My AI adventure. Not for the easily offended.

[Ineffective Voulging]

Night of the Necropimp
A Depraved OSR Adventure for Levels 3–5
Genre: Urban Horror, Dark Humor, Undead
System: OSR-compatible (e.g., OSE, LotFP, B/X)

Adventure Summary
In the festering city of Dunmark, an evil necromancer has taken pimping to new, necromantic heights. Known as Phargrave le Vile, he reanimates the dead for the unholy purpose of running an undead brothel beneath the crumbling Temple District.

Can the players shut down his operation before the city's soul is lost to Vulgoth, God of Rot and Vice?

Adventure Hooks

• Missing Persons: A grieving relative hires the party to find a missing loved one who was last seen near the Temple District.
• Moral Crusade: A paladin's order offers coin to anyone who can destroy the unholy soul-gem empowering the undead sex trade.
• Blackmail Plot: A noble patron is being extorted and hires the PCs to eliminate the source discreetly.
• You Owe a Debt: The party’s fence or contact has been taken and turned into one of the undead “workers.”

Background
Phargrave le Vile, once a talented necromancer, made a pact with the Vice-God Vulgoth after being exiled for illegal soul-binding. He now controls the Cold Caress, a brothel staffed by undead prostitutes whose souls are trapped in binding gems.

His clientele includes nobles, merchants, and cultists. Phargrave uses the soul energy he extracts to grow in power—and Vulgoth whispers of ascension through vice.

Locations
1. The Cold Caress (Undead Brothel)

• Hidden entrance via mausoleum with illusion-covered stairs.
• Guarded by two Flesh Golem Bouncers.
• 1d6+6 undead "workers" present.
• Central Soul Gem Altar controls all bound undead (AC 14, HP 30, immune to non-magical weapons).
• Phargrave’s personal room filled with trophies and vials of embalming fluid.

2. Necrolab & Soulforge

• Chains of headless corpses suspended on hooks.
• Animated dismembered hands assist in grafting limbs.
• The Soulforge (a demonic furnace) requires Soul Coins to bind will to flesh.
• Magical reagents worth 500 gp (but cursed).

3. Chamber of Vulgoth

• Rotting statues of obscene figures.
• A portal ringed in bone sigils, leading to the Plane of Endless Vice.
• 2 Cultist Attendants perform constant “sacrificial pleasures.”
• 3 noble prisoners shackled for “future inventory.”

Random Undead Whore Table

d10	Name	Price	Description
1	Tupenny Dustbag	2 cp	Moldering hag, jaw unhinged. Drops teeth. May give corpse fleas.
2	Stitchy Bitch	5 cp	Stitched from multiple corpses. Recites three names in whispers.
3	Jawless Jill	1 sp	No jaw, glows faintly. Tries to hum.
4	Groanelda	3 sp	Groans on loop. Very loud.
5	Maggie the Maggot	5 sp	Emits writhing maggots. Popular with the deeply disturbed.
6	Mistress Mire	1 gp	Oozes swamp water. Kiss drains 1 HP.
7	Candy Corpse	2 gp	Glamoured to look alive. Will charm weak-willed targets.
8	Gilded Ghoul	5 gp	Gold-leafed and perfumed. Intelligent.
9	Lady Bonevaine	10 gp	Noble undead courtesan. Haunted by a ghost (50% chance).
10	Duchess Decay	25 gp	Sentient revenant. May betray Phargrave and join PCs for revenge.

Random Encounters (Deadlights District) – Roll 1d6

1. Deranged preacher yelling about "The Boning of the World."
2. Animated corpse in chains led by a delivery boy.
3. Addict begs for coin to “see Misty” again.
4. Noble blackmail victim pleading for help.
5. Cultist tries to recruit the party into Vulgoth’s worship.
6. Whore-ghoul on the loose, attacking bystanders (use Wight stats).

Key NPCs
Phargrave le Vile (Necropimp Necromancer)
AC 14 | HP 38 | Spells: Animate Dead, Charm Person, Cause Fear, Hold Person

• Wields the Pimp Cane (+1 quarterstaff, casts Command Undead 1/day).
• Commands 2d4 undead courtesans in battle.

Duchess Decay (Revenant Courtesan)
AC 15 | HP 26 | Abilities: Seduce, Drain Energy (1/day), Possess (if gem broken).

• Has her own goals. May help party if freed from binding gem.

Objectives

• Destroy the Soul Gem Altar: Releases all bound undead.
• Defeat Phargrave le Vile: Ends the operation.
• Rescue Surviving Victims: Includes 3 nobles and a cleric.
• Seal the Portal to Vulgoth: Requires scroll from Phargrave’s quarters and a cleric’s blessing.

Notable Loot

• Pimp Cane of Domination: Quarterstaff +1, casts Command Undead once per day.
• Soul Coins (3d6): Each worth 100 gp to black market, but cursed (save vs. magic or lose 1 CON permanently when handled).
• Phargrave’s Grimoire – “Pimp the Grave”: Grants +1 to necromancy-related spell rolls; constantly whispers lascivious and blasphemous ideas.
• Gilded Jawbone of Duchess Decay: Worth 75 gp, key to her binding.

Twist Ending
If Phargrave is slain but the Soul Gem Altar remains intact, his soul migrates into Duchess Decay, or another premium whore (Referee's choice), beginning the entire cycle anew—with a vengeance.

 

[Ineffective Voulging]

I categorically declare first my absolute innocence, second my lack of criminal intent, and third my effusive apologies.

 

[DangerousPuhson]

I think this adventure may have been written by AI, you guys.

 

[Beoric]

I think this adventure may have been written by AI, you guys.

You mean because it claims to be OSR compatible but is more or less stat-less?

Also, that's a lot of formatting and layout for a forum post.

 

[The1True]

I don't

I don't understand what I just read...

 

[DangerousPuhson]

You mean because it claims to be OSR compatible but is more or less stat-less?

Technically any stat-less adventure would be OSR compatible, assuming a DM knows enough to fill in the blanks. Not saying it wouldn't be a headache, but it would be "compatible". Compatibility issues arise when stats are already included, not when they're excluded.

 

[Ineffective Voulging]

yeah I know, not enough treasure

 

[Beoric]

Technically any stat-less adventure would be OSR compatible, assuming a DM knows enough to fill in the blanks. Not saying it wouldn't be a headache, but it would be "compatible". Compatibility issues arise when stats are already included, not when they're excluded.

Technically this isn't remotely true when using NPCs or bespoke monsters. For NPCs, I understand that class level has some bearing on their effectiveness.

Taking the necromancer as an example, I can't even guess what level they are. 38 hp, for a class that uses a d4, implies the necromancer is 16+ (if rolled), or at least 10th (if pretty much max hp is given at every level). OTOH the necromancer has only 4 spells. OTOH the necromancer has a 5th level spell, implying they are at least 9th level. Also, AC 14: assuming 10 is unarmored, how did the NPC get here? Dex bonus? Ring of protection? Handwaived ability to use armor? I don't mind custom NPCs that break the rules for PCs, but I don't like having to guess at virtually all of the NPC's abilities.

[EDIT: cut for being too harsh]

Compatibility issues arise when stats are already included, not when they're excluded.

So not true. AC, HD (or attack bonus), hp and damage per attack translate to pretty much every retroclone pretty easily.

 

[DangerousPuhson]

Technically this isn't remotely true when using NPCs or bespoke monsters.

What are you talking about? There are literally guidelines in every edition of every DMG ever written for how to stat out monsters and NPCs. You have actually read a DMG, haven't you? Just because "you can't even guess" or "you don't like having to guess" is not a valid reason - you don't have to guess. There's a million tables you can consult. Hell, just crib from an existing encounter you already know. Your personal hang-ups do not an impossibility make.

AC, HD (or attack bonus), hp and damage per attack translate to pretty much every retroclone pretty easily.

What? No. Absolutely not. 200hp of 5e monster (suitable for a 5th level party) is very much different than 200hp of B/X monster (suitable for like 15th level party). AC20 in 5e is not at all compatible with AC20 in a THAC0 system - they're complete opposites.

 

[DangerousPuhson]

Case in point: I dare you to find a single edition of any RPG in which you cannot run "The Orc and the Pie", which is 100% stat-less.

In case you are unfamiliar with "the shortest adventure ever written", here it goes:

The Orc and the Pie
"There is a room. In the room is an orc and a pie. What do you do?"

 

[Beoric]

What are you talking about? There are literally guidelines in every edition of every DMG ever written for how to stat out monsters and NPCs. You have actually read a DMG, haven't you? Just because "you can't even guess" or "you don't like having to guess" is not a valid reason - you don't have to guess. There's a million tables you can consult. Hell, just crib from an existing encounter you already know. Your personal hang-ups do not an impossibility make.

As an example, I am saying that one cannot readily extrapolate, on the fly, a necromancer when you aren't told his level. Yes, I have the tools to create from scratch what I think the necromancer should be. But if I have to do that, why am I wasting my time with the fucking module? What value has this AI "adventure" brought to my gaming life? Shoehorning this slop into a campaign and creating the NPCs, monsters, city map, and location maps from scratch is MORE work than if I started with nothing.

What? No. Absolutely not. 200hp of 5e monster (suitable for a 5th level party) is very much different than 200hp of B/X monster (suitable for like 15th level party). AC20 in 5e is not at all compatible with AC20 in a THAC0 system - they're complete opposites.

5e is a retroclone? I guess I missed the memo.

The Orc and the Pie
"There is a room. In the room is an orc and a pie. What do you do?"

I stab the DM for wasting my time with shit examples, untethered to any argument I actually made.

This is stupid and I'm done now. Go vent your spleen on whoever actually pissed in your cornflakes.

 

[DangerousPuhson]

Ok, you need to chill the fuck out before you burst a blood vessel.

1) My original premise - the one you've ignored in all that you're talking about - is that a module with stats is less OSR compatible than one without stats. My exact quote was "Technically any stat-less adventure would be OSR compatible, assuming a DM knows enough to fill in the blanks."

When you assign stats, you assign a system. You declare "AC15", and it means something entirely different in a THAC0 system, a bounded accuracy system, and an unbounded accuracy system. So, if instead of assigning an AC, the DM is left to pick an AC (per guidelines), or if the AC is deliberately generic (like saying "AC as plate mail"), then you are untethered to a system, and therefore more compatible.

2) The stat-less module exists to give you the scenario idea(s); that has a value, particularly if you aren't creative enough to develop interesting characters, plots, locations, or situations yourself. There will be some degree of work when you have to stat things yourself - nobody is arguing that. But a module with fewer stats will more readily be useable to more systems by virtue of not being shoehorned into a specific system's way of doing stats, which was the original statement that you so vehemently deny.

A module that gives you stats for an OSRIC necromancer is going to be fucking useless if used in a game of Mork Borg. But if the module gives you a necromancer's description, his quirks, his situation, his plans, some hooks around him, and his base of operations... well, that's going to work for both systems (i.e. more C-O-M-P-A-T-I-B-L-E, the original fucking point).

3) I use 5e as a contrast because I am trying to demonstrate system neutrality by virtue of comparing one side of a stat spectrum against another. I don't know every OSR system, but I do know there are literally hundreds of them (yes, I have a running list, it has over 600 entries and counting). I also know that they (OSR games) don't all share the same stat system or they'd all be one singular game, which they aren't. I know how the hp values in 5e work, so I use 5e in comparison example to B/X, because there are still a ton of OSR games that basically mimic the stat-style of 5e, which is at an extreme compared to, say, AD&D.

But if you want OSR to OSR because you can't seem to understand how transitive property works, fine...

THE EXISTENCE OF DECENDING AC VS. ASCENDING AC (both are found within the OSR) SINGLEHANDEDLY BREAKS YOUR POINT ABOUT AC (among other stats, like hit dice not all being the same d-value, and fixed monster damage going up against system-varying class hp) "TRASNLATING TO PRETTY MUCH EVERY RETROCLONE PRETTY EASILY" (as you say).

4) The Orc and the Pie was a single-cell example of a stat-less module and how it is more compatible with OSR (my position) than less compatible with OSR (your position). It absolutely encompasses this entire conversation, because it is a literal example of a stat-less adventure (not much substance, but one that is still technically complete). I used it because I'm not going to fucking type out a whole goddamned module just to prove a point. If I have to simplify even further, then consider this if nothing else:

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS LIKELY TO BE MORE COMPATIBLE WITH ANY OSR SYSTEM CHOSEN BLINDLY?

A) "An orc (AC-2, MV 2, 35hp, 2x1d8 dmg) is guarding a pie (15% chance to sneak past/25% for thieves)"

OR

B) "An orc is guarding a pie"

The simplicity of the Orc & Pie "adventure" is moot, but you've become entirely dismissive merely because I used a really, really, really basic example.

Honestly, I think the topic of AI just pisses you off, and your knee-jerk reaction to even seeing the acronym is "DIE DIE DIE!". But we aren't talking about AI right now - we are talking about stat-filled vs. stat-less adventures being more/less compatible with OSR systems. The means of how said module is generated is entirely beside the point.

 

[Ineffective Voulging]

Yeah A) is more compatible

also, paint the walls of the kremlin blue

 

[DangerousPuhson]

Yeah A) is more compatible

also, paint the walls of the kremlin blue

"But why blue, Comrade Stalin?"

Hold on, I've got my own variation of this -

Gary Gygax comes to the CEO of WotC in a dream.

The CEO says "Mister Gygax, D&D's reputation is going down the shitter! Competitors are releasing new systems every day, people think we are a greedy corporation, and our profits are dropping off a cliff! What do I do?"

"Rescind the OGL, and paint the offices blue".

 

[squeen]

This is stupid and I'm done now. Go vent your spleen on whoever actually pissed in your cornflakes.

I sensed an argument and thought I was being summoned from my pit.

My mistake. Carry on.