m not entirely sold on the detail of the faction play. There are a decent number of humanoids in each of three factions, maybe a couple of dozen or so each, which makes a hack hard. But enlisting them against each other better, and there are order of battles offered as well as a sentence or two on how an alliance with each might be made. And I suppose a truce with the wolverine people, a joint raid on the wasp people ending with burning them ou tof their paper nest, and murdering the wild men leader  by allying with the youngest son, who will call way the guards from a remote watch that his dad is going to inspect ,,, and then blame the party, will get the party a long way to their goal. Then it’s just a matter of cleaning up the odd skeleton and giant rat swarm ad figuring out that fungus shit. The faction element here is main draw, and it feels like each of the three parties needs just a little more in, hmmm, striking up with them? As is, it feelslikeit’s a reaction check for the wolverine people s what the adventure hinges on. 

Also, the bottom of that chasm is not detailed, which is a bit of a let down. 

It’s got an odd vibe to it. The faction play is central with the exploration elements, the usual bread and butter,  being a little … mundane? I wish there was just a little bit more there, in an adventure that already has quite a bit going on. I would not be at all unhappy running this if I were looking for a more realistic take on a fantasy situation. There is magic. And curse, and animated skeletons, but the core here os the people.

This is free at DriveThru. I’d snag it and play it.

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/539490/bastion-of-the-painted-men?1892600